Don't Look Under the Internet
Don't Look Under the Internet
DLUTI 172 - John Lang, Subreddits you didn't ask for, and Mike does a ramblin'
Join the boys as they deep dive more into Reddit stuff you didn't know you wanted to hear. Mike says a few words, Doug brings you TRUE CRIME? and Matt lets you in on the secret world of Subreddits you had no idea existed. We know you love so just listen already!
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Gil Abrams is a religious man, and not getting any younger. But after watching his...
Listen on: Apple Podcasts Spotify
Starting your own podcast? Use this link to receive a $20 Amazon gift card when you sign up for a paid account with Buzzsprout!
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Linktree
Buy us a beer!
Join us in Discord!
DLUTI.com
Unplanned Podnancy
Undefined Graphics (Photography & Graphic Design)
Ghoulish Mortals
Inquiries: dlutipod@gmail.com
Don't Look Under The Internet
PO BOX 6437
Aurora IL 60598
Don't look under the internet.
Speaker 3:I'm hitting record. Oh, I lined that up, I did it, I clicked it right when you said boom.
Speaker 1:Nice. Oh shit, I'm not recording anything.
Speaker 3:You think, son of a bitch, I'm not supposed to be recording anything, so that's fair but you don't need us to record uh camera no, yeah, okay, I got.
Speaker 2:I got the video bet.
Speaker 3:Oh shit dude we're doing it now we're fucking doing it, dude. All right um patrons. Like we said, we are um going efficient, we're making cuts, we're liquidizing. We've already sold the D in Doluti, we're draining the swamp. We're draining the swamp. We're now just Luti.
Speaker 1:Now we're actually having you guys look under the internet.
Speaker 2:That's why Jason's gone. We decided he was unnecessary.
Speaker 1:We actually just fed him some crocodiles. We didn't even have him pay.
Speaker 3:We got bought out by private equity. That's where we're at now. So now the patreon uh subscription is going to go up about 20 percent and the quality is going to go down about 78 percent. Um, gotta think of those profits, you know. We gotta think of the share diluty x yeah, diluty x plus. Gotta think of those shareholders. We're just Z now yeah, no, just D D. I guess at this point at this point I can say hello and welcome. To don't look under the internet, I can point right at the fucking camera.
Speaker 1:You fucked it up already. Don't. Welcome to D. Welcome to D, that's right formally known as Deluty D's nuts.
Speaker 3:Oh, we could do that oh got him. This is new year, new mic, new camera angle.
Speaker 2:Wow, stealing my cash for it.
Speaker 3:I know, new year, new mic with new camera angle. I haven't said it in like three weeks you went super new year, new Matt, and then you're like weeks you went super new year, new matt, and then you're like this is going to be the new and improved happy matt, and then that never came back.
Speaker 2:He was just a flash.
Speaker 3:The episode after. You're just stone-faced. Hey guys, hey, I'm back. Yeah, welcome to don't look under the internet, the internet comedy horror podcast featuring yours truly, the deep fried doug. Okay, yeah, yeah, the marinated moot new year to me and uh me me soft boiled soft boiled mike soft boiled mike. You know what they say. Boys, Hard times make soft eggs.
Speaker 2:He's Copper Mike.
Speaker 3:Hard-boiled eggs make soft men. Soft-scrambled men make hard eggs.
Speaker 1:What the fuck Loose lips, sink ships.
Speaker 3:We got a real banger for you guys today. So, as you can see, jason is not here. Wait, doody housekeeping boom. Wow. As you can see, jason's not here today. He is currently moving into his brand new home. He's a new homeowner. Uh, hope those tax write-offs and everything are good for him, or whatever he gets, I don't remember the hell is he writing off?
Speaker 3:no, you get like tax credits or whatever it is. I forget. I haven't been a homeowner in like two years, so or a new homeowner in like two years, so I forget. Um. But so he's gonna be off for a amount of time who knows how long, um, so it's gonna be us for a minute. So I have some doug's back. Doug is back. Doug made it back. Didn't get eaten by an alligator. Befriended the alligator? Not yet. No, there's.
Speaker 1:The chances are low, but never none um, I will lose a finger while I'm here. I assure you I will be trying to pet and that is my, that's my red flag is that I think I can pet an alligator without it biting me just feed it a whole chicken first and then pet it you're not a florida man.
Speaker 2:Yet if you have all your digits, that's what I'm saying florida, man needs only seven digits and seven teeth. Back to my roots, baby you gotta lose one to a gator and you gotta lose another one to a firework and another to a bum that you fought in the street.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Surprisingly, I haven't seen any bums. Really, I saw more bums back home than here, surprisingly.
Speaker 3:Honestly in Florida because there's so much beach. Are they really bums or are they just beach goers? At that point they're beach bums.
Speaker 1:I'm not near a beach so I don't know.
Speaker 3:Very fair. They're all hanging out at Disney One's dressed as Mickey, just taking money from kids.
Speaker 1:It's Mickey. I need you to do me a favor. He's taking my money, that's for sure.
Speaker 3:I'm sure I do have some names that I want to shout out First and foremost, shouts out to. Actually, I just have the one, apologies Sicilian Hobbit, sicilian Hobbit. I kind of like that Sicilian Hobbit, it's me, god damn it, it's not bad. It's not bad, definitely. Of all the names it's one and I'm pretty sure I can't confirm nor deny, but I think that's the person in recording right now. I'm on to you antonio baggins. I think that might be our hobbit, but either way, that's all we got for now. Um, those concludes diluting housekeeping, housekeeping. So this week, like the weeks before, because there's so much hustle and bustle going on this month, I figured we're going to keep to just some simple, fun topics. We did some weird websites the past couple weeks. On websites, I decided to say, hey, what if we just talk about just some weird shit we found online, whether that be Reddit, weird website again YouTube, an ad that you found for like?
Speaker 2:I didn't know that we had options. I thought we were just doing Reddit, oh no.
Speaker 3:I messaged saying you had options. But that's okay, you don't read, it's fine. I don't think that happened.
Speaker 1:Don't gaslight me saying you had options, but that's okay, you don't read, it's fine.
Speaker 2:I don't think that happened.
Speaker 3:It's fiction it's fiction.
Speaker 1:Never happened wrong.
Speaker 3:Never happened wrong, false didn't happen, um, but yeah, so I figured this would be a more relaxing bit here. I promise we'll get to more, I guess, juicier stuff, uh, soonish, but for the time being. You're right, I probably shouldn't, because it's going to be like a month later and be like more weird websites, right? More grass growing.
Speaker 2:I think people like this shit anyway.
Speaker 3:That's true, this is diminishing returns on Deloody, but yeah, I just figured let's dive into some weird creepy and just odd stuff that we found on online. Um boys, oh, who wants to go first? All right, not everyone's people at once I guess this is like school all over again I'll present first. I don't give a fuck. So I got five things I want to talk to you because, about, because they're all kind god damn, they're all kind of small.
Speaker 1:Five things. What the hell is wrong with you? I quit. I got like seven, so it's fine.
Speaker 3:So the first one is on Reddit and it's on the subreddit r slash, let's not meet, and it is titled A True, very Creepy Surveillance Story. Now it is a relatively longer one. I'm not going to read the whole thing verbatim, but I will give the story, which I think, um, it got me a little bit. It may be a somewhat reminiscent of that um, face in the hotel static uh, episode that we did, but this has a much darker twist to it. So this takes place in strata, might, all the way out on broodvine, um, you mean upside down america, exactly, um, and it takes place in the year 2008. So at this time, uh, this takes place with a, a kid of our lord and savior obama.
Speaker 3:Uh, this takes place with a kid who was 19 at the time and his dad just got a foxtail which is like cable tv in australia. Um, only one of the tvs, the one in the lounge room, could actually use the cable box, and they really wanted this. Um, they really want to have cable in their room without paying the extra money for the new box. So, uh, one day their dad went out and they bought an av transmitter and receiver, which I don't know the full bits about how it works, but they describe it as two pieces of hardware where you plug one into this. Uh, you plug one in and it's this tiny box. You plug into the cable tv in the lounge room and it would transmit a video signal to the receiver. So I imagine something with radio.
Speaker 2:It's essentially the same thing as an av, as a cable splitter, so like you can split a cable signal probably.
Speaker 3:Oh, this is wireless.
Speaker 2:This probably yeah, this probably is just says the same thing, but it sends it over a radio frequency.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So at this time they decided that they were going to do this and they went through and they connected it. So this person's younger sister, who was 16 at the time, was the only other person home at the time of this weird phenomena, upstairs in their room. They opened up the box and they connected the transmitter and at first they were going back and forth. They're trying to get the cables right, they're trying to figure out what's going on.
Speaker 3:It wasn't working and they didn't know why. They turned it on and they just got TV static. They're like what the heck, becky? And they were like, oh duh, silly me. Oh, by the way, this was made um 11 years ago. This whole story was 11 years old, um. But they're like oh silly Billy, me. Um never turned on the cable box in the lounge room, so that's why it's not working. So the minute they did, that freaked out horribly, and the reason being is when they turned on the tv it was static and then it slowly, ah, static it slowly faded into an image of what looked like a camera pointing at someone's bed.
Speaker 1:Obama.
Speaker 3:It's Obama's bed Obama. Obama, obama, obama and uh, is that Afion Crockett? Hmm. That did that song. I think it might have been, I don't remember.
Speaker 2:What is that word that you just? I got memes, but I got no association.
Speaker 3:Afion Crockett's a comedian. He was very big in the.
Speaker 2:Obama, obama, obama.
Speaker 3:Obama. But, um, so this, this image started coming more clear, clear and it was just this image of like a steady, a static camera looking at a bed. They're freaking the fuck out because apparently at this time the user just got done watching saw to like the night before. So now they're like, oh fuck, I'm watching a saw happen in real life or something. And they didn't know what to make of this. Uh, there wasn't any other cable. They tried flipping the channels. They got nothing else except this one feed, very creepy. And a couple days went by and they noticed people coming in and out of the frame. They noticed, um, what looked like workers going through the frame, like construction workers, plumbers, things like that, and um, about a week goes by and they tell their dad about it.
Speaker 3:So they've been stalking these people for like a week yeah, and and they let the dad know and they're like dad, we gotta let you know about this thing. Our tv upstairs is seeing a feed from someone's house. Come take a look and the dad goes up and he's watching it.
Speaker 2:It's probably a wireless surveillance. You know what I'm just gonna shut up.
Speaker 3:Yeah, how about you? Let me tell the fucking story, mr man, you know what this sounds like.
Speaker 1:It sounds like this was something I was gonna cover.
Speaker 3:I'm, I'm just gonna go ahead. This sounds exactly like I'm just gonna close this tab. Don't mind me have to google something real quick. New topic. Um so the dad goes upstairs and he watches the tv and on the tv a man comes in a frame and he's just like like walking past the the bed. He's like putting stuff like on the dresser by the bed and stuff, and the dad's like I fucking know that guy. That's the neighbor and they're like oh, the neighbor what?
Speaker 3:and so, like, another week goes by and they're like we should. We should probably let the neighbor know that we're picking up on this shit, and so well, let's keep watching it yeah, but during this week, um, they were like they noticed like the construction workers going through and everything.
Speaker 3:They're like why does the neighbor have a security camera set up? They even noticed that one of the the plumber guys that was in there when the plumber guys went over and he like nudges the camera on accident, he goes over and like adjusts it. So they're like, all right, maybe this is like a security camera they have set up so they can keep track of these plumbers or something. So they go over to the neighbor and they're like hey, dude, just want to let you know we're using like a transmitter so the kids can watch cable in their room. It's picking up on your bedroom camera. And the neighbor goes what bedroom camera? They're like you know the bedroom camera you have on your bed, oh no, and they're like we don't have cameras.
Speaker 3:Oh no, In our bed.
Speaker 1:No, we've been watching you jerk off every night, so like you do.
Speaker 3:It's at this point that the neighbor confides in them and they're like you know. We've been a little worried lately because we've noticed the same car parked outside on the street for the past couple weeks now.
Speaker 3:And so one night they call the police. They notice the car out there and they call the police on the car and the cops go up to the guy in the car and they confront him and the guy is in the car. The windows are like blacked out and he opens up the door and he's got a laptop set up and on that laptop set up is the feed to the camera and, lo and behold, the person that was watching the feed was the plumber that adjusted the camera in the first place so that plumber did get arrested. I didn't find like a name or anything, but op, op did update the article saying, or the the post saying, that the guy did get arrested and the camera got taken down. Obviously, but it was a camera that was built into the wall, um, and I don't know like exactly how. They didn't see anything.
Speaker 3:I also got to show you guys the fucking picture too, because the picture you got it's it's fucking creepy. It does look like saw. Hang on, let me pull this wrong boy up. Wrong complete fabrication didn't happen, um, uh, but yeah, that's fucking terrifying to me.
Speaker 1:That's why I do all my own housework uh, sure, um, so I I had, uh, actually something similar uh, that I was going to talk about, um, that I was looking at earlier, uh, this girl. It's similar in the sense that it has to do with like a tv and like a channel that popped up.
Speaker 3:Um, but this girl, it's creepy, doesn't it, matt? Sorry, I see matt's face. Oh, you can't jack off it's creepy.
Speaker 1:Look, yeah, that's some. You can't fap to that at all, um black and white. So this this girl. She's in her room and she had a tv on like a, like a cr tv is this a reddit?
Speaker 1:thing that you found. Sorry, uh, no, this well sort of uh, it was actually just a facebook post. I saw, um, but this girl, she she's sitting in her room and uh, she turns on her like an old tv and when the static, like, it goes to a static channel, um, but like, after like a few seconds on that static channel, it changed to a live feed of herself in her room. But you could like see this like, uh, like a ring light and like, uh, like a thing holding like her phone, and it was like looking at her bed, with her in the bed, but she didn't have any of that stuff in front of her, like she was just in her room looking at an alternate universe.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. And then the story isn't like super long or anything, but basically she's like yeah, like this happened. You know, I tried to tell my parents about it. They didn't really like they weren't really sure what to do about it. So we just kind of like said OK, whatever, and let it go, and like that was really it. But like she had a picture of what she was saying and it was literally just like her in her bed. Do you have the being filmed? I'd have to fucking search for it, but you bastard. Um, so it sounds like glitch in the matrix.
Speaker 1:Shit is what it sounds like right, it was very similar to what what you did, but uh, actually, I think this is a great time for me to do my story actually oh, that wasn't your story.
Speaker 2:I have like five things, yeah, I got five, we can.
Speaker 3:We can take turns.
Speaker 2:I'm cool mike's thing does remind me of.
Speaker 2:Uh, there is a website out there, so oh yeah, I don't know if you watch all the security cameras yeah, I don't know if you guys know this, but like, if you buy a security camera, like any of those like chinese security cameras and just hook it up to your wi-fi, a lot of those just connect to the internet so that you can connect to them through like an app or whatever. And if you don't set any of the security settings and even some of them don't have security settings they're just out there on the internet. And so if, like a scanner, like an internet scanner, can find those and then just connect to them and see whatever the camera's recording, and so there's a website you can go to where somebody is constantly scanning the internet, finding these unsecured cameras, and you can just watch cameras that are just like in apartment complexes sometimes they're in people's houses, like yeah, it's, it's creepy.
Speaker 3:I was gonna cover that last week, but I thought it was too creepy it's, it's called like watch my cam dot com or some weird shit like that.
Speaker 2:It's pretty fucked up they like.
Speaker 1:I don't know if that's it for sure, but initially they didn't, uh, take takedown requests, but they do.
Speaker 2:Now, if you like, find a security camera of yours on there, you can request that they take the feed down, but you have to know that it's there yeah, you have to dig for that shit, yeah I hate that.
Speaker 3:Yep, so be careful when you sit cameras in your house you mean like the one we're recording off of right now yeah, right, like the one I just bought um, yeah, did you guys want me to do another one of mine, or do you want to just go?
Speaker 2:let doug go, because he wanted to go yeah yeah, this is.
Speaker 1:I mean, I brought one to the table because I'm not a fucking overachiever, but, um, it's kind of similar to yours. Actually. Another thing that's similar you got hot takes doug.
Speaker 3:That's what you're here for hot, take doug in the house um so, john lang of fresno, have you heard about this?
Speaker 1:have you seen about this? Have you ring a bell? Okay? Um so, this is this, is this is like vaguely stepping into true crime territory, which I know we don't normally do, but I thought the story was really fun. I'm doing it False, it's fabrication.
Speaker 2:Is that still our channel intro?
Speaker 1:We have the.
Speaker 2:We should really do a different one. Oh my god, yeah.
Speaker 1:You're telling me I think we tried to do that like fucking a year ago that was on our to-do list.
Speaker 2:Do you have a new one? Well, it's new word. We did it like a year ago that was on our to-do list.
Speaker 3:No, we have a new one. Well, it's new word, we did it like a year ago, but it's not the one that's trash in True Crime. We got rid of that one.
Speaker 1:Oh, you're right, I actually vaguely remember being drunk.
Speaker 3:It's the one where you're like do you like Hubert Pubert Lovecraft? Why is Elmer's glue? Got a cow on it instead of a horse, like it was. It's very dumb, but it it's better than the one we did we had currently I forgot about that.
Speaker 1:That's good shit. I'm gonna have to go listen to that after this okay, all right.
Speaker 1:Um, so this is the john lang of fresno story. Um, so this broke over reddit. Uh, somebody posted basically, hey, I found this like video, um, and then kind of gave a little synopsis of everything. So this guy, john Lang, starts posting videos to Facebook, and this is in 2016. He was an ex-Marine and he was just like your typical older white male who is completely worried about what everyone else is doing, um, in their free time because they have nothing better to do.
Speaker 2:So this guy is watching the fresno police every 60 year old guy who lives in a neighborhood in the midwest?
Speaker 3:yes, pretty much yeah the hoa says you can't have your, your, your house siding, be eggshell white I had a guy talking.
Speaker 1:This is beyond the topic, but that's fine. I had a guy. I had a guy I was, I was at disney the other day and this guy on the monorail just he's like looking at me and he's like out, like I can just tell. He's like I want to talk to you and I was like so, like I kind of make eye contact, and he's like I want to talk to you and I was like so, like I kind of make eye contact, and he's like, oh hey, what's up? Buddy, blah, blah, blah. And so he starts talking about like how he's staying at some resort and he's like man, I watched the grounds crew plant 2000 flowers yesterday. He's like I couldn't believe it. And I'm like you're on a Disney trip. You watch these guys plant flowers from your fucking like what are you doing with your life, sir?
Speaker 2:anyways that that was my whole thing. Uh, what's your tangent? Oh, my mom and her neighborhood, um, her neighbor, like a couple houses up, rented some goats and put them like in their backyard in a cage and like moved this cage around. Basically, these goats were just there to eat foliage and poison ivy and shit out of their backyard. The HOA threw a fucking fit. The goats weren't even permanent, they were there for a week. The HOA lost their minds.
Speaker 1:Were they like this is too much buying going on in your backyard right now.
Speaker 3:They weren't even that loud they weren't the fainting goats. People called because they saw a bunch of goats in your lawn.
Speaker 1:No, they're not efficient enough. They can't eat a whole yard in a week or two. That's fair, alright, sorry, anyways. So this guy, john Lang, ex-marine watching everybody in his neighborhood, he had some choice words about the fresno police department. Um, he noticed, uh, that they were running a scam, essentially, where they would pull into a place so it was a kind of a low income neighborhood and they would pull into a place of business and then they would run the plates on all the cars and they would find someone that maybe had a withstanding warrant or like some kind of something or other, basically just pulling people over that they knew they could charge with something by pulling them over. So, yeah, it's highly illegal, they're not allowed to do that. And this guy, john, he said that's fucked up, I don't like that. So he actually went to facebook and to some other social medias and to some news outlets and started actually telling people hey, I noticed these policemen were doing this. They'll go into this parking lot and then, five minutes later, the person that they're like watching the car of will leave and then get pulled over. He's like, I watched it happen multiple times. Uh, this shit isn't cool, um, and kind of just got the word out there that this was happening and then the news broke an article about it and it started to become like this big hype. So john was like, oh shit, like I just started some shit with the fucking fresno police department, like that's not good.
Speaker 1:So he starts posting videos to youtube because he starts to become a little worried that the police are stalking him. Uh, he posts this first video and uh, basically he was, uh, he saw this truck, this big, like um, like work truck, like driving back and forth, but uh, in front of his house, and it's pretty obvious on the video that you can see like, okay, well, you know, it's the same truck driving by three or four times. So that's like it's like one of his like more earlier videos. And he starts to kind of freak out and he's, like you know, posting on his facebook and stuff being like, yeah, these people are gonna kill me. I think they might want to kidnap me, this and that. So, um, he starts uploading even more videos and uh, one of them was just like a guy walking his dog in front of his house and you see in the video that when the guy walking the dog walks up to his house. Uh, john's dog goes up and is sniffing the other dog and they're just saying hello, like dogs do. And he's claiming in his video description that this guy is with the police department and he is training john's dog to not attack this man when he inevitably breaks into his home to kill him, right?
Speaker 1:So, uh, he uploads again and you see this van uh, pull up outside of his house and they pull out this like big, like I forget what the word is, but it's like they have this like high quality camera on, like a gimbal, I think it's called or something like that but basically it's this like big box that's like holding a camera inside of it to keep it steady. And he claims that it's a thermal imaging camera because they're checking to see if he's home. And he basically claims that they're using this to see if they can determine whether or not he's home, when they're going to inevitably come and take this man's life. So, uh, we get more footage and this time it's actually footage of someone trying to break into his car in his driveway and again he's like it's the police. They're just trying to search my shit, um, and then, so so it.
Speaker 1:It gets kind of weird after this, um, all of this again is from like a cctv outside of his home, like, uh, it's like one of the ones that are like a little more advanced. It seems like, because whenever things happen, like the camera's like kind of like moving around and like looking at stuff and like zooming in on things and whatnot. I don't know if he's controlling it or or whatnot, but long story short, um, he sees this man walk in front of his house and he stops right in front of his house and he like is either taking a picture or texting someone and he's like, oh, this is, this is a cop, for sure. And then the next upload is like some police cars driving by and he's like, oh, they're trying to keep me up now they don't want me to sleep, and stuff like that. And it's like really all like very like general shit that happens on a busy road.
Speaker 1:You know what I'm saying? Um, but he uploads one last video and this video is of a uh, a carpet cleaning van and it's parked in front of his like neighbor's house, which he claims is uh like vacant or something like that. But he says that he sees this like some guys get out of the van and enter the home even though it's vacant, vacant, and then never come back to the van and he literally says he's like if, if I die tonight, remember this van, get my story out and basically saying the police are going to make an attack on me tonight or this weekend and sure as shit, january 20th, the next day he fucking turns up dead.
Speaker 2:Wow.
Speaker 1:Hmm. So apparently he was found with his house burning down, but he also had stab wounds.
Speaker 2:Like actually verifiably this man's dead, like there's a news story about this.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, like full-blown, the man died. Like, if you look up John Lang, like one of the first hits is the like the autopsy report, oh yeah, so, uh, the weird part of this is, aside from those videos, there's a bunch of facebook posts of him kind of saying generally the same thing like the police are coming for me this weekend, they're gonna kill me. Uh, I need you guys to know that if I, if I, turn up dead, this is who did it. Like the police killed me. Like please let this be known like this is who did it. And uh, yeah, so like, basically, you know, he turns up dead. Um, they said that his house was completely boarded up. Like he had, like, uh, boarded wood around all the windows and doors. Um, the house was on fire when, uh, firefighters and police got there. But originally they said that he had stab wounds, uh, to his, uh, his back. But in the coroner's report it says that he has stab wounds to his chest. And if you look at the autopsy report you can see that three Fresno police officers were present during the time of the autopsy.
Speaker 1:So a lot of this is like I mean, if you look at it generally, it kind of seems like just a really paranoid dude, because some of the videos that he's uploading like it's really normal stuff. You know what I'm saying. Like a car is driving by a bunch of times, cool, a guy's walking his dog People do that. Like dogs sniff each other when they walk by. The video is really not that compelling, especially when he's like freaking out about, like like there's a bunch of cops outside of a person's house and they were like clearly doing something, uh with that person. Like that had nothing to do with him, but he was like, oh, they're watching me, they're watching me.
Speaker 1:Um, there was actually one video I didn't mention where, um, he had gone to a buddy's house, like climb over his fence to get in, um, but like again, this is all just what he's saying, and you just see some video and it's really not that compelling as is. So it really seems like this guy's just kind of fucking paranoid and crazy, um, but again, uh, you know, I don't think we're ever gonna know, like what actually happened. But the, the, the icing on the cake to this whole thing, which I thought was really fucking weird, um, and I I actually do think this man was just kind of paranoid and like fucking weird. But uh, that carpet cleaning van that was outside of the home the day he died, um, if you look it up, it's not even a company whoa.
Speaker 2:So they like made up a whole company and stuck it on the side of a van it's like the uh, there's a simpsons bit when they're the fbi is watching.
Speaker 1:Uh, the simpsons house, and a van pulls up, says fbi on the side, but it's flowers by anita um, yeah, I don't know, man, like I mean, maybe maybe they were new at the time, but like there was like one review of this company and it was like really like three out of 10, they killed me. But like that's like the most you could find was like one single review. Um and uh, yeah, I mean the other. The other thing is, uh, the, the Fresno police department has like a really terrible reputation, as is, um, like a bunch of like corruption going on and stuff.
Speaker 2:So it's fresno.
Speaker 1:They'll never find out what happened, yeah right, so I don't know. I thought it was a fun story. I think it's weird because, like everything like points to like, oh, this guy's just crazy, but like there's like a few outlying kind of like details that like you're like, did he, though, did he kill himself? Because that's what they cut, that's what they end up chalking it up to, is that he killed himself, um, and he actually died of smoke inhalation because his fucking house was on fire, but he had stab wounds.
Speaker 2:So it's like what the fuck himself, and then what the police he's trying to frame the police man, I don't know.
Speaker 1:It's pretty weird. I I thought it was pretty, pretty interesting as a man who says a cob, all the time a cab.
Speaker 3:I'm gonna go ahead and be on his side of this one uh, but yeah, that's pretty much all, they're making up businesses and murdering people. Oh yeah, they're ruining their sting operations, oh yeah, some places you better fucking believe it, dude, especially in like there's places that, like they do it all the time for like sting operations, they'll go up in like a dummy van for like a bogus company all the time.
Speaker 1:Well, so one of the things that like one of the stories apparently is one of the things that like, uh, one of the stories apparently is uh, one of the fresno like police officers, uh, like the chief of police or something like that. I can't remember exactly. One of the reasons why they're so like renowned as like corrupted and stuff is that, um, they had fired a police officer and he ended up like wanting to go and talk to the chief of police or something to be like yo, like what the hell like this and that. And then he turned up like wanting to go and talk to the chief of police or something to be like yo, like what the hell like this and that. And then he turned up dead and they said that he went to the chief of police's house, shot himself in the face, and that it was. He just went and killed himself at this guy's house like nobody's, like no, come on, like I don't know.
Speaker 3:That just seems too like a stretch, too good to be true yeah, california, I think, is notorious for having a corrupt like los angeles. I think their, their police are known to be pretty damn corrupt as well and well, I mean it's la is this is fresno, not too far off sure whenever I think of fresno, I just think of a wood, I just think of a wood chipper okay, okay, okay. Well, on that note you'd understand what uh matt, what you got sure, okay so I don't have anything that's creepy or mysterious like that.
Speaker 2:to be perfectly honest with you, I'm just going to take you down a rabbit hole that I went down as I was trying to find things on Reddit.
Speaker 3:Is it more cop conspiracy?
Speaker 2:No, there's a lot of horse cock involved, if that strikes your fancy.
Speaker 1:Yo, there's a dope song called no cock like horse cock. Check it out, I've heard that one.
Speaker 2:Yeah, um no, basically, basically, I'm just going to take you through a few things that I found on reddit that I thought were mostly funny. Um, so I I went trying to find things on reddit that would be fall into the category of like mysteries or just like weird, strange subreddits, and I really just ended up on this thread that was like hey, everybody post the weirdest subreddit that you know of, and so we're gonna go through some of those, and then we're gonna fall down a rabbit hole that I went down oh yeah, um, so one of the ones that I found was bing bong theorem Bing Bong Theorem, which is just a subreddit that is Big Bang Theory themed, except it's like super memefied.
Speaker 2:So there's like one picture that was upvoted a bunch that is just a picture of Sheldon just like eating some food with a fork in a weird way, and it just says I can't believe Sheldon was the Bay Harbor butcher all along, and it just and it gets even more surreal the further you go through.
Speaker 1:I fucking love Big Bang Theory so I have to look at those Go check out Bing Bong Theorem.
Speaker 3:Bing Bong Theorem.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the next one was when you Come, and it's literally just a subreddit of people posting the same picture over and over again with the title when you come, and the picture is like a, it's like a image macro of a guy and it's like like all like super brightened up and stuff, so it kind of looks like this guy's like coming out at the light and it just says when you come, and that's this whole subreddit oh my god, it's every post yeah, when you come.
Speaker 2:The next one is our tight pussy I know this one yeah and it's just cats and like precarious places like stuck in small areas or like laying in boxes and stuff that are too small for them. And then I found ramish and if you go to ramish, the subreddit exists, but this community doesn't have any posts yet, which is kind of funny. That's pretty great.
Speaker 3:They'll get there eventually.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they'll get there eventually.
Speaker 1:How do you do something so perfect? There's W-T-W-F-O-T-M-J-A-J-T-R-. I'll get there eventually. How do you do?
Speaker 2:something so perfect. There's W-T-W-F-O-T-M-J-A-J-T-R-A-T-C-A-B, which stands for when the water flows over the milk jug at just the right angle to create a bubble, and it's just pictures of water flowing over the opening of containers in a way that the hydrostatic resistance creates a bubble. So there's lots of pictures like that. There's a guy with beer getting beer dumped on his head and it creates a bubble. There's a subreddit called PaidForWinRar and it's just a subreddit called PaidForWinRar and it's just a subreddit where you can submit proof that you paid for WinRar to the moderators and a reason why you paid for WinRar, and they'll make a post that says your name paid for WinRar, and then it'll give a reason. So some of the reasons are um. Shadow one four I paid for winrar. Reason shadow needed a reason to live. Winrar gave him that reason.
Speaker 1:Um, this one, the license in a game of poker against a guy named vance, a real tough type. That vance wears an eye patch, walks with a cane, absolute marksman on the shuffleboard court, the baddest dude in all shady oaks retirement village the pope needed a birthday present and I mean, what do you get the pope?
Speaker 2:but in one of these subreddits, I have.
Speaker 3:Before you go into your rabbit hole, I have one that I've been following for like several years. It's called purple cocoa and it is electrical sockets in places they don't belong like. There'll be one like in the top corner of a room, but it'll be angled and like at a 45 degree. Or there'll be like one right below, like a fucking sink, where it's like that's gonna cause electrical issues. That's bad. Or there'll be like one right below, like a fucking sink, where it's like that's gonna cause like oh, that's bad or there's one like uh is it at least one of the ones that like trips when it shorts?
Speaker 3:no, I don't even think so. No, but it's like it's, they're, they're in places that they don't belong, and I fucking love it. And there's another one called like what's my cookie cutter? And people just post pictures of like they're like cookie cutters but they're like what is this supposed to make? And in the comments people will like draw what they think it is and they'll be like yoshi taking shots or like santa claus falling down. A well, it's like they'll actually like in the comics, paint it out in the fucking cookie cutter what they think it is, and I love it so fucking much um, but anyway, in one of these threads I found a question from somebody who was like what's the most fucked up subreddit that you know of?
Speaker 2:and this person this person's name is male snow, so redditcom slash. You slash male snow. And most of the replies to his question are your user page. Because if you open this guy's user page, you find a bunch of questions that he's posted to reddit that are like what is a mcdonald's item that you would use to kill someone? Or, um, what would happen if you forced a cat to eat a mouse alive? What are some ways that you could kill a person without touching them? And I realize that a lot of these questions are posted to a subreddit that I have never heard of before, which maybe I should have, and I'm sure that there are some people who have heard of this subreddit, but it's our morbid questions oh yeah, I've, I've, I've heard of it but never been in it yeah, and so I went to our morbid questions and I sorted by top of all time bad idea, I'm sure, and boy yeah and boy are there some questions in here, some that we can ponder and discuss for a minute, if you feel sure, up to it.
Speaker 2:So the the first one that I found that struck my fancy was what would your shit look like if your diet consisted only of horse semen? One liter a day for three days jesus, that is specific yeah, well, that was one of the comments. Somebody was like I like how you could have picked any semen but you specifically you had to specify.
Speaker 3:Horse and a liter.
Speaker 2:Yeah, a liter a day. The prevailing theory was that your liver would probably just shut down because essentially, you're consuming straight protein and nothing but protein for three days straight.
Speaker 3:Horse protein.
Speaker 2:I guess. Apparently it's really bad for your liver to consume that much protein. So the next question was and I don't know why they have such a fascination with this and this wasn't posted by the same person. But the question is the surgery was successful. You now have a horse cock. You want to test it out, so you go to masturbate. What would happen to your body when all the blood rushes to your dick?
Speaker 1:I've noticed that's a topic of like that. I'm just scrolling through it. I've seen a lot of like cutting the pee-pee off and blood going there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's one that's like if you got hard and chopped your dick off, would you bleed out faster than?
Speaker 1:you would if you cut your flaccid penis off and they were like if you, if you cut your pee, pee off and then get like look at porn, uh, are you fucked like oh, it just yeah.
Speaker 2:Um, there's a lot, a lot of that sort of stuff. Uh, basically, though, if you were curious, probably nothing would happen to you, because the human body can lose a lot of blood without anything really bad happening to you. You might just feel a little tired.
Speaker 3:I was going to say if you had a horse cock and you got an erection, you'd probably just I wouldn't say you'd probably pass out. I don't think you'd be losing that much blood to the rest of your body, but you probably. You know, when you get lightheaded and you start seeing stars.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you probably get to that point. That's probably the worst that would happen. Somebody estimated that, and I don't know how they figured this, but that a horse penis contains about a liter of blood. Oh yeah, and the human body can lose a liter of blood. That's about how much they draw when you donate blood.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yes, you'd be fine Just after you get your erection.
Speaker 2:just drink some Gatorade and shit.
Speaker 3:Matt would know, Would he Wait what?
Speaker 1:Said Matt would know right.
Speaker 3:Yeah, with your fucking horse cock dude.
Speaker 1:You have to live with that every day.
Speaker 2:Well, I just have extra blood in my system. That's how it works.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, there you go. What are you? Lance Armstrong Fucking, got him dude.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so the next one is one. I actually want your theories on and this one is in the universe of Toy Story are sex dolls alive?
Speaker 3:Oh, oh.
Speaker 1:Oh, I mean that goes to beg the question of like is that dildo?
Speaker 2:cause I've seen memes about that shit like oh like, fucking Andy's mom's toys are here yeah, but the toys that like are animated in Toy Story are at least like anthropomorphic in some way, right, like they have like a face and a head and like they are a being they have, like the have like a face and a head and like they are a being.
Speaker 1:No, not necessarily they have like the radio guy, like the talk guy, yeah you have the Etch-a-Sketch and you have the kids that play with the toy phone and Forky, they create a.
Speaker 3:In the fourth one they create a toy out of junk. I think it depends on. I think I think in the toy story world there's a certain criteria of what is a toy and if you meet those criteria you come to life. And I think it might be like kids have to be able to play with you and find fun in playing with you hell yeah, and then you become alive. So I'm gonna say no, unless a child is introduced to the sex toy and plays the sex toy.
Speaker 2:Is it like a?
Speaker 1:Frosty the Snowman yeah okay.
Speaker 3:Yes, it's like a Frosty the Snowman. The snowman is not alive until the kids come to play. You got to believe.
Speaker 2:So if you believe that your sex robot is alive, If a child, oh no.
Speaker 1:how do we talk about?
Speaker 2:this If nope, I do we talk about this.
Speaker 1:If Nope, I think we move on.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay, that's fair enough.
Speaker 3:Childhood wonder. Mitt qualifies a toy. We'll leave it at that.
Speaker 2:There was no consensus on this one.
Speaker 1:If you can frosty the snowman a dildo, then yeah it's alive, but otherwise we're moving right along here.
Speaker 2:That sounds like a sex act, if you believe hard enough. The next one is if we line up five guys to fuck each other in the ass non-stop and the first guy has an STD, how many hours of non-stop fucking will it take before all five guys are infected with the STD?
Speaker 3:Is this like an Ouroboros. Are they connected? Are infected with the STD? Is this like an uroboros?
Speaker 2:Are they connected? And somebody estimated? Basically it depends on which STD it is, because it takes a certain amount of time for you to become symptomatic and then pass it on. A few months on average is about how long it would take. What about crabs?
Speaker 1:That's a lot of fucking.
Speaker 3:What about crabs? I feel like those are living things, so I feel like that would spread pretty fast.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's not really an STD, that's just a thing that's dwelling on your naughty bits.
Speaker 3:I thought crabs were.
Speaker 2:STDs. So that would probably be like Well, is it really a disease though? It's just a thing that's living on your junk.
Speaker 3:I guess.
Speaker 1:It yeah I don't, I don't, I don't know anyway, yeah someone mentioned it might be an.
Speaker 3:Uh, jay death said it might be an sti now. So yeah, I guess maybe they requalified it or something. I don't know. I'll get my nurse wife. I'll scream at her real quick. Hey, are crabs an std or an sti? Just trying to figure out if five dudes fuck each other how far it would take for it would take for just wanted to know um.
Speaker 2:The next one is probably my favorite. This one is hypothetically. If you had a bottle of febreze stuck up your ass parentheses, I don't how would you get it?
Speaker 1:out that sounds like someone who has a bottle of febreze stuck in their ass.
Speaker 2:He's asking for a friend. Yeah, asking for a friend. And as you read the comments, it's definitely apparent that this guy absolutely has a bottle of. Febreze stuck in his ass.
Speaker 1:I mean, it's just like a cylinder. For Christ's sake, how is it stuck? The?
Speaker 3:hook the trigger probably is like a hook.
Speaker 2:Yeah, when I'm thinking a bottle of Febreze, I'm thinking like the plastic one that's like very large.
Speaker 1:Oh, you mean like the one that has like the like.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Dr B. Maybe this is like one of those cylinders.
Speaker 3:Dr B also mentioned, you need each person to have the time to gain enough of a pathogenic load. Months is a good answer, like several. Thank you, dr B, really really given that name, answering the good question really putting that doctorate to good use on this stupid podcast about five dudes fucking each other, spreading the disease yeah, the shortest estimate I saw was like three, three months.
Speaker 1:Um, yeah, I'm assuming that this is like one of the cylindrical bottles of febreze, I guess I'm just gonna say this if you have the capacity to shove something that big into your butthole, I feel like I've seen some things. Stretch your asshole to open up, to allow the thing out of it. Like, unless you're like a newbie and you're like, oh man, the first thing I'm gonna put in there is a fucking jug of Febreze well, the thing you gotta consider is like with one of those cylindrical ones just like a new carton of Febreze with one of those cylindrical ones.
Speaker 2:One end is like sort of torpedo shaped right, but then the other end is just very flattened off, so it's it's definitely going to go easier one way than it is the other yeah, you would be dumb to use the easy the guy does update his post, though, and says that he just shit it out.
Speaker 1:So he just shit it out, all's well yeah, all's well that ends well, right?
Speaker 2:um, and the last one that I wrote down is can I inject paint into my balls to come a different color? And the answer is yes the answer, if you know even basic anatomy, is that no, because, like the actual liquid that makes up your cum doesn't come from your balls he is stored in the balls.
Speaker 3:You fucking idiot.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, you will pee a different color idiot um, but in the comments to this one, I did find a video of a guy named Jan Marusic who, in 2007, injected or swallowed a bunch of industrial grade dye oh no and then just sat in like a glass cage and let people watch him and recorded it, but he died and eventually. No, he didn't die, but he did eventually start sweating and his sweat was dyed blue. You can watch the stuff come out of his pores.
Speaker 3:Is that how they made those Gatorade commercials back in the day?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm sure I thought so.
Speaker 1:I just posted in the chat the different bottles.
Speaker 3:I'm still curious, man yeah it have to be the green one yeah, that's the. I can see that maybe yeah, I mean you'd have to go the opposite end emptied first, though right, because you're gonna squeeze the trigger and you're gonna.
Speaker 2:No, maybe you're just farting febreze out maybe I feel like that'd be toxic do you think they're okay?
Speaker 3:so something to add on that if you shove a bottle of febreze up your butt and you pull the trigger, do you? How much time do you think it would take for that smell the febreze smell to come out of your mouth?
Speaker 1:are you talking, if you put it the other way?
Speaker 3:Like could you spray enough Febreze up your butt to where the scent would come out of your mouth? You're just like.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't know. I don't know if this is South Park, I don't know if it works that way.
Speaker 3:Well, it wouldn't like project but you'd like smell the essence of it, I mean.
Speaker 2:I mean, there's valves and stuff that keep things from going that way.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's a lot of sphincters that it has to go through. I don't think it's ever coming out. Open them bro.
Speaker 3:I don't think they go that way.
Speaker 1:I don't think the flow works that way, it's air, though, it's just gas.
Speaker 2:Again yeah but yeah, but there's stuff in the way. I think the stomach is the turning point for whether gas comes out your mouth or your butt right, otherwise you're just getting stomach acid all up and everywhere and that's bad, that's true.
Speaker 1:So somehow the febreze air makes it through all of your intestines back into your stomach.
Speaker 2:Then maybe you could burp a febreze but I think you're probably dealing with worse digestive issues with this.
Speaker 3:There's other other problems going on with you at that point. This reminds me. So I like that you have all these like just dumb little Reddit things, because while I was trying to look for shit for this topic, I found this one Reddit post where I think it was just in r slash ask Reddit or something like that. But the guy he was like hey, for some reason all of my settings are set to spanish. Does anyone know how to fix this? And everyone in the comments decided to only post in spanish. To fuck, like 90 of the fucking uh comments are just problema that's pretty good.
Speaker 2:One person should have written something that looked like it was in english but didn't make any sense, just to like make him think he'd had a stroke man. So now that I've, successfully demonetized this episode and not understood the assignment at all so I have.
Speaker 3:I have one. It's a. It's a real quickie. It's just something I stumbled across on youtube a couple months you keep talking, okay, a couple months back.
Speaker 3:It's called briscoe park b-r-i-s-c-o-e and when you watch these, there's 14 tapes out right now. The dude uploads relatively frequently I would say like twice or so a month and it is just camera footage of this person at night going to what looks like these abandoned houses or like shacks, barns, things like that, and he'll film the inside, he'll film the land and he's like walking through it with like a flashlight. The entire time in all these videos, nothing happens. Nothing happens at all.
Speaker 2:How anticlimactic.
Speaker 3:It's very anticlimactic, but it's so fascinating because this guy's just recording him going into abandoned homes and all the comments are like this is very relaxing. This helped with my stress and I watch these. Falling asleep and watching these it gives me anxiety because I'm constantly-.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that sounds anxiety-inducing.
Speaker 3:I'd be just waiting on some homeless exactly it, like you're constantly on the edge of a jump scare that never shows up. So, like my, my fucking blood pressure is always high when watching these things.
Speaker 2:There's no, watching like urban exploration videos and stuff always yeah I love them, but I love them because they give me anxiety it's like there, there's nothing horror movie with no payoff.
Speaker 3:It's basically just edging exactly, it's edging, yeah, horror edging, but there's. There's nothing more to it than that. But I just thought that this was such a fascinating little channel of just a guy walking through abandoned houses and nothing happens.
Speaker 2:It's just so fascinating, yeah, um where's he find all these abandoned houses? I don't know I know there's one in my neighborhood, you can come check out.
Speaker 1:There we go I know I'm late to the this, this, uh, but uh, there's a tiktok channel that I follow, called like decaying midwest um, and they just visit. Abandon everything.
Speaker 3:Fucking love it, I love I love that shit, go look up briscoe park. You might like that. It's on youtube. That's what I was just talking about.
Speaker 2:Um, you guys want to come over and we can break into the foreclosure house in my neighborhood, the forklifter house foreclosure yeah, fuck it, let's do it diluted foreclosed on and nobody's been living there for like three months diluted.
Speaker 3:Does crime? Let's do it. Um, the next one is going to be another real short one. This is going to spoil an episode that Jason has on his list for us to do, but I didn't think we were ever going to do it anyway. So this is called Sweet Peach and it's on YouTube as well, and when you look it up, there are I think 7,000 videos on there and on there and they're all relatively long. They're like 8 minutes long. There's a fuckload of videos. They're all relatively the same, but they're just weird imagery.
Speaker 2:Let's do a video by video recap of this whole thing.
Speaker 3:20 part, diluty episode 20 part, 20 year diluty episode. But it's just weird imagery and Doug's mic went out, so that's fine, we can't hear you, so while you get that figured out, I'm gonna keep going. So it's this weird imagery of, like you know, like microsoft art, you can just like take the oval button and just create a fucking oval. It's like that kind of shit. And, uh, still can't hear you, doug. It's that kind of shit and there's like weird like lines going through. It just looks like a bunch of like Microsoft Arch kind of shit, and you mean, it's just still images?
Speaker 3:of them.
Speaker 1:No they're moving. Hear me now.
Speaker 2:Yep, we can hear you now.
Speaker 3:No they're like I don't know what the fuck that was about. They're moving and everything and like. Right in the beginning there's like a little. There's a little barcodes that pop up and there's little things that say like video, you know, number blank, title blank, and everyone was like what the fuck is this? There's so much of it. People tried deciphering the like, the sound that is coming from it, thinking it might be some sort of code. It wasn't a code, so people had no idea what the fuck was going on. Turns out, this is pretty much the exact same thing as, like I mentioned before another topic that maybe one day we'll talk about, but probably knock some spoiler right here web driver torso, where it was just essentially test footage, um, that was being automatically generated by a software, um, that a company was uploading to YouTube just to test YouTube's algorithms, just to test YouTube's formatting, all that stuff. It's just test footage, that's all it is. And once you figure, that out.
Speaker 2:It's a badass name though.
Speaker 3:Yeah, Sweet Peach and WebDriver Torso yeah.
Speaker 2:No WebDriver, torso yeah.
Speaker 3:It is really cool.
Speaker 2:That's the sickest band name I've ever heard. I'd watch them. Yeah I'd watch them, yeah, but it's, you know, literally the same thing. But what did you see? Rockville, oh my god, the lineup is fucking bussing. Holy shit, bro. It's crazy. I have no idea. Okay, are you going?
Speaker 1:I mean I want to. I didn't realize that was like a thing here, so I saw the ad for it and I was like holy.
Speaker 2:I went last year and the entire trip was insanely expensive. So it's a difficult decision to go back, but it's the lineup, though Fucking do it.
Speaker 3:I don't know what it is.
Speaker 2:It's fine. I'm sorry I derailed you. This is going into bonus content.
Speaker 3:But yeah, it's just WebDriver torso, but in my opinion the imagery isn't as cool. But yes, it's the exact same premise. It's just test footage, that's all it is. But I thought it was unique enough to bring up, but not in an actual episode dedicated to it. There's just not enough content to that fucking thing for that, especially for the payoff to be exactly. It's just test footage, um. The other one I want to bring up again. It's there's a lot to it, kind of.
Speaker 3:It's called uh maintenance tunnels. It's on youtube as well, um, but it is. They got like 70 videos on there but there's no story or anything. It's just someone uploading a bunch of like weird shit out from the internet, um, and they're mostly they're just like one to two minute clips of of things like it'll talk. It'll have like a one minute clip on fucking um, like a a post about fucking our school boy nine or something. I think they upload something on that. They'll have something about the? Um, the mexican uh alien senate hearing thing, uh. Sprinkled in between all this is like they have like an hour and a half long uh video on like the pyramids and like the our money and things like that and but other than that. It's like one minute videos here and there of just random internet-based topics. I just thought that was super fascinating. I would highly recommend people just go on there just check out a couple things. What is it? Maintenance tunnels? Oh yeah, it's just. It's very interesting and from the looks of it, isn't it?
Speaker 2:maintenance tunnels like a conspiracy theory, that there's like tunnels underneath the ice on the earth, that like connect shit.
Speaker 3:I'm going to be surprised. That's similar to the fucking alien thing that we covered. I'm sure, I'm pretty sure that's what that is. The missing 411 or something like that is probably involved in that um, oh yeah, it's all connected by some sort of schizophrenic yeah, but I just aliens did y'all see all the uap shit that came out like a couple days ago?
Speaker 1:no, no they literally had like a uh, like I've been avoiding the news same I fully, I fully agree and and for rightly like so.
Speaker 1:But uh, yeah, apparently like they had a uap hearing and uh, they basically said that fucking aliens live underwater and that like a big reason why, uh I I'm gonna butcher this because I only like I have half read everything but like the reason that, like a lot of ufo footage seems so like fucky and the reason that, like uh, whenever we see uh, a uap actually like moving around, is, I, I guess, due to the fact that it's uh changing its position in time and space instead of actually moving. Oh yeah, it's it's.
Speaker 3:It's mostly because of the way, the theory that the way that the spaceships are made, because these spaceships are also supposedly able to just accelerate out of water with no like lag or like gravity holding them down or pressure holding them down from coming out of the depths of the water, which is not feasible if by our knowledge isn't that anything?
Speaker 2:the theory of how like warp in star trek works is that the ship isn't moving.
Speaker 3:The ship is moving the world's moving around it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah and yeah, that's kind of essentially what it is. Uh, it is moving to a certain degree because, uh, one of the things that the guys said was that, like a normal jet fighter is like experiencing I think I think they said anywhere between 9 and 13 g's of gravity or some shit like that whereas these uap vehicles that they've recovered from crashes, um, are experiencing about, uh, anywhere from one to three thousand g's of movement at a time. So I was like holy shit, and like they literally were just like openly talking about this, like full-blown. They're like yep, we have unidentified flying objects, we have fucking, uh, biological life forms that came with the crashes. Like, we have all this shit. We can't really divulge anything more than that. But the lady that was grilling these guys yeah, it was. That's a lot of g? Um column, but yeah, it of G. Call him Bill Gates. It's crazy. If you have the time, look it up. It's really fascinating and we're all fucked for sure. Boo.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but that's a separate topic.
Speaker 3:Boo man. Yeah, I know I got.
Speaker 1:You just got to write over those.
Speaker 3:Do you guys have any more? I have one more. If you guys have any more, I have one more, if you guys have anything.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I said, I had one bro.
Speaker 3:Moot, do you have anything else?
Speaker 2:I have one more.
Speaker 3:So I have one more I want to talk about real quick, doug. It's one that I sent to you, but I guess I'll fucking take care of it myself, because you decided.
Speaker 1:Oh, is it the cockroach fucker.
Speaker 3:No God, I wanted to cover it. So this guy, he um. Every time he has sex with his girlfriend, he imagines her as a giant cockroach. Um or or death, I think it's called, or something like that on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's a really weird one. I was like, yeah, I'm not going to do that.
Speaker 3:It's some fucked up shit, but I kind of wanted to talk about it, but that's had to have his mom jack him off because he was so horny yeah, everybody knows yeah, yeah and poop knife. So it's like why even talk about the?
Speaker 2:everyone knows the class. These are the class. Yeah, everyone knows classic but, this one is jolly rancher snatch I actually didn't know about jolly rancher snatch until recently oh well, I'm sorry you know, jolly rancher, snatch yeah it's just a story about this dude going down on a girl and, like some, she's infected with something and so, like something that's been growing in her downstairs makes up like falls off into his mouth.
Speaker 3:That's and he thinks it's a jolly rancher. But yeah, it's, it's gross, it's very gross sick anyway, this one is called help me.
Speaker 3:Suzy is dying, and what this is is back in 2000, the year 2000,. Someone posted on these Google blog forums saying, hey, I'll read it. Actually, oh no, this is the responses. I don't have the original one, but they're basically like, hey, back in 1975, and this also plays in England, so of course my southern accent works, but they're like back in 1975,. There is a urban legend where if you called this phone number, it was like 2-0-.
Speaker 2:Everyone who was born before the 70s sounds like that.
Speaker 3:Yes, which they discovered was just 20202020. If you called it, you would get a monotone voice that answers the line and just goes help me, susie is dying, help me, susie is dying. Over and over until you hung up and it was at this point in this 2000s blog where someone posted and they're just like yeah, I remember this happening as a kid. Uh, it was fucking wild. And on this blog people were like, nah, I think you're just misremembering some things. That doesn't sound right, like, especially in the 70s, there wasn't really like shit like that that blog, and was like uh, hey, we just went out and we were fucking around with the phones. We heard about an urban legend and we called this number and we heard the voice go help me, suzy is dying, help me, suzy is dying. And we googled it to see if anyone else heard about this and this post came up and we decided to post in here to confirm yeah, this shit's real. So when this happened, a lot more people decided to look into it a little bit more, like, hey, maybe there's some truth to this urban legend, let's find out. Turns out there was a uh magazine. Uh, at the same time, around the year 2000. That cover posted an article covering this thing and here are some of the same time, around the year 2000, that cover uh posted an article covering this thing and here are some of the excerpts from the magazine. I can absolutely confirm that this actually happened.
Speaker 3:This is how it worked you to dial a few numbers by tapping the receiver holder, not the dialing. Uh, not dialing the number via the dial. This is due to the signal being analog and numbers were literally are all tones, uh. You've then heard a male voice say start test, which would repeat until you put the receiver down. The phone then rings and, depending on the test, you'd hear either tones or messages. The Susie message was the only one I could remember and it actually said in a low, female, stern voice Susie's dying, help me. And repeat. The voice didn't say help me, help me, susie's dying, like some people just said that they did. He said I'm with a friend and we both heard this. So we thought we'd share a story about the post, about the story. This was in a phone box around 1979 in a village called fence, near burnley. Strangely enough, there are other stories like this that are from burnley. I can hand and heart remember this clearly.
Speaker 2:So all I've stated is fact and not blurred memories I like that last, an automated recording to test if the system's working we're gonna get to that in a second.
Speaker 3:Um, okay, I, I just like how in this person's thing they're just like their. Their last sentence is um. I was with a friend and we both heard it. Uh, and I remember it clearly so I know it's fact. I like how he's just saying the long version of uh. Source. Trust me, bro. Yeah, another one, another person in the article said um, back in 1975 when I was nine, some of the kids I knocked around with insisted that we pile into the nearest phone box to hear a spooky message by dialing a number I think it was made up of zeros, twos and ones and without needing to insert two pence. Oh, fucking brits. Uh. A woman, speaking in a curiously monotone voice, could be heard saying help me, help me, suzy's dying over and over. Some ofone voice could be heard saying help me, help me, susie's dying over and over. Some of the lads said she sometimes said help me, help me, susie's drowning, but in the same slow, seemingly bored tone of voice. Was it some weird engineer's test signal?
Speaker 2:hence no money needed. I think they accidentally wandered into the TARDIS.
Speaker 3:They might have the last one I have, he says. I remember the spooky message when I was a child playing with the old red phone boxes in Burnley. Two phone boxes in particular were prone to mysterious, scary voice messages One at the top of Dalton Street on Plant Tree Estate God, it's fucking Brits and the other end of Harold Street on Stoops Estate. As I remember, you put two pence in the slot and dialed he's afraid to leave.
Speaker 3:Stoop, wait, we're talking. We're talking, stoop kid. Yeah, right now you put two pence in the slot and dial 20, 20, 20, 20 and the voice on the other end would be crackly but audible help me suzy's dying which would send us kids running in all directions. It's at this time because a the time frame lining up and b one of the original people's um messages about it, saying that a male voice says test. In the beginning a lot of people came to the conclusion like what matt just did, it was basically just a test signal by the uh telecom company as just a way to calibrate the signal.
Speaker 3:What a terrible choice, though I know right, um, and the guy there's a video a guy goes a little bit more in depth and he even goes to a phone booth that's still active and tries dialing the number. Nothing happens, and he even even says he's like, yeah, this is probably just a test signal. Um, and for everyone else out there listening, here's another example of a test signal and he plays another test signal, which isn't the same, but it's like the same kind of eerie thing, where it's something along the lines of, like my favorite hobby is going to the beach with my friend and mysteriously, um, yeah, at the end of the day, people are like, yeah, there was a poor decision to make that the verbiage for a test signal, but they decided on it again. They did also say that the reason they might have did that for the test signal is they might have used that as like um practice, like audio for people in um uh, what's it called? Like emergency responses or something, just to like see how they respond to messages or something. So there might be some merit to why they would use that.
Speaker 3:Um, help me, help me, suzy's dying. Okay, ma'am, remain calm I could.
Speaker 2:I could see that as like part of like a exercise like dial this number and then see how they respond Exactly.
Speaker 3:That's what a lot of people theorize it was for testing and for training purposes.
Speaker 2:That makes a lot of sense actually.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and I enjoy that, because that's one of those things. A lot of times when you hear urban legends, there's nothing really backing it up. It's just, oh, the legend of the kid who fell down a well, and there is no well to even begin with in that town, whereas with this, actually, there's some sort of like concrete evidence not evidence per se, but there's a lot of um, there's a lot of people saying that they've had this experience, and even um, like a, a magazine publishing an article on it, to where it gives it a little bit more merit than just like the bunny man, bridge murderers or whatever. You know what I mean. So I I kind of like when an urban legend has a little bit of like a truth to it. I think that adds to the creepy, uh, the creepiness to it, because it could happen to you, ooh, ooh.
Speaker 2:That's all I got Wow, yeah.
Speaker 3:So there's that Damn.
Speaker 2:That's crazy, bro. You guys actually found some creepy shit.
Speaker 3:Dude I.
Speaker 2:I just found questions about Shevin for Breeze Battles.
Speaker 1:Honestly, I liked yours way more than I liked mine.
Speaker 3:I found another one. I didn't dig too deep into it. I would love to bring it up on another episode damn bro chill well, so like this is the shit that I love. I don't like when we do episodes like this where I just find like small little weird things online that you can't talk about.
Speaker 3:This is what makes the internet great yeah, it's shit that I can't talk about for more than five minutes, but I've found fucking thousands of these. I love that and I, I, I know people maybe we should just make the lady about that.
Speaker 2:I would love to, because send in your opinions.
Speaker 1:It's probably a great time to divulge that. Uh, we're gonna be switching things up pretty hard. Uh, here in the next like I guess assume next year, we'll be doing a lot different things than you're used to. Um, not what that is, I don't know, but uh, yeah, we'll figure it out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and you'll figure it out, yeah let us know, just like what you like to hear. Do you like these like sort of random mashup things?
Speaker 3:yeah, do you like when we just do reddit mashups or like weird, just weird things we found online mashups. Do you prefer us doing more?
Speaker 2:send your opinions and then we'll promptly ignore them. Exactly, yeah.
Speaker 3:Send it to the PO box that we have not checked since Doug moved away.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, what's going to happen to that?
Speaker 3:Uh, jason said he'll check it on his way from work over here Every time. He records. How much of that I trust.
Speaker 2:How long is Jason going to to continue to drive over there?
Speaker 1:Guarantee. Well, he has to technically cope past it.
Speaker 2:But also if you take the highway from his to Mike's, I mean like driving to Mike's.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, I don't know. Actually, now that he's in the new place, it's not on his way he said it's not that it's like five minutes out of his way.
Speaker 2:He's not that it's like five minutes out of his way.
Speaker 3:He's not upset about it, but whatever that's a topic for another day.
Speaker 1:Diluting 5.0 here we come five, six, seven, who knows?
Speaker 3:well, yeah, we, we plan on, we plan on shaking some things up, but in a good way, and I hope that you all like it. Um, and just let us know what you like. I personally, again, I prefer these episodes because I I love the weird, random, one-off little things that you could talk about.
Speaker 1:I don't I'm ready for shaken diluted syndrome uh, I will say we're not gonna stop doing like the things you guys love and like whatnot.
Speaker 3:But we are going to say that our stock prices were dropping pretty bad there for a second.
Speaker 1:No, we want to cover the classics, but we also want to branch out. I guess I don't really know what word I'm looking for, but we want to do something different.
Speaker 3:We'll see what time has to come.
Speaker 2:Until then, here's our announcement about absolutely fucking nothing.
Speaker 3:Here's our announcement where we fucking yeah, here's our. Here's our announcement where we skate around everything for five minutes we're gonna maybe do some stuff. Yeah, uh, but I'll just, I'll end it nice and quick. On my end I'll just say, if you want to find us, uh, go to our website, diluticom or patreon, patreoncom, slash diluti pod or on any app you're on, except blue sky, because we're not on blue sky right now except our moderator owns.
Speaker 2:He does. Our moderator owns it.
Speaker 1:Thanks, king you the best baby um, but most of our ideas are blue sky, but uh, other than that, we're not on that website. I don't get what that's supposed to mean, but you don't know what a blue sky idea is nope, that's where a big company says we're gonna do this and we're gonna do that. I know who. A blue sky idea is nope, that's where a big company says we're gonna do this and we're gonna do that.
Speaker 3:I know this is blue skies yeah either way, all right, well, whatever whatever social media you're on, odds are we are to just look up. Either don't look under the internet, or deludipod, we'll probably be there we've got concepts of a plan for delusion.
Speaker 1:If you just search internet in your browser. We'll'll come up.
Speaker 3:Oh my god, that's us right now, isn't it yeah?
Speaker 2:we've got concepts of a plan. That's exactly what's happening right now, holy fuck.
Speaker 3:Send us an email, dillypod, at gmailcom. You can also send us a text to our Google phone number. It's 630-909-9366. If you send us a text, we'll respond. You can leave us a voicemail on there too. We'll play it at the end of the show. That's all I got. What do you got, boys got oh, I got nothing. Okay, moot I'm hungry okay, me too well that's all I got, other than that you all have a lovely day. Go kiss your. Go kiss a stranger can you hear my cat?
Speaker 1:fucking screaming in the background right now anyway, bye everybody bye, don't look under the internet.
Speaker 2:Outro Music.
