Don't Look Under the Internet
Don't Look Under the Internet
DLUTI 213 - Hometown Horrors 2025
This week we're all together to read your spooky stories! Thanks for another creepy crazy year!
You've Got to Be Critting MeMagic, mayhem, and moral dilemmas, an actual play with heart and hilarity!
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Don't Look Under The Internet
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Don't look on your video.
SPEAKER_01:Run it back.
SPEAKER_11:Well, if that ain't a fucking tell of what's about to happen, I don't know what is. Hello everyone. Welcome to Don't Look Under the Internet. It feels so much. What podcast were you going to say?
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, you were about to say something different.
SPEAKER_11:I was gonna say scare you under the internet, but that didn't work. It does nothing there. That's nothing.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah. That's not welcome to SMegmar 9.
SPEAKER_00:It feels so weird not wearing headphones.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:It's really weird. Feels like something's gotta be going wrong on the headphones. It's crazy.
SPEAKER_06:It's like you said that in another life, and we heard it, and I am having a lot of time. It's like deja vu.
SPEAKER_00:I bet the only recording that's gonna come out of this that's actually gonna work is gonna be the one from the phone, and then we're gonna have to use an audio.
SPEAKER_11:Alright, now that we've got that all uh squared away again, the jokes write themselves. Almost like they've happened in another live.
SPEAKER_00:We are recording this time, I see it.
SPEAKER_11:Yes, we are. So and and I see green bars, which is usually good. That means number one is going right at some time.
SPEAKER_06:So are we uh are we recording video?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, we're recording video. Hell yeah, that's me. So my good.
SPEAKER_11:Oh yeah, bring that down to smidge. But yeah, welcome everyone to Don't Look Under the Internet. The internet's favorite horror comedy podcast featuring the likes of yours truly. We have special guests who are in the same room. Woo! Usually it's just me and Jason in a dingy fucky dungeon. And now it's all four of us in a dingy fucking dungeon. Dingy fucking dungeons. We have Matt. Or sorry, Mario.
SPEAKER_02:Wow.
SPEAKER_11:Oh, smoker Mario. A couple Marlboro Mario Barbara. It's Marlboro Mario. Marlboro Mario.
SPEAKER_00:The M is from everyone. Now figure it out.
SPEAKER_11:Yeah, everyone's favorite cultist. Who are you praying with?
SPEAKER_04:I'm a little I'm well, I guess today it's a forest god because of the fucking sigil on my door.
SPEAKER_11:Thought you were gonna say because of the fingers on your necklace. Yeah, dear fingers.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, the finger guy finger gods.
SPEAKER_10:Don't we all also joined with Toad? It's me, Toad. That was very shaggedelic, baby. And it's me, Austin Powers. Uh baby, very girl.
SPEAKER_04:Like, all you can see in the video is that you're just wearing a little frills, they're there.
SPEAKER_11:That type of thing is my bag, baby.
SPEAKER_00:It just looks like Mike is dressed up in his dad's suit.
SPEAKER_06:Oh yeah, we are really oversized code. Just fucking I'm four.
SPEAKER_11:Um I'm gonna hit us with a good old-fashioned. Hey, I gotta go. It didn't come through in the room, but clap above your head. It's nice being able to do that with us all in the room. You ruined it.
SPEAKER_00:I had to add the lag just so for the people won't know what's going on without either us or those two lagging.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_11:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:I have a couple names I want to shout out, boys.
SPEAKER_11:Just a couple, a couple, two, three. Jim. That's one of them. I'd like to shout some names for a moment.
SPEAKER_06:An hour of screaming names.
SPEAKER_10:Um Ryan.
SPEAKER_06:Yes. Shout out to Ryan at the Wawa.
SPEAKER_11:What?
SPEAKER_06:That is a story for another time, all right.
SPEAKER_11:I want to give a shout out to Shy Guy096. Hey, we know him.
SPEAKER_06:Appropriate, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I met him at the the watering hole the other day. Oh, Ryan?
SPEAKER_10:Look at Shy Guy. Oh.
SPEAKER_06:You make me so mad, Mike. You make me so mad. And I can't take anything seriously that's going on because I'm wearing a fucking. You're wearing a mushroom hat.
SPEAKER_00:The angrier you get, just the more comical. You do honestly though. If it wasn't for the red circles, you would just look like a genie.
SPEAKER_06:I should have done a genie. Just get like the blue face bank on. Yeah. That's racist to smart. Okay. I don't know. It's uh up to the case.
SPEAKER_11:Are they cool with that in the Muslim Kingdom?
SPEAKER_06:I don't know.
SPEAKER_00:Are they cool with that?
SPEAKER_11:Oh, what do we think? Let's play name. Uh Shy Guy. What do we think?
SPEAKER_00:It's fun.
SPEAKER_06:It's appropriate for this episode, but normally I'd be like, yeah, you're on thin ice shy.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. I'd give it like a five and a half normally. I'll give it a six and a half just because of the day.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_11:I agree with you. What about our next guy, Antonio Baggins?
SPEAKER_00:That's pretty good. That's pretty good.
SPEAKER_06:There's a lot of jokes, I feel like, that can be made about this, but I'm not sure which direction to go.
SPEAKER_00:Italian Hobbit, something.
SPEAKER_11:I was going more Mexican Hobbit.
SPEAKER_00:See, I'm thinking Tony.
SPEAKER_11:Yeah, Tony.
SPEAKER_00:Tony. Tony knows a guy that can take the ring. You don't gotta do that yourself. I mean, come on.
SPEAKER_06:Simply walk in the Moldor.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, you don't simply don't just walk in there. Come on.
SPEAKER_11:Solomon. Well, go fuck yourself.
SPEAKER_00:What is it with elves anyway? I mean, come on. These hoity toity elves. Yeah, not not neighborhood. No way.
SPEAKER_11:We have not much. Not much. Not my problem. Game and watching you. Oh, wait. Antonio Baggins, what were you thinking? I like it a lot.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah, that's pretty fun. That's a fun one. He's gonna like email and be like, yeah, this is just my name, dude. Hey, you got a good name. Like you didn't have to change yours.
SPEAKER_11:All right. The next one. Game and watching you. Mr. Game and Watch You.
SPEAKER_00:Is that Game and Watch like the Nintendo Game and Watch things?
SPEAKER_11:I would like to think so.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. I have one of those.
SPEAKER_11:That's cool.
SPEAKER_00:I didn't get the Zelda one. I was gonna get the Zelda one. I didn't.
SPEAKER_11:Disappointing.
SPEAKER_00:Somebody wants to give me a birthday present.
unknown:Okay.
SPEAKER_11:When's your birthday?
SPEAKER_00:Next week.
SPEAKER_11:Oh, yeah. Oh, bro. Oh shit.
SPEAKER_06:All right. Well, you turn in 78?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:Thereabouts.
SPEAKER_00:Thereabouts. Roughly.
SPEAKER_11:Probably left. Closer than further. Thank you, everyone who gave us some money. You didn't have to give us some money. You didn't. But you did give us money.
SPEAKER_06:And we were still probably rude to you.
SPEAKER_11:Quote Tomska. Hey you. Thank you for money. Um boys, I'm glad we're all together. And you can tell by the costumes that we're wearing. You know what's about to happen. You know what's about to happen. We're about to have sex. We are about to fuck.
SPEAKER_00:This is the launch of the OnlyFans.
SPEAKER_11:Halloween fuck town. Yeah, let's go to 2025's hometown. Horrors! Is this the fourth time? Where's the where's the werewolf or something? I don't know what noises are coming through because. Yeah, this can only be good.
SPEAKER_00:There was since I'm actually editing this, I can just cut it out. Is this the fourth one? There was one the first year, right?
SPEAKER_06:I think so.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Pretty sure.
SPEAKER_04:Oh yeah. Ooh. We really just dropped the ball on like background noises for these.
SPEAKER_00:This is the fifth.
SPEAKER_04:This is the fifth one.
SPEAKER_00:This would be the fifth.
SPEAKER_04:The fifth year of five fucking years.
SPEAKER_06:That's normally Damn.
SPEAKER_04:Okay. Close to it this February.
SPEAKER_06:Fucking hell.
SPEAKER_11:We're doing it, babies. Um what the fuck?
SPEAKER_06:I want to say uh thank you to everybody who did actually write us an email. We got a fuck ton of Dungla. Yeah, we're not all. Yeah, we could not possibly have spent all the time reading them. We got almost maybe too many. Yeah. We got probably like two and a half, three hours worth of hometown whores. So yeah, I had like close to like 30 pages with everyone document, and we had to cut it down to like 12 pages.
SPEAKER_11:Yeah, to keep it unbiased, we just selected some at random and we just threw those into a dock.
SPEAKER_06:Give you an idea of the We biasedly selected them, and I'm just kidding.
SPEAKER_04:Ted the Caver was like 72 pages of text, and that was just straight fucking reading, and that took like three and a half hours. Yeah, that was wild.
SPEAKER_06:It was good, but yeah. So we just if you don't hear your story, we're sorry. Maybe you'll hear it next year. We usually keep the stories and kind of pull them over.
SPEAKER_00:Um or maybe we'll just like use it for extra content at some point.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah, might maybe a bonus episode or something we can put out and like read all the other things.
SPEAKER_00:For Thanksgiving, we'll do leftover Halloween. We are nothing if not lazy. Exactly.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah, you know how it goes here. So that's how you get it surprising work to do.
SPEAKER_11:Oh money right there. Suck your dick.
SPEAKER_06:Um I didn't agree to this. You didn't agree.
SPEAKER_11:So yeah, we we got a couple hometown horrors here. We're just gonna go down and read them and uh go from there. Hey editor.
SPEAKER_06:Put in the crackling fire noise. Put in the crackling firewall right here. Also, did a shit just is that it was that a shit? Is that a wall?
SPEAKER_00:Thanks. Oh, that big blurred out thick. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:Everybody at the same time in your uh basement down here. Today, not much, but you should be here on Wednesdays.
SPEAKER_11:I don't want to know what happens here on a Wednesday. All right, well now we got this. Ooh. Um, that fire is so nice and warm. You feel that? Ooh. Ah, put the embers on the screen.
SPEAKER_04:Oh, he's making them work for it. Remember when Mike used to do this shit to me?
SPEAKER_00:Just like, hey editor, fucking do this. And you cared enough to like do it at the time. See, I just don't care. It doesn't, it doesn't guilt me anymore.
SPEAKER_11:I like it more when you put a different noise in. It's like way funnier. You did the one, I forgot what I asked for. I was like, oh, can you put in like a whistle here and just put in like a fucking fart? Just like a huge fart.
SPEAKER_00:My favorite one was the one that I did it like 30 seconds after you asked for it. So you ask for it and then nothing happens, and then like 30 seconds later you start talking and it just happens. I don't remember what episode that was.
SPEAKER_06:I really liked when you fast-forwarded Mike's voice that one part in that one episode where he just got into a rant and then it just was like people left comments on that episode.
SPEAKER_00:They were like, I thought I was having a stroke.
SPEAKER_11:No, these people are just allergic to the truth. That's all. Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_06:Who's starting us off? Not me, I say. Not me.
SPEAKER_04:We're starting off with a good old-fashioned.
SPEAKER_11:Alright. Hang on. I haven't done the song in a minute, I feel like.
SPEAKER_04:You haven't? Alright.
SPEAKER_11:What are you drinking? What are you thinking? There's a bottle here and it's empty. Yeah. Woo! Wow, even in the same room, we can't correlate that.
SPEAKER_04:No, not at all. Uh we're starting with some knob. Knob of the creek. Slob the knob. And then we got some wild turkey somewhere. Yeah. I have wild turkey. It's what plants crave. It is what Brondo. Brondo. This is the first time we've been in the same fucking room in a long ass time.
SPEAKER_06:Yes, it has been quite a while.
SPEAKER_00:Hell yeah. Your Honor, he interrupted out my balls.
SPEAKER_11:Alright. Um, well. I guess I can start. And where else to start except the beginning? Am I right, boys? Well, just scroll like halfway through.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, I think that's right.
SPEAKER_11:And then we'll try and keep track that way. His first story. Oh shit, what was that? Sounded like a gooey whale in the background. Sorry, I got goose.
SPEAKER_10:A gooey whale.
SPEAKER_08:His first one. It's gonna get dead on the bottom. It's just gonna be like an actual whale noise.
SPEAKER_04:He introduced uh fucking flying whales by Gojira.
SPEAKER_11:Every single one of these is just Matt recording himself going, no. Absolutely. Absolutely not. Um so I'll start this off. Our first story today is by 8-bit hypocrite. I'm more of an 8-bit hippo blood myself, but here we are. Oh, it's crit, not crip. I need new glasses. So bad. Anyway.
SPEAKER_04:That's kind of a great name.
SPEAKER_06:You can use this to scroll. Oh, much preach, my guy. Much preach. Is this a long one? It's not that bad.
SPEAKER_11:Oh, yeah, it's long-ish. That's all right.
SPEAKER_06:Well, pick the pace up, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hello, Duluthie. Yeah, too slow.
SPEAKER_11:Hello, Deludi. Just wanted to throw out that I'm a big fan. Been here since episode one. Thank you. I haven't given you guys any money yet. Fuck you, actually. Max. Next. I wonder.
SPEAKER_00:Also, haven't most people been here since episode one? I mean, I assume most people go back and listen to it.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:It is at the top.
SPEAKER_06:Some people don't, alright? You can't shame them. Anyway, I haven't given you any money yet. Doug's one of those people.
SPEAKER_11:Never listened to anything we've done. I wonder where I could do that at. Hmm. Now would be a sure good time for a Patreon fourth wall plug. Patreon.com sets showiepog.com. Anyway, my story is less supernatural, but more ex uh but much more existential, and still gives me some sleepless nights to this very day, just thinking about what the hell it all means. When I was young, not sure exactly how old, but I guess around seven or eight, I had a dream. I don't remember dreams very often. Usually I just blink and wake up the next day with nothing in between. Never-ending spaces or monsters or some other weird shit. But I remember that this one was very casual. Very normal. With extreme detail. And realism. I was in a basement. Not one that I recognize, but mostly concrete with some basic furniture.
SPEAKER_04:I don't even know what this is, to be quite honest with you.
SPEAKER_11:He hasn't found his groovy. Should I go? Oh, what's his name? Should I read the rest as no, should I read the rest as um You should do it? Who's the who's the old horror guy? He talks like this all the time. What's his fucking name? Yeah. I'm Vincent Price. I mean that'd be funny too, but mostly concrete with some basic furniture. He's not gonna keep us up. Another couch, some folding chairs. And all of it was sitting around a big round card table. Yeah, I can't keep it up. There were a few small windows toward the top of the unfinished walls with daylight coming through. But I never tried to look outside. There were quite a few people sitting around the table. A group of kids around my age. I don't know who they are now. I didn't recognize her faces when I woke up. But in the dream, I knew each one is my friend. Especially the girl sitting directly across from me. Because I remember her the best. She had olive skin and black hair with hazel eyes. In the dream, I already never named Liz.
SPEAKER_04:This is this is written like a like a horse or something. Honestly.
SPEAKER_11:Crazy, right? The dream was basically a nothing burger on its own. We sat around and talked, played some card games, and just generally hung out like kids do. Felt cozy. Like a nice vacation in my sleep. Then I woke up. I thought it was weird to have known Liz in particular, since obviously I had never talked to or met anyone like that in real life. But shrugged it off and forgot all about it for the next couple of years. Then in my senior year of senior year of high school, about ten years later, I had the same dream. The basement was the same. All the furniture was there, all the people, including Liz. This time, everyone was older. The furniture was faded, the couch clearly worn, the folding chairs were dented and warped, and all the people in the room had grown up as well. I recognized faces and hair color. It was clearly the same group, but everyone was in their late teenage years now. Just like I was. Liz still sat across from me while we played, now taller than me. It was as if everything in the dream had aged at exactly the same rate as I had in the real world. Nothing was too worn down, run down, and it wasn't scary or intimidating. It was just another casual game night with my friends. Just as relaxing the relaxing the first time, and then, after a few rounds of playing cards, Liz looked directly at me and said just one sentence. It's good to see you again. And then I woke up. I still don't understand exactly what happened, and it's always hard to describe dreams. But if I can stress one thing, that is so fucking annoying that keeps happening. Sorry, that took me out. I hate that thing so much. What did you do? It's this dumb grammar thing you have on here.
SPEAKER_00:You wanna change that?
SPEAKER_11:I'm cut I'm so sorry. It's grammarly, alright? I'm sorry, 8-bit. I still don't understand exactly what happened. And it's always hard to describe dreams. But if I can stress just one thing, it was the familiarity. I knew these people. They were strangers to me in real life, but in both dreams I clearly recognized every person in that room. And I could tell you that everything was the same the second time. They recognized me. Liz even said so, and saying, It's so good to see you again. Makes it seem like she knows time really passed. I understand some people have recurring dreams, but I want to stress that's never happened to me aside from this incident, which clearly changed with everything growing up. It wasn't the same. It was just like I was visiting the same place years later. We played different games, different people won, and Liz said different things. I'm not exactly scared by this, but just weirded out. I've only had the that dream those two times, and I don't know how my brain perfectly recreated a dream I thought and I had forgotten about from years earlier. Then went to all the trouble of making the room and people age up as if time had truly passed. It's probably the strangest thing to ever happen to me. And even though it might sound boring from an outside perspective, I can't tell you how much I wanted that dream. I can't tell you how much I want to dream that again and see if they're even older now. Whether there are people in my dreams or my brain just thought it would be funny to prank the shit out of me. I just don't know. It felt so real and in an under isn't it felt so real as an understatement. It's the most realistic experience I've ever had, and it's the reason it makes me think. Anyway, too heavy. Kiss your dad. Beings of being. Stay paranoid. Love you all. Have an awesome hometown horror day. Woo! Thank you, Ape. Yeah, not as much spooky, but that is very fascinating. I've yet to have a recurring thing that takes place later.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. Ten years later, and everyone's just like older. And they're just like, hey, how you going? Like it's like you, it's like a reunion with dream people.
SPEAKER_11:It's your high school reunion of dreams. High school musical of dreams? That's the one.
SPEAKER_04:High school musical of dreams. That's the one. I wish. Yeah, same, man. Nice. Yeah.
SPEAKER_11:Same. It really is hard when we all get together for the first time in a while.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_11:You know.
SPEAKER_04:I'm hard. I know that. It's always hard. As soon as you guys walk to my door. Jason, take it away. Yeah, Doug handed me the mouse, so I kind of assumed that's like the talking pillow. You have one you want, huh? This one has Gengar on it. It does? It does. Yeah, Genjar. Genjar. Um, yeah, no, I'm I'm not gonna lie. I really liked that one. That was it was not scary, it was more existential.
SPEAKER_11:Yeah, so let's rate them on a scale of one to ten out of uh one being not scary, ten being scary. Not gonna lie. Like a two, it's not scary. But good story. It's existentially scary.
SPEAKER_06:I think we have to rate it on being scary. Okay, how'd you rate it on it? How we liked it. How about that?
SPEAKER_10:Cool.
SPEAKER_06:One of out of two. Yeah, one or two. Out of two. Out of two.
SPEAKER_07:How much do we like? Right.
SPEAKER_06:Okay, that's easy. That's easier. Did we like it? No, actually, that's that that's rough. Because if we get to one that's bad, we're just like that suck, dude.
SPEAKER_11:All right, we'll go into 10. I'm gonna give it that's that's we're not too much. I'll give it a cool six.
SPEAKER_06:It's pretty fun. That's what I was thinking. Six, six and a half.
SPEAKER_04:I'm like a seven, seven and a half, just simply because I like I love shit like this. Just like unlocking brain moments where like your brain's doing shit that you don't even know. And it's supposed to be you, but also you don't know what's happening. That's that that fucks me up.
SPEAKER_00:I'll give it a seven because I think dream stuff is scary. Yeah. Because I used to have real bad night terrors, and dream stuff like particularly gets to me, but also I just have this horrible fear that like my brain is gonna betray me. Same lose control of my own thoughts. Yeah. And so dreams, yeah.
SPEAKER_04:That's where I'm at.
SPEAKER_00:The idea of your your own brain like terrifying you is not the best.
SPEAKER_04:I told Kelly, as soon as uh like my brain turns on me and like starts turning me into a different person, and I don't even know what's happening, just load me up with hallucinogens and kick me out of an airplane. Just no parachute, goodbye. It'll be the best four minutes of my life. Um, okay, cool. Let's go to the next one. My ass full of shrooms. Yeah, just mushrooms in my ass. Oh, I got you, dog. They you put Doug up my ass and then kick me out of an airplane. Well, we went there.
SPEAKER_00:Offer than I thought it would be.
SPEAKER_01:Congrats, Jason.
SPEAKER_00:Now that when you actually go crazy, that's what you're gonna imagine is that Doug is up there. Fuck my life. He's in my ass!
SPEAKER_06:We've been having this random thought from 20 years in the past. Just fucking.
SPEAKER_04:Whenever Kelly and I do shrooms together, that's the thing that's gonna come up, and she's gonna have to console me.
SPEAKER_06:And she knows that this is happening. Kelly dug my hand.
SPEAKER_04:She brought it up. Okay.
SPEAKER_05:All right.
SPEAKER_00:Okay. Just bends over, drops trout, shows her his buttle.
SPEAKER_05:Get him out! Get him out! This is the only way we can be safe. Get in my ball.
SPEAKER_04:Holy fuck. She'd be like, alright. I'll get the tongs. Um anyway. Let's go to the next one. Our next story comes from MIK. MIK. Or Emik, unless is there a space in there? There's a space. Okay, cool. M E K. Hey guys, big fan of the podcast. You've kept me entertained while working it through some mind-numbing days at work. So I appreciate you all. I don't know how to introduce this hometown horror of mine, so I'll just jump right in.
SPEAKER_00:Before we do this, I want next year. Somebody better send in a story and please start the story with I fucking hate this podcast.
SPEAKER_04:Please, God. If if you okay, yeah, next year, if you send us those, those will be the first ones read.
SPEAKER_06:Also, I'm not gonna lie, I'm a little sad we didn't get any penis explosion chamber esque stories this year. Well, just give it away now, I guess. They're gonna find out at the end, and they'll they'll if you want to stop listening now.
SPEAKER_04:I understand there's your key. We understand. Um Doug's in your ass. That's and that's why we need the tongs. Unless the explosion works. It usually doesn't though. Anyways. You're an expert.
SPEAKER_00:You've seen it.
SPEAKER_04:It's happened so many times. Um As a teenager, I spent my time going between my mother, who lived in Washington State, and my father, who lived in Ireland. Damn. That's pretty good. That's a that's a lot of traveling. That's a lot of traveling. When I was fifteen and living with my dad in a little fishing village off the southwest coast of Ireland, we would go fishing at this lake. On the way to the lake, we would see signs that simply said burial ground. What? Since my dad and I have always had an interest in the paranormal and the unexplained, we decided to check it out one day. Now, I'm not talking about a cemetery, I'm talking about like an old burial ground. No headstones and names or dates or anything like that. It was just graves with rocks piled on top. It was in the middle of nowhere, not close to any people or forests, or wildlife for that matter. When my dad and I went snooping around, we came across an old grave where you could peek through the cracks of the rocks. When we did, we could see a human skull staring right back at us. There was a dick in its mouth. Nope, that's not here. Uh Doug's like, wait, really? This haunted me, as it was my first time seeing one in person, and I can never forget it. Fast forward to when I was twenty one and had returned to Ireland with my husband to, unfortunately, clear out my dad's house after he had passed away from cancer. For years, I had told my husband about this old burial ground and told him I would take him there one day. So I did. When we arrived, I had to get my bearings, and and as it had been a while since I had been there last. Eventually, I found the old grave where I'd once found the skull staring back at me, only to find the skull was no longer there. Not sure if something or someone had run off with it, but regardless, it was gone. As we continued to venture around the burial site a bit more, we were chatting, and all of a sudden we were both stopped in our tracks by what could only be explained as a primal and painful moan coming from under one of the graves in front of us. It was loud. It echoed like it was coming from a chamber. A penis explosion chamber? I thought you said there was none of this. Spoilers, bro, trying to juke him out. It sounded human, but unearthly at the same time. Like someone was in agony. It was the type of sound that triggered the fight or flight instinct in your body. Return the slide. And while frozen with fear, we must have shared a psychic connection because without so much as a breath, we both ran out of there as if our lives depended on it. Maybe it did. We got back in the car, peeled out as fast as we could, and we never looked back. My husband and I still talk about it to this day. I'm sorry. My husband and I still talk about it, and to this day, I have never heard any sound even remotely close to what we heard. Words can't explain what it was. But our instincts knew it wasn't good. It was a sound that I could go the rest of my life without ever hearing again. It was pure terror. So that's it. Nothing too crazy, but enough to still think about it. To still wonder and try to rationalize what we heard. Enough to know we weren't welcome there that day, whatever it was. Thanks for taking the time to read my story. Love you guys. Stay paranoid. Damn.
SPEAKER_06:Thank you, thank you. Um this reminds me did I did I tell the story Ireland? Uh yeah, they were in Ireland when it happened. Did I ever tell the story about when I heard the like crazy scream from my computer? Okay, I might have to tell that story.
SPEAKER_07:Yes, actually.
SPEAKER_06:No.
SPEAKER_10:Where I was sitting on my hard drive.
SPEAKER_06:I was sitting on my computer at work, and Lissa was like sitting in bed and like she was off that day or something, and like an actual like blood-curdling scream came through my speakers, and I was training a new girl at work, and like it was it was crazy. Like me and Lissa were like, What did she fuck just happen? No, I but well, we asked the girl that I was training, and we're like, Did you hear that? And she's like, No. And like, I have no idea. Like, it just like came through the speaker. Like, I swear to god, it sounded like someone was being fucking hurt. Yeah, it's crazy.
SPEAKER_00:But it just this is this one reminded me of that a little bit because I was like, You could do that by just embedding a hidden media player in a web page and then writing a script so that it only triggers after you've left the page open for like two hours. Yeah, right. So it just happens.
SPEAKER_04:Thank you for reminding me of a thing that I still have to do that I have not done yet. I've been talking about it.
SPEAKER_00:I'm certain that's a thing somebody's done before, and it's definitely a thing I want to do now.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. Just fucking give somebody PTSD and all sorts of other problems just because they're like, what the fuck? Well we rate this story, fellas.
SPEAKER_00:I'm a rate of. Fuck yeah.
SPEAKER_06:Someone's definitely sitting there for an hour plus.
SPEAKER_11:They're giving us all that money.
SPEAKER_00:Well, somebody might open it, be like, oh, I'll come back and look at this later, open another tab, and just like leave it in the background. I do that all right.
SPEAKER_04:He's gotta open up 360p open for two hours. Play this.
SPEAKER_11:It's gotta open up a 360p video of Jason taking a wet shit. Yeah. Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_04:It's a toilet cam. I'll buy a 360 camera just for that. There you go. Three uh wow, a 360 shit cam? Yeah. Oh yeah. A dilute 360 shit cam.
SPEAKER_11:I'm gonna give this a hundred a month. Seven and a half. That was pretty good. That was pretty good. That's pretty solid, yeah.
SPEAKER_04:I like it. I'm I'll also probably give it a about a seven. Yeah. Um again, I so I Ireland, this is it's like a hot spot for it. It makes me think of like the Knights Templar. It makes me think of like a whole bunch of different uh Nordic cults and different cults that invaded that area like way the fuck back then. If you saw a human skull there and then it was gone, it was moaning, like I don't know, the burial ground, it's just rocks piled. It's obvious he wasn't Christian. I don't know, man. This has been a nugget of history with Jason. I love this shit. It's fascinating. I know it's probably rational, but also I I agree.
SPEAKER_06:I think it's I think it's nice to see.
SPEAKER_04:No, I think you heard a ghost.
SPEAKER_06:Oh yeah. You heard what you heard? Or horny skeleton?
SPEAKER_04:Horny skeleton. That's my vote.
unknown:Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_06:Alright. Very good.
SPEAKER_00:The goon skeleton moose bowl meal. Alright, alright, alright.
SPEAKER_06:On to the neck.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, there's not going. Right here. Yes. The next one, right? Uh I'm about to make a name for myself here.
SPEAKER_06:Um getting the Creole, busting up the Creole a little bit.
SPEAKER_00:Hell yeah. I've been waiting for it is. This starts just from grabbing a coat. This story is from Safety Bunny. Hell yeah.
SPEAKER_06:Safety dance.
SPEAKER_00:Everybody do the safety bunny.
SPEAKER_06:Safety dance.
SPEAKER_00:You can, bunny, if you want to, you can leave your turds behind. Because you're a bunny and when you hop, you leave turds behind.
SPEAKER_06:I think you saved it in the other.
SPEAKER_00:I got it. I used to work as an overnight receptionist in a veterinary hospital. I loved it. The skeleton crew and I loved helping anyone who came in from being hit by cars to pets getting into someone's CBD gummies. Those were our favorites. It was hard work, but I had fun. Whenever it was lunchtime, the staff would retire to the farther side of the hospital by the MRI machines where it was quiet. We keep the lights off in the hallways between the ER and the MRI area where the exit signs lighting up the surroundings in a light reddish hue. The hospital is a literal straight line. You cannot get lost in it. Bet. At 3 a.m. I left for lunch and overheard a couple of vet techs coming back from break. That was weird, right? Who was using a Doppler radar way over there? I didn't see anyone. The MRI machine makes a hum similar to a large fridge, but the Dopplers are loud and crackly. Maybe the text heard someone doing a Doppler in the ER. Those things are quite loud. I walked over to the MRI area. I was taking notice of my surroundings, making sure there weren't any loose wires or electricity crackling. Sorry, I'm just that kind of person. I heard it. The Doppler. Static. Crackle. The thumps of a heart. I turn around and see the f the fluorescent lights of the ER, hearing the text giggle and chatter as they trade dirty jokes. But that was over there. The static is here. I took a peek at the nearby X-ray and consultation rooms. The rooms were dark, and nobody was in them. I remember all the stories about haunted human hospitals, ghosts, and ideas about accumulated energy, replaying moments or sounds in an environment. Maybe it was something like that? I wondered. I continued to walk to the MRI area to start my meal, putting headphones on and distracting myself from the hums and crackles of machines. If there were any in use, that is. I think about all the animals, the ones that were saved and the ones we helped pass on. If this was a haunting of some kind or some kind of echo, I didn't feel it was malevolent. Maybe it was just saying hi. I finished my meal and talked to the techs for the remainder of my break. Oh yeah, that happens sometimes, they said. Typical spooky hospital shit. Lots of death, you know. But it's not scary. Weird, but not scary. I agreed. Thankful that the team also had the same mindset. I walked back to my desk and looked at our little Day of the Dead altar. The hospital maiden with all our pets photos and their favorite toys. Hi guys, I said, and continued my shift. My ship.
SPEAKER_06:If you want to play it, you can, but I don't know if we'll Nah.
SPEAKER_04:I also use I use a Doppler like every other day.
SPEAKER_11:So your best impression of it?
SPEAKER_00:That's kind of scary. That's not what I would have expected.
SPEAKER_06:Can we uh can we confirm? Yeah, let's confirm.
SPEAKER_04:Let's see how good my uh my impression was. Will we even hear it?
SPEAKER_03:Turn the machine on and that's the sound we're looking to hear. So as I'm holding her, um I'm putting very little pressure on her arm. If I actually I guess it's kind of similar.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, it's I could see where where you were coming. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:Static comes from you basically dragging the end of the Doppler over something, and it uses uh it basically it it it listens for the heart pumping blood through your veins and vessels. And it's what we use in the uh in the OR when we're doing like AV fistulas and stuff like that to basically reconnect veins. We're fisting people and we use this. All three of us were like, you said it, you said the word. Um no, like we it's basically like a blockage in a vein. We have to we have to create a new route for blood to flow. And so we basically use this to make sure the blood's flowing, and so we use it all the time. And I would say if you hear that, like that's it's a very fucking like it's a you know what it is when you hear it if you've heard it before. You know exactly what it is, and it's it's loud, it's not quiet.
SPEAKER_06:I I like this one because it's pets and not like a person, so like there's just some like good boy like just saying something, you know.
SPEAKER_11:Yeah, yeah. I'll give it a six and a half.
SPEAKER_04:I'll give it a six. That's good. I'll do six and a half.
SPEAKER_11:I enjoyed it.
SPEAKER_04:Edging on seven just because medical shit. I'm thinking Chad, he's edging, he's edging.
SPEAKER_00:Fisting and edging, you say.
SPEAKER_04:Fisting and edging.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I'll give it like a six and a half.
SPEAKER_07:It wasn't scary, but it was good. It was interesting.
SPEAKER_06:I need uppies. It's Dungle's turn. Uppies. Give me Uppies. Does your daughter say that yet?
SPEAKER_07:No, she just goes up uh I will pick up. She goes like that. She'll run up to you. She'll run to you and go, I wanna pick her up.
SPEAKER_04:Dude, your daughter's fucking hilarious, and I hate that she hates me. So Lori was taking the Tylenol.
SPEAKER_11:I will neither confirm nor deny. She's like, Yo, RFK doesn't come to my house.
SPEAKER_08:I know there's Tylenol in there, let me in.
SPEAKER_04:That's the real horror story. Anesthesia trying to administer liquid Tylenol, which is through the IV. And he just busts through the wall. I literally, I just went, wait. And they're like, watch. And I'm like, oh yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And everybody died laughing.
SPEAKER_06:And then everyone died, and we didn't do the surgery.
SPEAKER_00:You BB2, but I was gonna say, is your daughter simple jack?
SPEAKER_06:Simple Jack. Oh my god. I love when we rip on Mike's two-year-old daughter. She hates.
SPEAKER_00:At least you're not punting her.
SPEAKER_06:She's a hateful supply. I never did punt her. So in case anyone was wondering from episodes past, I've never I never did kick her.
SPEAKER_11:So no, it was the Tylenol that got her, not him.
SPEAKER_06:I knew this. I knew it. I was like, Lord, take the Tylenol!
SPEAKER_00:It's child abuse and a hate crime. Is that what Double Jeopardy means? Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:If you can as long as you do two things that are bad, they cancel each other out. I thought Double Jeopardy was when you get a lot more points for answering the question.
unknown:Right.
SPEAKER_04:The same thing applies to core flaws.
SPEAKER_06:Okay. They're like, some Nietzsche's boss cities like they say some like defense thing where they're like the daily double!
SPEAKER_11:What is 25 to life? That's correct.
SPEAKER_00:That's correct, yes.
SPEAKER_08:You're off the hook.
SPEAKER_00:What is I'm on a list?
SPEAKER_06:Oh, okay, okay, okay, okay.
SPEAKER_04:If you get a good point, you don't have to go to rehab anyway.
SPEAKER_06:All right. Our next story comes from Jacobs. Just kidding. It's Jacob S. Jacob is. But plural Jacobs. Um hi Diluty Boys. I've been listening to your show constantly for about six months. Uh I'm loving it. Constantly. Constantly.
SPEAKER_00:Six months non-stop.
SPEAKER_04:I haven't eaten or shat, which actually makes sense.
SPEAKER_06:I pressed Clay and I haven't stopped. Um your show and its lack of seriousness. There we go. Yeah, helped me get through some big life changes. I knew that was gonna cause some kind of a immediately just dogged on. All right, and I've listened ever since. I always make sure to listen to your show first when a new episode pops up on Spotify. I appreciate what you guys do. Keep it up. Since you guys helped me, I wanted to reciprocate by submitting a hometown horror story this year. I think it's a good one, and I hope you read it on your show. We're not FYI. No. Um anyway.
SPEAKER_04:By the way.
SPEAKER_06:Anyways, backstory. All right, so it is all true, and I can send the articles and links uh as proof if you want. We're not we're not fucking giving you the third degree here, man. Um, okay, so my wife and I started working out at a local gym in my hometown in Michigan. Uh there was normal clientele there, um, new people trying to get fit, muscle-bound guys and girls maintaining their shape, and after a while, two guys started coming who stood out and gave me the creeps. Uh, they drew attention because they wore eyeliner and strange clothing. Not something that normally happens in my little town.
SPEAKER_08:It's the goth gym.
SPEAKER_06:Um, so one piece of attire that I can't forget is a leather kilt, which was definitely out of place in the gym. Yeah. Yeah, they're sweating their balls on everything. What the fuck? Anyways, um, okay, so just because they looked weird to me, I didn't treat them differently and and worked out as usual. That's good, right? Um, so I stayed aware of them because of the weird vibe.
SPEAKER_05:You're like, get out of here, kill!
SPEAKER_00:Um boom!
SPEAKER_05:You're materialists at a water wicking.
SPEAKER_00:Get the fuck out of here. Just make eye contact.
SPEAKER_05:I see your balls imprint on the fucking stairmaster. All right. Um I don't know, dude. Don't know, dude. Don't don't question it.
SPEAKER_04:It's a fucking image in my head. Holy shit. No, okay. This is only going to get worse from here because we are going to be drinking more. Oh man. Okay.
SPEAKER_01:Oh my goodness. Okay, I'm sorry. Why?
SPEAKER_04:Okay. They did say they liked our lack of serious stone. I gotta figure out where I am again.
SPEAKER_06:Hold on. Okay, okay, I'm back. Okay. I stayed aware of them because I got weird vibes. They're balls on the It was definitely the balls on the stairmaster. Yeah, so we spent a few months working out there, and eventually those guys stopped coming. People come and go at the gym, so I didn't think much of it. This was until I saw the news article. I saw the face in the article, and I knew it was leather kilt guy. The leather kilt guy was not only convicted of murder, also of something more macabre. He had met a younger man from my town on Google.
SPEAKER_00:I've seen the videos about this guy! Seriously? I've seen YouTube videos about Kilt Man. Oh, you really have to be a man.
SPEAKER_04:Holy fuck.
SPEAKER_00:So this is absolutely hot, like there's I think are you uh it's um it was on like one of those body cam video.
SPEAKER_04:Oh shit, no way YouTube channels, yeah. So we might find some police in this story.
SPEAKER_06:Well, they said they had evidence for us, so like Oh, fair. Yeah, yeah. So police are next!
SPEAKER_01:Let's go!
SPEAKER_06:So uh uh blah blah blah blah blah. So Leather guy was convicted of murder, but also something more macabre. He had a younger man from my town on Grinder. They went on a date. Leather Kilt guy had sinister intentions and ended up slaughtering the younger man at his house. Before this was known, uh the police and many people they were looking for the younger man as a missing person. Uh, police were tipped off that leather kiltman was involved and they searched the house. Two officers showed up, uh, one to keep an eye on the leather kilt man and one to search the house. As the house was searched, they found a false wall in the basement. And as the officer got through the wall, he found the younger man's body. He was hanging upside down from the rafters, all of his blood drained like a deer uh during hunting season. His genitals were cut off and nowhere to be found. The officer was like screaming, I guess. And then the partner tackled the leather kilt man, and he went to jail and is not getting out any time soon.
SPEAKER_04:The officer? What? The officer's the he in this went-to-jail situation. No. Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_06:Leather Kiltman is he chill, bro. Um, so uh, and if all of this wasn't enough, even more information came out that the man, uh, after the man was arrested, that the missing genitals were not in the house anymore because they had been cooked and eaten by Leather Kilt guy. This is a fucking mine tile situation. It was said that he used uh Worcestershire sauce as seasoning, like it were a breakfast sausage, and I can't imagine the rest of the meals he would have made if he hadn't been caught. Normally you read about this stuff and move on with your day, but this hit me harder since it came I came face to face and worked out at the same time. Uh as a murderer, uh, but as a cannibal as well. I haven't looked at Worcestershire sauce the same since his balls touched the same stairmaster as mine.
SPEAKER_00:You can watch this you can watch this guy's uh uh interrogation on YouTube.
SPEAKER_04:Holy shit. The leather kilted cannibal.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. He's fucking weird, man.
SPEAKER_06:Mike's all the holy fuck.
SPEAKER_11:Okay, why you do this to me?
SPEAKER_06:Here, we'll we'll give it to somebody else. Who wants a long one?
unknown:Okay.
SPEAKER_04:I'll take it. I'll take it. I'll take it. Oh, oh, I'll take it, I'll take it.
SPEAKER_06:Alright, what do we think about that story though, real quick before I move on? 10 out of 10. I fucking holy shit. Yeah, that was a good one. That was that was crazy. That's a 10 out of 10 for me. Can you imagine just like like being that close to someone, like actually being that close to someone the next day you're just like, oh yeah, that man ate a penis?
SPEAKER_04:It's like the fucking cops that returned that kid to Jeffrey Dahmer.
SPEAKER_00:Oh yeah. Oh yes, yes, that was that was bad. That was at least this guy didn't return killed man.
SPEAKER_04:Right. Like he didn't with that. Yeah, I found a penis. Is this yours? Yeah, thank you.
SPEAKER_11:Oh, so sorry here. Do you think that he cut off and ate the genitals because he lost his in a crazy stairmaster incident? Probably.
SPEAKER_06:You know, that's why there was only a ball imprint, not a dick imprint on the stairmaster. It's gonna get tangled and something. Yeah. Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_08:It's like your shoelace getting caught in an escalator. But your testicles getting caught in the screen. It's not great.
SPEAKER_00:You ever seen those videos of that guy on Instagram or maybe probably TikTok who like hangs stuff from his nuts and then swings?
SPEAKER_11:Oh, yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Yes. Meow. Yes.
SPEAKER_11:No, I have a normal algorithm.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, I don't.
SPEAKER_11:Why? How? How do you still have a normal algorithm?
SPEAKER_00:That's no fun. That doesn't make sense.
SPEAKER_11:It's mostly weird Master Chief like doing kickflips and shit, going to work with it.
SPEAKER_00:Occasionally Instagram will reset mine to like normie shit, and I'm like, oh no, I gotta do something about this. Feet, feet, feet, feet. Where the goth mommy's at.
SPEAKER_04:Mine's just Vegetail smut. There you go. Um, anyway. We all good with the that last story. That was a fucking crazy fucking story. Uh this next one, I'm so sorry for whoever has to follow this, unless this is even crazier. Uh this is from Jordan S or Jordan's, if we're following suit. Hi! I live in Wisconsin. More specifically Wait, we got a J What was the other S?
SPEAKER_00:Jacobs. Jacobs. Oh, Jacobs. This is Jordan's. Alright. We got a Jacobs and a Jordan.
SPEAKER_04:Correct. Um more specifically, a very rural area about two minutes away from Lake Michigan. Growing up in my town, there were lots of stories. I will try to keep this as short as possible. Wisconsin has a lot of urban legends, though. Slenderman, Slenderman Stabbings happened in Wisconsin, the Hodag, Beast of Bray Road, Boy Scout Lane, and literally so many more. Mike loves Boy Scout Lane.
SPEAKER_11:I wonder why. I like roads.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_11:All of them pick up.
SPEAKER_04:Pigger written streets. Lanes would be the road. Love a ball for everybody. I like them all. Um but the one I grew up with was I haven't been. Never been. The one I grew up with was the J Road jogger. This is fucking you guys did this on purpose. J Road is the most middle of nowhere place you can get. You almost never see anyone on it. And even in the daytime, it's creepy. The road is so thin that if another car were to be driving in the opposite direction, you'd have to be careful not to collide with it. Each side is so dense with trees that the only things visible to you are the sky and the pavement. Continuing down J Road, a stagnant green swamp surrounds the road. It honestly would be b would probably be really pretty if there weren't such a bad name attached to it. In high school, it almost became a rite of passage to go with your friends and tempt ghosts that haunted the place. One, a woman who has a cat who was a cat hoarder. Sorry, I had to double take there. Uh one, a woman who was a cat hoarder lived on Jay. Teens would go harass her so brutally that one of them set a hay bale on fire outside her house one night. This led to the woman and all of her cats burning down with the house that night. What the fuck? Jeez. People say that you'll see burnt cats running along Jay Road. Can you imagine? There's no extra there's no elaboration here.
SPEAKER_00:Burnt as in like on fire cats or just sin.
SPEAKER_04:Like ghost ghost fire cats, you know? Like they were on fire five minutes ago, and now they're here.
SPEAKER_00:I don't know. You ever seen that video of that cat that sticks its tail in a in a candle and it just like burns and it's just like what the fuck you.
SPEAKER_04:It's fine. And two, the J Road jogger. One night a woman was out jogging on J Road and was hit by a drunk driver. The crash sent her body barreling into the road. In the version we were told, she got up and reached the stop sign that sits on the bridge. The drunk driver didn't want her to tell anyone, so he reversed and hit her again. This time completely demolishing her and sent her into the swamp, never to recover. And now, if you are the bridge, roll your windows down and turn off your car. You'll hear her.
SPEAKER_09:She blows her.
SPEAKER_04:You'll hear the glo glock. She calls for help. And some people say that when you turn your car back on, you'll see her in the rearview mirror, mangled in your back seat. Well, one night when I was 16, me and four friends got the idea to go try it out. Only one of us had still get mangled. Yeah, like who hears this and says, I want to see this.
SPEAKER_06:It's Friday, you guys want to go get mangled?
SPEAKER_00:That's fair. That's fair.
SPEAKER_06:Chat were mangled.
SPEAKER_00:I can see Doug and I getting drunk and doing this. Chat is this real?
SPEAKER_04:Am I really mangled? Chat, am I real? Only one of us had our license and access to our parents' car. So we went. It was a giggle-fueled drive there. We made jokes about seeing cats, scooping one up, bringing it home. My friend, who was driving, said that he had done it before, and it was stupid. Nothing happened. One of the friends in the back, uh in the backseat, joked about how he would fuck up a ghost if he needed to. I'd fuck a ghost. I'd fuck a ghost.
SPEAKER_06:I'll give a shot. Just Jack Baggins, bro. He's like, I'll fuck you, ghost. Well, what?
SPEAKER_04:I'd give it a shot. Well, you know, every time you yawn, a dick a dick puts a ghost in their mouth. No. A ghost. A ghost puts a dick in your mouth. Jesus. Um Jesus. We obviously didn't uh expect to see anything. He's like, are you sure?
SPEAKER_08:No way.
SPEAKER_04:You know. Horrible times. I know what you're talking about. Are we boring you, Mike? The ghost came over him. Um on him. We obviously did not expect to see anything. Driving on J Road was about as creepy as it always was. Dark and foggy, pitch black, with your headlights off. We rode down it, sad that we didn't see any cats. Fair. We came up to the bridge. God damn it. We stopped the car. Fuck where'd it go? We stopped the car fifteen feet from the stop sign. Put all the windows down, turned the car off, and waited. It started off with laughing fits, followed by bouts of silence. But then my friend in the back swore she heard something in the swamp. No one believes her, of course, continuing to joke that it was a cat. We sat in silence again. But this time we all heard it. Something sploshing around the water. It didn't sound like a deer. Not something that was compl that was walking through the water, literally sploshing. It was flailing around. Me and the other girl, completely terrified, begged the guys to leave immediately. But of course, as teenage boys do, they get out of the car. That is something teenage boys do is get out of cars.
SPEAKER_06:Um I thought you were gonna say that they don't listen to women.
SPEAKER_04:Damn it, Doug. Two things can be true. You can have two true things. Oh yeah, that's boys. Phone flashlight equipped, they go to investigate. Her and I can hear them talking, but we're quiet, scared, and just wanted to leave. As the boys came back to the car, we could hear something else. Rhythmic, but not very loud. Almost like a drag, and then a crack. Drag, crack, drag, crack. Over and over. It just kept getting louder. Not faster, but louder. Sounded like walking, but some fucked up limping jog. We absolutely freaked out, screaming for them to get in the car. The sound would have been scaried any time, but in the absolute pitch dark, with only phone screens lighting up their faces, I was ridiculously scared. They rushed to get in the car, finally understanding that we were b what we were both feeling. When they tried to turn it on, the car wouldn't start. We all went into full blown panic mode. Which probably probably was only about ten seconds of trying to start the car up, but it felt like twenty minutes. In my head, the sound was getting closer. I felt like I could hear it right out the window. When the car finally started and the headlights turned on, I swear to you, we saw blood splattered on the stop sign ahead of us. He sped away, and no one said anything the rest of the drive home. We didn't see her, but we heard her. We all did. And we and we'll tell you to this we did till this day. We went back in the morning, thinking maybe that someone had painted the stop sign to be funny, but no. Blood was gone, but the fog wasn't. To this day, I will avoid driving down that road unless absolutely necessary. This is really the long I'm so sorry. You don't have to read it. But it's all true. Most people around here have a story of J-Road. I hope you at least find it a little interesting.
SPEAKER_06:I cut this one for time, so don't worry.
SPEAKER_04:Thank you, editor. Um, this this reminds me of the there was a ghost story from fuck. One of the camps I went to was like a kid, and it was uh in some rural town, there was like a set of train tracks that if you sat over the train tracks, oh yeah, the children neutral. Yeah, yes. Um, put it in neutral and just leave it there. It would push your car off the tracks and you'd go around back and you'd find little like little heads. Yeah, you're supposed to put like flour on your bumper and you'll see a little hands. Because a fucking school bus got hit by a train at that point. So it's like the kids pushing, like being like, No! Yeah, this is what this reminds me of. It's fucking freaky.
SPEAKER_00:This is a solid one. That's a solid one. I like that.
SPEAKER_11:Uh Tales from the Crypt uh story that's very similar to this of like a like hitchhiker that gets hit, and the lady doesn't want to like call a cop or anything because she's jail. Yeah, just keeps going and the hitchhiker just like haunts her and eventually kills her. It's pretty good.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah, I think they're bringing Tales from the Crypt back, by the way. Thank God.
SPEAKER_00:I guess this one's an eight out of ten.
SPEAKER_06:I'm going ten. This is spooky stuff. I'll go eight, I'll do eight. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:I agree with eight. Pretty solid.
SPEAKER_04:Pretty solid. Damn.
SPEAKER_11:I see whose name is next.
SPEAKER_04:I know you do, and this is all you are in chat right now. You gotta give this first line uh oh yeah, they're in chat.
SPEAKER_06:Oh hell yeah. They're talking a whole bunch of things.
SPEAKER_04:You better be oh, they they're gonna start beating off as soon as you start talking the mic. All right. At least I hope.
SPEAKER_11:That was a good one, though. That's that's uh fucking we have a we have actually in my uh in a where I live, I was about to say the name. We have one off of uh road, something similar. Uh uh, I forget exactly what it was, but two people were driving on a motorcycle going to prom or something like that, and they crashed and died, and on the side of the road, or the the girl in her prom dress, she didn't die. She crawled to the side of the road and wrote help in blood on the side of the road and then died. The road if you still drive, you could drive by to this day. The asphalt uh if you drive by at night, the the rumor is you could see help written on the road and you see her spirit on the side of the road.
SPEAKER_00:Like you haven't said where you live like a million times.
SPEAKER_11:I know, but I'm still trying. You could not look it up. Anyway, I'm okay right now. This next uh uh story. Forgot the word for a second. Forgot the word story. Fuck. This next story is from Tori from Tejas. One of the faves. Um yeah. Oh greeting, sex perverts and spooky bitches. Um I'm um I'm reading, I'm reading, I'm reading. We're talking.
SPEAKER_00:Tori won't forgive us.
SPEAKER_11:Greeting, sex perverts and spooky bitches. Here's another weird one from Texas. In the 90s, there's an abandoned house off highway 90 in the southwest Houston. 90s and 90s. No, that's Sw. Swa Houston. Yeah. We affectionately referred to it as the Satan House. You had to park on the outskirts of an abandoned Asian-themed outdoor strip mall. I read that theme of Teenage Mutant.
SPEAKER_04:Abandoned Asian-themed outdoor abandoned Asian-themed outdoor mall.
SPEAKER_11:Which was creepy on its own. With the owl that lived there that would dive bomb you if you weren't expecting it. Yeah, we were trespassing with zero fucks to give. You would walk about a quarter mile along some closed side streets till you came to a gate in a chain-link fence that was chained shut. This fence was completely grown over with vines and gar garbage plants. So you really to really see what lay on the other side. We would squeeze our skinny teenage asses through the gate to come upon a path leading to the Satan's. We would squeeze our skinny teenage asses through the gate to come upon a path leading to the Satan house. On my first visit there, two loose horses were grazing in the yard. There's a lot of innuendos in there. What? There's a lot of innuendos in this one.
SPEAKER_06:Those were some loose horses. Tori knows a thing or two about a loose horse, I guess.
SPEAKER_00:Did Tina from Bob's Burgers write this?
SPEAKER_11:On my first visit there, two loose horses were grazing in the yard of the of the oblivious obviously crumbling abandoned old home. One horse is white, the other black. The white horse let us approach it and pet it, which is kind of surreal. But the whole experience was. Wait, what? Hand dug. Hand dug. I shand dug. Hand dug what? Wait, I should back up. So before seeking this place out, we had been hearing crazy stories about the place for my buddy Stoner, older brother, and friends for years. They told us the place had been an illegal gambling parlor back in the day. It was set up in the basement area that the owner had dug out himself. Legend said it was now flooded out. Because you can't have a basement in Houston due to our proximity to sea level. One story that caught my attention. How did you know? Pretty much coastal states. You just can't. One story that caught my attention was about these guys going down there before it flooded. Find a pentagram of goat legs and tallow cad candles around it. Hardcore. With weird runes or symbols carved into the wall. Another mentioned a hold at the top of the stairs, which led into a system of weird tunnels. An unfortunate dude tripping balls climbed into it and was pers pursued by some kind of creature until he found his way out. Yeah, I think that was a screen.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:It was just a traffic cone that was wiggling slightly.
SPEAKER_11:And there it was, right at the top of the stairs, about a two foot across hole leading into the wall void. Not sure how far someone could crawl into it, but I wasn't about to find out.
SPEAKER_09:Don't fuck that void hole.
SPEAKER_11:Only if they're loops like the void troll. Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:Plus, the dude who crawled into it had been tripping.
SPEAKER_11:So he probably just pissed off a raccoon, right? Either way. I was going to check out that basement. The stairs went down about ten steps and then curved around a corner and out of sight. We descended the stairs and turned the corner. Shit got real real quick. There it was. A huge, domed chamber, no window. Water lapped at the stairs, which stopped us from descending the last three or four stairs. The fog was coming off the black water. I checked the J to make sure I wasn't just high, and that he was seeing this too. He was. As we stared hypnotically at we stared hypnotically at the smoky water. Something off the far side of the basement audibly plunked into the water started swimming quickly towards us. We out! Back up the stairs and into the house proper. Frogman could suck a dick down there. We start trouble to get into. Yo! We split up and started exploring the mostly empty rooms with various old dusty antique furniture scattered here and there. I found a weird triangle-shaped room that wasn't quite a closet and not big enough to be a room. Triangle-shaped? He heard the man. That makes no sense. There were two doors to access it on two different two of the three triangle exterior walls, with a low bench running the length of the third wall. There are bolt locks on the outside of the both doors. Something compelled me to spray paint. This is where we keep the children above the bench. Don't worry, fellas. There's already all kinds of garbage painted across most of the joint. I was worried about paint. It really makes it We made our way back out We made our way out back to the pool in the stables. Sure as shit, just as the lore said, the stables have been converted to a men's and women's bathrooms. The pool looked about 15 feet deep or so, with green black water sucking on the c sucking on the couch and grocery carts that now live in it. Okay.
SPEAKER_04:Ooh, that was close. Sucking on the what now?
SPEAKER_11:Sucking on the couch.
SPEAKER_04:Sucking on the couch?
SPEAKER_11:I grabbed the pole that must have been part of the old cleaning gear and started poking at the items, drowning at the bottom. Nothing swam out to get me, and in frustration, I angled the long pole down and shoved it as hard as I could straight down. It disappeared completely into the gross water. That pole was at least ten feet long, so there's no way that was possible. But it happened. We decided after that it was maybe time to go. We were both overcome by a weird anxiety and a really dark, consuming feeling. Time to go. We booked it back up through the house, past the triangle room and the stairs, and back onto the sidewalk, booking it towards the gate. We weren't talking or smiling, just clapping cheeks. Then something grabbed me by the back of my collar, the back of the collar of my shirt, which stopped me in terror. Then it started pulling me back towards the house. I'm pretty sure I screamed like a girl and started flailing. Jay turned around in terror and then started laughing. I looked behind me. It was the white horse. It had somehow bitten my shirt and was pulling me back, but I managed to get away from it without ripping my shirt. Still freaking out, a mind screaming at me over and over.
SPEAKER_09:Death rides a pale whore. Death rides a pale whore. Death rides a pale whore.
SPEAKER_11:Over the following visits, the horses would be replaced with other random animals, including the occasional goat. Death rides a pale goat. Well, when my last visit to the Satan house found me with a small group of friends, I told them about the place for months, and they wanted to check it out. I was kind of nervous taking this crew of about six out there since I knew they were too dumb to respect the place. And I was right.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, they would do things like spray paint on it.
SPEAKER_11:Disrespectful. Fuck the loose horses or whatever. First thing I sought out was the triangle room. And my cryptic gold message was completely gone. Not covered, just gone. The vibe that evening was really heavy. If doom were a feeling, that's the blanket feeling. Leaving the triangle room, I came into the main room across the stairs, seeing all but one of my friends were fucking out round outside. I thought that was important that's an important word. You wanted it to be that way too. I heard I heard you were like, fucking each other outside. I walked in the room at the same time as my buddy T, who walked in the doorway across from me. We looked at each other and saw a large, shadowy figure quickly walked behind him. At that exact same time, we both voiced the same sentence. It's time to go. The others were pissed that we were storming away with no explanation. I was the first to the gate and turned to hold it open so T could get out. The group was still pitching and moaning, but something near the house caught my attention. A small shadowed figure, maybe three feet high, ran from the house to a nearby tree, poking what I'm guessing was its head from around the far side of the tree to look at me. It felt like that. Like it was it felt like that, like it was looking directly at me with intent. Then I heard the laughing. A child's giggle. But it was in my head. Any editor? Child's giggle, please. Nobody else heard or saw the figure. I never went back. And the place has been raised and built over for decades at this point. But I've been curious for years if anything weird has happened at whatever business is propped up on the grave. Satan house.
SPEAKER_04:This legit sounds like an entry from the goddamn Magnus archives. Like it look it it sounds like a thing I've been listening to though for the last month. It's cool. That one's great. Oh wow. You don't want this one?
SPEAKER_06:No, um, I got the last one. Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_00:Alright. So we're we're doing this one and then the last one. Um what do we think of Tori's? Uh it was really.
SPEAKER_11:Tori's stories are good.
SPEAKER_00:Is that play still there? Can we go?
SPEAKER_11:Well, it's he said no, he said something.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah, something got built on it.
SPEAKER_04:Tori has a way of writing things that like just. Can we go to the thing that they build on it?
SPEAKER_11:Yeah. Hell yeah. Tori dropping daddy? Yeah. Uh I'm pretty sure. I'm gonna give it a seven and a half. I'm gonna give it a nine out of ten. Oh. Just because it would be a ten out of ten, but Tori Tori's Tori sprinkled in some comedy there, which I appreciate. But I'm not looking for comedy. I'm looking to get shit. I'm looking for someone to shit my pants. You're right, ten out of ten.
SPEAKER_06:I'm gonna say I'm gonna give it an eight. Uh, but I also really like that like out of a lot of these stories, people have just like adopted this weird, like uh our like weird verbiage that we use for things. Oh, 100%. Tori's like, I'm clapping cheeks out of there. Yeah, yeah. Like, I like I like that. They they say it in words that we can understand.
SPEAKER_11:10 out of 10, Tori. Yeah, I'll give it an eight. Always a pleasure.
SPEAKER_04:I'm gonna go nine for this one just because like it again, I'm a sucker for a story, and if this was real or not, I don't give a shit. I like you you fucking put me there. I felt like I was experiencing the whole thing as as Mike was telling it.
SPEAKER_00:It was the easiest story to follow, maybe? I don't know. Anyway. What are you thinking? What judgmental thoughts are you thinking right now?
SPEAKER_06:I'll save it for later. Oh, okay. I'll get you real drunk and then be uh belittle you in the corner. Yeah. Okay.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, we're all gonna hate fuck each other somewhere in this house. Hell yeah. All right, T-Rex, you're up. This was written by an actual T-Rex.
SPEAKER_04:It was voice to text all right. Uh he can't reach the keyboard.
SPEAKER_00:He's just like just face rolling it. So that uh that's why there's all these extra letters smashed in there. Listen, I don't care if you believe me or not. I don't care if you read this. Wow, actually send this for you, I send it for me. All right, we're off to a solid start.
SPEAKER_04:Oh, yeah. Letting us know who's boss right off the bat. You know what? I like the boldness. Dominating me. Just you know what? Fuck you, because I'm going to.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. All right. This isn't for me to come, this is for you to come. For over 20 years, I have not said anything about this. It's about time. Holy sh this is uh this is a holdout. Okay, cool.
SPEAKER_11:This was go then.
SPEAKER_00:I grew up in an old house in Springfield, Massachusetts. I don't know how old exactly, but old enough that it was all old wood planking and crap like that. I think it's been restored since, but I've never gone back to see it. Even if the new owners gave me pers permission, I still wouldn't. I first started hearing the rats the summer I came home from my one and only trip to summer camp.
SPEAKER_04:The rats. The ratma put me in a room with rats. Rama podcast is back.
SPEAKER_00:The camp. It was filthy. We didn't have cabins, the tents had holes. I swear the counselors never showered, bugs in our sleeping bags, it was disgusting. I still remember the smell of BO on stinky old people and how the counselors' clothes were all ready. I swore I'd never go to another camp again. It started about a week after I came home, a grinding noise, right above my bed, but only when I lie on my left side. It sounded like something chewing through wood. A slow a slow, steady gnawing that would stop the moment I sat up. For two weeks I tried to ignore it, but every night it woke me up again and again. I eventually told my parents, they said it was probably rats, my dad set some traps in the attic and told me not to worry about it. Two weeks later, the gnawing was still there, every night. Still, only when I slept on my left side, I eventually decided to check for myself. Now you should know, I hate any type of vermin, bugs, mice, centipedes, anything that crawls or scurries. I live in a brand new apartment now, for that reason. But this noise was driving me insane. So one night, when the noise started again, I pulled down the attic ladder and went up with a flashlight. The air was thick with dust, and traps were all still set, no rats or anything that would explain the noise. But in the middle of the attic floor there was a pile of clothes. That was odd because there were no boxes or anything. The attic was empty, so I don't know where they came from. I turned my flashlight on the pile, and they were all torn up, shredded, and tattered in the way that I would expect a rat would make a nest out of. I didn't go any closer. I just turned off the flashlight, climbed down, and locked the attic hatch. I told my dad the next morning, and he said he'd check again. When he came back down later, he said it was clean. Strangely though, he didn't see the pile of clothes. One trap had gone off, but no rat. I shrugged it off as maybe things as maybe seeing things that weren't there. After two weeks passed, same noises, only this time they were louder. Still, always when I lie on my left side. I was going crazy. I was losing sleep and living off of sometimes just a couple of hours a night, so one night I snapped. I pulled down the ladder and went back up again with a flashlight. The air felt heavier this time, wetter somehow. My flashlight beam shook as the chilly night air sat in the attic. There wasn't proper insulation up there, so it was cold. The pile of clothes was back, or had never left. I don't know. I turned my flashlight on it, and that's when I spotted the floor, just above where my bedroom was. There was a divot in the wood, freshly scraped and gnawed, like somebody had been clawing through it from above, but the marks weren't small. The boards were gouged deep and wide, way wider than what a rat would need. The chunks of gnawed wood littered all around, then trailed away from the divot, towards the east wall of the attic. That's when my light caught the corner. There was a man crouched there. I know that sounds insane, but that's what I saw. His clothes were shredded, his face gray and caked with dirt. Wood splinters and blood clung to the corners of his mouth. What's worse is that I recognized him. He'd been one of the counselors at camp. I went ballistic. I'm not afraid to say I screamed, or tried to, and my foot slipped, and then everything went black. When I woke up, I was in the hospital. My jaw was wired shut. They said I fell from the attic ladder and broke it when I hit the floor. My parents told me they found me there unconscious. My dad went up into the attic after calling the ambulance to see what I'd been doing. He said the attic was spotless. No rats, no clothes. I'm guessing no divots or holes since he didn't mention them. Nothing. My mom asked if I'd been hearing noises and I told and I told them about in only one ear. I nodded. She said the doctors had to do CT scans and such on my head when checking me for concussions, and they found a beetle burrowed into my right ear.
SPEAKER_04:Oh my god.
SPEAKER_00:Chewing at my eardrum. I'm convinced I got that beetle from that disgusting camp. I never slept in a tent again. I never went to summer camp again. I never heard the noises again and never checked the attic. I'm now pretty positive I hallucinated the whole thing with the man in the attic and simply slipped on the attic ladder. The bug, however, was no hallucination, and I still get nightmares thinking about what might have happened if it had made it through my eardrum, and I still can't sleep on my left side. Eddie L.
SPEAKER_06:This is a survivor episode. That's the next one.
SPEAKER_00:Oh. I thought this was the signature. You should bold these things.
SPEAKER_06:I thought I did.
SPEAKER_00:Well, T Rex could be T-Rex could be Eddie L. You think T-Rex is his real now?
SPEAKER_06:You don't know. That's fucked up. I know. When I read that, I was like, fuck, that's like one of my worst. That's getting a Jillian out of ten. Yeah, that's a 10 out of 10 for me. That's that's rough.
SPEAKER_04:That's there's a fucking beetle. It's like the scarabs from the mummy. Like oh the first time I watched the the 1999 classic, The Mummy, featuring Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weiss. Those fucking scarabs scared the shit out of me. So this is like my fucking nightmare.
SPEAKER_00:This sits on two huge fears for me. One, the bugs in the ear. Fucking hate that shit.
SPEAKER_06:Have you ever gone on the mummy ride? Yeah. The scarab wall.
SPEAKER_00:Two the other thing. People living in my house. That's a huge fear of mine. Without you knowing. Yeah, right. Ever since I've heard those stories about the colour.
SPEAKER_06:Well, that's called frogging. What? Really? It's called frogging.
SPEAKER_00:Frogging. Well, now I'm afraid of frogs too. I just have this horrible fear that somebody's just like living in a compartment in my house, and I have no idea.
SPEAKER_04:If we want stories like that, we should have Kelly come talk about it. Because she knows several people that are in her family that have found people living in their houses, like in attics or crawl spaces.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, so hometown horrors next year is just Kelly.
SPEAKER_04:It's just Kelly talking about real experiences that make us all terrified.
SPEAKER_06:Just anything that can crawl in my ear hole is not a friend of mine. Yeah, no. I'm like fucking Survivor.
SPEAKER_04:Oh, yeah. The fucking the fucking lady that had the bug in her ear for four days.
SPEAKER_06:She knew though. And like that's so that's so fucked up though. Because she was like, Yeah, there's a fucking bug in my ear, and the guys are just like, We're gonna just film you.
SPEAKER_04:We're not gonna help you out at all. Give me some fucking just put a little uh nope. You didn't say medical team. You didn't say the words.
SPEAKER_00:If you just like stick peroxide in there, yeah, like leave.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, yeah. Because it'll die. It'll clean your ear. Like it's either dead or gone. Either way, you can get rid of it. Give me mug the talking pillow.
SPEAKER_06:I want the heart, bro. Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_11:Yeah, that's the worst. T-Rex, good job. Thank you for telling that, and I'm glad you did it for you and not for us.
SPEAKER_06:Alright. Our last story. Last story from uh of a good friend of mine, Eddie. And this is the figure at the foot of my bed.
SPEAKER_04:Jesus Christ.
SPEAKER_06:Alright. It was a quiet night, one of those nights when the darkness feels thick as if the world has fallen into a deep, unawakable sleep. I was twelve, maybe thirteen, and I just drifted off to uh sleep in my room. The house was silent. The only sounds the distant hum of the neighborhood and the occasional creak of the floorboard setting beneath the weight of the old house. Uh, but something woke me. It wasn't the loud bang of a door, slamming, or howl of the wind outside. It was more subtle, uh like an instinctual nudge in the back of my mind. I opened my eyes, disoriented, and saw nothing but the soft thick darkness that had filled my room. I could still feel the warmth of the blankets, but a coldness seemed to linger in the air and a chill that I couldn't explain. As I lay there, my eyes slowly adjusting, I began to wake uh make out a shape. It was faint at first, just a silhouette at the foot of my bed. I blinked, confused, thinking it was just my imagination, but it wasn't. Slowly it started to take form. A small figure, almost childlike, began to materialize right at the edge of my bed. It was as if the shadows themselves were stretching and contorting to reveal the presence. I froze, my breath caught caught in my throat, as the figure moved closer, peering over the edge of my bed, staring at me. It was a child, or at least looked like one. I thought it was my little sister at first, but the longer I stared, the more I realized something was wrong. There was no movement, no sound, not even the faintest ruffle, uh rustle of a body shifting. I called out her name. Monica? My voice trembling, but there was no response.
unknown:No!
SPEAKER_04:Sorry, we've been listening to the fucking Fast of the Furious soundtrack today, so that is true. We have that That's perfect.
SPEAKER_06:I saw that and like you win the race. The figure didn't flinch or react, it just stared. The terror crept up on me, my heartbeat hammering in my chest. The room seemed to grow colder, heavier as the weight of the darkness itself was pressing in. I pulled the covers over my head, praying softly to myself. I tried to focus on the comforting words, hoping that it would pass, that whatever it was would leave me alone. Minutes felt like hours, and when I was finally summoned the courage to peek out from under the blankets, the figure was gone. The room was still empty, as if nothing ever happened, but I couldn't shake the feeling that I wasn't alone. My heart pounded in my chest as I stood up and moved quietly through the dark house. I tiptoed into my sister's room, dreading what I might find. But there she was, fast asleep, curled in her bed. Obviously, the presence that had haunted my room only moments before. Oblivious to the presence that had haunted my room only moments before. To this day, I can't explain it, and there was really no logical reason for what I saw, no rational explanation. I never experienced that particular phenomenon again while I lived in this house, but I still remember the feeling of being watched. The coldness, the silent figure at the foot of my bed. Every time I wake up in the dark, I wonder if it'll come back.
SPEAKER_11:It didn't come back because he lost the race. This one's for now. This one's for after you went through. Monica! That's pretty good. Danger of the manifold.
SPEAKER_07:I like I like this because manifold.
SPEAKER_04:This is that's like the beginning of a of a fucking night terror sleep paralysis demon type thing. That's the like the the introduction. Like I feel like the hat man doesn't like it. Yeah. I feel like that like the hat man or these like sleep paralysis demons don't just like night one, like fuck you up. They like get closer and get closer.
SPEAKER_06:Well, this is the thing too. Like, I like this because I can relate to shadow people since my last house was fucking shadow people central for whatever reason. And that shit's so weird though, because like I don't know, like whether you believe in like that paranormal kind of side of things or not, I I've seen a shadow person, so I believe in it. Like, you know, in your house too.
SPEAKER_11:I know I told you, I was like, Oh, it's in your kitchen.
SPEAKER_06:You're like, Yeah, yeah, that's where they are. Like, oh there was so there's one in my kitchen, and I just like to go.
SPEAKER_04:Oh. Like from uh Hellhouse Origins.
SPEAKER_06:Kind of the fucking masked girl. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Except it didn't really look like that. It looked like I think stick figure. I don't know how to describe it. Artist? No, but I love stick figure the artist. Um it was literally because like I'd see it in the kitchen and I'd see it in uh like there was these stairs that led up to the top floor, you know? Oh yeah. And I'd see it do the same thing like around the half walls. Yeah. But it was like a stick figure, like just like a circle head with like a very thin like stick fight.
SPEAKER_00:They tried to jump me while I was in the kitchen getting water early one morning. Yeah. When I when I I woke up a real hungover and I was like trying to make I was just pouring tap water in the sink, and I turned around and out of the corner of my eye, it it was just like that. It was like a long body and just like a real circular head, and I was just like fuck, and then he was gone.
SPEAKER_06:I don't think it was malevolent or anything because the only time that it ever touched me, and Lissa can vouch for me, it pulled my shirt while I was doing dishes one time, and I like looked back thinking it was Lissa, like that it was like literally like a and I was just like it was nothing, nothing.
SPEAKER_00:Like I literally thought it was you or somebody else had gotten up in the house and was like standing there.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah, I I don't know if that was before or after, so we had the ring that we found that you have now. Yeah, I don't know if it was because of that or if the artifact after my mom passed and I put her in my house, if it like negated all that, because as soon as my mom's urn was in the house, I'd never see you know Lori does say that there's shadow people in our house.
SPEAKER_11:Were you cooking when that when that thing pulled like pulled your shit?
SPEAKER_04:I was doing dishes, doing dishes, never mind then. Yeah, I was gonna say someone was telling you not to put salt in the soy sauce, but no, that was Mike. Well, they saw that.
SPEAKER_06:Mike's like, I think it could use a little salt. I had that's what I left. I had to save it. But no, I I I I I resonate with this story and I like that. And I appreciate my friend for writing into us.
SPEAKER_04:Oh yeah. That's what well that reminds me of my fucking parents' house. Um I they bought that house freshman year, like for me, freshman year high school, and I have a vivid memory of just being up. It's like 2 a.m. or something like that. I'm sitting downstairs playing video games, I'm drunk. Um I've been drinking. Right. I mean, look, that's how all these stories start, I guess. But I I I vividly fucking remember this long ass like appendage that I couldn't really like focus on. And like it was like a shadowy thing. It was it was darker than the rest of the room, and it reached out and it grabbed the door and it closed it, and like, but it its fingers went through the fucking door, Jake.
SPEAKER_07:It is 2 a.m. It's 4 a.m.
SPEAKER_04:But no, I've like I have a vivid memory of that, and I if that's a shadow person, that's pretty much the only experience I have. But ever since then, every time I've gone back to my parents' house, I my bed's up, my bedroom's upstairs where like the guest room where I stay at like midnight, 1 a.m. or something like that from the downstairs, I'll hear the basement door just fucking close. I'm like, that's fucking weird. You know what makes it because my parents are sleeping or having sex with um they're not doing that because they didn't tell me about it.
SPEAKER_11:You know what?
SPEAKER_04:That's their MOOC weird. That's a whole other thing. That's a whole other thing. So wait, hold on.
SPEAKER_11:Lori sees wait, okay.
SPEAKER_04:Can we have a home time? Yeah, no, Mike, keep talking. What you're talking about is much more important.
SPEAKER_11:Lori says that she sees shadow people in the house now, and I wonder if it's because of the ring. And Amelia one day, she she uh woke up from sleeping.
SPEAKER_04:Like I said, that's the artifact.
SPEAKER_11:She woke up from sleeping one night, and uh she's uh we she woke up and Lori's like, Do you have a good good sleep? She's like, Yeah, I I talked with my friend. He lives in the closet. Oh no, she's like uh uh bro and then she's like, What's his name? And she goes, Jake. And J Death, yes. We're just like so. Now there's a man named Jake that lives in her closet, and that's not a name that like a small child just knows. I don't know any Jakes, I don't mention the name Jake. Don't like it at all. Yeah. So we're just like, what do we do about this? So she saged the house and she's like, stay out of the house, especially that room upstairs. So I might have to give her the ring.
SPEAKER_06:Hey, I mean, I I truly don't blame you. I I mean the ring is doing something to the house. It's corrupting the house. I should have told you to bring it here today so I could have. So I could I could send it back or put it back in Ryan's house now because he lives there.
SPEAKER_04:Ooh, we should rotate Mike recording spots and then one day just put the ring somewhere and hang it in your rafters here. See some paranormal shit.
SPEAKER_09:You're the ring bearer now.
SPEAKER_04:Again, brand new fucking house. Like there's no fucking way this place can be haunted.
SPEAKER_06:That's true. Unless it's yeah, I guess if it's connected to the ring, it just used to be a farm field. Just for context, have we talked about the ring on the uh we have a couple times, I'm pretty sure. Well yeah, to catch people up, uh when I moved into my old place, found a ring. Um uh an Indian family lived in the house before me, and they lived there for a long time, and I think someone in their family passed away. I don't know if that matters or not, but that would make sense. Um, this ring, I swear to you all, is the scariest fucking ring ever. It has a literal, like decrepit man on the ring. Do you have you have a picture somewhere? Well, yeah, we'll put it in Discord if we find it, but I swear this ring is haunted. Guys, join the Discord.
SPEAKER_00:Asian Indian or Native American?
SPEAKER_06:Asian Indian. Okay. Yeah, not Native American. Um I I know I would I would be politically correct when I said that. But um, good for you, man. Good as I just immediately go. Oh yeah, dude, I forgot how creepy this goddamn ring is. Put that in the chat because it is horrendous because it is fucking terrible. I forgot how fucking terrifying. But I'm almost positive that this ring is somehow haunted. I don't know how you would see this and think otherwise. It's a demon artifact.
SPEAKER_04:Um, yeah. What if it like slowly siphons your youthful essence? Is this what Mike looks like?
SPEAKER_06:Mike is the embodiment of an 89-year-old man. Damn. It's not letting me like the access to my photo. Oh, I took my unlimited edit. Can you send it to me and I'll just do it?
SPEAKER_04:Discord, as soon as we're done dealing with Mike, Michael difficulties, uh you will get the picture of the weird ass fucking ring.
SPEAKER_00:Doobie ringing. For sure. Doobie ringing. God damn, those were some that is so tight on my head. I am it looks good though.
SPEAKER_06:I have a ring the ring picture is in there. Tell me this is not the most fucking terrible thing ever. It's like a I and I found this in my home. Smash. Smasher.
SPEAKER_04:It's fucking.
SPEAKER_00:If you imagine just a horror movie in like a creepy person photo on a wall. Like you're probably getting close. This is not a horror movie probably.
SPEAKER_06:It's in my house now. Yeah, that lives in Mike's house. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:It's on the oh yeah. If you guys want to look for it, it's on the fucking shelf behind us whenever I go over there. Probably somewhere. Oh, probably the camera sucks.
SPEAKER_00:It looks like they posed someone's corpse. A soldier.
SPEAKER_04:I don't like that it's like waving. Well, that's actually a really good thought. It does look like a soldier memorial ring.
SPEAKER_00:They are they do appear to be wearing a helmet.
SPEAKER_04:That's fair. That does not discount the fact that is fucking horrifying.
SPEAKER_00:That makes it even worse. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, that actually that that's for sure a dead person. Oh, so this person was surrounded by horrendous acts of just war and death and destruction. Yeah, probably not haunted. Still spooky, still smash. Okay.
SPEAKER_00:Anyway. It could be the ghost of all the people they killed.
SPEAKER_06:So you mean the life essence of anything that died got absorbed this ring? Okay.
SPEAKER_04:Great. That's in Mike's house.
SPEAKER_06:I'm glad we got rid of that. He says that's the royal because it means you enlisted. I mean, basically, it definitely looks like Hunter Down. Well, everybody. It is Hunter S.
SPEAKER_11:I want to give a super special thank you for joining us on this fine, fine Halloween day. Because it's coming out on Halloween, right, editor? After you edit in all the things.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I'll edit it Thursday.
SPEAKER_11:Okay. Can you edit in all the things that I told you to?
SPEAKER_00:That's not gonna happen.
SPEAKER_11:Damn it. Edit in a very disappointed trumpet sound right here. We have that somewhere. It's on there. It's somewhere there.
SPEAKER_06:You're close enough. Just hit all of them. Jason, we still have the ring. It's just at Mike's house. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, no. We we have it. Yeah. It's still it's still.
SPEAKER_00:If you want it, we'll send it to you. We should. But then we'd lose the ring.
SPEAKER_06:I was gonna say I don't want it to be fixed up. I want it to stay decrepit.
SPEAKER_00:We can put it in a box with a note that says if you buy this ring, don't open it. Let us know what happened.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, don't don't uh don't dead open inside. We'll just yeah.
SPEAKER_00:That's better than what I was gonna say, so I'm not gonna we just talked over. Sorry, dude. We'll do that.
SPEAKER_11:Well, everybody, thank you again. You can find us on everything, delootypod. Uh show us to gmail delootypod at gmail.com. Oh shit, send a picture or a link or something.
SPEAKER_04:But yeah, somebody who's slapping Mothman's ass so hard found the actual ring that dug.
SPEAKER_00:Slapping Mothman's ass so hard has to stop being so good at Google because every time we say it's a mystery, they're like, no, it's fucking not. Here, look. Well, we I found it.
SPEAKER_06:Slapping Mothman does the work that we we could be doing, but is this a resume?
SPEAKER_00:Is this if we ever make it big, we'll put you in our payroll and just give you the topic for the week.
SPEAKER_04:Oh yeah. You'll just tell us all the things to say. Yeah.
SPEAKER_11:Anyway, everybody. God damn it. I would like to go ahead and vent it antique. Oh wow. Look at that.
SPEAKER_06:Jesus Christ. It's a different ring. It is a different ring, but what the fuck? A cybaba ring? Who's Sai Baba? I don't have a hundred days.
SPEAKER_11:I can make some money off of this.
SPEAKER_06:Don't you dare send that ring off. Jesus Christ. It's like Sai Baba.
SPEAKER_11:Google it real quick.
SPEAKER_06:Let's do that. So it's not a helmet.
SPEAKER_00:It's definitely some like just pending.
SPEAKER_11:Let's figure this out in a minute. Alright, everybody. You have a back to the street.
SPEAKER_00:If you have more erotic friend fiction about loose horses, any of Jason.
SPEAKER_04:Stay paranoid about all the erotic horses in your yard. I guess.
SPEAKER_06:Doug. Slap your peans and beans together, but make it a little spooky. Make it a little scary. Make sure horses are watching. And I'll say, go fuck that horse. You've been good.
SPEAKER_11:You've earned it.
SPEAKER_07:Treat yourself. Bye, everybody. Have a great day.
SPEAKER_06:Cheers, Doug. Cheers.
SPEAKER_02:Don't look on your internet.
unknown:Yeah.
