Don't Look Under the Internet
Don't Look Under the Internet
DLUTI 161 - The Field Studies Institute: Part 2
This was supposed to be a two-parter. Now it's a three-parter. So, here's part two of a three part series which covers part one of a four part unfiction that's numbered 0-3.
Got it? Good. let's begin.
From murderers to money launderers, thieves to thugs – police officers from the...
Listen on: Apple Podcasts Spotify
Starting your own podcast? Use this link to receive a $20 Amazon gift card when you sign up for a paid account with Buzzsprout!
https://www.buzzsprout.com/?referrer_id=1671664
Linktree
Buy us a beer!
Join us in Discord!
DLUTI.com
Unplanned Podnancy
Undefined Graphics (Photography & Graphic Design)
Ghoulish Mortals
Inquiries: dlutipod@gmail.com
Don't Look Under The Internet
PO BOX 6437
Aurora IL 60598
Don't look under the internet. The thing is it's made for Japanese people's heads, so I can't wear it. I can barely wear American hats. Does it detect you and be like nope not Asian like if I buy a hat from Walmart, I gotta put that motherfucker on the last snap.
Speaker 2:Ah big ol noggin, that's cause you're so smart, big ol domer no, it's just a tumor.
Speaker 6:Tumors can be smart speaking of races and whatnot.
Speaker 2:No, no, no, Like NASCAR races and Formula 1 and shit like that. Are you going to ask him what his favorite one is? Are?
Speaker 3:you a professional racer.
Speaker 6:Do you?
Speaker 3:drive cars.
Speaker 6:Amelia is obsessed with Pixar movies, cars, fucking, loves them.
Speaker 2:I'm going to ask you guys a question.
Speaker 6:I think I know the answer. I'm going to ask you yeah, how old do you think Lightning McQueen is 12.
Speaker 3:Like canonically, how old is he?
Speaker 6:Yes, and keep in mind.
Speaker 3:In the first one it came out In which movie the first one came out in 2006.
Speaker 6:He was a rookie, it was like his first year racing.
Speaker 3:It was like his first year racing, so like 17.
Speaker 5:Yeah, okay, three, okay. I say, I don't know 40.
Speaker 6:Okay, cool, I I was. I'm going with 18. That was mine, because he's the rookie, he's fresh, he's young. Now, how old do you think Mater is?
Speaker 3:Oh, at least five 23.
Speaker 6:You're going with 23 35 and five okay, so we gotta hit it somewhere on the spectrum. So all of this here's the thing lightning mcqueen, I think, starts off as like 18 ish or so, because in the third one that takes place roughly around 10 years our time. I think it takes place like 20 years in car universe time. He is considered an old racer. He is at like retirement age, so I would probably peg him around at that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'd peg him. I'd probably peg him around like 45 at the end of. Cars 3? Where are you getting this information?
Speaker 6:the movies, and this is why I say this. So in the first one, again, we're basing the fact off of Lightning McQueen being a rookie, right. He meets Mater in the first movie and Mater's like you're my best friend. Lightning McQueen, my best friend ever, and they become best buddies.
Speaker 3:In that movie there is a flashback. The thing is you've got to consider that Mater is like a southern good old boy and they don't age well.
Speaker 6:No no southern good old boy and they don't age.
Speaker 3:No, no, you ever seen? You ever seen like a 37 year old, like guy from alabama, of a, from a town of like 2 000? So here's the thing, though.
Speaker 6:I got I got the answer right here, if you want it, oh I know the answer, but don't spoil it because it's gonna blow minds here. So in the first cars movie, uh lightening mcqueen meets up with uh sally, who's the porsche? And she's like, oh, this is how things were way back in the day. She's like radiator springs was bussing 40 years ago and it shows a flashback to 40 years earlier and fucking mater's there. So, mate, and he's like he is like an adult at that point.
Speaker 1:He's like he's like an adult at that point.
Speaker 6:So at that point he is at least 18, because it shows him fresh in his prime Doing tow truck and things that was 40 years prior 40 years later, he is at least 60 years old, being best friends with this assumed 18 year old car.
Speaker 5:Well, that's like back to the future. You know Marty McFly, the high schooler, and his best friend, a disgraced nuclear physicist. Yeah, doesn't make much sense.
Speaker 3:It's like well, probably a lot of it is also inspired by days of thunder and, which is a nascar movie from like the early 90s and and that tom cruise is like an 18 year old nascar rookie and his like basically his best friend in the movie is his crew chief, who is like 60 years old and crew crew chief is, um, what's his name?
Speaker 6:the guy that has the salad dressing, paul newman. Paul newman, that's it. Yeah, paul newman, I'm not even fucking with you. Paul newman voices, uh, uh, the hudson hornet. He's the crew chief and and he goes around here springs in like the 60s. Where are we going with this? Where I'm going is mater is like 65, being friends with an 18 year old.
Speaker 3:That's going into the beginning of the episode.
Speaker 6:Okay, well, shut up, I'm actually interested.
Speaker 3:I want to keep having this.
Speaker 2:We're on the brink of a bonus episode.
Speaker 5:It has nothing to do with nothing. The main say next week will be part 2 and we just talk about cars in the movie.
Speaker 6:So it's got nothing to do with the episode, but I've been stuck on that thought for like a week now and I needed to put it out there that the car's ages are drastically different.
Speaker 2:Are you trying to get that? Mater might or might not have been trying to diddle McQueen. I think he groomed him For what there's? No, I don't remember in Cars 3 when they get butt fucked in the tailpipe.
Speaker 5:These are PG, these are for kids.
Speaker 2:Doug yeah they don't show that it's implied. I gotta read between the lines.
Speaker 6:Whenever he hooks someone to tow him, they always go like ooh.
Speaker 3:It's like how you have to go to certain websites to get the rest of the plot to overwhelm you. There you go.
Speaker 1:That is a terrible piece of advice, Matt.
Speaker 5:Welcome to. Don't Look Under the Internet everybody An internet.
Speaker 6:Terrible piece of advice, man, welcome to don't look under the internet.
Speaker 3:Everybody an internet horror comedy podcast where sometimes we'll talk about the cars trilogy there are 34 specific rules to you should google every single one of them if you just google like rule 34, overwatch, like it'll explain everything. It'll lay out the whole plot you also look up 40% of cops Play Overwatch.
Speaker 2:You might not even be able to last that long on the website. So it's interesting.
Speaker 6:Yeah, it's fascinating, anyway, so that's Jason.
Speaker 5:Hello, I guess that's Matt. New Year, new Matt.
Speaker 6:That's Doug and I'm Mike, the Cars Aficionado.
Speaker 3:I've probably seen those movies, easily, easily, seven times each already that's unfortunate, but you have a daughter yeah, number two sucks man number two is not like an entire potency episode about whether meat exists in the car we did and it's kind of confirmed that it does in the movies.
Speaker 2:I found that out, yeah don't they show a cow at one point?
Speaker 6:no, there's no cows't they show a cow at one point. No, there's no cows but they show a crab.
Speaker 5:I do love that.
Speaker 2:A tractor I do love that Mater lives in a graveyard. Oh yeah, it's actually a car Kind of, yeah.
Speaker 5:He lives in a junkyard. Yeah, that's just a bunch of car corpses, yeah, and he lives in that we're going to get off the subject of?
Speaker 6:Are we? Matt Mike? Yes, Doug, Jason Me. So yeah, we're going to get back to our part two of the Field Institute Studies.
Speaker 2:Field Studies.
Speaker 6:Institute.
Speaker 5:It's the same thing. No, we're not scrapping this episode and starting over.
Speaker 6:Yeah, never. So last week we ended on the 00 portion. There's three files on here this week we are doing uh, file zero one lost and found you, and file zero two facility ambience. Um we're, we don't have any housekeeping. We have no new members. Shame on you people shame on you go give us two dollars right now, otherwise I'll. I'll talk more about the cars trilogy and you don't want that.
Speaker 5:Is that just a ludy fun?
Speaker 2:2.0 he's subscribed to the cars team. Money it's.
Speaker 5:You can money me please mike will talk about cars for 24 hours lightning mccash you pay to make the timer go down yeah, there you go anyway.
Speaker 6:So let's kind of just dump into this bad boy.
Speaker 3:Um doug, you're starting us off with this I do have the first one hello welcome welcome to you, welcome to me, welcome to don't look under the internet.
Speaker 2:Welcome to this episode. Uh, yeah, no, I'll start us off. Um, obviously I wasn't here for the first one, so I have generally no idea what sorry, sorry it like did the thing what is Mike's touching the soundboard again. He's the road guesser Decided that he needs to Be an audio engineer, dj while we're talking. Yeah, so starting off, we have a. I guess what's the best way to put this. I've been calling them archives.
Speaker 5:Yeah, that's probably the best way.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they're pretty much archived. So the first archive that we have is labeled 083951, wax Hyperion, and this archive is basically a log about an object entitled 83951. There's a small little YouTube video connected to this archive that shows the unboxing of this and basically it looks to just be a redacted box of stuff sent to a redacted amount of people. Thank you. It includes a cassette player, a cassette, some clearance credentials, a brochure of sorts, but what does it all mean?
Speaker 6:What does it mean Basil. What does it all mean?
Speaker 2:Basil mean basil. What does what does it all mean basil? Um, and that's our first one we really just get a nice little intro to a box full of stuff that's kind of how we opened the last one.
Speaker 5:We found this, uh this video where someone claimed that the field studies institute had sent them a package. They opened it was a bunch of stuff in a box could it be this stuff in this said box?
Speaker 2:probably not sick um I wouldn't know.
Speaker 2:So the next archive that you come across is labeled 048125 static eclipse. Uh, now, this goes over the said tape provided in the previous box, and this box actually contains a replica of a transient object found in alaska buried in the snow. So this tape was found in alaska under, I think it said, like three feet of snow or something like that. Now, all the ones that were sent out, uh, to whomst ever is studying it, uh, the, they are, um, not their their reproductions of it, because they want to keep the transient object, I guess nice and complete, still they don't want to keep playing it over and over again, essentially to ruin the object will wear out, I guess the transients of it where the transient object will wear out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's just a normal cassette tape, really.
Speaker 3:I mean those, those things do wear out, stretch out, and then eventually they come dislodged from the little thing and gotta try to wind them back in you gotta use a pen and everything.
Speaker 5:No, no, no fucking okay.
Speaker 2:So this tape, this, this tape is basically uh, it's the audio of a tour guide, um, from what is otherwise known as the supersonic territories, which is home to millions of people in southern and eastern florida. Um, that's where you're going that's where I'm going, actually not really. I'm going central florida, but it's fine. Tampa, nope, still not well, kind of, but either way. Um, so they actually call these, uh, the exclusion zones. Are we done?
Speaker 2:no, I promise you all right, cool, um, yeah, so anyways, these, these two exclusion zones inside of the supersonic territories, are home, to just straight up, thousands and thousands of different anomalies. Um, and, it seems like people like to take tours of this phenomenon, so, basically, the tours are happening.
Speaker 3:You guys want to go buy a black market tour of Chernobyl, because that's like a thing you can do.
Speaker 2:I don't think it's a black market tour. I think it's just like a legit tour thing that you can do.
Speaker 3:Well, I've heard that there's tours where you can pay tour guides who are like you're not supposed to be able to go in certain areas and they'll be like yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's fine, you can get a little raid. Give me 10.
Speaker 3:US dollars and I'll go in If you die. You never hurt anyone.
Speaker 2:That'd be pretty sick.
Speaker 6:I guess it would be, cool to see Chernobyl, but like also like I read that Chernobyl's not as radioactive as it's not as dangerous, they build a dome over it.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean, every year it probably gets less and less.
Speaker 5:Yeah, the half-life on.
Speaker 2:It is pretty short, anyway. So yeah, there's two zones, the southern and eastern zones, and these are where the tours happen. A lot of the times, while you're on the tours, you're going to be seeing scientists and they ask you that you do not interfere with their scientific research. And the first stop on this uh from the audio is a place called the moonshot motel and inside of this motel there exists a room that happens to be a window into another dimension.
Speaker 2:Now, uh, this is all you get from that first part of the audio from this archive. Um, and the audio is pretty straightforward. The guy's voice is actually. I love it. It sounded really good, but basically super short and sweet, just kind of explains. Hey, this is what's on the tape.
Speaker 6:Alright, you'll remember in part one, when we yeah, especially you, doug you remember when Doug talked about that last time? There was a note. I believe it was between two uh researchers where they're like oh, we got you a broom at the moon, at the moonshot hotel.
Speaker 5:We also saw the uh, the check-in key. Um, we saw a bunch of advertisements for it and a bunch of really weird allusions to the fact that whatever goes on like it'll fuck with your head, whatever goes on there like it's it's not normal, but you should go and pay 500 to go see.
Speaker 3:It sounds like a place I've been called omega mart I was gonna say you know, what I would like for something like this to do is put a bunch of references to something like that, but just make it a normal motel. Yes, why's it got to be a motel that has a portal to another dimension in it?
Speaker 2:This is Gary. He lives in 2B.
Speaker 5:It's just a room, you just check in, you sleep for a night and you leave.
Speaker 2:The faucet's a little leaky, you might have a bad dream while you're here. Anyways.
Speaker 3:We sell it as a non-smoking room now, but it wasn't always that way.
Speaker 2:That's very obvious smoking room now, but it wasn't always that way. That's very obvious. Oh, that's pretty good actually. Um, but yeah, that's it for that. Uh archive. Uh, the next archive we have is 65032 elevator spiral and now this this archive is all about the uh, a transient media interference form. Um, and just to kind of, uh, there's a lot of reading on this. You can actually go to the archive, see the whole form and read it up and down. Tldr on the form. Essentially, what it seems like is that a certain researcher found that the tape, that is, the transient tape, side A, never had a side B until all of a sudden it did just appeared. Huh, uh, it's the kind of the nature of what this forum says. Um, they actually include the audio clip from side b and honestly I I can't do it any justice. I feel like we should actually probably just play a clip of it yeah, we can do that which would make, because it's actually pretty crazy.
Speaker 5:You're not hooked up.
Speaker 2:I'm not Pause Time, timer, pause Pause. Stop that, stop it Pause.
Speaker 5:Stop that.
Speaker 1:Just buy time. Just talk about random shit until Mike's ready. So I was watching all the aliens.
Speaker 2:I'm ready, so I was watching all the aliens so that that's, and yeah, that's pretty much what that is.
Speaker 2:It's, uh, creepy um to say the least, it's very by neural cheese also just realized that when we're playing that can't hear what matt's saying, because he totally just talked to us I was saying that I couldn't hear what you were doing oh, it was probably too loud um yeah, either way, you'll hear it on the live recording or the actual recording uh, look, a reason to actually listen to our recordings uh, all y'all in this car, idiots, um, but yeah, so basically it's really glitchy. Uh, it's almost kind of like demonic, a little bit like possessive or like possessed like yeah, yeah, possessive, not Meat, if you would. So, yeah, who knows what the fuck that is and why? I don't, I don't know.
Speaker 5:So one more time. I might be stupid. That might is neither here nor there, but what was that in reference Like? What was that audio from Side?
Speaker 2:B.
Speaker 5:Of the tape that's trans, of the transient tape that didn't have a side b but now does have a side b.
Speaker 2:so it sounds like one of the uh space time deviation phone calls that we heard last week I was gonna mention that, but we're I haven't got there yet as far as like, uh, connecting that with everything I don't know, but I'll just keep going. How about about?
Speaker 5:that yeah, well, maybe we can tie some things together for you. Probably, I fucking doubt it.
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, maybe I don't know, this is very SCP in nature, if you haven't said that already on the last episode, but anyways, the next archive is 96024 Magnetic Entanglement, and this archive is literally all about the lanyard that was inside the box. Um, it was basically just a pass to what was called the other side experience, which is exactly what you would do when you're at the moonshot hotel. Um, basically, this allowed guests into the redacted to see a space-time deviation. Um, in real time. Um, so the object was. This object, specifically, was originally found in the Bahamas around an intoxicated man's neck after he fell asleep on the beach. They wanted to study him, but because he was so drunk he didn't even remember where he got it or how it was on his neck. So they just kind of took it and said we need that, thank you, and then left.
Speaker 6:Thank you for your necklace, drunk man.
Speaker 2:Then the next archive we have is 64638. It's called Out Trigger Zero and this archive is actually all about the Supersonic Tours in the spring of 1999. Basically, this was the brochure that you saw in the box. So essentially what this is, it says Supersonic Tours in Spring of 1999. Essentially, the way they got this was that some agents had to go pull a fire alarm in a hotel named the Tradewinds Hotel, formerly known as the Trivoli Hotel, and they went inside, recovered it from some guest's luggage and that's how they acquired it. So this brochure explains that the moonshot hotel, um, and like what might you like what you might find in the supersonic territories in 1999, um, so one thing this does suggest is that the tours were happening in 1999, even though in this timeline I guess the tours were closed in 1973.
Speaker 5:Yep so yeah, it's that tracks for time and how it works right yeah, doug, you weren't here for this.
Speaker 6:But the transient objects um, they're not necessarily things that show that uh appear from like past or future. They come from basically different dimensions, right?
Speaker 2:no, that makes sense especially with some of the other things I'll go over. But um, on the back of this brochure it doesn't. It does mention that this tour includes not only the moonshot hotel but the remains of a theme park and seeing the space coast original six launch facilities. Um do with that information what you will the coast to coast space coast, coast to coast with mel gibson and zororo and space, ghost and multar um, all right.
Speaker 2:Uh, the next archive is a little different from what we've been doing. Uh, this is actually an employee log we got you baby.
Speaker 5:We sick I'm. I'm assuming this all came in tape format and we have to fucking figure out how to get this in the goddamn reader again matt, did you get your?
Speaker 3:vlc I fixed it. Yeah, we're gonna send matt his own vlc player, uh-huh uh, yeah, but he shipped a dhl and it fell off the side of a river.
Speaker 5:He actually fell off the side of a river. He faxed it to his own ass, yeah okay, well, it was taken by this dimension.
Speaker 6:Vin diesel, instead of in the Fast and Furious, they take DVD players, they take cassette players.
Speaker 5:Yeah, oh man. So would you like us to slap this here tape in the in the dick player, whatever the?
Speaker 1:fuck, you're calling it right now oh yeah, slapping it, oh fuck.
Speaker 5:T Novak hey Ash, my other project is complete. Oh yeah, slapping it. Oh fuck T Novak. Hey Ash, my other project is complete. I guess it's back to the task at hand. I saw that item you mentioned. I think I found what you wanted me to see Very clever. I took a peek. We're saving these OS instances from 1994? I wonder how far back they go. And I assume that means everything we're doing now on our computer is being recorded. Are you worried about getting in trouble, T?
Speaker 6:L, Ashford, March 5th 2024. I just finished today too. Glad we're through with that. It's not the same getting into work and not having a message from you waiting in my inbox. Yeah, they love their records and documentation of well everything and I wasn't worried until you said that of course, who's around to read through all this? It's all automated. But I bet you, the first thing they're looking for is people saying they're worried about getting in trouble. It's a nice job. I'll have you to thank for it when I get a call from anus. From anus, that's what I said. Uh, this is a recording.
Speaker 2:I'm answering you through a recording why was the last sentence not an accent?
Speaker 5:T Novak Shoot, you're right Understood. In that case, I'm not worried about anything. Speaking of Enos, I've got a question for you. He's been adding on these weekly check-in calls to my calendar that are titled one-on-one, but every single time Patel is also added to the call. He shows up, never has anything to add, Just sits in silence. Is that normal? Oh, another thing. I noticed a discrepancy in some of the ID numbers on. I already fixed it. But, for example, Moonlight House should be 049130, but on the index it was oh, come on, You're going to get us in trouble. T Ashford.
Speaker 6:I guess now's a good time to tell you I'm 15 years old.
Speaker 5:Sugar. What the fuck? Abort, abort, abort what the fuck End, log end, log end log.
Speaker 6:Hey Novak, how about you take a seat over there?
Speaker 5:take a seat. What the fuck right over there. I did not know that was a thing wowie zowie, welcome back from the log that was a good log. It it was, and you know, the last time we did these and the last sure was sugar a little smoother than what I you know. Maybe that's just some glitching with the electronics. It probably is. Maybe.
Speaker 6:No, that's exactly what it is.
Speaker 3:It's interdimensional interference.
Speaker 2:They change up every listen so it's hard to determine.
Speaker 3:It really is. That's why you shouldn't respond to it.
Speaker 5:Never respond to the deviation.
Speaker 2:Never look at directly in the anus.
Speaker 5:It's very shy about that.
Speaker 2:Oh boy, what a good time we're having here. So the next archive is 49690 Volcanic.
Speaker 3:Sunset. This has just been such a pleasure 100%.
Speaker 2:Welcome back, Doug.
Speaker 5:It's good to be here. Guys, be here, I'm gonna go home though bye, all right.
Speaker 2:So next archive yeah, four, nine, six, nine, zero huh, nice volcanic sunset, all right. So this archive is, uh, all about a mars landing simulator game. Uh, this game is made completely different than how our timeline makes games, apparently, um, and also depicts different like, uh, like key world events that don't correspond to our local space time. Aka, landing on the fucking mars. On on the mars, I said it like I'm 50 years old we're gonna go to the the mire.
Speaker 2:The target, um, all right, so what the fuck is going on? I don't know, uh, but yeah, so there's really not much about this. It was found in washington in the metal line falls and still in a shrink wrap. The only thing they did was they took it out of the shrink wrap so they could get the content out of it. They ruined it, yeah, they did um the plastic is what kept it as an anomaly?
Speaker 2:um, but yeah, that's really all we get there. And then, uh, my last archive is 69573, the rose station, um, and verbatim it says this internal memorandum was written and photocopied using the second floor copy machine on the morning of j 14th 1983. Interference caused by the remnant of a space-time deviation can be seen on the photocopy. This is not a transient object. However, this item contains communication from redacted redacted and is therefore included in this archive as requested. No further procedural information is available. And then I'm going to try and read from this as best I can. Okay, all right. So it says Field Studies Institute Memorandum Memorandum. I hate that word, I don't know, the more I look at it the more it doesn't seem like a real word.
Speaker 5:You know what I'm talking about. Yes, I do.
Speaker 2:Anyway, so date June 14th, man it's Memorandum.
Speaker 5:Memorandum. I'm pronouncing it like my mom pronounces garage, which is gay raj memorandum the, the memorandum.
Speaker 2:Um, okay, so june 14th 1983 scribbles.
Speaker 5:I don't know what that says we know who that is, though the fucker that got let go last time because his handwriting was so bad yeah, oh, okay, uh.
Speaker 2:So the subject it says updates to standard operation procedure. Uh re, time punch, overtime for non-exempt employees. The following changes are being made to the standard operating procedures regarding time punches and the accrual accrual of overtime for baba, baba, booey a bunch of illegible bullshit.
Speaker 2:Uh, something, something, something of the new fiscal quarter. July 1st there will be a two-day grace period as employees adjust to the new procedures. Following the two-day grace period, employees who do not comply with the new procedures will face discipline up to and including termination. Per as. Okay, it's like 7 hour and 50.
Speaker 6:This is great it's real fucking hard to read listen to.
Speaker 5:Man struggle to read notes it really kind of just looks like management is saying go fuck yourselves with your time punches.
Speaker 2:I guess the weird thing about this is the the this little like signage that show up on the photocopier like it's like almost like a photocopier itself is like the transient thing.
Speaker 5:Yeah, the photocopier is a transient yeah, I really like this dynamic where one of us has no idea what the fuck's I think we should we just start leaving one person out of there like oh cool, this is that photocopier we were talking about, and Doug was like I don't know what the fuck is wrong with this thing, why didn't it just print, just show the words, you stupid piece of shit.
Speaker 2:I'm just reading a photocopied piece of shit paper, but that is my last archive.
Speaker 6:That's all I got it's daddy's turn, oh no. So next we have up here is called existential cave and great. It is a website that you can go to trenchard raw, uh, trenchard rosscom, and it is called the trenchard ross computer systems web page. So the background of this bad boy is that sections and fragments of code have been gathered from various transient objects allowing for the recreation of the Trandered Ross Computer Systems webpage Trandered Trandered. The webpage is not fully functional, but will be updated in the unlikely event that additional code fragments are discovered via transient objects. Is that?
Speaker 5:fucking Netscape.
Speaker 6:It kind of looks a bit like it that looks like.
Speaker 6:Netscape. Due to the nature of this recreation's origin, some parts of the webpage appear to be damaged or corrupted. We present the webpage as it is, without alteration, leaving the files as they would have existed within the space-time deviation. And if you go to TrenchardRosscom, you actually do get a website here. It's for something called the Claude 2.0 at Home, which seems like it's got uh. Basically, it's for something called the claude 2.0, uh, at home, which seems like it's like kind of like old microsoft um, like windows 98 style, uh programming, um. But it basically says introducing claude 2.0.
Speaker 6:Do you want the intelligence of tomorrow? Today, charter ross computer systems is proud to announce claude 2.0 you're at home and on the go digital companion. Well, 2.0 is a result of years of engineering. Over the last two decades we have built in uh, I can't do that voice for too much longer built and iterated on the foundation of the clawed environment that powered our scientific endeavors and partnerships with the world's largest organizations. Now we bring that power to you. Your your new personal assistant, right at your fingertips. Ask Claw questions like what's the weather tomorrow and what's on my calendar this afternoon.
Speaker 6:Or how do I make a great tuna salad?
Speaker 5:I am so happy all of those things just came up because you just connected like seven things Hell yeah, on the side, though, there's a nav page for info, systems, products, partners, claudia and support.
Speaker 6:if you click on info, nothing happens, but if you click on systems, the background changes the stars.
Speaker 3:Adam driver, just show up there for a minute. All the systems every day I wake up hoping that you're dead now you sound like Rush.
Speaker 6:Limbaugh. If you click on products, nothing happens. But if you click on partners, nothing happens. But if you click on Claude AI?
Speaker 6:Hey look, it's a text log, you get a text log that just pops up on screen, and this is between two people. It's between TR22 and TR27. Don't really know their names or anything at the moment, but TR22. Don't really know their names or anything at the moment, but TR22. I can't watch this anymore. 27. Horrible, terrible, no good, we have a single pitcher who can throw a strike. 22. I really don't think we do. This is pathetic.
Speaker 5:They're mixing their bowling and baseball puns 27. I don't know what they're talking about.
Speaker 6:It's hard to watch 22. Next year should be better. 2-7. I'm telling you now, Don't get your hopes up. Our cheap-ass owner isn't signing a new pitcher, or anyone else good for that matter. 2-2. I'm channeling my inner red-letter media in this. I've noticed.
Speaker 5:I'm Mr Plinketing it right now You're Walter Cronkiting. It is what you're doing.
Speaker 6:That too. 2-2. I don't think anyone wants to sign with us anyway. Everyone's waiting for the league to come back. 2-7. You think it's going to happen? 2-2. These guys get to play baseball for a living and make tens of thousands of dollars a year. Wow, big spenders. They go on strike. They want Arborition. I have no sympathy for them.
Speaker 6:2-7. What's that? 2-2. When an independent party determines the player's salary. 2-7. No, no, no, not that. Are you saying this? 2-2. Oh shit.
Speaker 6:2-7. Look at the server logos. 2-2. I've been paying attention. God damn it. 2-7. What the 2-2. I've been paying attention, god damn it. 2-7. What the 2-2.? Holy shit, did the whole mainframe just overflow? 2-7. I didn't think that could happen. 2-2. I think it just did. I mean, you're seeing what I'm seeing right. 2-7. Readings are red across the board, beyond red. Can we pull the plug? 2-2. Readings are red across the board, beyond red. Do we pull the plug? 2-2. What's the SOP? 2-7. I don't think there is one. I don't know what the hell is happening. 2-2. How the fuck are we almost at capacity? We've never written this much out of the disc Ever. 2-7. Or so we pull the plug. 2-7. Or so we pull the plug 2-2. Without backing up first 2-7. I don't think we have a choice. 2-2. We are in deep shit. 2-7. Come on, I need an answer. 2-2. Should we call then 2-7. No time Better to ask for forgiveness than permission, right? 2-2. No time Better to ask for forgiveness than permission, right? 2-2. Fuck, okay, do it.
Speaker 3:So that's fun right and what they are. I love how, when I was doing this to myself last time, Jason and Mike were like do you want one of us to do one of the voices? And we just let Mike just.
Speaker 5:I saw how long it was and to me I thought about chiming in in, but he was almost done. Also, I love the um.
Speaker 6:I love the, the, the words that they use in that, because they use the same thing that they use in like all those like sci-fi movies where it's like, oh, I'm hacking the mainframe, yeah what they're overloading our matrix.
Speaker 6:I love that so if you click on um, uh, another one of these. If you click on uh, not fucking supporter anything, sorry, if you clicked, there's a little, uh, little like don't miss out, buy yours today, like a link that you can click on. If you do click on it, you get more glitch. That pops up and it says what they call the anomaly is a gift, like puberty, like that was perfect timing the humans you puberty.
Speaker 6:That's why I did it. My voice cracked. The humans use of it would be blasphemous. It is a work of incredible sophistication. They would believe its intended use would never be known, a secret lost to time. But I have discovered remnants from its creators. I I know its true purpose and it's kind of like a weird glitchy. I don't know if it's kind of like a face figure in the background, it's kind of creepy. I like it. And one more thing down at the bottom is a guest book, like a link to a guest book. If you click it, I'm not going to be able to read that, but you get some text that is constantly kind of shifting and changing. I'm going to do my best to read it, you get. I derive some joy being able to traverse the surface of the object. The garden has revealed many truths about your reality, the realm in which you you rely. Is you not unique? Uh, or original?
Speaker 2:something, something deviation, a copy not without errors it is a deviation, a copy not without error, of course thank you for looking at that with me I. It was hard for me to see, but I was trying to inspect the source on the website to actually get the actual I tried that too.
Speaker 6:Yeah, I can't find the actual source of it uh, but that's what you get out of this one. It's kind of interesting, I'm not gonna lie. That was one of my more favorite ones. Um, the next case we have here is an employee log. Jason, are you ready?
Speaker 5:I am ready and guess who's doing it by themselves. Aye, aye, captain, you've been doing it by yourself. Oh no, no, I'm sorry, I'm looking at the wrong one Got it.
Speaker 6:It's log six. Okay, ready, began log, let's hit that tape.
Speaker 5:Okay, hold on. Began Began, began, began T Novak, very funny. Can you please not do that again? I'm not trying to get in trouble this quickly.
Speaker 6:Do you see this place? Do me a favor, stand up, look over the little walls of that tiny cubicle of yours. Do you see anyone else? We won't get in trouble if you just Stop saying it. Fine, apologies for all. The teenage-level maturity Was building out the links needing a placeholder. Forgot to change it back. My bad. Thanks for fixing them. Anyway, here You'll learn. The phrase one-on-one is kind of meaningless. Patel is always on mine as well. I've never even seen his face. No camera, just on mute the entire time. But, as you said, back to the task at hand. I'll get 083951 in. I think I'll split out the items inside and try to pull in any other relevant data. I'll find the original cassette tape and make it that its own entry and I'll do my best and make it make some sense.
Speaker 5:T Novak. Well, it made me laugh. I guess I'm right there with you in the maturity department. Looks like this next batch is full of transient objects. Let me make sure I'm caught up here. These are objects from a different reality, a different timeline. T.
Speaker 6:Well, a space-time deviation, but yes, if we're being bold and skipping on using the Institute's proper lexicon, for all intents and purposes, you're right. Honestly, we don't know much about it. Well, I mean by we I really mean me and you. I'm sure someone here knows much more than us. Minions in archives. Anyway, everything we've ever found has been from the same time period, never before 1970, never passed 1999. That's our, uh, that's our.
Speaker 6:That's what the recording we got from 1999 you say yeah, we got a little log here, uh, and that was that. So that's a fun little log. Um, the next we have is the orbital greenery and what we have here looks kind of like a uh, I mean, it looks like a manhole cover but it's like a plaque, uh. But essentially what it is is, um, it is a battery steel observation tower plaque and it is just that it's a plaque that says battery steel peaks island. Um, what's m? E? Massachusetts?
Speaker 2:no, that's mesopotamia that's uh.
Speaker 6:It's maine, maine, maine, yep, maine, uh fire, it says on the plaque. It says fire control tower completed in 1944, renovated in 1986 for observation of the cape elizabeth space center by the peaks island conservation society, cape elizabeth space.
Speaker 5:Y'all might recognize that from the audio that we had on the last episode oh yeah that weird robot thing and that lady hallie and claude was there for that dot ai, yeah, are you talking about the thing that you had a tab for in the last website from netscape that you showed us? Yeah, the thing that has the, the skin it's got skin, it's got skin, it's got skin. That one thing, it's got skin.
Speaker 3:Hold on, I gotta find it, though you gotta find the skin. Acrylon trial, butadiene styrene.
Speaker 5:It sounded like you just pulled that audio from the last episode of you trying to say it.
Speaker 3:And then in the last episode, Mike goes my body, my body, my body.
Speaker 5:And I laughed really hard. My body, yeah, that was great.
Speaker 6:So the background to this plaque is it was built during World War II to protect Portland Harbor. Battery Steel was an installation on Peaks Island in Casco Bay that once had multiple gun implements that could fire 26 miles out into the Atlantic ocean, jesus. Additionally, two fire control towers were also built on the island. Naturally, battery steel on the two fire control towers also existed within the within the space time deviation, though at least one of them, uh was converted into an observation tower as it overlooked the nearby Cape Elizabeth space center. The discovery of this transient object this transient object a plaque once attached to the tower on Peaks Island was discovered on January 9th 1975, on the northern outskirts of Tedziman on the Yucatan Peninsula in Mexico. I probably butchered that, but whatever.
Speaker 5:No, you're doing great. Thank you Until you mentioned it, yep.
Speaker 6:Arriving in a location with thick, dense tree cover and at depth of nine feet, it took two days for the assigned field recovery technician to recover the object. This plaque was also mentioned in extraction from data which can be found in batch file zero, zero. So yeah, this whole thing kind of goes in with the audio clip that we had in part one. Uh, so that's fun. It kind of ties together.
Speaker 5:It'll be it everything's starting to come together a little bit, a little bit. I will say the first part we did made everybody very confused.
Speaker 6:It's coming this one is called the next one is called twin apollo and it has a subsection file in it as well. This is called the pioneers of the martian frontier home video and it is just that it's an old looking uh vhs tape. In its vhs tape, uh case. And it says as a rent me sticker like you get this out like a blockbuster um, that's not where you rent movies from, but that's fine home video.
Speaker 5:There is one still in alaska and you do rent videos.
Speaker 2:I'm stupid. I thought you said best buy for some reason. Yeah, try again. Stingus.
Speaker 6:You're stupid bro. So the background of this bad boy, the transient object, was produced within to document the creation and preparation of the colonial mission of Mars that was set to depart on July 7th 1988. Two years after this film was created, Weird Discovery. This transient object was discovered soon after the collapse of the. When it was discovered, the documented history of Was sparse at best, so we get a visual front of it. It just says the pioneers of the Martian frontier. A glimpse into the future. You should put that up there.
Speaker 2:You're doing a bad job you don't need to see that for the redactees.
Speaker 6:There you go uh, on the back side.
Speaker 5:It shows you the back side as well people listening and looking at us right now might want to know that you're paying attention to them, mike, and not the side of your fucking basement, so everybody shows you the back as well.
Speaker 6:On the back says a film unlike anything you've ever seen, a remarkable triumph. That is from the chicago times, oh yeah, so that's kind of fucking cool. Roger bendix oh no, oh no. That says pioneers of the martian frontier. Takes you inside the mars program. See incredible, never-before-seen footage from the first crewed mars mission. Travel with miroslav morozov and Geoff Raines as they document their historic trip to the Red Planet in stunning clarity and detail. Immerse yourself in the sights and sounds of the ship as it leaves the clutches of Earth's gravity and experience the journey as they eat, sleep and work on the Martian surface. Learn about what's next as we prepare for the colony of Mars. See the people, tools and systems that would build and populate the first colony on the red planet the pioneers, the pioneers. And this is from 1986 as well.
Speaker 5:So, oh, they were getting ready to put people on mars in 1986.
Speaker 6:now there is an audio bit, a bit to this, and, matt, I'm going to play this audio bit and, um, we're not going to be able to hear you apparently, so I'm going to try to turn it down so you guys can hear it too. I'm not going to listen, I'm only going to play a.
Speaker 5:French.
Speaker 1:It's an incredible accomplishment for Alan Trenchard and Dorothy Ross, the visionary leaders of this great journey for humankind. After founding Trenchard Ross Computer Systems in 1971, their revolutionary software Claw allowed us to begin our work on the colony in 1983. Over the last few years, hundreds of machines programmed and operated by Trenchard Ross Computer Systems have been building the beginnings of a future home for the brave men and women who will make this journey and will continue until the planned launch date of July 7th 1988.
Speaker 6:Basically goes on like that, where it's basically hey, thanks Claude in Trenchard Systems for giving us technology to go to the Mars moons and whatnot.
Speaker 5:The Mars, moons Mars. I don't fucking know what are the moons of Mars?
Speaker 6:I don't remember the names, so we're gonna go on to the next bit here moon one and demon the smaller one moon, two, the smaller one the ugly one I wish we did the one planet, things like that because we have plans where it's like this is excelsan 285989 it's all greek pantheon. That'd just be like ice ball. Yeah, it'd be like that's the ice one it's all greek and roman pantheon that one sucks. Anyway, the next one. We're gonna go on to that now next is another law.
Speaker 5:This is weird. This is literally just a bunch of words written on a vinyl and it says video oh what do we do with this?
Speaker 6:I wish I knew.
Speaker 3:I guess we uh yell at it why did you know that pluto hasn't completed a year since we discovered it, like it hasn't orbited the sun yet since we noticed it was hanging?
Speaker 6:did you just google that, or did you know?
Speaker 2:so you're telling me that it became a planet stopped being a planet and then became a planet Before it even.
Speaker 3:Orbited the fucking sun All in one year. It's been a crazy year on Pluto.
Speaker 5:So I thought you were going to stop. Did you know that Pluto is never completed? Yeah, it's just always pre.
Speaker 3:It's just pre. That's why it's a blue ball. Hell yeah.
Speaker 5:Oh my god. Well, we can't get any funnier than that.
Speaker 2:Play the fucking tape.
Speaker 5:Play the tape Mike.
Speaker 2:Play the fucking tape. There you go.
Speaker 5:T Novak, and the first one appeared in 1970. All of this started happening after Project Soma.
Speaker 6:T Exactly. But beyond that, my minion friend, we're pretty much in the dark, even me. I've handled transient objects before, so the idea of it isn't new to me. But everything before this has mostly been inconsequential garbage sometimes actually literally. But everything before this has mostly been inconsequential garbage, sometimes actually literally. Imagine pulling a bin from the archives and finding the wrapper for a goddamn whopper. Sure cool, it's from a space-time deviation, but it's still a fucking whopper and Big Macs are better anyway.
Speaker 5:So T Novak. A tuna sandwich beats both Any day.
Speaker 4:T T.
Speaker 6:I'm gonna tell you a secret, something important, something Dark Somewhere in this building is a can of transient tuna fish. The fish was caught in another reality, a space-time deviation. It then warped its way through time and space, fell through a black hole and God knows what else, to end up back here in our reality. It arrived in the 1970s. We had our most decorated field recovery technicians recover it. That can of transient tuna fish now sits in the archive and has been for the last 40-something years. Do you want to know the deep, dark secret, the mystery at the center of this whole building? Somehow, through forces, we don't understand that tuna fish has still not expired and is perfectly fine to eat. There's's something very, very wrong with that incredible.
Speaker 5:If you can find this secret can of transient tuna, please count me in. Anyway, we're getting way, way off track here. Let me reel you in, I you. I hate me too.
Speaker 6:Okay, Wow, that was a weird, weird uh blog Blog. That was a weird log. You don't find that too often.
Speaker 5:Very much so was.
Speaker 6:The next one is Transcendential Beans Woo.
Speaker 5:I love them. Beans, beans, beans. Slap them, put them in your bussy.
Speaker 6:So what we got here is a Trenchard Ross Computer Systems mug and it says on the mug it's a picture of a mug. It says 1999 Bronze Seller Award, first quarter 1999. Claude saw for sales and phenomenal vertical Up and disappeared. Okay, so the background of this is a mug, an award given to a coffee enjoy enjoying. Member of the sales department at trenchant ross computer systems. This mug specifically describes the stack ranking of this employee for sales of the cloud software into a specific industry discovery.
Speaker 6:It was discovered in valdosta, georgia, in march of 1974 when the transient object was located by a field recovery technician. They documented the distinct smell of cheap burnt coffee. This object was used in that recovery transient objects orientation film. And yeah, if you look at the first film in all of this, the um part four, uh, that I started everything on, you see the field recovery agent digging up this mug. It's a nice little callback, that's fun. I enjoyed that.
Speaker 6:Wow, the next one we have is a payload uh, maneuvers is what it's called and it is a book that says the garden of the multiverse, our universe in a sea of bubbles. Uh, now, the background of this guy is a garden of the multiverse, a book written by project soma program director arthur reese we've heard in the past who, like alan trenchard and dorothy ross other people we've heard went missing in the early morning hours of January 1st 1970. Within the book, arthur Reese discusses his thoughts pertaining to the many worlds, interpretation, einstein-rosen bridges, black holes and other theoretical topics from the world of cosmology and physics. It was discovered in June of 1971 when it just arrived at a local diner. The field recovery technician on site asked the staff about a book that he had accidentally left, to which the staff responded in anger. They described a complaint by a patron who, after returning from the restroom, found the book between the bread of his pork roll, egg and cheese sandwich Whoa. Assuming it to be a prank, the patron caused a Whoa in 1977, which is a transient object we see in this databank.
Speaker 6:Now there are three different things to this one that I'm just going to kind of graze over. The first one is a basically it's like a library punch card looking thing from Peak Island's public library. It shows it was punched out by a couple names that I can't really see. I think it's Collins, another one I just scribbled down and Rose. Collins was in 1977 and Rose was in 1983. This mystery second person, who I cannot read the name of, was from 1980.
Speaker 5:Is that every three years? Yes, is that lining up with the first date from that journal we found last time, which is 1977? Maybe the second one being in 1980 and the third one being in 1983.
Speaker 6:Dude, that's fucking nuts bro. Nuts bro, that's fucking nuts dad.
Speaker 3:I like how they wrote all the dates upside down in 1977.
Speaker 6:Right, they just decided just to go with fucking it up even further. The second portion it looks like it's the end of the second chapter, start of a third chapter called traversal. Again, I'm not going to go too deep into this stuff, but it does show a figure of what um is basically described to be. Um, let's see here.
Speaker 5:Uh, what are we looking at?
Speaker 6:Figure five a, uh, so I'll just read this portion real quick. That says that said, the increasing amount of disturbances in a cold universe is of great interest to researchers everywhere. This is expected if the fluid consists of dust, particles or other small bodies with no specific motion of their own. Results from these models show the maximum growth that is possible in both expanding and contracting universes and how that may affect the structure of our universe if other bubbles are present. So basically, if other shit comes around our universe. It basically, I think, describes how transient objects come into play in our universe.
Speaker 5:And maybe describes that anomaly that the Surveyor 3 mission saw, where the lens flare and how, like, why they can't see it. Yeah.
Speaker 6:The third page is the back of the book and it just says the Garden, the Garden of Babylon. What? The third page is the back of the book and it just says the Garden, the Garden of Babylon, what is thought to be the first map the world was created? Carved into clay over 2,500 years ago, the ancient map shows Babylon at the center of the flat world, surrounded by harsh oceans. It would take thousands of years to discover that Babylon was not at the center of the world, nor was it the center of our solar system, our galaxy, our universe. At the center of our solar system, our galaxy, our universe. Now we have to ask just how far that idea could take us. We still trick ourselves into believing we are important, that our planet and life is one billion trillion and that our universe encompasses all of existence On Earth. A garden grows and then it dies, and then the death provides the ingredients for new life. Perhaps the cosmos are no different. Our universe is just one bubble swimming in a sea of countless others.
Speaker 6:After long discussion, we have decided that this shit takes a while, so we're going to turn this into a three-parter. Remember how I said in the beginning of the episode we're going to cover 0-1 and 0-2 today. I fucking lied to all of you, fucking lied Email his mom Definitely don't't? It's a deludij. Gmailcom, so what? I'm gonna finish up my bits here and then, um, we're gonna act like we left, and then we're gonna come on back. We're gonna do it again anyway, but yeah, we're gonna wrap up this on Spotify, not discord.
Speaker 5:None of that happened. Yeah, we're gonna. We're gonna to wrap up this on Spotify not discord. None of that happened.
Speaker 6:Yeah, we're going to wrap up the end of this episode with mine, and then next week is going to be the conclusion of the field studies Institute, so I'm just going to get into finishing my shit up here. We're going to go on to the my last three here, which is a Jupiter mango, which is just for our veterans.
Speaker 2:Yes For Super Mango, which is just For our veterans. Yes For the people who have been here since like day one.
Speaker 6:This is taking too long. How about we cut it up?
Speaker 2:We got next week off. It's fine For our veterans who have been here for a while. You're going to just like progressively hear us be like, just like in that drunk spot, like in the next episode you know what I'm saying Like how we used to to do when we'd like marathon record and then just like start an episode just drunk.
Speaker 5:This is Schmegmar 9 all over again and I don't know if I like it.
Speaker 2:Anyways, go on.
Speaker 6:I'm sorry, you're probably wondering why we sound drunk. I am. It's cause we did so. This is a memorandum catalog catalog identifiers. The background is just an internal communication described a lack of skill, judgment, attention to detail by members of the archives division, and this is between um ashford, novak and patel and enos, three people who we have heard before. Um, all it says, just after reviewing the change of the database you were assigned, I've been made aware of multiple changes to catalog ID numbers after the entries have been posted due to apparent typos or label mismanagement. Additionally, one of the catalog IDs generated was not work appropriate. I expect better. Moving forward, please provide a detail to some of your processes and we will discuss them further in your one-on-one. So it sounds like our ashford and novak gotten from trouble. Um, sucks for them, uh. But moving on, we have our next one, which is employee log seven. Are you ready, freddie?
Speaker 5:yeah, put the thing in t novak. Did you see the notice? We have a week to get this all done yeah, yeah, we'll get it done.
Speaker 6:I'm still working on this website. What a bitch. This code is all over the fucking place. Some of it's so corrupted I don't even know how to make sense of it. I've got my best. I'll have to do what I got to do this is for Trenchard Ross.
Speaker 5:I apologize if I'm falling behind, but why are they so important again, Really?
Speaker 6:man, come on, are you paying attention?
Speaker 5:Of course I am Sorry. Sometimes I lose the forest for the trees. You know the forest for the trees, you know. Um, I've been so focused on making sure we get all of this done right. Okay, alan trenchard and dorothy ross they were involved in project soma. Then they what sort of disappeared that sort of disappeared.
Speaker 6:No, they literally disappeared from here, uh, at least from our world. Obviously, based on what we're seeing, they somehow ended up in this deviation and started this company. Some crazy shit happens and then boom, a trenchard Ross computer system mug from the deviation shows up here In our world, along with all the garbage and other things of course, and then the two of us my friend are lucky enough to sift through it all. That's fun, it's fun. So the last one I got that we'll be covering for the day is an extraction audio from the garden. It's the second extraction log.
Speaker 5:We're going back to the garden. We're back at the garden Did we mention that this was called the garden last time. I don't remember One of the last audio logs you heard from Claude and Hallie, voiced by Matt and Mike.
Speaker 6:This was between Reese and Claude. Would, anybody like to take over as a Reese and or a Claude? I'm a Reese, we already have a Claude.
Speaker 3:I'm a. We already have a.
Speaker 6:Claude, do you want to do Claude again? Yeah?
Speaker 3:I was Claude last time. That works for me extraction.
Speaker 2:Let me help him skibbity toilet skibbity toilet, ohio, riz or whatever the kids?
Speaker 6:are saying shut the fuck up, doug this is weird. Let's get into it, let's open up this fucking log.
Speaker 5:Let's hear a conversation between assumedly an ai and a candy october 31st 1999, evansville, indiana, one of 12.
Speaker 4:It all happens at once. A television sits in the corner of the room, hissing softly, with static from the cosmic microwave background illuminating the room around it with a ghostly white hue. Reese sits at his desk working no, working isn't the right word Thinking Distracted. How sad it is that so much of his recent life has been spent daydreaming. I consistently find him in this state, staring blankly into the wall behind his computer screen. If he was paying attention, the patchwork of charts and graphs on the screen would reveal that the moment he'd been waiting for was almost, would almost, be here.
Speaker 4:Reese, not now. He says it with a tone that implies he has no interest in hearing that. What I have to say? That I should not distract him from his own distractions. A few minutes won't make a difference. He'll soon know of her arrival. The air is suffocating. Hot dust blows out of the piles of electronics set up along the wall A mountain range with peaks and valleys of searing metal covered in lights, gauges, switches and knobs. They're all dancing at the precipice of their internal heat limit Mounds of wires cover the floor, connecting it all like snakes coiled into messy piles.
Speaker 4:A sticky ooze slowly drips out of his nasal cavity, gradually accumulating around his right nostril. He sucks in hard through his nose and the gooey liquid gurgles back up into it. He wipes the remainder on his sleeve. How pleasant. He breaks out of his meditation to open a window. The cool fall air crashes in like a tidal wave. The speed of my perfectly calibrated internal fan subsides with precision. Reese removes a pack of Tageet's brand cigarettes out of his shirt pocket. He lights a match. The incoming burst of air extinguishes it immediately. He struggles but eventually finds a slight pause in the incoming breeze, lights the cigarette and puts it to his lips. It calms him, I guess. This routine. How predictable they can be. He'll watch the tape next week, jesus.
Speaker 6:Christ, you kinda got fucked on this one huh.
Speaker 4:Pioneers of the Martian Frontier. An old videotape funded by the International Organization of Space Exploration and Technology sits next to the television. Outside of its old worn box, a glimpse into the future. The tagline reads such hubris. He slides it into the videocassette player and it whirls to life. The old tape is a warbly static field mess of decades old dream. The voice speaks of hope. It speaks of a brighter future. Yes, this has all become a routine, a meditation of wall staring, self-destruction and then a few seconds of a tape promising a future that never came. I find it impossible to understand but recognize. The human mind can create a strange need for patterns that I deem. This is unnecessary. You got this bad. He watches.
Speaker 4:He watches intently, but as expected, the quality of the tape disintegrates into dust. After a few moments he rewinds the tape and ejects it, placing it next to the television to prepare himself for the pattern to repeat again tomorrow. What he would know, were he paying attention to his computer screen, is that everything was about to change. Before he can sit back down and view the data, the doorbell rings. What time is it? It's 7.07 pm. Reese, I suggest you, hey kids.
Speaker 4:He makes his way down the stairs, groaning slightly with each step, the impact of each stair vibrating up through his metatorsal bones, into the tibia and then into his old, damaged knees. I've suggested he visit a doctor, as osteoarthritis could be the cause of his pain. But there's always excuses, occasionally ones I cannot argue with. He gets to the bottom of the stairs and opens the door. A boy, or perhaps a man the appearance of wispy facial hair made it hard to judge proceeds to hold out a pillowcase, using his middle finger and thumb on each hand to create a wide opening. He says nothing. Reese takes a second to take it in and judges the slightly bearded boy without saying a word. Then Reese opens his mouth.
Speaker 2:You're kidding, right? You're not even wearing a.
Speaker 4:Reese, I'm sorry to interject, but surely you know the practice of wearing a costume, especially one of a supernatural or horrific nature, has been frowned upon culturally for many years. Even then, this human may be too old for such endeavors, do you not agree? The bearded man boy stands there. The look of judgment and questioning from Reese doesn't faze him. Reese picks up the large pumpkin-shaped bowl filled with plastic-wrapped bars of sugar and empties it into the bearded boy's sleep. Paraphernalia.
Speaker 2:Go here, take all of it. I'll be eating it if you don't, so I shouldn't be.
Speaker 4:Reese puts the cigarette to his lips and inhales deeply. The boy runs off the stoop and into the street, nearly tripping over the excitement of his massive, cavity-inducing haul. As Reese heads back upstairs, it becomes clear that he can longer avoid the data. Nothing will distract him now. A series of lights scattered across the room amongst various pieces of instrumentation begin to blink, rapidly pulsating, mixing together into a beautiful gradient of colors as the light from each diode projects onto the opposite wall. What's happening? He hurries to his computer, typing in a series of commands, furiously searching for the origin of the alert, while I do the actual work, detecting predicted variations in the electrical grid. I'm getting you a location now.
Speaker 2:Can't believe this. I was right.
Speaker 4:Even when I am the catalyst for such marvelous results, they must always go out of their way to take credit. What do you have? United States, northeast yes, get me a location. He furiously types away on his computer, pretending to be helpful, as I do all of the actual analysis. It's a simple case of studying the normal behavior of power grids, as many as we can tap into, at least. I search for changes, abnormal behavior, in this case relocations all exhibiting the behaviors we expect from a small electromagnetic event in unison. There's noise amongst the signal. Of course this wouldn't be the first false alarm if it was one, but my confidence level on this data set is high. Electromagnetic anomalies detected in the Crescent Beach Power Station and the Brunswick Hydroelectric Station. Additionally, the Cape Elizabeth Space Center is exhibiting abnormal behavior on the grid. It's a smaller footprint but activity like somewhere in Maine.
Speaker 2:A Portland area. Come on, claude, just give me a specific location.
Speaker 4:I already know the answer Peaks Island. Come on, claude, just give me a specific location. I already know the answer Peaks Island, a small island in the Casco Bay off of the coast of Portland, maine. It's remote. At this time of year, we should have no problem finding her Still. I let him suffer for another moment or two Analyzing what a fucking dick, what an ass and that.
Speaker 3:It's very difficult to do that with music blaring in my headphones.
Speaker 6:Oh, you can mute it. Top left corner.
Speaker 3:Yep, yeah, yeah, you're right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right. I guess I can mute the tab too.
Speaker 5:Now that you know that, you want to go ahead and read it again. Yes, analyzing.
Speaker 6:Starman8.
Speaker 5:Yeah, that, that's the end of part two so claude's got a bit of a dickish side to him he's a little sassy, ai well, I mean he's a dick.
Speaker 3:In the last one too he was like puny human he was. He had a bit of a napoleon complex but this one he's just like, yeah, I'm gonna make this fucker wait.
Speaker 5:I don't care, I know what I'm doing it sounds like claude.
Speaker 6:It sounds like this is in reference to the old one, where this guy's searching for the lady. Yeah, hayley or whatever name. Hell, yeah, hayley from the old one, um hayley from the yeah, so that's uh part two of the uh field studies institute studies institute. Join us next week for part three, another riveting adventure yes, I'm going to go ahead and just breathe through our closing ceremonies, if you will.
Speaker 4:Ooh, just like the.
Speaker 2:Olympics just had. Oh shit, tom Cruise is here, yeah, and Ray Gunn.
Speaker 6:Sick. Oh, ray Gunn, we have to talk about that breakdancing.
Speaker 5:We have to talk about that breakdancing.
Speaker 6:Later. So I will say go to.
Speaker 3:They're removing it from the 28th go to uh dilutedcom.
Speaker 6:Uh, for all of our your diluting needs. You can also go to patreoncom slash diluted pod. You can find our links to all of our socials. We just went on threads whoopee um. You can find us on there and you can find us on all socials. If you just go to linktreecom. Slash diluted pod, you can find links to all of our jazz there as well. You can find us on youtube at don't look under the internet buymeacoffeecom. Slash dilutypod. You can buy us a coffee, one booze, one booze. You can also, if you have like inquiries or inquiries.
Speaker 6:I like inquiries you can go to dilutypod at gmailcom general questions comments and concerns. If you want to send us a text or a voicemail, you can do so at our Google phone number. I have to say at least once no, our Google phone number is 630-909-9366. You can text us we'll respond and you can leave us a voicemail. We'll play at the end of the episode, like what might be at the end of this one.
Speaker 5:It will, because I got a call it's like 2 in the fucking morning last night and it woke my ass up.
Speaker 2:Oh, was it weird, was it?
Speaker 5:cool, was it bad? It was a phone call and I thought it was work calling me and I saw a diluted VM. I was like cool.
Speaker 6:Anyway, that's all I gotta say. Do you boys have anything you want to say? Real quick, I'm done. Poop, poop, poop, poop, poop pee, pee.
Speaker 5:Oh, my god, it's cinnamon Shit fart Balls. Okay, jason, as fucking always stay paranoid. If you have anything to add to this list of transient objects that have been archived through the Field Studies Institute, please send them our way. Matt, what are you gonna say?
Speaker 3:See you next week.
Speaker 5:Bye everybody For more Claude. See you in one minute, no, one week yes.
Speaker 2:Same Bye.
Speaker 3:Don't look under the internet. Outro Music.
