Don't Look Under the Internet
Don't Look Under the Internet
DLUTI 169 - Hometown Horrors 2024!
IT’S THE MOST. WONDERFUL. TIME. Welcome back, everyone, to another annual round of raucous: it’s Hometown Horrors, 2024! You’ve submitted your stories of terror and emotional trauma, and we dressed up and read them for all to hear! Thank you everyone who sent us stories, we had an absolute blast. Some were horrifying, some were sad. Some were wildly inappropriate, but we think we weeded MOST of those out (you know who you are). Until next year, keep those beans and peens slappin’!
Persons of InterestFrom murderers to money launderers, thieves to thugs – police officers from the...
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Don't look under the internet. We're recording we are.
Speaker 3:Where are we?
Speaker 2:starting the episode.
Speaker 3:We are starting it right now.
Speaker 4:Mike's just like looking shit up.
Speaker 3:Hello everyone and welcome to an episode of Ghost Adventures. My name is Zach. I'm partnered here with the cast of Don't Look Under the Internet.
Speaker 4:This is a man named Jack Sparrow. Mike just learned that he's going to be on this episode. If you're wondering why he looks surprised, the other guy over there is a man named Leatherface.
Speaker 2:Great.
Speaker 3:And we have some man named Tracer on the other line with us. Hey, Tracer.
Speaker 5:The male Tracer Macer. Oh, he speaks. I don't know tracer on the other line with us. Hey, the mail tracer, maser, what's your titular line like?
Speaker 3:gotta go fast this is don't look under the internet a podcast where we talk about funny and spooky things. Now I need you guys to be very quiet for me for a second I am going to I don't know man. Okay.
Speaker 5:There are things in this world that you might not understand.
Speaker 3:I'm going to try to contact ghosts. Do it Ghosts. Can you hear me? Are you there, ghosts, ghosts? Yes, you said Satan. Do it Ghost. Can you hear me? Are you there ghost Ghost? Yes, you said Satan Leatherface. I need you to go into that decrepit and tetanus-filled alleyway and lock yourself in with the ghost. How do we know it's full of tetanus? Because I put it there.
Speaker 4:Okay, okay.
Speaker 3:I can't hear you.
Speaker 4:Is there a reason?
Speaker 3:we're all listening to this. No, you're pretty quiet. Yeah, what happened?
Speaker 4:Oh yeah, you are quiet.
Speaker 5:Matt blew a fuse. Why is this?
Speaker 3:Welcome Spirit spirit.
Speaker 4:Have you affected Matt's microphone. You sound?
Speaker 2:good. How affected that microphone you sound good there. How about now? You sound good yeah, there we go. Okay, there you go, we're good we're good on today's episode.
Speaker 3:Uh, we are talking ghost stories. We're here in the allen family home, right in the basement, where it is said that ghosts roam, and in in this phantom-filled basement we are talking scary stories. And with these scary stories come scares. You guys want to go spooky. You guys want to go scary.
Speaker 2:What I was trying to tell you is that you sound more like a South Park character than that's kind of what Zack Bagans sounds like Just in general.
Speaker 3:Yeah, zack Bagans is a South Park character, then that's kind of what Zack Bagans sounds like, just in general.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so.
Speaker 3:Real quick, just Housekeeping. We have some guests that I want to shout out to.
Speaker 4:We have Lord of the Bunny Vampire. I saw that one Sick Sick name.
Speaker 3:What's a bunny vampire?
Speaker 4:That's exactly what it sounds like.
Speaker 3:Oh, sick dude, Sick dude.
Speaker 4:Mystery solved. That's a good one.
Speaker 3:I'll give it that that's a good one. This is from last week. I don't know if I already shouted them out, but Nicole Barnett, isn't that the OG, nicole? Am I wrong?
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 3:Kempkin yeah, that's it, that's it, that's it, hello Nicole.
Speaker 4:Barnett, welcome to the show. Hello, someone who isn't the person I thought you were and now I'm sad about.
Speaker 3:Hello and welcome to you also, lord of the Bunny Vampire.
Speaker 2:Lord of the Bunny Vampire you know, they say vampires, jason's real quiet, for some reason.
Speaker 4:Am I. Is this better A?
Speaker 2:little bit.
Speaker 4:Oh wait, it's because Mike's turned all the way the hell up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I could hear more of Jason echoing in Mike's mic than I could, yes, speak.
Speaker 3:Hello, hello. How is that? Is that good? Oh, I'm gone now and I'm back at it, baby, okay.
Speaker 2:That should be better. This is going swimmingly.
Speaker 4:Yeah, this is going about as well as anybody could have hoped.
Speaker 3:Hey, you know what it wouldn't be diluity without fuck-ups like this.
Speaker 4:No one knows what we're doing.
Speaker 3:Yet we're going to be there right now. We're just here. That ends it On to the next part of this podcast. On to the next segment.
Speaker 4:Next podcast segment. Now you all know why you're here.
Speaker 3:It's the one. It's the most wonderful time of the year.
Speaker 2:Take it away matt it's the most wonderful time of the year that went really well over. Uh internet lag oh yeah, oh yeah. That'll sound wonderful. There will be some sinking.
Speaker 3:That'll happen later yeah, we're doing hometown horrors, uh, hell yeah, you guys gave us a ass load of stories to work with, so unfortunately there is a chance we might not be able to read them all off.
Speaker 5:We're just gonna read until we don't wanna read anymore.
Speaker 3:Pretty much.
Speaker 4:We're here until we just decide not to be.
Speaker 3:Now editor. I don't know who's editing this, but I'm gonna need you to drop in some of that Right here. I'm gonna need you to drop in that log, that fire pit, oh yeah, crack pits oh yeah, crackling logs.
Speaker 2:You're that crackle. I need you to add in what was that, was that a?
Speaker 3:was that a? Add in a log dropping? Yeah, then I need you to. I need you to. Was that a poop? Shit flying across the atmosphere, boys in the atmosphere, oh yeah, you can insert just one singular fart noise.
Speaker 5:Right, there's the logs cracking, the logs crack a rebirth part. Yeah alexa anyone with an alexa Alexa play a fat juicy fart. Ha ha, get fart.
Speaker 2:Hey, xbox turn off.
Speaker 3:There's the crackling of the logs. Oh, what's that in the background? Was that a shriek? Oh, what was that? Oh, that was scary. Ooh, we're not alone in these woods tonight, boys. Oh, that was for sure. A shit, that was for sure. But we're gonna read off some of these stories and we're gonna have some atmosphere behind them. Um, boys, who wants to start off with some of these spooky, scary stories? Let's, let's take bets on how long I keep the mask on.
Speaker 3:I'm gonna guess another 10 minutes, the whole time, oh god, I I'm like profusely sweating I'm giving you 10 minutes tops, all right, cool, cool yeah, I guess for you audio listeners that can't see. We're in costume, matt. What were you again, matt?
Speaker 2:I'm Tracer from Overwatch.
Speaker 3:He's Tracer from Overwatch. Doug is Leatherface, mind you, a very well-looking Leatherface.
Speaker 2:He looks fucking great. He looks good, he looks so good.
Speaker 3:I'm sure he's just breathing his own sweat wet, though it's so humid. We have, uh, jason dresses jack sparrow just a pirate I didn't have a person or thing in mind it looks like a jack sparrow, so I'm going with it. Most pirates do, yeah most pirates are.
Speaker 3:And then you have me as the one and only zachary bagathons, and I gotta say my costume didn't turn out as well as I thought, unfortunately. You have no idea how much hairspray and hair gel is in here. I opened up I had a new tin of hair gel. I cracked it open. I used half of it. I have half a tin of hair gel in my hair right now on top of hairspray, and it's still flopping down. I should have got a haircut. I didn't think it would be a problem, but here we are.
Speaker 2:You can't get it out later. Use dawn dish liquid and wash it with that have you had this problem in the past? I've had stuff stuck in my hair before.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it helps a lot that's good to know I might have to do that.
Speaker 4:I'm gonna have to take like a 40 minute bath when I had my mohawk, I used to put elmer's glue in it and don dish I should have done this show, this dish soap god, I can't fucking say that word.
Speaker 3:Just keep moving and top it off, I put orange fucking makeup on my face because he has a shitty vegas tan and you can't even see it on our shit ass I can see it I guess that's all that matters is you, boys, you? Know it is like everybody else anyway, we're gonna read off some of these stories, I guess, uh, I can go first yeah, it doesn't matter, I'm gonna say this out loud uh, we haven't really vetted any of these I've read a couple I read through it.
Speaker 5:I I have as well, but there's a lot I read I.
Speaker 3:I read them when they first started coming in, so I know these first, like three or four.
Speaker 2:After that they're kind of I opened this document maybe ten minutes before it was off.
Speaker 3:You know what I think there's a little bit of natural surprise in that. I think that adds to it.
Speaker 2:Hometown horrors.
Speaker 3:Hometown horrors, let's get into it. So this is by Trip Z, hi Trip.
Speaker 1:You like that Z I trip.
Speaker 3:Oh, oh, you like that. I'm a big fan. You guys Got me through the worst years of my life. I'm not going to keep up the voice. I can't do it. So far, you got me through the best years of my life so far. You make me laugh when I'm sad, thanks. And I'm a digital artist and my story's pretty boring. But it starts off like this Don't start with saying it's boring. Well, I live in a small town in Texas. It's very boring. Nothing happens, except for the usual crazy person. But I was alone one night and I just ordered pizza by the way, barbecue pizza is the best pizza and I was oh, that's the scariest part, jesus Christ. And I was drawing while I wait for my pizza. And I'm drawing on my Microsoft computer with a drawing pad, and I was just chilling when my computer crashed and randomly turned.
Speaker 3:I had to get it out of the way, or else I'd get it out of my system and my computer crashed and randomly turned back on and I tried to draw and wherever my pen was, it would reveal a weird glitch. It was very weird. It made a black screen with yellow text saying caution and a random number, probably coding or something, but I don't know. It didn't look like the usual coding and it just shut down and I had to wait like four weeks to get it fixed. But after all this I just ate my pizza. So yeah, not an interesting story, Not a story. I have a few more when I get them All right so let's break this down.
Speaker 4:I touched my tablet and a string of words came up. So I ate pizza about it.
Speaker 3:Thanks, tripp. I touched my tablet and a string of words came up, so I ate pizza about it. Thanks, tripp. I appreciate that their name is Comic Creators with a.
Speaker 5:Z on Instagram.
Speaker 2:I think your tablet was fucked up.
Speaker 3:Yeah, sounds like your tablet was fucky, or whatever you're drawing on. You should probably get that checked.
Speaker 4:Or your eyes are just real bad. That too, yeah, maybe you accidentally turned on one of those assistance things.
Speaker 2:You should probably get that checked, or your eyes are just real bad. That too. Yeah, you're seeing things.
Speaker 4:Maybe you accidentally turned on like one of those assistance things it like reads the screen to you oh god, you got clippy, you activated clippy, you gotta get him out of there.
Speaker 3:Who's uh? Who's next? Who wants to go next? Uh, I guess I can read the next one?
Speaker 5:fuck yeah, it's gonna sound like I'm talking through a wall, but it's fine.
Speaker 3:We're talking through skin, so it's a skin mask Does he ever make?
Speaker 4:noises. He does make noises.
Speaker 3:He kinda grunts about stuff.
Speaker 2:He grunts and wails.
Speaker 5:I mean, that's the preferred Motion of you know talking Through most people, but anyways, okay. So our next story. This is from Abby W of you know talking through most people, but anyways, okay. So our next story. This is from Abby W. Abb, they write hey guys, I've been on the road for the last few months so typing this on my phone. I've tried proofreading but I'm dyslexic at best of times. I'll keep the story brief as I'm typing on my phone as aids, but next year, if you're interested, I'll write out the full story because there's a little more to it. Anyways, a little preamble. When I was 20 years old, my parents moved from my hometown to another city. While the house was on the market, my dog and I lived in there just to keep the property safe, since it was a dodgy-ish neighborhood. Just one meth house down the road, nothing serious.
Speaker 3:Just one, just one, it's fine.
Speaker 5:In that house was just my dog and I. My dad's very much into home security, so there's cameras around the house at main entry points One up the driveway, one at the back door and one at the front door and another into the backyard. It wasn't full coverage but it honestly made the house feel pretty safe. At night my dog always sleeps at the foot of my bed and somehow in the night ends up scooting to the other side of me, so I end up waking up to her face directly in mine. She'd only pick up the habit after moving to my parents and has never done that ever again after we moved.
Speaker 5:My dog's name is Lisa, by the way. She's a beautiful girl, anyways, sorry for the rambling. One night I was sleeping and felt Lisa get onto the bed, assuming she'd moved from the foot of the bed. I stretched my legs back out again and hit a solid lump it was Lisa still at the foot of my bed. At first my brain couldn't register how the dog was at the bottom of the bed and next to me at the same time.
Speaker 4:I began to panic. I lay there and pretend to be asleep.
Speaker 5:I tried my best to keep my Jesus, fucking Christ lifetime. The figure moved off the bed and Lisa scooched up next to me. I continued to pretend to be asleep well into the morning. I'd convinced myself that as soon as I opened my eyes, it would be standing right there. Eventually, I opened them and I was alone, apart from Lisa wanting her breakfast. The next day, I called my parents and checked on the cameras, and nothing. One of the side doors was unlocked, though, oh, I don't like that.
Speaker 4:Thanks, abby. I was gonna say sleep paralysis? No, for me don't. Until you mentioned the fucking unlocked door.
Speaker 5:I'm gonna pass out if I keep wearing this. That did not take long. I said ten minutes tops.
Speaker 4:Well, now you're just Vincent from Pulp Fiction Woo.
Speaker 5:Oh my God, Just wait, damn.
Speaker 3:Oh.
Speaker 2:The sleeveless button Doug can I interest you in some imitation crab meat?
Speaker 5:Can I interest you in some spookin' Holy shit?
Speaker 3:You look like you work at fuckin' um. What's that like male equivalent?
Speaker 4:of who is Chippendales, you look?
Speaker 3:like you, work at Chippendales.
Speaker 5:That's what my costume is.
Speaker 3:Chippendale.
Speaker 2:I'm Chippendale, the costume Chippendugs.
Speaker 4:What my costume is? Chip and Dale.
Speaker 3:I'm Chip and Dale the costume Chip and Dugs.
Speaker 4:Chip and Dugs. Who wants to read the next one? Can we not talk about that at all? No, talking about it.
Speaker 5:I guess we can talk, just fucking book.
Speaker 4:just go on right Through all of them, just keep reading them.
Speaker 3:Abby, you might have a problem with either a sleep paralysis demon that's kind of what I'm thinking or the meth head down the street came into your house.
Speaker 5:I want to think it was a meth ghost. I want to believe it's a meth head.
Speaker 1:No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no no no Meth ghost.
Speaker 5:Meth ghost.
Speaker 1:I like that. It's catchy.
Speaker 3:That's a creepy one. I don't like that.
Speaker 4:How do you explain that, though there's no one next to you, but all of a sudden you feel I mean, I don't think it could be sleep paralysis.
Speaker 3:I think it was because you would think it was another person.
Speaker 5:The dog would have reacted oh yeah, you know wrong there yeah, yeah, that's a fair way to look at that, I guess um your story's full of shit, abby.
Speaker 3:How about that? Don't fucking lie to us. Mike debunked, you debunked. I did what Zach begged. I'm just gonna do a ghost adventures.
Speaker 2:To all these stories, story busted.
Speaker 3:We've come here to try to understand, understand.
Speaker 5:Understand.
Speaker 3:Understand this bitch. We want answers.
Speaker 5:Some things just cannot be explained.
Speaker 3:I get Bill Chappell in here to have sex with a magnet or whatever he likes to do. You can, you? Can call him it's a running theory. Bill chapel for those that don't watch ghost adventures is the guy that like creates all of their like technology. So he's created a bunch of ghost hunting equipment and I swear to god, every time he goes to explain what's going on, he's always like oh you know, the magnet does this inside and it triggers the electricity with the magnet everything has magnets involved, so I think he has a fetish for magnets.
Speaker 3:Who doesn't, to the point where his next invention is just going to be a lump of magnetic rock. He's going to be like no ghosts love it and they're great they fucking love cum stains on and shit uh come rock they.
Speaker 5:There is uh. This quote I've heard and it's uh boston makes, makes me feel good.
Speaker 3:Bustin' makes me feel good.
Speaker 5:And sometimes you just gotta get a BJ from a ghost. The fucking In a kid's movie I don't know.
Speaker 4:the artist who ever wrote that song knew exactly what the fuck they were doing.
Speaker 5:There's no. I like how nobody really talks about it, though I'm talking about it. I mean I know we're talking about it.
Speaker 2:I like how it's never been quoted on this particular podcast.
Speaker 5:Definitely never said that before. Has this come up before? Probably.
Speaker 2:I think it came up last week. Oh shit Actually.
Speaker 4:I'm certain it came up last week. Oh damn. Well, we're talking about it again. Fuck it.
Speaker 5:Hey well, bustin' makes me feel good, bustin' does make me feel good I'm about to bust.
Speaker 2:I'm about to bust. I'll read the next one.
Speaker 4:By Travis O.
Speaker 2:Travis O.
Speaker 5:Oh hell. Yeah, dude, I didn't know you learned to read Travis.
Speaker 2:Big O. I grew up in New Orleans, Louisiana. I need to figure out how to do that fucking accent.
Speaker 5:The one that Mike does all the time the swamp people time no.
Speaker 2:The swamp.
Speaker 5:People accent what.
Speaker 2:No, the gambit accent.
Speaker 3:Oh, yeah, ooh, I'm about to make a name for myself. Ooh, I'm about to make a name for myself.
Speaker 2:yes, I grew up in New Orleans, louisiana a city right with urban legends and folklore.
Speaker 5:Yeah, keep that up the whole time.
Speaker 2:And folklore, running the gamut from vampires to werewolves and zombies. Did you ever Esoterica? No, I'm not kidding. I grew up in New Orleans, louisiana, a city rife with urban legends and folklore, running the gamut from vampires to werewolves and zombies. Esoterica was kind of just an everyday part of life. As I was growing up, the downstairs unit in our apartment building was a shop run by the landlady, specializing in potions and books on spell work, witchcraft and fairies. Across the street from our apartment building was a community garden. Keep in mind this was in the late 90s, early 2000s, so the internet was not a commodity that most of us had access to, let alone a reliable computer.
Speaker 2:No community came from the people quite literally around you. My father has been a landscaper since I was just a baby and he's quite good at what he does. So when he was invited to rent a plot in the community garden, he was all for the idea and as a kid I was ecstatic about the idea. This gave me the opportunity to run around and play amongst the plots, smelling the different flowers and herbs our neighbors decided to plant in their plots. I spent many a fall and summer day just living in a fantasy world amidst the flora of our little slice of nature in the bustling city. We did not, however, live in a very good part of town. Our little community was tight-knit. The landlady owned the esoteric shop, and just next door was a glassblower and a papier-mâché artist who leased an apartment in the same building.
Speaker 3:This sounds like a very dangerous place. You have a glassblower and a paper mache maker. Is paper mache?
Speaker 4:artist a real job. Yeah, it's like how you get a black belt in origami Okay cool.
Speaker 2:Yeah, continue Printmaking is still a major that you can take in college, which is also nuts to me A whole career.
Speaker 5:Like a four year degree.
Speaker 1:I need four years to learn how to use the printer right or PhD.
Speaker 4:I still don't even know.
Speaker 5:Stupid HP laser jets Alright.
Speaker 2:Just a block down the road, the landlady's daughter ran a little cafe which served the worst coffee you would ever have. You would have ever had the displeasure of tasting, but this was our community, and by golly we supported our own, with a lot of us looking back. If some kind of apocalypse had actually occurred come Y2K, we would have been quite alright. Dad took to growing vegetables in his little plot, along with a couple of other of the tenants, so we always had fresh produce. One of my favorite parts of the whole garden setup, though, was the back wall. A local had built a sound machine out of the recycled metal piping, aluminum siding and wire end rope. We had a small pond where we nurtured frogs and fish. There was a single tree whose branches spread low and far, and one of the garden's tenants built the local kids a treehouse in his tree. Beneath this tree was a small shed where the communal tools were stored. There was a weed eater, a lawnmower and the like. It was a small thing erected from shoddy material, just enough to keep the elements from destroying the tools all the garden's tenants made use of, and it also served, at least for the smaller of us, as a place to go to the bathroom privately. Keep in mind this was still a time where don't come home till the streetlights come on was a common thing for parents to tell their kids, and our block looked out for each other. The garden butted up against an apartment complex, and on the other side of that was a main thoroughfare of the city, lots of traffic, lots of different and unique kinds of people. It wasn't strange for us to see people from the adjoining neighborhoods, or even tourists, walking down Magazine Street, wander close to the fence of the community garden. Rarely did anyone ever venture past the gate without an invite. However, one of my longtime friends had a collection of dolls, and we would dress them up in leaf clothes and make them swim in the pond with the tadpoles and goldfish.
Speaker 2:One day, when I'd had quite enough of this and was ready to go home, I went to find my dad in the garden plot. He was elbow deep in silt trying to set his sunflowers up for the season, and I told him I needed to use the bathroom and could I please go home. We lived on the same block. He told me I didn't need to go home, just go to the shed and do my business.
Speaker 2:I didn't like the shed. I was maybe six or seven and there were often spiders or roaches or lizards encroaching upon the space the adults had made for the tools, and at the time I was very skittish around little creatures. But I needed to go really bad, and it didn't seem like my dad was going to be finished with his planning anytime soon, so I made my way to the shed. It was a rickety thing really, mostly composed of old planks and boards that weren't quite good enough for the use of the framework of a plot or the fence that surrounded the property, but it served the purpose of housing the tools and, as far as I understood, everyone used the shed to relieve themselves while they were in the garden. This thing was a smell of whore, yeah, seriously, holy shit.
Speaker 2:Imagine my surprise when, on this day, I opened the door to see the shed was not only housing the communal tools, but also a thin wrinkly man in a blue diaper.
Speaker 2:He was crouched and curled in on himself like he was sleeping, and his skin had the same dirty tanned appearance of worn leather. He clutched in one hand a tall, crooked stick which I now understand I probably used as a cane or walking stick. There was a moment of silence as I opened the door and he looked up at me and I looked at him. Our eyes would have been the same color, though his were blue from roomy cataracts that blurred his vision. He looked to me like I imagined Rafiki from the Lion King would look if he were old and frail and human and somebody's cursor is covering up this entire line.
Speaker 5:It's not me, not me.
Speaker 2:Ah, there we go. And he was the last thing I expected to be just hanging out in our equipment shed. After the moment of shock passed, I screamed at the top of my lungs and ran from the shed back to my dad's plot in the garden. I told him there was a ghost in the shed and that I couldn't pee, and could we please go home? Naturally, he thought I was making up a story so that we could leave early, and so he explained to me how ghosts weren't really there, that they couldn't hurt us, all that. But I was insistent that I had seen something more than a simple apparition.
Speaker 2:So, hand in hand, we made our way back to the shed. The man had somehow managed to escape from a nearby facility meant to house the infirm and made his way into our garden. A couple of calls to local authorities and he was back where he was meant to be. But after that I never used the shed to do my business again. If I had to go, dad, let me walk across the street to our apartment, use the bathroom and then promptly return. It might not seem all that scary from the perspective of an adult, but as a kid it was one of the most terrifying things I'd ever experienced, and even today I wonder just how he managed to skirt their security and why he chose our garden to serve as his place of refuge.
Speaker 4:That's literally just Halloween. The movie just in real fucking light.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, that's fucking terrifying. This man was just like kill me.
Speaker 3:Please, please, kill me. That's just Halloween, that's just in Travis. O comes across homeless man gets scared.
Speaker 2:Of all the I don't know. Of all the stories that we've read during hometown horrors, I think this is the one that, if it happened to me as a kid, would traumatize me, oh yeah oh, absolutely, yeah, that one, yeah old people fucking are weird.
Speaker 4:The one with the the deer doing a backflip into a tree, that's. That's another one that stuck with me. What do you guys not remember? The one with the deer doing a backflip like either into or out of a tree, yeah, not deer, the not deer one yeah, I vaguely remember I vaguely remember that one too. I think that was the first or second year, so it would make sense why no one would fucking remember, but I barely remember yesterday man yeah, I good honestly very spooky, especially like you said there.
Speaker 3:There travis said there were what six or seven they said in the story. So imagine just coming into this shack, which I love the fact that he's like. They built this shack using two by fours and shit that they didn't think were sturdy enough to for a plot, but they thought it was sturdy enough for a house good continue using those please I again can only imagine what this shed smelled like if everybody used it as an outhouse, right.
Speaker 2:But I also can't imagine why this guy was like, yeah, this'll do this is where I want to lay down this is fine, I don't.
Speaker 3:I don't know it definitely. I don't know why, but I was getting the thought that, like this was on a rooftop. Was that not the case? I had that in my head, that this was a rooftop garden. What are you?
Speaker 5:imagining Like fucking a hey Arnold.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Honestly, I think this is like a city block.
Speaker 5:Yeah, I was imagining a plot of communal garden in between some buildings or some shit.
Speaker 2:There's an episode of Bob's Burgers where they open a community garden and Bob starts a plot of tomatoes or some shit. There's an episode of Bob's Burgers where they open a community garden and Bob starts a plot of tomatoes or some shit in the community garden. That's what I was imagining.
Speaker 4:I was also on Team Rooftop.
Speaker 5:Team hey Arnold.
Speaker 4:Team Arnold Team Arnold.
Speaker 5:Can you put the hey Arnold theme song in here?
Speaker 4:No, actually.
Speaker 5:Probably not. Oh, what a bang it's so jazzy it is, but how many?
Speaker 3:Oh, we should probably rate these at like two out of five spookies we should probably talk about them in some capacity instead of just going.
Speaker 4:Ooh, it's a story.
Speaker 5:We've never ever talked about anything, though.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean, that's not what we do. That's not what we do here. We regurgitate content.
Speaker 5:I've never talked about anything in my life.
Speaker 3:I do feel like as a kid. Yeah, this would be very startling, especially because you're not suspecting it could have been anyone, not even just an old person, but just not suspecting some stranger in this poop shed yeah, that would freak me out.
Speaker 2:I think it's all human being wearing a diaper as a media poop shed immediate nope yeah, it, yeah, I think I saw this on law and order svu once any adult human being wearing a diaper is immediate nope zone how did they? That immediately gives it a three how did they?
Speaker 5:how did they get there? Though, like with the cataracts and shit life the stick?
Speaker 4:life finds a way life finds a way yeah, yeah, no you're right, you're right they use the stick. Stupid, you're right I don't know what any of us were thinking um. How do we feel about that story? We good with it. We're moving on to the next. Yeah, I would give it three and a half don't look unders. Yeah, when it comes to the internet the first one, I would give one the second one I would give.
Speaker 5:I'd give that a four yeah, that the second one was definitely a four, I don't know old, old diaper man is worse than the second one I don't know. I think I'd be more spooked by, like a ghost touching me at night, a methed out ghost.
Speaker 3:Meth ghosts, let me get it much worse than real people let me go investigate this house. I'll get that ghost right out of there.
Speaker 2:Lickety split, I'm here ghost, I'm just judging these by, like, the trauma that they're gonna leave me with, and I think the second one. I'm just gonna like convince myself that I imagined it and move on with my life. The third one is who you, that's that one's sticking with it.
Speaker 4:You live your life according to that experience at this point, like that your whole life right is based any door I open from now on for the rest of my life could
Speaker 5:contain an old man and I have to be prepared for that and that's old man.
Speaker 4:He doesn't exist until you open it there is either a man or not a man in this door. All we know is that he's old. Yeah, that's and diapered and diapered. Uh, jason, you want to. The next one, I would love to um. The next one we have is a story from someone named Monochrome808. Here's what Monochrome808 has to say. So, oh wait, hold on, let's get some audio. You're not wrong.
Speaker 3:You're not turning on the atmosphere. If you do the atmosphere, turn it down just a smidge. Okay, I've been kind of doing that too, trying to eyeball where it went to the spot.
Speaker 4:How's it sound? Is it good? Yeah, it sounded pretty good. Yeah, it sounded pretty good.
Speaker 3:Sounds like sound. Oh, I don't like Matt's face at all. I thought you were frozen for a second, but now you chuckled.
Speaker 4:That's not good he moved, he's the smile people so I grew up in a town that was fairly small at the time this story takes place. The town is also very old, so there are quite a few abandoned buildings. One of these was very old, so there are quite a few abandoned buildings. One of these was the old jail that was right next to my grandma's house. I was around 13 or 14 at the time and one of my family members was volunteering at a museum in town. One day, a ghost hunting crew visited our town and did an interview.
Speaker 4:It's me.
Speaker 3:I've interviewed you.
Speaker 4:At some point, I guess, my family member decided to ask if I could accompany the ghost hunters it's me, I've interviewed you, jail and they invited me inside to see all the set up gear and see the process of how some of the machines worked. As the night progressed, a few things happened here and I was like what? A few things happened here and there, but it was nothing to write home about. That was until later that night. I just had to go upstairs in the darkness by myself Before I could even make it to the hallway. I had a terrible feeling deep in my gut and turned back.
Speaker 4:The ghost hunters continued doing their thing until it was time to go upstairs and use a spirit box in order to contact a ghost. We all sat in a circle and they communicated to the spirit box. It was all fine until they asked what it wanted and it said something like box. It was all fine until they asked what it wanted and it said something like weak young boy, weak young boy. And at this point I could feel something start staring at me from behind. Bring me the boys all you gotta pay the troll toll first.
Speaker 1:You gotta call the cops on this ghost man wants a weak young boy.
Speaker 4:I was freaking the fuck out in my head, but I didn't show it on the outside. I could feel the eyes staring at me until the moment I left.
Speaker 3:It's probably a little hard reading with an eye patch on huh.
Speaker 4:It sucks, man, it's not great. That was the experience I was having with the sunglasses.
Speaker 2:That's why they're on my head.
Speaker 3:Our costumes are going to slowly fall apart. We're going to be nude by the end of this episode.
Speaker 1:I hope anyway.
Speaker 3:From one ghost adventure to the next.
Speaker 4:I would say that's five out of five spookies, adult gunders right there. Do you have any insight to what could be causing them to be boys?
Speaker 3:What they found, apparently by them being able to process that. It said weak young boy sounds like that's a class A EVP, that's an electro voice phenomenon and essentially what these are are coming out of the spirit box which goes and cycles through multiple radio frequencies and you pick up on ghosts' activity through that.
Speaker 5:I do want to say this is a great time. Great story, honestly Great stuff. This is a great time. Great story, honestly Great stuff. This is a great time to open fan mail.
Speaker 4:Oh my god.
Speaker 5:That we forgot about in the beginning of the story.
Speaker 3:I totally fucking forgot about that. Oh, I forgot about that in the housekeeping.
Speaker 4:Housekeeping was supposed to be a thing here.
Speaker 5:Well, we did housekeeping. We just forgot the important part of housekeeping.
Speaker 3:Let's open it right quick.
Speaker 4:We're supposed to include this.
Speaker 3:Yes, let's open the fan mail real quick yeah.
Speaker 4:Go ahead, captain. Well, we do have two sick. I mean I'm not dead.
Speaker 5:It don't matter, I'd open the box last. Okay here, who's it from?
Speaker 4:This is from.
Speaker 5:Read their address too.
Speaker 1:Sage From Sage. Thank you, Sage.
Speaker 5:This is pretty sick actually.
Speaker 4:Alternate reality cocktails. Oh, we're gonna make some of these a vita carnavita's carnavita's.
Speaker 3:Carnavita's are these. Is this custom made? Yeah?
Speaker 4:this custom made sage made that. Oh holy shit, this is incredible so it's just a bunch of alternate reality, some arg cocktails. Yeah, we got the vita carna that, we got the we've got the monument mythos. This house has people in it. Oh, it's the daisy brown yeah is there this drink has people.
Speaker 2:It just says enjoy drink has people yeah, enjoy 2h32.
Speaker 4:The graylock, the mystery flush pit national park, the ash vlog. Oh god, it's just a never ending cup, is what it is and the gemini home entertainment. I fucking love this that's so cool.
Speaker 5:It's very cool. I saw that and I was like dang yeah, here.
Speaker 4:I'm gonna use this at my new years party.
Speaker 3:Sage, if you can reach out to us, let me know if this is, if you like, custom made this specifically for us, or if these are like your favorite args or something I mean they are all ones that we covered.
Speaker 5:Send us an email. Definitely, dude. This is fucking this rips. Yeah, I know that does a cool cover on it too I was telling mike, I was like I'd, so I obviously I had to go through the mail before we open it live. But I was like, yeah, like there's a pretty cool shit, that's great and they're like they're like legit.
Speaker 3:Like I wouldn't drink some of these, but they're like legit, like the daisy brown is we're gonna drink all of these one ounce vodka uh two ounces of table of sugar, eight ounces of water, one strand of hair uh, let's see the gray lock is oh yeah, no, it's.
Speaker 5:Look at the Front of the it's she they made it.
Speaker 4:I'm sorry. Yeah, burst. It was Burst by Sage. You have the.
Speaker 3:Vita Carnis, which is, that's fucking cool. 2 ounce vodka, 4 ounce tomato juice, 1 teaspoon salt, 1 teaspoon pepper, 2 tablespoons of Cajun, 2 tablespoons of parsley, 1 of dill, one of garlic, one of flavor enhancer and one of spam oh, flavor enhancer, oh my god, that's awesome all right, well, we can read this whole thing.
Speaker 5:Yeah, let's open the next one. That's so, that's super sick I love the art, the whole thing is just awesome. Yes, just put that up somewhere.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'll, uh, I'll prop it up. The next one is from Warehouse Manager.
Speaker 5:I don't know who this is from.
Speaker 2:I have no idea who this is from. Thank you, Warehouse Manager.
Speaker 4:Alright sir, I can't get it out. This is the.
Speaker 3:Wendy's, I see what it is, but I can't get it out. Just pull it, get those little sausages in there. I legit can't get it out. You get it out.
Speaker 4:You get it.
Speaker 5:What did I like? Super seal it back in the box. It seems like it there's a vacuum.
Speaker 4:I can't fucking get it out. Oh my God, there I got you. Doug did it once. He'll do it again. This is Dimmie Dome you have a knife?
Speaker 5:What?
Speaker 3:are you doing with a knife?
Speaker 5:I always got a knife on me, dog. How do you think?
Speaker 1:he cut those sleeves up Exactly. I ripped, I flexi-ripped them off.
Speaker 5:Thank you.
Speaker 2:My apologies.
Speaker 3:Good job. This box opening's been great. I'm so stronk.
Speaker 4:Stronk, stronky, stronky boy. Oh shit, this is cool. You saw it already.
Speaker 1:I saw a glimpse, yeah.
Speaker 4:That's fucking cool. It's I saw a glimpse. Yeah, that's fucking cool. It's a little Nick Nocturne, their fursona hell yeah thing, statuette that's fucking awesome. Put that up right in front.
Speaker 3:Don't take it out of the box it's number one don't take it out of the box limited edition 569 made and we have number one until I've put most of my totem in there Seriously.
Speaker 5:Is it actually one of? It says number one.
Speaker 4:Damn.
Speaker 5:So whoever sent this is the only person that? No, I'm just kidding.
Speaker 2:He sold exactly one of them and we have it. It said there's $569 made, but we got the first one, we have the first one. We got the first one Doesn't mean they got sold.
Speaker 5:We got the first one, sick, we got the first one, that's like at least five more dollars than what they paid for it right.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 5:Thank you, Nick Nocturne.
Speaker 4:Thank you, Nick Nocturne.
Speaker 5:Thank you, warehouse manager If you sent us the Nick Nocturne, I guess, sent us an email being like hey that was me. Yeah, because all we have is warehouse.
Speaker 3:Thank you very much, everyone.
Speaker 2:It's the guy that works in our warehouse. He's the only employee that works there.
Speaker 4:He's the one that cleans up the audience when they get too moldy.
Speaker 3:Well, yeah, thank you very much everybody. That's super sweet and super awesome. We look forward to more fan mail. That's really awesome that super awesome.
Speaker 4:We look forward to more fan mail. That's really awesome.
Speaker 3:I'm definitely going to make some cocktails out of that one.
Speaker 4:I love both of these things.
Speaker 5:I just randomly thought of it while I was like, oh shit, we didn't do that.
Speaker 4:We did it For my New Year's party. I'm going to make the drinks that 100%.
Speaker 3:I'm sure everybody will love it too. Everyone have essence, of Doug.
Speaker 4:I milked Doug for his essence. Here you go.
Speaker 3:Here's his cum. Should I go to the next story? What do you want to rate that one? By the way, I'm going to rate it. I'll rate it a two and a half, not the scariest thing I've ever seen. I'm going three because it's on brand with what I am right now. I'll give it a two and a half Not the scariest thing I've ever seen, but it is. I'm going three because it's on brand with what I am right now.
Speaker 5:I'll give it a two. Let's really make these people feel bad about what they've done here.
Speaker 3:Let's make sure they never come back, never write to us again.
Speaker 5:Obviously, we're going to shit on everything that happens.
Speaker 4:That's our whole thing.
Speaker 3:Let me go to the next one here. This one's by Randy W.
Speaker 5:Randy.
Speaker 3:Cue up that music, big boy.
Speaker 4:Oh yeah, Thank you.
Speaker 5:This is just fart noises, so Two and a half hours.
Speaker 3:All right, get me going, get me going, mama, come on. Come on, oh mama, mama, alrighty, get me going, get me going, mama, come on come on oh mama, mama, hey, bradley, oh, a jerk lurking on my dang leg. Alright, growing up in a Hispanic household, you're bound to hear about scary legends like the Chupacabra or La Llorona, but those never scare me, compared to the actual stories.
Speaker 1:La, la, la La.
Speaker 3:Llorona, but those never scared me compared to the actual stories my family had witnessed. I have two semi-short stories.
Speaker 5:I got a semi-short.
Speaker 4:Number one.
Speaker 1:There it is, there it is there, it is, the bike is breaking early tonight. The music isn't helping.
Speaker 3:All right, number one, that's the best part, the man who leaped from tree to tree Monkey man. My grandma told me that when she was younger she was in charge of taking care of her siblings. They would play in the fields of my great-grandpa's farm Across the street. There were a few houses and all the kids would hang out together. One day a man showed up and he was doing magic tricks for the kids. Never a good sign when a man just shows up and does magic. You have a few clowns like that. They kill Some of them. Yeah, he was an older Mexican man who seemed like he was probably on something. But the kids were still excited to see the man. He was an older Mexican man on cocaine or something.
Speaker 2:Fantastic. So we had meth ghost and now we got meth.
Speaker 4:Mexican we got meth ban.
Speaker 3:He would grab a handkerchief and a rubber band, tie it so that it resembled a person.
Speaker 3:Then it would snap his finger. The cloth would dance. All the kids were shocked, but my grandma told me that something didn't feel right about it. So she went inside and got her mom and she made him leave. It wasn't until my grandma got older that my great-grandma told her that man was known for being possessed and that he uses black magic. He was seen jumping from palm tree to palm tree and even flying late at night. All I know South Texas is very scary, but such a scary place where evil things take place.
Speaker 3:Number two, the boy. When my mom was about 16, she had went to her aunt's wedding. My great aunt was a really mean lady who had to be in control of everything. One of the rules for her wedding was she didn't want any kids at the wedding, which for Hispanics is often very weird, especially because of the quantity of kids there are. So my mom and the rest of the teens were sent outside to watch the children while the wedding happened. And everything went smooth. The reception was a good one and everyone went home. A week later the pictures came back In the main picture where they gathered everyone for a group photo, you can see a small boy standing next to my great-grandpa. The one thing about the boy is he had legs of a rooster.
Speaker 3:I was saying At first everyone in my family was shocked and some thought it was faked or maybe the image was printed wrong. But no, it was 100% legit. Since then the image has been hidden in my great-aunt. It had been hidden in my great-aunt that wanted everything to be perfect for her wedding. It's now plagued with this being the only one thing anyone remembers Rooster boy, rooster boy. We got monkey man and rooster cock boy Cock boy.
Speaker 5:We got cocaine magician and rooster boy.
Speaker 4:Cock child.
Speaker 2:He's like nope. We're gonna have to bleep that out. It's like the very unhinged version of those insurance commercials with the lemu.
Speaker 1:Lemu lemu.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and.
Speaker 3:Doug, yeah, I would say for the flying magician. I would give this story a three. You know what? I would give it a three and a half. Pretty spooky, but I am not traumatized here, I would say for the second story.
Speaker 5:You should have sent pictures.
Speaker 3:Yeah, where's the picture?
Speaker 1:And if you did my bad.
Speaker 3:I don't see any here though. Yeah, you said, I mean, I didn't check attachments on these when I made this document. That's fair, if it was there, sorry.
Speaker 5:But if not, I guess I can go into our email room.
Speaker 2:Yeah, pick her, it didn't happen.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, you, yeah, you know what. Honestly, too long didn't read TLD or cock boy, cock boy. Too long didn't read it. I'm after you or sad whichever. Yeah, no Kid with rooster feet. That kind of reminds me of a Baba Yaga situation. Yes, Boy Yaga.
Speaker 5:Yeah, the chicken legs, I think that's more of like a.
Speaker 4:Isn't that more of like?
Speaker 3:a Russian or like that area. Baba Yaga is like Eastern European. That's what I mean Eastern European, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Thank you, he's probably just a kid with prosthetic legs and now everybody's like no pictures.
Speaker 3:Boo, Randy you done fucked up. This goes from a three and a half down to a three because no pictures. Randy, you should have supplied a photo.
Speaker 5:Yeah, three roosters out of five, three begawks out of five says this guy. Three begawks. I guess I can take the next one.
Speaker 3:Sure, jason left, so I'm going to attempt to turn on the music for you.
Speaker 4:Hmm.
Speaker 1:Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, you Is that it Stop playing.
Speaker 2:Stop playing why you are bad phil it doesn't matter.
Speaker 5:No one's gonna hear this except for us. All right, editor. Do you think go ahead, doug? All right, whatever dude, whatever. Well, editor, fuck you all right, um, all right.
Speaker 5:This next one comes from gracie lou. Hi guys, I've been a really big fan of the show for over two years now. Catastrophe crow was my first episode and I just kind of instantly fell in love with the series, lol, thank you. I've always wanted to submit my story but, uh, an experience from my home or for hometown horrors, but I've always just been a little too nervous to share so let's make sure to be very, extra hard.
Speaker 2:I I get it feel very bad, I get the nervousness.
Speaker 5:Um, I grew up in a small, itty-bitty town in North Alabama, no political affiliation. We had our house built in 2007. Great timing, right, lol. And we were one of the first houses in the subdivision. On the right side of the neighborhood was a horse pasture and the other side was all farmland. I don't know the history of the land, but I know my country was rich Native American. My county has rich Native American history.
Speaker 5:I can remember making a note in my mind that I was turning my closet light off because when I would come back to my room and the light would be on, even though there was no way someone could have been in my mind that I was turning my closet light off because when I would come back to my room and the light would be on, even though there was no way someone could have been in my room, sometimes the door would be open and that kind of stuff. Then it started to escalate. I would be in my room and, clear as day, I would hear someone call out my name. I would answer back. No response. Then when I went downstairs nobody would be home. Spooky stuff, right.
Speaker 5:My mom remembers the stuff uh, stuff like that happening to her as well. We always said we had a mimic in the house. Our kitchen had an opening above the sink where you could see into the living room. I don't know what they are called, but it was like a window. My mom always had it decorated with like a dish for her jewelry when she would wash the dishes, and like a, a candle and stuff like that, and there was a pillar on the right-hand side. It was where the wall ended and we would be looking down and washing dishes and then you would see someone walk past, but no one would come around the corner. Hey, I have fucking shadow people in my house too. I get it Okay, so I don't even know how many times that happened.
Speaker 5:Do they come around the corner?
Speaker 4:They be coming.
Speaker 5:Actually they be shooting out of the Fucking like walls and just like Shooting giant cum traps.
Speaker 4:Corner sputes.
Speaker 5:Anyways. So my mom, my mom always had a oh, alright, brother.
Speaker 4:Sorry.
Speaker 5:I don't even know how many times that happened. I would walk around the corner and be like hello, who the fuck is in my house? Hello, um and my sister and I were always so terrified to go upstairs alone. We had to have someone go up with us. You could literally feel the difference in the air. There was one time I walked up the stairs alone and I turned my head and there was something with glowing red eyes in my sister's room. I've never run down the stairs so fast. We would see shadow people all the time. They were always in the corner of the room, day, night, dusk, dawn, didn't matter what time of day. I saw them all the time. We also would hear footsteps, doors closing, doors opening. It was awful living there. Sometimes I can remember yelling shut up. I don't want to deal with this today. You there.
Speaker 3:Sometimes I can remember yelling shut up. I don't want to deal with this today, and as soon as you're reading this, like the tone that you're reading. This is like it. It is like an everyday experience and they're just sick of it.
Speaker 5:They're not scared oh yeah, they're just like I would.
Speaker 3:I would wake up, I'd wake up there be, there, go the fuck away. I'm tired, I have to go to work, fuck off.
Speaker 5:I'm just trying to sleep, man, like I haven't got a wink of fucking sleep. Um, all right, so where are we? Uh, as soon as my dad started traveling for work he was an aerospace engineer, uh and we moved it stopped. I've never had anything like that happen anywhere else we've lived. Things have changed a lot since my dad passed away in 2019. It makes things very difficult when y'all tell me to go kiss my dad, like I guess I'll kiss the jar, lol, jk, jk, hey, sometimes you know.
Speaker 2:Hey, I got dead. Dead too. It's all right. At least yours is in a jar, Mine's still in the cardboard box. They shipped him back to my mom.
Speaker 1:We haven't unpacked it yet, nor have we unpacked that.
Speaker 3:Anyway, let's keep moving he has a house. Look at it that way he's safer.
Speaker 5:That way they say that the person you think of when you have something spooky happen is the person that is visiting you, and I feel his presence often. I just recently adopted a dog. On the day I brought him home, we weren't two minutes down the road when the radio on my mom's car switched over to a different station that was playing. Who let the dogs out? We were both like what the heck? Uh, my mom switched it back to the station she wanted to listen to and then, another minute or two, it switched over to that station again and the words were I will always be in love with you. My mom said the song was one that my dad and her always listened to. I cried like a baby.
Speaker 5:I don't believe in coincidences. I'm a big spiritual believer and I truly believe that my that was my dad. Nothing was touching the radio and my mom hasn't had that happen since. I feel like this email is way too long. I'm so sorry for that. I have so many other stories to share and I'm more than happy to condense this if you want.
Speaker 5:Too late? Uh ps, sorry for the dead dad joke. They just make me feel better. Hey, I'm at that stage too. I get it yeah you got to make jokes about it if, if you want to keep going on, so absolutely no need to apologize um yeah, this is that's so.
Speaker 4:That's one of those instances where, like uh, if anyone's ever heard of string theory or knows what that is, we were talking about a little bit last week, nice yeah that that reminds me of like this story reminds me of that like simply the act of like, thinking about him, uh, and then also hearing the things that he might have heard, like, all those things remind me of like okay, cool, the universe remembers that pattern and it's now sending it to you.
Speaker 2:It's funny because this is very similar to the story that Chucky told last week that brought up the entire discussion.
Speaker 1:String theory.
Speaker 2:yeah, yeah, yeah, he saw his mom across the street on a sidewalk looking at him Damn.
Speaker 5:Yeah, and it wasn't until he had passed and like saw her that he realized oh my god, that was my mom. Holy shit.
Speaker 3:And then bus drives by and she's not there. It unlocked his ghost hunting abilities and he's left his history it was his super villain origin story yeah, I would give that. Uh, I'm gonna give that a three and a half because it started off spooky but then ended on a kind of a happier note, I guess like a nice closure note. Oh, absolutely. So I'm not really spookified by it. I'm not going to say don't look under, but the beginning made me want to say don't look under.
Speaker 5:I'd give it a three and a half too. I like stories like this where it feels personal. It does it feels personal. It doesn't feel like someone's trying to write a.
Speaker 3:We have the giant penis. What are you doing?
Speaker 5:We can't show that on video.
Speaker 3:Yeah, we actually.
Speaker 5:You can't just whip your dick out on video, mike, god, watch me, yes you can.
Speaker 2:Fucking. Watch me People review sex toys on YouTube all the time does advertisements for Bad Dragon and shows the dildos. Oh, really yeah. I mean, he blurs them out a little bit, though A unicorn penis doesn't look like a fucking man penis, though you got me there.
Speaker 4:You're not wrong, you got me.
Speaker 2:You're not wrong, you got me on that one.
Speaker 5:I've seen my fair share of dragon dick, all right.
Speaker 2:I watched a man shave his asshole on YouTube one time.
Speaker 1:Bro, you didn't share the links you didn't do like a watch party that would have been great A diluty watch
Speaker 4:party A diluty watch is a man shaves his own ass. A man shaves, asshole.
Speaker 3:You're not supposed to do that, because that's actually going to make your butt worse when you poop, because the hair is there for friction, it helps.
Speaker 4:Don't shave your asshole If you don't have a mirror down there you can't have silent thoughts.
Speaker 2:I shave my asshole.
Speaker 1:It's way easier to clean.
Speaker 5:I'm calling Because if you've got a hairy butthole.
Speaker 3:You look like you're just shaving everywhere. You chafe easier, though it's like shaving your armpits. You're not supposed to really do that, because it's for friction.
Speaker 2:No, not really.
Speaker 4:Come from somebody who has experience, it doesn't chafefer's.
Speaker 5:I trimmed my armpits like when I was in like junior high or some shit, like no high school probably, and I will never do it again.
Speaker 3:It was the itchiest experience of my life.
Speaker 5:Itchy as fuck.
Speaker 2:Anyway, three and a half I trim everything, but anyway, let's move on.
Speaker 5:I guess, Matt's just smooth AF. Are you butter?
Speaker 2:I'm mostly I'm not like hairless.
Speaker 5:You sound like someone without hair Not like a.
Speaker 4:Ken doll.
Speaker 2:Just check the group chat later.
Speaker 5:He'll show us his hair.
Speaker 1:We'll report back.
Speaker 4:Send hair Next week. If we start the episode very concernedly, you'll know that a monstrosity was.
Speaker 5:We haven't talked to Matt in a while.
Speaker 3:Matt, you're going to get a call from HR later.
Speaker 1:Just go ahead and accept that for me, you're going to say that Do
Speaker 3:you want to go?
Speaker 4:next. No, who's next? No, Matt's next. I think Matt's up next.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, hey. It's me hey hey, let's go, it's me Kikatsu. Not Jim as in J-I-M, jem as in J-E-M.
Speaker 5:J-Y-M.
Speaker 2:G-Y-M, g-i-m, g-i-m. My name is Jem.
Speaker 4:My name is and I work.
Speaker 2:Oh sorry.
Speaker 4:Jem-a.
Speaker 2:Jim-a-jim-a-jim-she-they and I work at a factory that makes medical parts and whatnot. Supposedly the factory is haunted. There have been various reports from coworkers of weird little things happening, like seeing people out of the corner of your eye that aren't there. Anytime there's a weird noise or a misplaced item, we jokingly blame it on the ghost. We've nicknamed it John. Company Name what a catchy name.
Speaker 5:I love John Company Name. Yeah, John Company Name.
Speaker 2:I've never had an encounter with the ghost so I struggle to believe it and it's hard to gauge whether my coworkers genuinely believe it or not. My supervisor happens to be my grandmother and she definitely believes. One day we were joking about the origins of the ghost. My grandmother Mother.
Speaker 1:My grandmother came in.
Speaker 2:My grandmother came in and explained that it's the ghost of her boyfriend who passed away 20 plus years ago His name was John Companyman.
Speaker 3:John Companyman.
Speaker 2:She claims that the ghost activity only started after he died. The whole thing is fascinating to me. I wish I had an experience with the ghost to share here.
Speaker 3:Jem, you're supposed to send us personal stories. This is your grandmother's story, your grandmother should have sent this in.
Speaker 2:Unless she's her own grandma. If Jem's grandmother had gotten married to her boyfriend, Jem could be Jem.
Speaker 5:company name Jem company name, I think that that was a.
Speaker 3:Thing they could have done I would be pissed the fuck off if I died and became a ghost and was stuck haunting my nine to five. Can you?
Speaker 5:well, I brought that up last week where I was like man, like it kind of like the whole, like being stuck in, like repetition as a ghost would like.
Speaker 3:Just it would suck well, so they're not, they're not conscious, they're not aware of that no, they're not.
Speaker 5:But like can you imagine like dying 20 plus years ago and then now you're on some fucking idiot's podcast?
Speaker 4:That's the big reveal. Now you guys are talking about my dead grandma. This is what they've been waiting for, jesus fuck. Well, thank you for your grandmother's story. I don't know what to say about it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't have much on this.
Speaker 5:Yeah, this is more fun than spooky, but it's I mean we got a lot of stuff to go through, so like Can I get a job? You just move right along, you got a job for me.
Speaker 4:Well, okay, if we're moving right along, let's move on to Katie L's story. Nope, you're right.
Speaker 2:Let's move on to Katie L's story. Nope, nope, you're right.
Speaker 1:Let's move on to Nicholas G's story.
Speaker 4:Yep, much better. Let me get this ambiance going Okay. Story from Nicholas G.
Speaker 5:So this is a ghost story. I edited it.
Speaker 1:I thank you for that we now all know where we're coming from, like we're all this like we get it.
Speaker 4:We know what to expect.
Speaker 4:So a few years back my grandfather passed and he left my mom his desk. She put it in her spare room she had. Well, my oldest niece, who was nine or ten at the time, went into the room to get some paper and pens so she and her siblings could draw. Well, she got them and came back out and she said Great Grandpa said I can have all the paper. I want to say hi to you guys. And she just ran away from the dining table. A few days later I just got off of work. It was overnight at Home Depot at the time. I was making myself some dinner and I heard some footsteps come from the back of the room and thought nothing of it. Then, while cooking, I heard yeah, first mistake, number one you always think something of the footsteps. While cooking I heard my name, nicholas, in his deep voice, felt something touch my shoulder. It made me jump. But it also felt sad because somebody's blocking it made me jump. But it also felt sad because it was still fresh and said hi, you're having a hard time.
Speaker 4:It's because people keep doing things and they keep blocking the sentence. I'm on. It was still fresh and said hi, grandpa, and took my food to my room and called it a night slash day. That's when the shit flew across the room. It was just a big old poopy, a big old shit, just a big old shit right across the screen. I know.
Speaker 2:You can say your name in deep voices, but no one's home, nicholas, nicholas.
Speaker 3:Nicholas, I hold you.
Speaker 5:Why are warehouses and tool places haunted? Because they're full of tools.
Speaker 4:Oh yeah, I don't know what that means, but that tracks.
Speaker 3:They're haunted because a lot of warehouses and shit don't follow OSHA mandates like they're haunted because a lot. They're haunted because a lot of warehouses and shit don't follow osha mandates like they're supposed to. There's a lot of deaths there. Death happens often. Death does happen often menards, warehouses they're kind of poopy, yeah you're not the most safe place
Speaker 4:to be no fuck break a lot of rules.
Speaker 3:We, how many people?
Speaker 2:didn't menards also get in trouble for just dumping raw waste into a river?
Speaker 3:Let's say allegedly so, john Menard doesn't sue us. Is that John Company name?
Speaker 4:Oh, shit John Company. Oh shit it is. We saw a fucking chemical fire happen in one of their warehouses.
Speaker 5:Chemical fire. Didn't someone get killed in a carpet not too long ago?
Speaker 2:Sorry, Nicholas, this isn't a bagger story.
Speaker 3:No, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 4:A guy died from a forklift falling on them. Heart attack in the bathroom, heart attack in the bathroom.
Speaker 5:Ghost in the anus. It's all real crazy stuff, Nicholas.
Speaker 3:I'm sorry man, there's not a lot going on here, so I'm going to give it a two and a half. Just hearing Nicholas is scary, but I need a bit more oomph to it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it could be one of your coworkers just around the corner.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Was one of your coworkers Playing a goof.
Speaker 5:Or just in the bathroom, and that's like you pissed them off recently, and now they're having a struggle of a shit, and that's the name that came to mind we really need the family feud like wrong buzzer on cue.
Speaker 4:That's close enough. That's all I got. See that or this, oh well.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that'll work Anyway. So how many more do you want to do, boys? We're an hour in. Do we want to go to like an hour 15, see how we're feeling I don't give a fuck, Mike.
Speaker 4:Well, I mean, we have, we're like halfway through.
Speaker 5:We might as well just keep going yeah To the two hour mark.
Speaker 4:Let's just keep going.
Speaker 3:All right yeah. Honestly let's hit me with this one Ready, wait, it's Matt's turn. No, you just went, you just went, it's my turn.
Speaker 4:Yeah, we're all here.
Speaker 3:Cue up that ambience pants. Here come the Omni pants. This little diddy is from KDL. My mom has always told me that I was a nightmare to put to bed. She told me that the first time she actually got me to go to sleep without waking up constantly throughout the night was when I was two years old Dog, I can relate. Let me tell you what. As a kid, I always found it really hard to go to sleep. My mind would constantly be distracted by random noises like floorboards creaking, muffled talking from the TV, downstairs, etc. You got ADD, I think, is what's going on here? My brain would still be awake at like 2 am on a school night. This is when I first heard my dead grandparents talk.
Speaker 3:I was lying in bed, still awake at God knows what time when I hear what sounded like an older couple bickering. Suddenly it suddenly wasn't my parents because they were already in bed. It was, whispered, bickering. I kept hearing an older woman say Do you have to be so loud? You've woken her up. Look, she's awake. Followed by an older man saying what do you mean? Woke her up? She was already awake. I was so confused. My eyes darted around the room trying to see where the noises were coming from the bickering still going on until I look into a dark corner of my room. Clearly nothing was there. The older woman's voice shushes the man. I stare into the corner now frightened. The man says in an aggravated tone watch, watch. There's a pause until the woman pipes up. She's looking at us Now. To tell you that my heart didn't drop out of my eight-year-old ass is an understatement, Whoa.
Speaker 5:I can't say that shit.
Speaker 3:I cover myself with the blanket, but I waited until the sun came up to fall asleep. I didn't hear anything for the rest of the night. It was like they got caught out out and then that was it. I told my mom about it the next day and she just said I was dreaming. I definitely wasn't. I found out years later, while I was out drinking with my mother, that before I was born, my grandfather died of an aneurysm in that same room, about two years after my grandmother died. I already told that story to my mom and she remembered me saying it to her, but I didn't want to tell, but didn't want to tell me anything about my grandparents because it freaked me out even more. Looking back, it's nice to know that my grandparents were watching over me, but, jesus Christ, did they have to give themselves away like that?
Speaker 3:Hopefully you guys picked my story. We did. It's kind of wholesome, which isn't really something that Hotel Horrors would have, but maybe you guys would want to hear it this year. Thank you guys, kit. Um, yeah, I mean so. Yeah, it's not scary, but I mean it is a little scary. I'm not lie, because like hearing just a conversation between ghosts and they're like sentient and like they know that you're looking at them and shit. I'm gonna give this a three and a half as well because it's not overly terrifying. Like you weren't, like these weren't like malicious. Obviously they're loving spirits, but still kind of creepy where they're, like she's looking at us and like stuff like that.
Speaker 5:Something's supposed to be dead. Yeah, I will say, if we're doing uh based on horror, I'd give it a two. I like the story.
Speaker 3:However, I don't have a good story?
Speaker 5:I don't want that to detract from it and a good story.
Speaker 3:Good story, I would agree. Two to five spooks, though two out of five I like this one because it's I.
Speaker 2:All the stories so far are like actual personal stories and that's good, yeah, so that raises them up. Yep, at least a point.
Speaker 3:I would agree, jason. What do you think?
Speaker 2:so I'll give it a 3 um, I think again.
Speaker 4:I think that I like these ones simply because the ones that talk about like total, total, total terror and not something as heartwarming, usually give off an air of like this is probably fake. I made this up exactly 100. Yeah, these ones that add like an emotional, like touch to it, I don't know, that's yeah when they get super strong emotions, like when they get too scary, you get.
Speaker 3:What we got last year was a, which was a bunch of people making shit up don't let anyone hear you say that.
Speaker 4:no, they can hear me, that's okay. I want you all to know.
Speaker 3:We know that you made up a bunch of those stories.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I basically have already said that when I told people to send their stuff in.
Speaker 3:Yeah, we know, we know when they're fake. It's not hard to tell. It's really not hard to tell.
Speaker 5:Some of y'all aren't the storytellers you think you are one that says, yeah, we literally got an email this year and it just says, uh, this story is by like it was.
Speaker 3:It was like they put their like author name on it and shit, and I was like by stephen king, yeah, okay, but yeah yeah, I don't. I I enjoy that story. Not all of them have to be super scary. As long as they have like scary undertones, I like it um yeah, I mean like two, two ghosts having an argument in the corner and like recognizing that you're staring at them, pretty, pretty spooky concept, even if they're good spooks.
Speaker 4:We don't expect that. Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 3:I'm going to give it a three and a half out of five. Don't look unders.
Speaker 4:Three and a half don'ts under the look internet.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that Good looking. Doug, you want to take this one over. It's from a name.
Speaker 5:we know the old Tori Tori. Blocker we owe Tori Long time listener.
Speaker 3:First time, email her in. Yeah, but that's not even true. He's drinking, we'll take a shot for.
Speaker 1:Mr.
Speaker 4:Yoho Captain Tori. True story and all the stories that came before.
Speaker 5:Alright.
Speaker 4:Alright, would you like some ambiance, doug, something to get you in the mood? Yeah sure, you're never in the mood anymore.
Speaker 5:Because you don't respect me. He's tired.
Speaker 2:It's true.
Speaker 1:You never touched me, you don't send me flowers anymore.
Speaker 5:We don't talk anymore, alright, alright. So, howdy fellas, it's Tori from Texas. I'm tossing my spook into the witch's hat. This season, the following took place starting in the spring of 2023 and carried on until moving out of that apartment last december. I'm opting, opting for this one because of the supplemental stuff I'm going to attach, which I actually did watch and we can follow. Um, we'll figure out how to deal with that later.
Speaker 5:Okay, I do wildlife management and relocation out of Houston. I've been in the business for a decade and have seen some really bizarre things in the places I've been sent to crawl under, over or through. I see lots of attics and crawl spaces perfect environments to get my deludion. This particular job found me leaving Houston for the small town of Splendora. It's as hillbilly as one might imagine the name. Yeah, okay, the job was to seal up a home against rodent entry and the joint was vacant, which is perfect because, fuck people, yo, I highly agree with that.
Speaker 5:I got to work, which generally means I'm locating an attic so I can arm up some snap traps or live cages, depending on whatever I'm doing battle with. At the time, it took me an unusual amount of time to locate the attic at this house. A weird covered drive, shaped kind of like a barn, had been built on the side of a house. I finally located the door to the attic about 15 feet up on the wall, which is weird, but I'm used to weird. I listen to you. Sex perverts, for fuck's sake.
Speaker 3:I'm not a sex pervert, that's Jason.
Speaker 5:The OG sex pervert.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:Okay.
Speaker 5:You were just talking about. No, okay, holy goddammit, oh my god, I regret everything.
Speaker 1:I regret the joke, I regret the fucking lead in.
Speaker 4:I regret everything.
Speaker 3:Goddamn, but it was about to get so much weirder. But it was about to get so much weirder. It sure is, tori, it sure is. You have no idea.
Speaker 5:It's like you listen to us. So I pop my ladder up on the wall and climb up to unlatch the door.
Speaker 2:It's not the only thing. God damn it.
Speaker 5:I knew one of us could not fucking resist that one Popped my ladder, all right, so I have to lean to the side to swing the door open. And when I popped my head in and turned on my flashlight, I nearly fell off my ladder. I was staring at three skeletons. Well, santa Muerta statues. If you're not familiar with this particular belief system, these death idols aren't meant to be creepy. They're associated with protection, healing and financial well-being. Usually through Usually, though, it can get dark depending on the practitioner.
Speaker 5:I'd encountered them before, but generally on proper altars and closets and such. I get over my shock and climb on in to check them out, because this is seriously fucking cool and there are three in total, all different heights, I'm guessing the tallest was under four feet tall. Per usual, they're surrounded with offerings, cash, trinkets, pictures and such, and I already knew better than to even think about touching any of that, because I had no idea what the practitioner's intent or desire was with these things. Being familiar with various branches of the occult and magic for most of my life, I know not to fuck around and find out. Very good, you've done well so far.
Speaker 5:So I go about my business, setting snap traps to kill any rats that may be trapped inside. When I'm done working and as I arm the first trap, I realize that there is a worship area where offerings are made. Am I about to inadvertently offer sacrifices to these idols whose intent, again, I just don't know? Oh, hell, no. I set the traps as far from the statues as possible and while speaking to the statues, explaining why I'm there, what I'm doing and the fact that if anything is caught or killed by my work, it is not intended for them, it is merely a job I'm being paid to do and that I respect their space. So far, you're killing it, man.
Speaker 3:Covering all your bases. You're going real legal with these guys, I mean shit, I wouldn't want to leave with fucking something pissed at me either.
Speaker 2:Now sign here.
Speaker 4:Sign right here.
Speaker 2:Initial here.
Speaker 5:I'm going to need you guys to sign this, so trap set. I begin looking around more and there's a single folding chair knocked on its side, facing the statues, and an old-ass propane pump-type lantern and an axe besides a machete. I'm piecing together what may have happened in this place and having also seen animal sacrifice practice at apartments in Houston associated with bastardized versions of this belief, those tools and chairs just got a lot creepier.
Speaker 4:You know, as one does.
Speaker 5:they just experience that every, every, now and again, sometimes you know, as I'm thinking, I look down and realize I'm holding the axe. I had no memory of picking it up, no intention to do that. I don't fuck around and find out with this shit, I know better. So what the ever living fuck? I gently put it down and immediately apologize for picking it up and I tell them that was not intentional and I get the fuck out of there. I'm on the site for several hours and then I drive back to Houston, pick up my son, carry on with life.
Speaker 5:The very next day, I get a motion notification from the camera setup outside my kitchen, which is weird because I also have a cam setup pointed at the door and the only way out of our apartment. So there's something in my apartment that didn't use the front door or trigger the camera. I pull up the footage and I had to watch it several times to understand what I was seeing. It's the kitchen light. These cameras have night vision and what I was watching was the camera triggering because the light switch was turned on. Then you hear a click as it's turned off and everything reverts back to the night vision. This happens multiple times a week. This makes so much more sense. I was watching the video earlier. This happened multiple times a week, sometimes repeating the same day for months, but never when we're home.
Speaker 5:There was an unusual kind of dark feel about the apartment. As well as returning from the weird barn attic, both my son and I kept seeing things move out of the corner of our eyes, and we were both independently had experiences of something small like looking around the corner from behind a bookshelf outside the kitchen to us when we're sitting on the couch watching tv, and then ducking away as soon as we looked. I thought I was imagining it until my kiddo described the exact same thing. These weird experiences continued until we bought a house in the neighborhood last December and got the fuck out of there. We saged spoke to whatever it was and nothing seemed to make it stop. I did make sure to tell whatever this presence was that I was not allowed to follow us when we left, and it didn't, but in hindsight I should have done that when I was at the creepy ass barn. Having experienced all this, you have to wonder what makes places like that or worse are out there right under our noses and we have no idea.
Speaker 5:I'm attaching pictures of the barn as well as a few notification clips from the security camera. Two of them are the lights switching off and a weird third orb that was real enough to trigger a motion-activated camera. You guessed it going into the kitchen. Hope you guys enjoy the murder barn creeper kitchen. Keep kicking ass. You guys are really the fucking best. Thanks for keeping it real and putting such fantastic content. Kisses, bitches. Tori from Texas.
Speaker 4:Goddamn, that's going to get a 5 out of 5.
Speaker 2:Don't look up, that's the best one so far.
Speaker 5:That was good, they gave us some attachments.
Speaker 3:It's actually kind of sick, are any of them of these altars?
Speaker 5:Yeah, I think so.
Speaker 3:Show me this haunted altar Let me download it real quick. Can a spirit go through the internet? Oh?
Speaker 1:yeah.
Speaker 3:That's how the internet works.
Speaker 5:What was that movie we watched when the thing was killing people?
Speaker 4:Oh, one of those calls.
Speaker 2:No one of those calls. Don't look under the internet. Oh host, one missed call is fine.
Speaker 5:The host Ring. Don't look under the internet.
Speaker 4:Yes, the host. Okay, so here's the pictures. The host is an alien.
Speaker 5:I don't know if we're going to show these in the video. Whoever's editing this. If you can just slap this up on the screen at some point, I guess.
Speaker 1:Here's one of them.
Speaker 5:Here's another. Oh shit, holy shit. Yeah, that's pretty sick. Yep, I'll do that. Oh yeah, that's sick Okay. At least the barn is a little open. If that was like an enclosed barn, I'd be like pooping my whole ass. Um, let me add these Actually, tori, you're okay with me sharing this stuff. I want to, I guess, ask beforehand. I hope so. Is Tori in the chat? Yeah, they're talking. Yep, okay, cool.
Speaker 4:Hell yeah.
Speaker 3:Thanks, tori, that shit's spoopy. Upload a fur Upload a fur.
Speaker 5:Oh, nope, that's not it. Sorry, I gotta unzip this Whoa, it's all zipped.
Speaker 1:A zipperoni.
Speaker 2:Well, while you're, sending those you know what's unzipped.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's fucking spooky.
Speaker 5:I will say the videos I'm not going to drop in here, but there's one very, very big orb and it's not like a bug, it's like a fucking orb, which is nice. You see it go into the kitchen. And then the other video.
Speaker 3:Orbs are my specialty. I know a lot about the orbs and how the ghosts react with those orbs. Yes, and you all can become experts if you buy my book Ghost Hunting for Dummies by Zach.
Speaker 4:Binkins, it just says Ghost Hunting Dummies, ghost Hunting Dummies. Actually, I think it does say Ghost Hunting Dummies.
Speaker 3:So let's look up the chapter on orbs.
Speaker 2:Oh hell, the fuck no.
Speaker 4:No.
Speaker 2:Absolutely fucking not oh.
Speaker 4:That's a terrifying space. That's too many machetes. There needs to be at least three less.
Speaker 3:Who's next?
Speaker 2:Yeah, probably me.
Speaker 4:I think it might be Probably me. I think it might be.
Speaker 2:Anyway, yeah, tori had a kick-ass story and he brought receipts. Yeah, thank you for that. That's the receipts part. Holy fuck, good job All right CyberWire2006, you're up receipts. That's the receipts part. Holy fuck, good job, alright. Cyber Wire 2006, you're up.
Speaker 3:Wait, but wait Before you start. Here's how to understand orbs. One of the most common images that investigators find are referred to as orbs. Orbs have provoked a lot of controversy in the paranormal field, and although many orbs can be explained, not all of them can.
Speaker 5:Mike, I have a present for you. I forgot. I just found it in my pocket. Open up your head.
Speaker 3:I'm scared. Oh, it's a D20. Thank you, New D20. Yeah, just orbs. You can read all about them in my book Again. Ghost Hunting for Dummies by Zach Bagans.
Speaker 5:Orbs for stupid people, not a sponsor.
Speaker 3:Orbs for Zach Bagans.
Speaker 2:All right, six you're up, dear whoever the fuck is reading this it me.
Speaker 5:This story isn't exactly the scariest, but all right, we're moving, I love when we, I love when they're all right.
Speaker 2:Great and end this story isn't exactly the scariest, but it's entirely true. My younger sister doesn't have a driver's license, but I do, so I would sometimes drive her and her friends to and from school events. After one of these events, I dropped her off at her house and began to drive home. We only lived about five minutes away and she lived in a suburb. We left her house around ten. It was my first time driving through her neighborhood at night and it was abnormally dark. None of the streetlights were working, but were there, and very few houses were working, and very few houses had porch lights on.
Speaker 2:As I drove through the neighborhood, I noticed that the street signs were not any that I had previously seen. I thought I had taken a wrong turn somewhere, so I opened Google Maps to try and find the way out. I had no service. This was especially odd, considering now I had plenty of service. When I entered, I attempted to turn around and retrace my steps, but it seemed as if the neighborhood had changed. The houses were in the wrong places and appeared more disheveled than before. Eventually, we turned down a road with absolutely no lights, houses or street signs that we can see. I flash my brights and I see a man, probably standing in the middle of the road in a black hoodie. He was looking down and I couldn't see his face. I've seen enough horror movies and immediately noped the fuck out of there.
Speaker 2:After pulling up in reverse and back into the previous road, everything seemed to return to normal. The service returned and we found our way out of the neighborhood and back home. Interestingly, the clock in my car and the clock on my phone had an hour difference between them, but my car was kind of old, so that might be why this hasn't happened since. But I am heading back on Thanksgiving break and I will be sure to see if anything happens again. I'm not sure what was up with that. I think it's either a glitch in the matrix sort of deal, or I and my sister were tired or insane. Anyway, thanks for listening to my rant, I think you got teleported, yeah, probably.
Speaker 2:I think you got teleported.
Speaker 4:It's like the lamp story.
Speaker 2:You drove through a portal to another neighborhood somewhere on another part of the country, which is why your cell phone's time changed and then you teleported back.
Speaker 5:Didn't we read an SCP where they changed the? It's the.
Speaker 4:GPS, the GPS the. Elevix Electronics. That's this In 400 miles. Turn a right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, this also reminds me of a Our no Sleep post that eventually got turned into a book and, I think, is getting made into a movie, where it's called like A certain. It's called something, something left Left creepypasta.
Speaker 4:That's like how House of Leaves got started. It was just a living document online for a while.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the left right game.
Speaker 4:If you've never read this.
Speaker 2:You should read it. It's very long, but it's very worth it, it's maybe the best creepypasta no-sleep thing I've ever read. Yeah, left-right game the idea is basically, if you take off at any point in a neighborhood and you turn left and then right a certain number of times, you'll basically get teleported and do another dimension and it's really good, very well done.
Speaker 5:If you want to hear us do creepypastas again, just blow us up, because we've been really chomping at the bit to do some like fucking acting and some voice, act like some, easy, like we just don't, I don't, I don't want to write my own shit right now.
Speaker 3:That's really what it comes to yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and give this one a four, four don'ts under yeah yeah, that's pretty one.
Speaker 4:Yeah, that's a good one. I like that one creepy people creepy, creepy, creepy.
Speaker 1:Creepy paper and yeah, you're right, it probably did get a tell.
Speaker 3:You probably did a teleport to a demon realm, guillermo. Did you see you? You haka show there in the demon realm? I hope so. He's there somewhere. I'm, I think, use K, you're, yusuke, you're a mashie.
Speaker 5:You're a mashie. Damn it, you're a mashie. Damn it, you're a mashie.
Speaker 3:Anyways, I'm going to use my dimension sword on you, brother, are you guys?
Speaker 4:ready for another story.
Speaker 3:Yeah, let's do it at home. Yeah, what do you rate it? What do you rate it?
Speaker 4:How many don'ts out of the look internet under?
Speaker 3:Creepy man in the middle of the road where you get teleported. I'm going to give that a four. That's creepy. Yeah, I'd give that a four.
Speaker 4:That's like how the fuck? I have no explanation.
Speaker 3:You should have ran him over.
Speaker 4:You know what Three and a half Should have ran him over.
Speaker 3:It's got a point value.
Speaker 4:I'll say three, leave him on the. That was a good one, though. I've enjoyed all the stories we've been sent so far, and I'm super excited for some of the ones towards the end. Oh man, I got a long one.
Speaker 2:Oh man, it was like three pages, All right everybody make sure to click around on the paragraphs and make it impossible for Mike to read.
Speaker 4:Yes, okay, it's my turn.
Speaker 1:Oh no, we're moving things around. We're moving things around.
Speaker 3:This oh no, we're moving things around.
Speaker 4:We're moving things around. This is going to make no sense anymore.
Speaker 3:Here you go, you're fine. Why have you done this? Good thing, we have the email.
Speaker 2:I can't believe you've done this.
Speaker 5:I can't believe you've done this. All right, we're going to try this out.
Speaker 3:I believe in you. You go girl, you got this.
Speaker 1:All right, this is a story sent to us by Graydon N.
Speaker 4:That's it, god damn it. So I was an active hiker before the army fucked my knees all up. At least that's one of the excuses I tell myself Not to hike. Another one of these experiences I had on a mountain trail just outside my home Walla, walla, walla, walla. Is it Waya W? Just outside my home of Walla, walla, walla, walla. Is it Waya Waya Washington? Walla, walla.
Speaker 2:Walla, washington, washington.
Speaker 4:Washington, washington. My best friend, jordan and I have hiked this trail. Okay, I can't do this. Yeah, take the eye patch off. Man, jesus, god, you need all the help you can get. Oh, this is so much better. My best friend, jordan, and I have hiked this trail tons of times before this, and sure you always feel like you're being watched on the trail, but we never thought much on it. There's no cougars in those mountains and we had our guns.
Speaker 4:Not worth going to then All right, hmm, yeah, somebody moved this, this makes no sense anymore.
Speaker 2:Our guns too, we think, are with us. This makes no fucking sense.
Speaker 4:Okay, okay, there's cougars in those mountains. We had our guns, cougars in them hills. So in our minds. No worries, cougars, where On this particular trip the hike up was Good, made it further than we ever had, got a few good pictures. It was on our way back. That shit got weird On our way down the trail. We're walking and talking and still Sorry Until we hear what we think are whispers it says until, it does say until.
Speaker 3:Yeah, guys, don't want to be a stickler, but when you send a maybe proofreader, it helps us out a lot.
Speaker 4:I think they're relying on us to kind of cover these up and make them sound good.
Speaker 5:I think yeah, we're not going to do that.
Speaker 4:We were walking and talking until we hear what we think are whispers from the tree line to our right. It wasn't just one voice. It sounded like hundreds of people whispering. We're looking at the tree line to our right. It wasn't just one voice. It sounded like hundreds of people whispering. We're looking at the tree line. We spot a woman. Push to 9-11. We spot a woman standing in between two trees just staring at us. She did this for a few seconds before walking behind a sapling tree and just vanishing. Let me say we were horrified, but also bewitched by this lady's beauty Long blonde hair, super tall and a dress that looked to be made on spider's webs.
Speaker 2:It's the cougar Spooters. It's a spagooder cougar.
Speaker 4:Spagooder cougar. Spagooder cougar, spagooder, cougar.
Speaker 1:We are going off the fucking rails. Spagooger, cougar, cougar, we're just word associating now Spagooger cougar, cougar, cougar googie, googie, boogie.
Speaker 4:Spoot, spoot and cougar. But for the life of us, when we try to remember the details of our face, it's fuzzy, but the more we try to remember, the worse our memory gets. So, logically, we got the hell out of Dodge. We got off the trail, got onto the main dirt road, ready to make the 10 minute walk to the car. Now, a habit I have is to check the time when we get to the dirt road so I can text my aunt when we'll be at her place.
Speaker 4:We noticed something was wrong. The left turn of the dirt road didn't seem to be getting any closer to us, even though we felt like we were walking. For 20-ish minutes we came up with a plan and a test Focus on something down the road. When you reach it, snap your focus to something else further down the trail. It worked. We eventually made it to the car and before long, before we get in, I check the phone again. Three hours, three goddamn hours. We walked the same place like we were on the treadmill. We haven't been back and we try not to talk about it, but we took that as a sign or warning by the lady that we saw Fuck with my woods and you won't leave. That's what we assumed at least.
Speaker 4:Sorry if this is being long-winded and probably filled with grammar errors but love the podcast and if y'all have a logical explanation, please tell me drugs.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, it's for sure great, great drugs that's exactly what my experience is like when I get really high oh yeah. I just sit there and loop whenever I do mushrooms.
Speaker 4:Yeah, it's a hyper loop.
Speaker 2:You don't do mushrooms, it's like I'll just be sitting on the couch and then it's like 10 minutes later I'm like, oh shit.
Speaker 3:You don't do mushrooms Sitting on the couch.
Speaker 2:That's just a comedy bit.
Speaker 4:You're right.
Speaker 3:There's some sort of medical area that would not like to hear that.
Speaker 4:That's just a joke, it's okay, Nothing. That again, as we put it in front of every one of these episodes we are not experts. We don't know what we're talking about. No, we're stupid. You can't take any of the things we say at face value.
Speaker 2:I have to fill out a federal background check form here in like a week, so it says here you show up on several government lists.
Speaker 3:Government. If you're listening, don't. Why is that Good thing? We call you Moot. Most of the time they don't know your real name.
Speaker 2:They can't Google me. Nope, take that.
Speaker 3:I would give this.
Speaker 2:Take that federal government.
Speaker 3:Spooky Lady in the Woods and Lapse of Time. I love that idea.
Speaker 4:The time lapse is fucked I love when that happens in movies.
Speaker 3:I'm going to give this a three and a half I. That happens in movies. I'm gonna give this a three and a half. I love in a movie when people are freaking the fuck out. They're lost and confused in an area they don't recognize and they've been going for what they think is like 15 minutes but it's been like four hours and they're like where the fuck time goes.
Speaker 5:Love that, love that concept I think one of my favorite uses of like this uh trope is, uh grave encounters the movie hell yes they're like stuck, yeah, in that place and it's like for like years, yeah, it's pretty crazy. I love that movie it's so good.
Speaker 4:Have you seen the korean version?
Speaker 2:the uh gunjinam asylum oh yeah, I love that movie that one's, it's better anyway have you guys ever seen this pretty obscure movie called groundhog day? Uh, no, I've never heard of it. I fucking that's one of my favorite movies.
Speaker 3:I Top ten movie for me Very good, very fun.
Speaker 4:Very Groundhog, very Demure.
Speaker 3:Demure. I hate that. I hate that trend. Go fuck yourselves, demure people. I liked it, but let's continue forward with another one. This is by Peter P. This is a collab. This is a collab, so let's see how much of this is actually real. God, it's like three fucking pages Condense, condense.
Speaker 4:Here, you want a special song, Sure go ahead.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 5:Give me a good one that's copyright free.
Speaker 3:We can actually use that. We can the Benny Hill song that turned out smidgen.
Speaker 5:My hair look alright guys.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, you look fabulous, dude, I'd fuck you. Thank you.
Speaker 5:Buffalo Bill would also fuck you. I put my best lipstick on for this.
Speaker 3:Alright, here we go Again. Peter B and Matt B.
Speaker 4:Would you like some of this, doug?
Speaker 3:Jim was a beefy crusty, permanently disabled day-old pastry monger that's how I describe my cat who constantly wore at least two layers of plaid flannel, over which flopped a dingy beard.
Speaker 4:A dingy beard, I have to step in for that one. A dingy beard, I have to step in for that one a dingy beard it is dingy this man had two layers of plaid flapped over his dingy beard, I hope you guys didn't expect us to make this actually terrifying my friend.
Speaker 3:Matt. They should know what to expect. I hope you guys didn't expect us to make this actually terrifying. We. My friend Matt.
Speaker 2:Why don't we ever have a scary home down there? They?
Speaker 3:should know what to expect. Yeah, we've had like three years of these. You know what you're getting into. We my friend Matt and I were told to pick up items for the school fundraiser from the man Our school was putting on a harvest festival to try to raise some funds to take a school trip to Washington DC that next spring. To try to raise some funds to take a school trip to Washington DC that next spring. It couldn't be a normal Halloween thing because we went to a Christian school and Halloween was evil and forbidden.
Speaker 3:In any case, we found ourselves at Jim's house and banged on the front door. Jim sauntered up and gave us a warm greeting. Ooh, you and Jim.
Speaker 2:That wasn't very Christian of me.
Speaker 3:Yeah, how are you?
Speaker 4:Thank you, Matt.
Speaker 3:Then invited us in, pleading us deeper into the house than we intended or wanted to go.
Speaker 4:And deeper in Jim, deeper into Jim's house. Matt, I've missed you.
Speaker 3:It was terrifying. Piles of various goods were strewn about the place Bushels of dust-covered veggies, boxes of encyclopedias, moldering cases of aging confections and dozens of paper towels of various states of dissection. A couple of freshly butchered chicken carcasses are rested in a shallow cardboard box nearby.
Speaker 1:What the fuck why?
Speaker 3:There is a five-gallon bucket of melted hard candy situated next to the sagging couch where we sat to wait for Jim to produce the goods.
Speaker 4:Are we pretending this is all normal shit to have in a house?
Speaker 3:Don't worry, this is a fake story.
Speaker 1:I too, am a thesaurus, A box of encyclopedia.
Speaker 3:Really Jim's wife, the Mrs. Encyclopedia yeah it's the British one, yeah, was cooking God only knows what, while their circus freak children flopped around the place. What does that mean? We watched two of the three kids, danny and Meldy. Meldy.
Speaker 1:Meldy wasn't that funny.
Speaker 4:Oh, my God.
Speaker 3:Who we knew from school, who were a few years younger than us, covert and jostle each other, jostle and Jostle each other, or could Jostle.
Speaker 4:Jostle, jostle, jostle, jostle.
Speaker 3:They reminded us of those two junkyard monstrosities, bobo and Lil' Debo, from Nothing but Trouble, the underappreciated Dan Aykroyd film that had recently come about. Shout out to Dan Aykroyd for being just like a cool dude In retrospect. They didn't get a blowjob by a ghost In retrospect. They probably just displayed classic traits of ADHD or autism, but back then these conditions weren't diagnosed as much and it wasn't like Jim would allow state doctors to come care for his kids. In any case, psychiatry was just as evil as Halloween.
Speaker 4:Mike, how much have you drank? Not a lot. I just can't pronounce words. You just can't read. We've known this.
Speaker 3:I don't read goods. Jim. After a few minutes of futzing around, I can do that one. While we waited in awkward silence called us to follow him up to the attic. Peering into the darkness, I knew it was a mistake to go in. As we made our way up that cluttered, rickety excuse for a staircase, I couldn't help but ask myself what the hell I was doing, heading into a strange, poorly lit attic with a bearded old fart who I hardly even knew. Why the hell did the stairs go around several corners? How many landings were there? This was only a two-story house. Danny, much like Gollum, was secretly following along in the shadows behind us. We were surrounded and deep in the bowels of Jim's house. We were deep in Jim's bowels. We couldn't get out unless he allowed it.
Speaker 3:Soon the stair hole ended and we emerged into the attic. My fear turned into amusement as my eyes acclimated and I noticed all the chaotic debris lying about the place. Weirdly, the attic seemed much larger than the house itself. It expanded right out of view like a rip. In reality, it fucking opened up and sucked the whole world in.
Speaker 1:At least I thought it did.
Speaker 3:That's what she said. That's what she said. I couldn't believe all the junk that was piled up there. There were stacks of old records and cassettes. I spied a mound of decapitated doll heads the type with those horrific auto-rolling eyes Trunks of moth-eaten theater clothes and circus props. Leaned in towards us, a box containing thousands of miniature cannons which I could soon find out were actually pencil sharpeners teetering perilously into the spaces above our heads. There are many dangers, seen and unseen, in that insane respiratory of forsaken goods. I guess only Jim could appreciate their value, whatever that might be. Jim snatched a Danny from the shadows, apparently leaving him to guide us as he returned to the ground floor. Daniel from the shadows.
Speaker 5:I was about to actually ask if that was the case, but it's fine.
Speaker 3:Apparently leaving him to guide us as he returned to the ground floor for something, probably flashlights or a compass. He didn't tell us what to look for, nor did Danil seem to have much of a clue. The bearded coot pushed us toward the dusty boxes strewn all around, shouted Go find them. While Jim, safely out of sight, danil led us through the labyrinth of shit in search of them. In the process I bumped into some massive wads of Christmas bulbs and other lights. Of course they fell and smashed all over the place. As we shuffled around in the dark trying to get free from the tangled lights of Christmas past, we started two-stepping in fear of adding to this glass carnage below our feet. All around us was shattered glass and shattered dreams. It was pandemonium in the black abyss of the attic. Soon enough, our attempts to keep from destroying the lights formed into a jig of glee as we stomped around the colored glass like Godzilla taking down Tokyo. After a few minutes we calmed down and were just nonchalantly walking to and fro, to laughing and making sure that everything was thoroughly crushed into microscopic oblivion.
Speaker 3:Jim came lumbering back up the stairs to hear the crunch, crunch, crunch of his precious holiday lighting being ground under their feet, standing framed in stairwell door. He looked around with fresh rage at the broken shards. In an instant he threw himself across the room and, without question or pretense of investigation, began to attack Daniel. He unceremoniously beat Daniel into a bloody pulp right before our very eyes. It was a massacre. The little man pleaded, but to no avail. Jim wouldn't or couldn't hear his pitiful screams and cries for help. He knew it had a chance to smack up on the kid for a legitimate reason and he didn't want to pass it up. I think he really enjoyed it deep down inside, because he grabbed Daniel by the wrist and lifted him off the ground about three feet, then paddled his ass unmercifully Ew.
Speaker 3:After the beating was done, jim asked us if we had found them. Yet we just stood there in the clouds of atomized glassy garnish, completely dumbfounded, silent and in total shock. We kind of expected the aforementioned beating might be coming our way, given the breakage under our shoes and the fact that we hadn't even started looking for them yet. Thankfully, without a pause, jim glanced off from beyond my shoulder and yelled there they are, what that is, what that is, what that is. He wandered past and handed us some boxes full of refuse, including those cannon pencil sharpeners, which we then hoisted down the rotted, junk-covered stairs towards the rest of the house.
Speaker 3:As I made my way down, I couldn't see a damn thing because of the size of the box I was carrying. Many times I began to keel over, but thank god I couldn't. I didn't trip and take a tumble, which was a pleasant surprise given the track record of my life. I wouldn't have put it past god to top off old, top off the whole gym attic, domestic abuse experience with a broken leg and a hospital stay. That was a weird sentence, god.
Speaker 5:The fundraiser was a complete the whole gym. Addict domestic abuse experience.
Speaker 3:The old Skinner family recipe. The fundraiser was a complete failure. Our harvest festival flopped and all the shit we risked our life and limb and gym addicts to obtain ended up in a dumpster behind the local fire hall. The disappointment of losing that class trip faded quickly, but I'll never forget the horror of witnessing Jim's crazed bellows and flying beard his dinghy beard flashing in the murky light and the attic as his good arm windmilled, pummeling Daniel's head, his peen breasts, neck and vagina limbs into a quivering lump.
Speaker 4:This has gone a lot of places.
Speaker 3:You guys added that and that's okay.
Speaker 1:I can't believe you read that last sentence.
Speaker 5:I can't believe you actually indulged in that. I was like he for sure was seeing me write this right, I was hoping.
Speaker 2:Peen breast neck and vagina.
Speaker 4:So here's the thing hey them, peen muscles. They need a good massage.
Speaker 3:Great story Peter B and Matt B but you're getting a one out of five because we said no fake stories and this is very clearly a fake story.
Speaker 2:Yeah, bro's been watching too many Tim Burton movies.
Speaker 4:I can lie, though. It kept me occupied, got my brain going.
Speaker 3:Good story. Maybe tell Penguin Publishing about it but not us, because we hate fun, and you specifically. I'll give it a 2 for creativity, but only because you didn't follow the rules of being a real story.
Speaker 5:I'll give it a 2 as well, but I'll give it a 5 because it was written well.
Speaker 3:I'll give it a 2 as well, but I'll give it a five because it was written well. I'll give it a two for realism, five for well written.
Speaker 4:The writing was if I'm being honest, the writing was very good.
Speaker 5:Peter P and Matty. B, matty P. Thank you, as is tradition.
Speaker 3:Peter Peanut, butter Peter.
Speaker 5:Peanut. Butter, I have the next one and, if you guys don't mind, I'd love to read the next two. They're the last ones we have.
Speaker 4:Yeah, that's fine. We're almost done. Can you do the honor?
Speaker 5:Yeah, so for this next one, I'm going to read it. I don't want us to rate it, I don't want any discussion about it. I'm going to read it verbatim and we're going to sit in silence for a little bit.
Speaker 4:Do you hear that Naomi disagree verbally?
Speaker 3:that's not verbal, alright, moving on yes, we will let you take these over yeah this is all you bud. You got this. You don't want any background music, it doesn't matter. I like it.
Speaker 5:I think that's for me we can do the background music hit me down alright cool. Are you ready for this? Yes, do it. We can do the background music. Hit me down. All right cool.
Speaker 3:Are you?
Speaker 5:ready for this? Yes, do it. Waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting.
Speaker 3:It's there. I hear the little grumble. Fine, we'll do a better one. God Go ahead, buddy.
Speaker 5:All right, so this is from Isaac E. Again, we're not rating it, we're not going to discuss it, we're going to sit in silence about it, just for a little bit afterwards. Okay, okay, all right. So there was this one time where my sister had this dream, and when she was just working in a pizza shop pretty normal until she went to the camera room, in which a robber suddenly went in the restaurant.
Speaker 5:My sister then just stayed in there for a while. Then, when the cops shown up, my dad also came there and he kept insisting that he go in the building to find my sister. After that he finally went in with a few police officers and then, right when they then right when he was at the door to the camera room, he stopped for some reason and got away from the door and building also. Then my sister then opened the door and when she was out of there she was all alone. She was now at the parking lot where she saw her dad's truck, and when she went there, all she saw was a rotten corpse of her dad. And if that wasn't enough, she then heard a voice saying get out. And when she turned, she saw an all-black figure coming towards her, which is also when she woke up.
Speaker 5:My sister says that her dream would be a banger book, and I agree. All in all, that's pretty much it, so I hope y'all have a nice hallow Halloween and a nice November. Oh yeah, by the way, episode 98 is my favorite. Hope you all do that again sometime soon. But other than that, this is cool.
Speaker 3:What does that mean? Well, now I feel bad for making fun of the story.
Speaker 5:I didn't make fun of the story. I just read the story. Episode 98 is our AI episode, by the way.
Speaker 4:Dude, I love doing those.
Speaker 5:Yeah, I didn't say I read the story. Nobody said anything about the story, mike.
Speaker 4:That's our first AI, though right Episode 98 is our AI. That's our first AI episode.
Speaker 2:Get the fuck out. There's been two Jesus.
Speaker 3:Christ 98, seems so far. We're at like 160 or something now we are at 168.
Speaker 2:This will be 169. Nice.
Speaker 5:Nice, All right. So our very last story?
Speaker 3:Probably no we have to rate Isaac's. No, you're right.
Speaker 5:Silence. Sorry, Go ahead. I mean we didn't do that part, but I said we're not rating it. You're right, we're not going to talk about it. Okay, go ahead, okay. I feel bad leaving that in do what you will with that, I don't care. This is the best story we're going to have on that and I'm sorry to everyone who wrote in stories. Wow, that was loud. This is the best story and we're going to end on this.
Speaker 2:Alex end with this one. This is from Alex end with this one that's their last name.
Speaker 5:Um, hello, this is my spooky story for your podcast horror show. Thank you, you know two sentence horror, this is one. Oh, here we go. All right, I sat on the doctor's table as he listened to my heart, he left the room and then I realized I was in the wiener explosion chamber.
Speaker 4:Oh my god, 5 out of 5 skull thunders everybody, 10 out of 10, I'm terrified.
Speaker 3:I can't, I gotta go, shit, that scared me. Oh no, oh my.
Speaker 5:God.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, this was like literally I shit you guys not. Did you write that? No, this was the first story we got.
Speaker 2:This is the first story, oh yeah.
Speaker 5:And I read it and I was like oh shit, we got a hometown horror.
Speaker 1:And then I read it and I was like, oh, we have to end on this story.
Speaker 4:It's the best one. It's the penis explosion chamber. It should be terrifying. It is a terrifying concept.
Speaker 3:We got through all of them. Yeah, I'm actually genuinely surprised. We got through them all.
Speaker 4:God damn Good job everybody.
Speaker 5:We did it, y'all.
Speaker 4:We did it.
Speaker 5:I guess we can get 20 plus stories and read them all in an episode. I guess so.
Speaker 3:I want to go ahead and say thank you to everyone who sent us a story. We might have made a goof and a gaffe out of some of them, but genuinely thank you and I hope you all send more in the future this is my favorite episode of every fucking year.
Speaker 2:I'm so glad we did this, I wouldn't send them anymore.
Speaker 4:I'd be like these guys are assholes sending you my fucking story if I were to listen to this and I went you know what I think these people appreciate my contribution I would go no, they don't how long?
Speaker 5:how long have we been recording hour? And 47 minutes. If you cut out all of the time we spent shitting on the stories, we'd probably be at 35 minutes.
Speaker 3:I mean, this is, it's fun it's fun to poke fun at fun things. That's all I genuinely.
Speaker 4:If you can't laugh at yourself, what the fuck are you doing?
Speaker 3:Even the ones that we're like oh, this is obviously fake. They're all still really fun and well-written, but they're fun, they're good.
Speaker 5:I can't write like that. That's for sure, but I think people also know that when they send stuff to us, this is what they're going to get. We've done it for three years in a row now, yeah, so there's a standard that we have.
Speaker 2:If you're upset this, is the section of the episode where we walk back.
Speaker 5:Yeah, being an asshole yeah, if you're upset, don't be confused this is the mini, the mini apology tour that's going on right now.
Speaker 4:Yeah, you know how you know when a youtuber fucks up, they'll post their apology video and like I'm sorry this is our version of that.
Speaker 3:After every episode we have to do it an apology, you'll never hear us say the words. Be on the lookout for our socials, where we take a screenshot of our notes app.
Speaker 5:apology too, so we're sorry, so, sorry, so sorry. We don't, we don't fuck the world.
Speaker 1:We DP it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I mean honestly. I don't have anything else to say other than just you know, happy Halloween. Thank you for giving us your spooky stories. We look forward to doing this again next year.
Speaker 4:Holy shit, hey bud, I know right you okay.
Speaker 5:Yeah, I'm good I still got that eye patch on.
Speaker 4:It sure does I do, and it sucks and genuinely, you know again happy Halloween.
Speaker 5:Genuinely. If this is a good time, I appreciate all much. Yeah, no, we're. It's honestly really awesome to get this many people sending us stories, um, so like we're actually really appreciative.
Speaker 3:I know we sound like just a bunch of assholes, but yeah, that's cool because we are um you'll, you'll be hearing this what a couple days before halloween yeah, about two days before, three days before, yeah yeah so um, I'm gonna tell you all to go suck off a ghost. That's gonna be my thing to tell you one to go suck off a ghost.
Speaker 4:That's going to be my thing to tell you and then go to our website.
Speaker 3:Deludycom and just look up Deludy Anywhere. Don't look at any of it. Jason, you got anything you want to say to the people. Make it creepy, make it spooky.
Speaker 4:As always, stay the fuck paranoid. But especially, there might be the ghost of an ancient pirate that is banging your wife. Oh man, she's right upstairs. Be the ghost of an ancient pirate that is banging your wife.
Speaker 5:Oh man, she's right upstairs. I know it sucks. They flip the switch and they're like Jason, just go check. Is that what happened? Pretty much Jason's banging your wife.
Speaker 4:Just go check, just go check, make sure I'm not and we're good.
Speaker 2:Either way, that's just new content for the OnlyFans. Doug, what do you got?
Speaker 5:well, I want to mention if you can find the only fans, congrats. But also if you do come across a ghost, the only logical thing to do is to tell them. You're sorry you have to inspect the ghost, check if it has a peen or a bean, and then just or vagina limbs or vagina limbs. That's something we'll explain on a later episode, for sure.
Speaker 3:Too many.
Speaker 5:That's about sums that up, for sure. But yeah, no, find a ghost, find their peen, find their bean. Suck the fucking shit out of it. Teach that ghost that they can't be touching you like that.
Speaker 3:Moody, moody mutch.
Speaker 5:I don't know where I really lost train of thought on that whole process.
Speaker 2:Doug's really got some repressed feelings about what the shadows have been up to in his apartment.
Speaker 5:Consent, it goes all ways. Even if you're a ghost, alright, what do you got?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think everybody should have a friend like Jem whose hole they can go deeper into.
Speaker 3:Jem's hole.
Speaker 1:Fuck you metal's hole.
Speaker 4:Jem's hole, for no other reason than to know that you are more grounded in reality than other people.
Speaker 3:Yeah Right, you should say that into the microphone so people can hear what you just said.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's out there on the other side of the room, that's fine.
Speaker 1:It adds to the ambiance.
Speaker 4:Listen real hard, just put your ears on right.
Speaker 3:Yeah, put your ears on, stupid. Draw me a picture. No.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Well, thank you everybody. We appreciate you and love you a bunch. We will see you after Halloween. Halloween, halloween. Thank you, okay, thank you.
