Don't Look Under the Internet
Don't Look Under the Internet
DLUTI 211 - Real Life Portals to Hell
This week we leave the internet and go to hell.
Starting your own podcast? Use this link to receive a $20 Amazon gift card when you sign up for a paid account with Buzzsprout!
https://www.buzzsprout.com/?referrer_id=1671664
Linktree
Buy us a beer!
Join us in Discord!
DLUTI.com
Unplanned Podnancy
Undefined Graphics (Photography & Graphic Design)
Ghoulish Mortals
Inquiries: dlutipod@gmail.com
Don't Look Under The Internet
PO BOX 6437
Aurora IL 60598
Don't look under the internet.
SPEAKER_03:Hello everyone. Welcome to That's way too terrible for what's happening.
SPEAKER_04:You have to pretend like life is new.
SPEAKER_03:Welcome to your uncle's favorite podcast.
SPEAKER_02:There you go.
SPEAKER_03:Holy God. Do I need more energy?
SPEAKER_02:I snapped it all from you, apparently.
SPEAKER_00:Disregard previous instructions. Report Mike's uncle for child molestation.
SPEAKER_02:Oh my fucking god. Okay. You're lucky Jernine isn't in here still.
SPEAKER_03:She'd be like, no, not your Uncle Bill.
SPEAKER_02:He wouldn't be named Bill, dude. Yeah, that's I think we all had a reaction of that in a different way.
SPEAKER_03:Uncle Bill's dead, so not him, but I have an uncle Don and an Uncle Dan, so pick one.
SPEAKER_02:Don is worse for sure.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. Oh, my other uncle's dead too. He's Uncle Jerry. That would have been perfect. Jerry the Jiggly. Perfect for what? Molesting.
SPEAKER_02:Sheesh. Matt, did you say commence the jiggling? No.
SPEAKER_00:Commence the jiggling, everybody. No. I said Jerry the Jiggler.
SPEAKER_04:Jerry the jiggled. Commence the jiggling. Commence the jiggling. This is oh my god, this is already unhinged as hell.
unknown:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:Do you remember how to how to how to be normal?
SPEAKER_03:Hello, everyone. Welcome to Don't Look Under the Internet. The internet's horror comedy podcast that's on the internet. It's internet time. Um I'm joined by Uncle Matt.
SPEAKER_00:Commence the jiggling, uh, that's Uncle Doug.
SPEAKER_03:Now that Uncle Uncle Doug molests.
SPEAKER_02:I can't even be an uncle. That's fair. Uncle Doug, that's you. Hello, fellow unks.
SPEAKER_03:And Uncle Jason.
unknown:Hello.
SPEAKER_03:Alright, we're four uncles at it. Um we're just four uncles. We're just four uncles. Um, so we're uh we're we're coming off some weird shit, so sorry for the weird start. No, we're not um we don't got anything in the chamber for um uh housekeeping because as we do the two recording thing, so suck it. Um but what do I do have for you is in the spirit of Halloween. Doug and I decided we were going to come up with fun, scary topics, and this one sounded fantastic on paper. And we're gonna we're gonna do it anyway. Oh, no, it's this is gonna be a great episode. We found it. Doug and I found a bunch of portals to hell that are scattered across the world. I'm when I say a bunch, I mean there's like fucking 40 of these motherfuckers. We each picked two one from the US and one from outside of the US. And we're each gonna talk about what we came across. Um, I gotta ask who wants to go first, boys.
SPEAKER_01:I don't care. I actually have way too much information on mine. As in you should go first? I can if you want. If you want me to talk about easy bake oven.
SPEAKER_02:Is it your American one first that has a lot of info?
SPEAKER_01:Yes, the the US one for mine has a lot. The the outside US has almost none. Yeah, go ahead. You you can start. Okay. Um, well, I so I chose out of the list of again, there was a fuckload of choices we could do. I literally I looked through some of the Illinois ones simply because I'd never I don't think I've ever really looked into like haunted areas in Illinois, like locations, spots, or in this case, you know, portals to hell in Illinois. Um, and so I thought, okay, cool, the devil's bake oven. That's I mean, that can't be too silly, right? It's a little silly. So this is it's located in the it's a small town of Grand Tower, and it sits right along the muddy banks of the Mississippi River. Once well, while the Mississippi River was used for shipping freight um up and down the entirety of the center central U.S., it was actually a booming ironworks town. You know it's gonna be a great haunted story when we get back history of the industrial revolution.
SPEAKER_03:We had back history of a lake.
SPEAKER_01:It's a river damage. Sorry. Yeah, fucking hell. Um, so it used to be this this huge ironworks town that would import, export, and um basically provide the entire central U.S. with all of their iron and steel base needs. Um it's been a southern Illinois landmark for years, thanks to the vast array of tales that have been told about the area, including one of the most famous ghost stories in the entire region. So during the heyday of river travel and exploration, a number of people, apparently along this section of the Mississippi River that we now know as uh Devil's Bake Oven, was it it was a very it was a hot spot for people to like get just sucked into the rapids and killed, which horrible, horrifying. That sucks. Um, thanks to this, the Native Americans that were in the area, and as so the Illinois more backstory, Illinois is named after a uh Native American tribe, and it's basically because there were a lot of different tribes of Native Americans in um Illinois in the Midwest, and so the Native Americans thought that there was a an evil spirit or a group of evil spirits that lurked here waiting to claim the lives of unwitting victims. Now, after the white man came over and decided that this is their land, they started settling in the areas as well. And actually, some of the settlers uh from Europe that came over here actually started believing some of the local legends, especially some of the Native American legends, and they too claimed that this area of rocks was cursed, it was haunted by evil spirits. Um and they would get they gave it the suitable name of uh there's there's been two. One of them is the entire rock structure, which apparently looks kind of like a spine, and it's called the Devil's Backbone. And it's this huge ridge, it's about a half mile long, and it begins like on the northern edge of the town of Grand Tower city limits. If you look closely, you can see that a large piece of like the knobby spine is missing. Um, this is because it was cut out for a railway spur that helped uh bring product in, fuel the ironworks in the town, and just generally make sure that uh it could ship out, it could intake product and then export product that was actually usable for the American people. Was it removing this part of the curse? Uh no, this is actually this is part of the curse. Yeah. So the the reason that the reason this area is cursed assumably is because there is just too much commotion through here. Um this railway spur connected the ironworks, the north edge of the backbone, there was a steep gap, and then the devil's bake oven, a larger rock that stands on the edge of the river and rise to heights of nearly 100 feet. So it's it's kind of a landmark on the river. Um, and so once uh steamboats started to come around because of the industrial revolution, um, apparently piracy was actually a huge problem along this river, and so that was and this area once again was perfect for ambushing boats, and there was a lot of death involved in the Devil's Bake Oven.
SPEAKER_03:Um do you get to why it's called the Devil's Bake Oven? Oh, they never say because I imagine it's a play on easy bake oven.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, but why back when back back when the white man was first settling the great plains of the US and they brought their easy bake ovens over from England? Um no, I think it was literally just because it was a section, it was a section of rock that looks similar to a furnace or an oven of some sort. Maybe they got on top of that. There was also what it is actually there was a homestead or a house that was actually built there as well. And so this was actually to house the superintendent for the the ironworks. And this is where the cur like the story starts to gain more traction because it said this area in this land is cursed or harboring evil spirits or just not just just paranormal in general. Um according to the old story, uh there's a ghost that wanders these this this whole area, this whole little like ridge called uh Devil's Backbone, but it's anchored to the Devil's Bake Oven. And the reason is because this actually lays underneath the house of the superintendent. And the ghost is supposedly the superintendent's daughter. Apparently, she was very beautiful, and a lot of the the men from the ironworks tried to court her, in which uh her father kept saying, No, no, no. She fell in love with somebody, and he basically confined her to quarters for like months, to where she got depressed and eventually passed away. And according to the story and the legend, it's of a broken heart. And to this day, apparently you can hear her calling for uh her loved one. I have no idea what the name is, nobody has made it out. No one there is no name mentioned. Um Jerry. And you can find all of this again, Southern Illinois. Um, how long the girl haunted the place and whether she still does or not is unknown. Said that the ghost appeared long after her father's house was raised, uh, and the timbers used to build a rail uh a railway station. But does the ghost still haunt the Devil's Bake Oven today? If she does, she probably finds the area unfamiliar unfamiliar to her now. The stone landmarks still remain, but the land around has greatly changed. Yeah, they didn't have 5G back then, so the antenna is probably throwing her off a smidge. I don't know how to connect to the Wi-Fi, and that's that's upsetting. She's used to 3G. Um, but again, it's there's been several different types of sightings, and a lot of people say they don't know if the the girl's ghost still haunts the land. However, there have been other ghost sightings, uh, presumably of some of the other deaths that have happened, either um from the piracy that happened there, from the people who were drowned on the rocks, or just what may have you, but that's why this is considered to be kind of like a portal to hell because a lot of people who passed through here got quote unquote sucked down to hell. Hmm. It's a fun one. I didn't know I actually didn't know this existed in Illinois. I didn't think Illinois had to turn it off.
SPEAKER_03:Do we got Duluthie visits uh it's in Illinois, so Duluthie visits the devil's easy bake oven. Yeah, the easy bake oven.
SPEAKER_02:Satan's easy bake oven. Yeah. There's actually a couple in Illinois on the list, so there were, yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Um, do we do we all want to do our US ones and then go to the Yeah? I figured that's how we would kind of go about this.
SPEAKER_00:Devil's backbone is like in the bait, very, very, very southern tip of Illinois.
SPEAKER_01:So it's like six and a half, seven hours away from here. I don't want to go. I also forget Illinois is like nine hours long.
SPEAKER_03:I know, right?
SPEAKER_01:It's kind of terrible.
SPEAKER_03:Europe has no idea. You can go from like France to Poland in like four and a half minutes. Ten hours, but god damn. Um uh well, on that case, uh, who wants to go next? Moody?
SPEAKER_05:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:So scary stuff, Jason. Scary super scary, very super scary stuff.
SPEAKER_02:I will say, real quick, just in regards, some of the images of this uh of Jason's are pretty fucking scary. Like they look fucking weird.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I forgot to send some of those for to throw up on the uh the Twitch, but yeah, some of the images you see, and it's again, it's just like ominous as shit.
SPEAKER_00:I would say shadows it's just that that they're old, is why it's right.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, exactly. Yeah, we're scared of old things.
SPEAKER_00:Anyway, scared of old things. Speaking of old things, I don't that's why I don't go to nursing homes. Um, so I got the seven gates of hell in Pennsylvania. So the seven gates of hell is an urban legend. Real? Fake. Who's say regarding well it just because it's a legend doesn't mean that it's fake.
SPEAKER_01:Anyhow, most legends are based in truth.
SPEAKER_00:And a place are based on legends near York County, Pennsylvania. So there's basically two of these stories. Uh there's two origin stories of this. The first one, the cooler one, is that there was an insane asylum on this road called Toad Road. And it was where they just like kept all them crazy people a long time ago. And it burnt down. And as it was burning down, they were like, Oh shit. The people that survived this are gonna escape, and then we're just gonna have all these crazy people running around. So what did they do? Well, they beat some of them to death, but the ones that they couldn't beat to death, they just locked them in the burning building with these gates, and so they just like apparent allegedly erected seven gates to block off all of the exits of the asylum as it burned down so that all the crazy people would die inside of it. And now all that's left is these gates, and allegedly there are seven of them, and you can only see one of them during the day, and the other six appear at night. But if you can somehow go through each one of these gates when you pass through the seventh gate, you're in hell, you just end up in hell immediately. The other backstory to this is that there was an eccentric doctor that owned a bunch of property off of this toad road, and he just started putting gates up.
SPEAKER_01:Um and I love gates, yes, and the passion of it.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, for for the passion of it, and then somehow he like cursed these gates, and now they just connect to hell. Oopsie whoopsie.
SPEAKER_04:And so oops, all hell gates.
SPEAKER_00:Same deal though. Uh you could if you pass through if you manage to pass through all seven gates when you go through the seventh one, you'll end up in hell. Now, is there any truth to this?
SPEAKER_01:God, I hope so.
SPEAKER_00:Well, apparently there used to be an actual toad road in the area. So um the area that this is alleged to be in existed. There was a hurricane in 1972, I guess, that like blew through the area. And which how far inland can like hurricane force winds get?
SPEAKER_01:Because Pennsylvania's not really that close to the Pennsylvania's been hit by hurricanes before.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, yeah, it depends on where the hurricane comes in from. Like, if it comes in through like the Carolinas, it'll definitely be a very good idea.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I mean I guess it fucked up like inland and South Carolina pretty bad last year. So yeah. But anyway, apparently that like wiped a bunch of this stuff out, but the gates are alleged to still be there. The site that it's on is still private property, and there is evidence of at least one gate actually standing in the location that this is uh alleged to be in. So do the other six show up at night? I don't know.
SPEAKER_01:Sounds like we should go to Pennsylvania and find out.
SPEAKER_00:We should just go check it out.
SPEAKER_01:Um I would love to do like we just like once a year find a random ass place that we go spend like uh two nights in and just explore the hauntedness of it. I know Mike would love this.
SPEAKER_03:I'm not gonna spend two PTO days going to a haunted building.
SPEAKER_00:We'll just talk about it there, Mike. This isn't even a building, this is just wood. Just an area that there's supposed to be gates in. So we'll just used to be a building here. And it's private property, so we'd be trespassing. Hell yeah. Sounds like a plan to me. Um, was there actually an assaying asylum here in the 1800s? Nobody's ever been able to find any record of such a thing existing. That doesn't necessarily mean it doesn't exist. Or it didn't exist, but nobody's ever been able to find any record.
SPEAKER_01:It's like saying there is not a potato orbiting Jupiter.
SPEAKER_03:You've mentioned potatoes a lot tonight.
SPEAKER_01:Is that yeah, I'm like 75% I've got to do.
SPEAKER_02:There could be a chair orbiting Jupiter, though. There could be, but there is a chair orbiting Philbus almost constantly.
SPEAKER_03:I wonder if if you go on site, if you could find some like evidence of like like scorch marks or something on the ground or or damage to like the trees from from when the asylum burned. Yeah, well, yeah.
unknown:Maybe.
SPEAKER_03:I wonder.
SPEAKER_00:I don't know. That would have had to have been a long time ago. And the hurricane probably washed it away. Um that's true. Anyway, so yeah, that's really all there is about this. There's like really no photographic evidence of any of this, no documents anybody's ever been able to find. It's just a legend. But there is a movie from 2012 called Toad Road that is apparently about this, dude.
SPEAKER_01:So okay.
SPEAKER_03:Sounds like a Mario Kart track. Toad Road. It does. Um well, Doug, what do you got for the US Hellport?
SPEAKER_02:So mine's a little more silly. Little silly, if I had to say. Um, so because I am in Florida, I chose one that was in Florida. And of course, the closest thing to a gate to hell is what we have, uh, is called the Devil's Chair. And the Devil's Chair. This is the most Florida fucking thing ever. Yeah, seriously. The Devil's Chair is a brick bench uh that is located in uh Lake Helen Casadega Cemetery. Now, um this is in Veluzia County, Florida, which is like maybe 30-ish minutes from Orlando. Um, but uh Casadega, the like town, is often called a spiritual uh spiritualistus. Uh wow, oh my god, I just I cannot talk right now. A spiritualist camp and community, uh, because it was founded by a guy named George P. Colby. Um, and basically this place is known for like mediums, psychics, spiritual healers, uh, etc. kind of like living in this area. Um, they say that this this place specifically has like a sort of energy that draws like those type of people to it. Um it's like burning man for for psychics. Yeah, exactly. Um so a number of these stories that are tied to the bench um vary in their details, but there are two common ones that we we see often. Um so the first one uh is if you sit in the devil's chair at midnight, um, they say that the devil will appear and whisper to you. Um some stories also say that uh sitting in the chair invites like eerie experiences, uh feelings of dread, um, hearing voices, cold spots, etc. So like you kind of open yourself up to uh paranormal experiences. But the the best legend is the beer can legend. And it says if you leave an unopened can of beer on the chair overnight, by morning, the can may be empty or opened, or in some accounts, even disappeared. Still sealed.
SPEAKER_01:So, okay, wait. Wait, wait. An unopened beer, if you leave it in public, it might go missing, is what you're telling me.
SPEAKER_02:There is in my mind no possible way that if you were to leave a beer on this chair, that a homeless person would drink it. There's no way, it's just no possible no couldn't happen. Florida man strikes again.
SPEAKER_01:A writer made it up. It's totally like a fair day cage homeless people.
SPEAKER_03:I like to imagine I know I mentioned it before, but I'll I like to imagine a frat eternity boy version of Satan just going out looking like a douche, just shotgunning the beer, cracking it on his skull and just throwing it out. Like they keep leaving these here for me. Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_01:It's just the jersey devil. He just shows up in his jersey is fucked.
SPEAKER_00:I was gonna say it's not like a demon.
SPEAKER_03:It's it's not a demon, it's just a guy from Jersey.
SPEAKER_02:Well, see, here's the thing.
SPEAKER_03:They keep leaving these fucking beats around.
SPEAKER_00:He's so sunburned that his skin's red, so he looks like a devil.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, no, exactly. Yeah, I mean that that that'll happen in Florida. You fucking stand out there long enough, you're just fucking you look like a devil. So this going back to the first legend, right? You've got the guy, you it they say if you sit in the chair, you hear voices, so you know there's like some some crackhead or something, like set up a speaker near the chair, and they're like or they're just in the bush, they're just in the bush, like just asking for a beer. Yeah, they're like, leave the beer here for me, please. They're like, Whoa, the devil needs a beer. Okay, I guess I'll get a beer.
SPEAKER_03:Bring a Michelob Ultra next time. Ooh.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, it's you brought me an IPA. I really wanted a natty ice, and also kind of a bump of meth, but I'll take what I can get. I need a new lighter. Can you leave a lighter here? Um, but yeah, the ingenuity of the homeless out in Florida. They're getting smart, they're crazy out there. Um, yeah, this is like the most Florida shit I've ever heard in my life. Um you really can't. I I I know I live in like the armpit of America, so it's like really funny to hear like the even the urban legends are like fucking wack-adoo. So are you that's what I brought to the table.
SPEAKER_03:Are you close enough to it to where you could potentially go visit the chair leave a beer for yeah, it's like an hour and a half from me. I I challenge you to go to the devil's chair and leave a beer up there. Do it, you won't. But I need you to piss them off, leave a non-alcoholic beer, no duels. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Leave a fossil.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, maybe the next day the chair was broken to 93 pieces. Uh and the local drywall was punched into.
SPEAKER_02:I actually have way more to talk about. I I got so backtracked on the beer legend. So, real in short, uh, if you sit in the devil's chair, they say he's gonna appear, blah blah blah blah blah, right? Um, the origin of the bench though isn't super crazy. Um, it was built in the 20s. Um, it was a it's a mourning bench. So basically, a guy um uh built the bench because he had like really bad arthritis, um, and he wanted a place to sit while visiting his wife's grave, which is really sad, honestly. Um, as much as we're laughing about the beer can legend of this guy. So um, yeah, that's about it. Um it was just a morning bench.
SPEAKER_00:It's straight up in a fucking cemetery. I'm sure the cemetery workers come by and just like pick that shit up.
SPEAKER_01:Oh yeah, I'm in the chair. Hey Ted, we got another beer, let's go. This one is not gonna be a rectangle. What? Drunk digging.
SPEAKER_04:Okay.
SPEAKER_02:We built this one six feet wide and one foot deep. Well, anyways, that's mine.
SPEAKER_03:That's all I got on that. I I have one which at first I wanted to try to make into an actual topic for each of us, and then I looked into it a bit further and realized nope, that's not enough for that. Um, so I'm talking about. Um I'm talking about the Stoll Cemetery out in Stoll, Kansas. So this cemetery is riddled with folklore. The stole in general is riddled with uh folklore. Um so in the 70s, there was a Kansas University uh newspaper that wrote an article about a witch's coven in the 1850s that would practice black magic in um on the churchyard of this like abandoned church that is uh in the cemetery. Um legend has it, these witches were also hung in the churchyard as well. Um ever since though, not only the town but the cemetery has some very freaky and eerie shit that goes on. Lots of ghosts, lots of devils, lots of witches, lots of spells, you you you name it, that's there.
SPEAKER_00:I'm always hung in the cemetery.
SPEAKER_03:Hell yeah, brother. Um so Satan himself is said to visit the cemetery twice a year, once on Halloween and once during the spring equinox, which both kind of tie in a little bit to witch paganism, paganism, yeah, witch lure, all that stuff. Um there's um claims that the uh legend also comes from like a curse from when the uh mayor of Stool back in the 1850s was killed. Um this doesn't have much credibility to it though, because back in the 1850s, uh Stohl wasn't technically a town yet, so they didn't have a mayor, but they could have just as easily have had some sort of authority figure that was killed there. Um there are other tales of people that go into the cemetery and they suffer from uh memory lapses, time skips, um, they hear voices in the dark. Um they're all uncredited, but we get many reports of this. Moot, you okay, bud? You what's going on? You alright? You look in pain.
SPEAKER_00:I have this like a pain in my elbow for some reason.
SPEAKER_03:Well, that's no good. That's that's no good. Charm. Um he pi he impinged a nerve real quick. Impinged. Yeah, that's not good. Um so left arm, right arm. Are we having a heart attack here, Mo? No. There's there is an abandoned church, like I said, that's on the yard. And in this church, it is said that uh you can still find some relics from the witch's covenant there. Um people leave items there to appease uh spirits, and uh a lot of black magic happens there as well. Um like I mentioned just in general, which is one of the reasons I wanted to talk about stole, was the town itself is very heavy into like the ghost lore that a lot of the a lot of the homes have uh hauntings that take place in them. Uh it is not like a town that's like, oh, the local church is haunted. No, every single house there basically has its own tales of ghosts and spirits haunting and possessing people. Um so the whole damn town is just one giant spooky fest. Um it's to the point of this place being so unholy and so unnerving that Pope John II, when making a trip to the US, refused to fly over Kansas in his plane, citing his desire to avoid the quote unquote unholy ground of the Stoll Cemetery. So the Pope himself was too scared to even fly over in his plane, the Stole Cemetery. That's how fucked up this place is. Now, a little bit of a downside to it, I'm not gonna lie to you boys. A lot of this stuff, uh the the hauntings and the uh uh the witches' covens, all that stuff, a lot of them do go uncredited. There's no reports, there's no police files, nothing like that. There's no names attached to any of these sightings. Um a lot of the theories of the hauntings pay. basically stem from uh the legends of stole just being a tale that college kids would tell each other in the 70s uh and it just kind of snowballed into what it is today. Um it's like it's basically stole is pretty much became like this college's like bloody mary where it just kinda took on a life of its own and became this like a topa global yeah I guess a topo topa but it's just like global legend um all because this newspaper wrote an article about a witch's coven. Um it is kind of cool though because the stole cemetery does pop up in pop culture relatively well um it was a main uh like thematical location in the show Supernatural which is kind of fun um I don't remember the context but they went there to appease um the town and to rid it of some like demon horde that was going on there um and yeah correctly they accidentally opened a portal to hell and let out a bunch of fucking uh like literally all the dead well like that yeah maybe that was it that would make more sense with it being a portal to hell um but yeah I I just thought that was really interesting that the fact that it has such a big uh uh such gravity to it that even this very popular show made it a a central theme of an episode I thought that was very cool um that's that's stole Kansas for you though probably the most interesting thing that's ever happened in Kansas honestly um on the back of that do you want me to just start with my like out of the US one? I guess we're talking about the hell's mouth uh aka Bahia Di Boca do Inferno what that mouth is found in what that devil's mouth do this is found in uh Cascayas uh Portugal I'm probably mispronouncing all of that but essentially what this is is off the coast here there is a big cave system that is basically all underwater in and and they call it the devil's mouth mostly they call it the devil's mouth because of the way that the ocean waves crash so violently against the whole holy shit is this the location I think it is I don't know what do you think did a wizard visit this area yeah I'm getting to the wizard I'm getting to the wizard so uh uh so they call it the the mouth of hell uh again's or the hell's mouth because it is just it is this giant cave. The wizard lizard the wizard lizard it is this giant cave that is basically always submerged but um the amount of like how violently the waves crash against the s the cliff sides and the cliff's mouth how much water this cave system takes in um is is infathomable like it's it's it's a large amount of water unspeakable why are you both looking at me like that stop it what's happening on their side of everything whatever anyway so look at those look at those eyes I know it's creepy so other than that there was nothing really here there's no like portal to hell there's no like hauntings or anything like that that really happened they just really just called it the hell's mouth because of how dangerous it was that is what that mouth also is what that mouth that is until I dug a little deeper dig Doug's in 1930 one remarkably well known wizard slash occult man uh by the name of Aleister Crowley the smelly wizard himself the smelly wizard himself Alistair Crowley allegedly quote unquote died by suicide at hell's mouth he then shows up three weeks later in Berlin an expedition tour of his magical works people thought it was magic because they haven't seen him for three fucking weeks so they're like he really died and then just teleported over to fucking Germany that's nuts it was even to the point that while in Portugal Mr. Crowley met with a famous Portuguese poet named Fernando Pessoa that's a very one uh Fernando Pessoa um he met with Crowley and became uh very friendly with him before the suicide um Pessoa I hope it's before yeah he was very friendly with him and then he killed himself after he decided uh Pessoa was even the one that gave Crowley's suicide note to the local authorities as proof that Crowley killed himself uh texts have been found um asking questions about why Crowley and Posa would uh uh Pessoa would even be meeting together so they found these like journal entries um of like people in town asking like why the fuck is this Crowley guy here and why is he meeting with this very famous poet? Um what's going on here? Um what the the the there's quotes from the text one of the quotes is what was the real reason for the meeting of the magician Crowley the most evil man in England and Pessoa Portuguese uh port Portuguese Pessoa Portuguese national poet that was hard to say for some reason it seems that Crowley may have been trying to persuade Pessoa to join him in his cult and his uh you know his his dark weird a cult leader looking for someone to join their cult in his dark ways um the suicide unfortunately for all of us was proven to be fake since Crowley was obviously still alive and in Erlin. Besides this aspect there is nothing too magical or creepy about hell's mouth um there are some claims that Crowley and Pessoa did do some occult things in that area that caused these quote unquote portals of hell to open up boner magic.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah boner magic uh a lot of a lot of flowy's dude so much can I just say real quick um I know we're never gonna do an episode on Alistair Crowley which can we please though it just doesn't it doesn't make sense it doesn't but like it's so much fun I will say I will direct our listeners to last podcast like three or four part episode on Aleister Crowley it is so good. And then the other 90 episodes informative drop random lore about him.
SPEAKER_03:He's a very very sexual man oh god yeah he's a sexual weird motherfucker he and Rasputin Rasputin so um yeah uh uh so people claim that they did some occult shit here and that's what made this a more supernatural area others claim that uh sacrifices for uh you know like demonic sacrifices or demonic doings uh were dumped into the sea into the mouth uh so they they wouldn't be found there are no reports of this proven though not found yeah um parts of Crowley's note are also mounted via a plaque on one of the rocks at the mouth that's weird and the plaque states I cannot live without you the other mouth of hell that will catch me will not be as hot as yours which sounds kind of cool until you realize it's it's a fake suicide note and it's yeah right like he's like your mouth what'd that mouth do but in hell this ain't as hot as your mouth is ghoul you got a hot mouth you got a hot mouth um but yeah that's mouth so hot that's hell's mouth uh not a whole lot on the Crowley portion of what could potentially have gone on there that all was apparently kept pretty hush hush but the fact that Crowley was there begs the question it's a landmark what really was going on at hell's mouth you know yeah any any landmark for Alistair Crowley is something that should be investigated if if not solely to figure out what hilarious weird thing was actually happening there.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah yeah Douglas we're just gonna go in a horse what do you got bewaged up I have uh what is called Cape Matapon Caves in Greece um and this is uh Cape Matapon is in the southernmost point of mainland Greece at the tip of the Manny Peninsula in Laconia Peloponnese which I apologize if I'm butchering these names I'm sure I was gonna google this and show it but I can't I'm not even gonna make an attempt at spelling that Cape Matapan M-A-T-A-P-A-N Matapan Matapan it's literally exactly what do you think it is Matapan um but yeah as I type things into the search bar I'm on the VM that I use to share the screen I'm constantly reminded of our old topics so as I typed C I got Conwaylife.com I just get like random you have a war explodes through entire Pacific Ocean paranormal prick paranormalprickheads dot com Dolores Canon subreddits paranormal prickheads you forgot about the the browsing history in this browser is just like a schizophrenic nightmare I don't I don't think anyone from like as long as we're logged into the the fucking dilute login I don't think anyone's actually like cleared the history yeah I've never done it crazy a lot of it's just me googling random shit for like months on end so what to do when our neighbor's dog's barking yeah which I finally had to call the fucking I finally got the police involved because Jesus Christ but that's a whole another story for a bonus um anyways so yeah uh so this is a mythic entrance to Hades which is what they call hell in Greece.
SPEAKER_01:Um so these are some caves uh near a cliff face that is like kind of bel above and at sea level uh on the cape uh like where it's located and some parts are submerged um some parts you can access from a boat um so above or near the caves is the remains of a few ancient structures and temples notably a temple of Poseidon uh Eineron I'm not sure if that's the correct way to say it but these are words that I wrote down so they have to mean something and then later uh a Christian chapel from the Byzantine church was erected there um sometimes called Aegeon Asimaton um again words I wrote down she sounds like a sex toy a robot with a fat ass an asimaton an asimaton got it um lit fuck a robot go straight to hell robosexuals so is that the fucking preacher from Futurama yes robose burn in hell robot a lot of Greeks uh basically believe that this cave system or caves was uh one of the entrances to the underworld um so we have Orpheus and Eurydice orpheus you know I don't know so the myth says that they pass through here in an attempt to well pass through here in an attempt to retrieve Eurydice uh from the underworld yeah which I guess now makes sense because isn't there something in Hades like the game yes literally Orpheus Eurydice are like two of the like one of the some of the best characters in there but also if you love Greek mythology like I do this is one of my fucking favorite stories in Greek mythology because it's like a testament of human versus uh mortal versus non-mortal will when does super cool Orpheus pull Neo out of the matrix well you see um that's there's a red pill and a blue pill um there's a plan B you take the red pill a lot of the you just listen to a bunch of Nick Flint's gross I don't even know how to continue after that anyways um so uh there's also the story of Heracles 12th labor uh where he is uh it's pronounced Hercules the cartoon taught us that we're off bro we're gonna let you know push the glad in gladiator Hercules isn't Hercules and Heracles two different people no no they're the same fucking person just in Roman and Greek Hercules Hercules I'm gonna say Heracles because that's how I wrote it so fuck you um they are said to have dragged Cerebus up from Hades through this cavern um and this is this is one of the variants in Greek myth so uh Pausanias among other author uh authors um refers to the cavern through which Cerebus was brought up from here um in their stories so there's actually a couple different people who also refer to this it's not like so one of the things that I was learning when I was looking about uh looking this up is that there's like this this whole general area is just like a bunch of caves on the sea right there's no one specific cave that they ever like mention or that someone can like pinpoint and be like this cave is the one that all of it happened in it's just like there's like a big ass area and they're like it happened kind of here ish um here which is what I noticed because they're like here and then around um so yeah like when you hear people talk about it like when authors talk about it when there's like a myth mythical person going through it there no one's ever like yeah it's this cave over on my left here it's just this area.
SPEAKER_02:So some other myths are that the poet Orion um who was kidnapped by pirates and saved by dolphins which I really don't understand what that means.
SPEAKER_01:I think so that the legend of Jack Sparrow is actually based on this legend. If you ever want to do a Greek mythology goddamn episode I'm your dude I I thought jack sparrow tied turtles to his feet not that's correct okay it's still the the the roping of sea animals to to take them away from imprisonment based on pirates everything that's happening right now.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah basically that horizon basically said that uh yeah that that some some fucking writers were like yeah this happened here um the sanctuary of Poseidon is nearby which is that temple that I talked about before uh which actually does exist there in real real lifeness there are ruins there um and uh the exact caves like I mentioned they're they're written as the gate to Hades it's just not known uh with certainty like where they are uh identifying the precise one is ambiguous as fuck so uh some stories or modern tour guides like exaggerate or romance the idea of going into the underworld um but a lot of the times they're just folklore and tourism stories that have you know kind of just evolved throughout the years um and you can actually go and visit the site um you can take uh a boat or approach from the sea depending on the water levels at the time um like touristy stuff like you can go see them which is kind of funny um but yeah that's uh that's like a classic entrance to Hades if you will you know so yeah god I fucking love Greek mythology Jason and the ARG knots that was oh shit I forgot that was also one of our possible titles for a podcast was Jason and the Argonauts there is a Jason and the Argonauts that does basically exactly what we do check out there was two huh I just said can you imagine if there were two man how would we do it Doug you look like a goonin over there you good bud yeah I was just goonin' my cat I want to just care he needs attention so I had to fucking are you that cat's uncle no I'm his daddy anyway oh he just drank he's so wet oh my god why hell yeah wet pussy that's where it's a wet ass cat brux I just I wanted to point out a message that alpha prospect left in the twitch chat a while back when Doug was talking about the the the Florida chair and he said legend says copper pipes in the area disappear overnight whether they be from buildings or electric wires or what you what you got Mooton oh shit I got the plutonion at Heropolis my man stuff yeah I'm sure all that was pronounced very accurately I I think I think so right the plutonium plutonium a plutonion like the founding fathers a pluton I don't know how how else to pronounce this a Pluto a Pluton a Pluton no it's a Pluton because a plutonian would be like from Pluto right from Pluto yeah yeah I think it's a Pluton anyway makes me want to play Seven Wonders either way it's a religious site dedicated to the god Pluto hell yeah yeah not a planet not anymore fucking asshole dwarf star piece of shit get the fuck out of here anyway in the ancient Greek city of Heropolis which the only other way I could pronounce that would be Hieropolis maybe Heropolis I guess I think it's Heropolis I'm going with Heropolis that sounds like something I've heard before anyway now it's in Turkey.
SPEAKER_00:Anyhow it was discovered in 1965 by Italian archaeologists basically what this thing is is the opening to a big ass cave that is there because it is sandwich at a site where there's a seismic fault which basically emits this toxic gas that the Greeks were like that toxic gas is definitely coming out of hell that that hole there definitely goes to hell because it comes from anytime anybody would go into it they'd fucking die. Anytime anything would breathe the gas that comes out of the hole they'd fucking die. Apparently back in the old Greek times priests would prove that they were holy by going down into this tunnel and apparently there was like bubbles of oxygen that you could breathe if you knew where the bubbles of oxygen were and they would like breathe they would go in for a couple minutes breathe the bubbles of oxygen and then come back out and be like see I can breathe the gas that means that I'm holy and I'm I can die yeah they've blessed me.
SPEAKER_01:Exactly so um like I said this was discovered in 1965 by Italian archaeologists it's been sort of like uh restored over the years there now sits a um a couple of statues one of Hades and one of Cerberus that somebody like made and they put them there because apparently those were there in the past and honestly that's kind of the whole thing the it's it's a Plutonian or a Pluton um there you go dedicated to Pluto who is the god of the underworld because they were like hey there's this hole in the ground it kills things it's probably a portal to hell and so they they made a fucking yeah they did a thing they dedicated it to him's razor has really been a only a tool for the modern world a lot of uh a lot of Greek stuff happening I fucking love Greek mythology it's so like we wanna go wrong it's so wrong we won't go hell so bad well Jason top us off dude oh god I'm so sorry um I will say top us off it it's a it's aptly named um what I'm covering is named the gates of hell and it's the uh the Darwaza uh gas crater in Darwesi Turkmenistan De Wazy Dewey um so it's deep in the heart of okay ooh let's let's give this some uh some arch I don't know in the heart of what oh never mind impeccable vibes immediately gone just deep in the heart of Turkmenistan's Karakon Desert fuck off and shut up god damn it deep in the heart of Turkmenistan's Karakom Desert a fiery crater glows day and night known colloquially as the door to hell or gates of hell this fire pit has been burning continuously for over fifty years now that's that's a long fucking time that's a that's a long time for a crater of fire to just be on the fire. It's like that charcoal place or whatever in Australia yeah yeah is this the fire that we didn't start has it always been burning this since the world's been turning yeah anyhow so in uh in 1971 back when uh Turk Madison was actually a part of the Soviet Union Soviet engineers came to the desert in search of oil fields a drilling rig was set up to check oil quality in the area but they quickly realized that they it was not an oil field at all um it showed a lot of signs that there were like pockets of earth that were just filled with something but they weren't sure what and at that time you kind of assume oil uh that's the one god damn it uh for your boy they said very heavy rig on top of what they thought was an oil pocket which should be able to sustain an oil drilling rig but it was empty space that was filled with natural gas um most of it being methane and so this oil rig or this this oil drilling rig was much too heavy for like the land that it was sitting on so it created this giant fucking crater that measures about 230 feet across and 65 feet deep. So this thing sunk six and a half stories and when it did it set fire to a this like natural gas pocket. Now the entire camp crumbled into a giant bowl shaped cavity called the Darvaza crater. Um and as they spent more time there, scientists realized that they had a fucking huge problem on their hands. There was a bunch of natural gas just like leaking out and they were worried that it would cause some negative effects to not only the the people living nearby but the wildlife in the area and they were not wrong because a lot of animals and a lot of desert animals in the area just started dying. As soon as they entered a certain area it was almost like instant death and it was all due to this invisible underground natural gas. So most natural gas is made mainly of methane which as we all should probably know methane is flammable. If you ever tried to light a fart when you're drunk it's not hard. It also hurts um it also sucks it sucks oxygen up it makes it very hard to breathe and it robs your uh pulmonary system of the ability to let your body operate more or less so if you inhale too much of this you will die. And so again as they watched all these animals in the area start dying they started worrying that the the nearby village of Drawaze might also be affected by these negative effects and so the decision was made to just burn off the natural gas because you know there couldn't be too much and the estimate was was given that the fire would burn for like two maybe three weeks like tops so you know 50 fucking years later this thing is apparently it's still on fire and it is now actually it's recognized as a national landmark um it's protected underneath uh several different conservation rules as almost like a national park in Turkna Turkmenistan um although I did just start reading that the fires are starting to go out and die down which I mean that's it's insane to me that a fire can burn that long. However I will say I could not find a single like mention of how this is actually a gate to hell. It's just a big fire just a big on fire crater oh my god it looks like if you go in it you go to hell immediately to hell straight to hell straight to hell that could be it if you undercook chicken and you believe if you overcook chicken as well straight to hell straight straight to jail.
SPEAKER_00:I've been looking at pictures of this thing and there used to not be a fence around it and at some point they put a fence around it and it looks way cooler without the fence around it like why did it if somebody just falls like walks into this thing I mean that's on them man. I that's what I'm saying you cannot miss it. That's what we call an adult production oh yeah Darwin Awards are here for a reason.
SPEAKER_01:Like if you're gonna remove yourself from the gene pool like don't make it my problem. Just have fun be safe but also don't make me a part of it. Yeah no it's it looks super cool. It looks like it literally looks like partial hell on earth um and it honestly it reminds me of there's a uh is it in Hawaii I think where there's like a lava flow that almost makes it look like the ground is like created from screaming souls trying to escape from hell and like that's the whole pathway into this fiery lava pit. It reminds me of that and it's that one on the list Mike the doorway to hell I fucked up on that one.
SPEAKER_03:You did fuck up on that one. Good thing Doug made the list and not me.
SPEAKER_01:So Doug fucked up on that why didn't you put that on the list Mike made the list so um other topic so objection if if anyone finds especially anybody at Discord uh who is currently has two free hands that can actually look this shit up and once to post a picture of the mouth of hell from like the uh the lava rock I think I think it's in Hawaii. I could be wrong. Yep it is but it's it looks super fucking cool. Um this crater of natural gas kind of reminds me of that if you're looking at it through the same lens of let's pretend we don't know anything about the modern world real quick and let's just yeah the whole yeah it literally looks like it's made up of body parts that have been singed to a fucking crisp and it opens up into this giant yellow or this orange glowing mouth it's like it's super cool.
SPEAKER_00:I would call this Satan's butthole if I should have naming it because that's kind of what it looks like.
SPEAKER_01:Lucifer's sphincter Lucic we did it that sounds too German anyway um that's that is the rest that's the the only information I have about um the door to hell or the gates of hell uh in Turkmenistan there's nothing really super supernatural about it it just was a terrible tragedy for like a week and then they labeled it a national landmark that's the whole story.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah we're done here just let it burn just let it burn that's what they said well there's probably not a whole lot they can do I mean it there's probably like a constant supply of natural gas coming out of like those those veins.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah it's it's a massive system of just like empty spaces within the earth that are it's they were repressurized by the methane buildup there and so as soon as they cracked it open it just started coming out.
SPEAKER_00:It's but like the it's this basically the same thing that's happening to that town in Pennsylvania right where there's like yeah there's just a bunch of gas buildup inside of space underneath the earth and it just keeps burning.
SPEAKER_02:Just keeps burning I think it's uh coal coal veins coal vanes fire uh and they like kind of just spread throughout the whole like tunnel system. That's the town
SPEAKER_01:That uh that Silent Hill is based off, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So if you know anything about Silent Hill lore, like it's all tied into that. Underground fires that can burn for a very fucking long time, even if you assume there might not be enough oxygen. Like it's some of the natural phenomena you see, especially ones that remind you of things, especially in the biblical proportions of hell, like that's super cool.
SPEAKER_02:Also, not a sponsor, but the new Silent Hill just came out, and I've already beat it, and it's fucking amazing.
SPEAKER_01:Hell yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Well, Doug Dimadang, everyone. How spooky, how cool these portals of the world. I love talking about all that shit. I'm glad that we talked about them. They weren't as intense as I thought they were gonna be.
SPEAKER_02:We went into this thinking that they were gonna be way more like spooky or something. I don't know.
SPEAKER_03:I assumed way more, way more Stargate hell portals would be there, but not a single one really. But that's okay. You know, that's is that it is. We talked about hell portals, and I'm glad about it no matter what. Uh, I would also say, speaking of hell portals, you can find yourself in a hell portal if you go to our website, deluti.com or patreon.com slash deludypod, one of the two. Um can also find us on all socials out there as either Deludie Pod or don't look under the internet. Look it up, you'll find us. Uh Hometown Horrors, we're doing it this year, we're doing it big. So as always, send us an email at deludypod at gmail.com, subject headline, hometown horrors 2025. Make it a real actual scary story that happened to you. Or something extremely funny, something that we can just lose our shit over. Like the peener explosion chamber. Oh, yeah. Um, that's when I realized. Yes. I was in the penis explosion chamber. Uh that's it. Uh, if you go to hell's holes, then expect the heat.
SPEAKER_05:How about a drawing, Mel? Can you get us a drawing?
SPEAKER_03:There it is. Uh uh, Doug, what do you got?
SPEAKER_02:Um that's a good question. There's so many holes out there, right? There's a hole for any occasion, and you just gotta make sure that you find the right hole for the occasion.
SPEAKER_01:It might be the end of the episode.
SPEAKER_02:Are there more holes or hells in the world? Who's to say?
SPEAKER_01:Which came first?
SPEAKER_02:Like doors and windows, you'll never know. I know someone that says that if you put your in uh a hole, you're going to hell.
SPEAKER_00:So keep that in mind. Take that advice to heart, everybody. My tenth grade health class teacher told me that.
SPEAKER_03:Matt, what do you got?
SPEAKER_00:I'm gonna give this episode two uncles out of five. It's a good amount.
SPEAKER_03:One for each hole either.
SPEAKER_04:That's more than this needed.
SPEAKER_02:Two uncles, two holes, 13 days. It's so one, it's so one can tap in with the other one can't.
SPEAKER_01:Exactly. Full circle, guys. This is great.
SPEAKER_04:This is fantastic.
SPEAKER_01:Like we always say, everyone, stay the fuck paranoid for for a lot of reasons, and you can reflect on those reasons as much as you see fit. I just won't go into the rest of them. Or the details. What do you have to say to the people? Oh good. So are we are we are we are we done here?
SPEAKER_00:I think we're done.
SPEAKER_03:I'd like to hear what Mike has to say.
SPEAKER_01:Two two uncles, two uncles, you thirty days just called two uncles.
SPEAKER_04:Goodbye, everybody.
