UP 33 - What If Holiday Cheer Was Evil? (DLUTI Christmas Special)

Your normal DLUTI programming is on hold for a couple weeks, but fear not - we have content! Doug and Jason will be back in January.

Find Unplanned Podnancy on any podcast platform.

Transcript

Cold Open And Hosts Reunite

SPEAKER_05 0:17

Welcome to Unplaying Potency, the only podcast on the internet where holiday cheer always means having an orgasm. I'm Matt. That's Mike.

SPEAKER_03 0:31

Hi. You kind of threw me off a little by saying it's potency.

SPEAKER_05 0:36

That's Chris.

SPEAKER_03 0:37

It kind of is.

SPEAKER_05 0:39

Chris.

SPEAKER_02 0:40

Wow. That's Chris. Hi. Yeah, that's me. I it threw me off him saying Potency, but that's not what I was expecting. You know, I was kind of expecting the diluti like music playing too, which I realized, you know, that's not hyped right into the podcast.

SPEAKER_05 0:55

Yeah, that's not how podcasts work.

SPEAKER_00 0:58

It's been a long time.

SPEAKER_02 1:00

Yeah. I'm out of the loop.

SPEAKER_05 1:02

You just press a button and it happens.

SPEAKER_02 1:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:05

Well, if we were Joe Rogan, we could do it.

SPEAKER_05 1:07

That's true. We need a studio. If you're listening, well, if you're hearing this part of the episode, then that means that you're listening on the Diluty feed, which probably means a lot of you are like, what the fuck is happening, right? This is Unplanned Potency because Doug and Jason are doing holiday stuff, and we didn't want to prepare like a whole topic thing for Diluty, so you're getting unplanned potency for the next two weeks. And so what is Unplanned Potency? It is a podcast with me and Chris and sometimes Mike and some combination of those people. It's an improv podcast, I guess.

SPEAKER_03 1:46

You are, from my knowledge, known for your improv skills and techniques. So renowned, one could say.

SPEAKER_05 2:16

No housekeeping this week. Fuck that. We'll get to you in January. I think we should do that.

SPEAKER_03 2:23

Okay. Just unsubscribe real quick.

SPEAKER_05 2:25

Yeah, unsubscribe. Pay us again next month. Yeah. And we'll get to you then. Right check next time. Cheating. So I have a couple

What Is Unplanned Potency

SPEAKER_05 2:35

ideas for this week. Um, I kind of wanted to start off with like just a warm-up discussion topic, and then we'll get into a hypothetical situation. So what we do on potency a lot is like hypothetical situations where uh what we we ponder what it would be like if the world was different in some way. So, boys, I don't know if you know or not, but it's Christmas in a couple days.

SPEAKER_01 2:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:59

Is that true?

SPEAKER_01 3:00

Yeah. But I'm Jewish.

SPEAKER_02 3:03

Oh.

SPEAKER_05 3:05

We've been over this. You can't say that word.

SPEAKER_02 3:09

I'm Jewish.

unknown 3:10

No.

SPEAKER_02 3:11

You can say it. You gotta, you gotta roll that back. This is a podcast, right? You got you need to clip that. This is a great one. Cut it out. Get it out of there.

SPEAKER_05 3:20

Yeah. Anyway, Christmas. Christmas is nothing if not a cornerstone of Western culture. So that got me thinking. Like, a lot of people don't like Christmas. Do you like do you guys like Christmas? Do you find that it changes as you get older?

SPEAKER_02 3:38

Yeah, I love Christmas. It's fucking awesome. No, uh, yeah. No, I mean, genuinely, as a child, I loved Christmas. I loved it more as a child than I do now. But I think Christmas is still cool. You still get

Warm‑Up: Feelings On Christmas

SPEAKER_02 3:50

time off work because everyone is like, it's the holidays. We have to have time off work, so that's great. Um, I like colder weather, so that's cool. And as someone not sponsored by Coca-Cola, they make a delicious product, and I'm always happy when you know them and Santa get together.

SPEAKER_05 4:08

You should talk about their recent advertisements and your opinions on that.

SPEAKER_02 4:12

Oh, we love it.

SPEAKER_01 4:13

I mean, love.

SPEAKER_05 4:15

No, I don't know. Like as I get as I get older, I feel like I I used to love Christmas. I don't think I like it as much anymore. It just I don't know. I'm kind of indifferent, I suppose. It's not bad.

SPEAKER_01 4:29

I'm not like a Christmas hater or anything.

SPEAKER_03 4:33

But I would say you're a Christmas hater. You're definitely a Krampus man.

SPEAKER_02 4:40

The old fucking Grinch.

SPEAKER_05 4:44

Okay. Thanks for establishing my opinion for me. I guess I hate Christmas.

SPEAKER_03 4:50

We had to knock you down a peg. Why are you turning green right now?

SPEAKER_05 4:55

But that got me thinking, what if? So if you've never listened to Unplanned Potency before, we have this thing in the Unplanned Potency world called the Dark Quran. And I was thinking. So the Dark Quran is a Quran that Chris found in his grandma's cupboard, and it has all sorts of secrets about the world in it. And I thought, what if what if somebody found the Dark Koran and they discovered that Christmas, like Santa Santa things, the image of Santa and everything Christmas was actually a curse that was responsible for all the bad things that happened in the world. And then I was like, what if scientists test tested this theory from the Dark Quran and they discovered that that's true? A hundred percent. Santa Claus and images of Santa and everything Christmas was actually a bad omen or a curse that was responsible for everything bad that happened in the window. What would happen? What if the what if the scientists, what if RFK Jr. led a group of scientists up on national television tomorrow and we're like, guys, we gotta cancel Christmas.

The Santa Curse Hypothesis

SPEAKER_05 6:20

This is what's going on. You think people would believe it?

SPEAKER_03 6:23

Oh, are you saying that Christmas, Santa, all that is the cause of everything bad that's happening in the world?

SPEAKER_05 6:31

It's like, so if you think about the traditional Christian like Satan, like well, the modern like interpretation of Satan and evil and all that stuff, basically Santa Claus is Satan. Yeah, right there. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 6:48

It's pretty close.

SPEAKER_05 6:49

Like, do you think people do you think people by and large would believe it? Or do you think they would be like nah, uh that can't be. And then but if the people did believe it, would they start burning all their Christmas stuff?

SPEAKER_03 7:04

I think uh I think it would depend on who's saying it. If you had Trump saying it, uh then you would have a bunch of those people uh fucking burning their their their trees like effigies in the front yard. Yeah, 100%.

SPEAKER_00 7:23

Christmas, it's Canson, it's Eva. Santa, bad guy. I've seen bad guys, I've seen other bad guys, he's the worst guy. Can't trust Santa.

SPEAKER_03 7:33

Yeah, a thousand percent. Yeah, a thousand percent. At least his base would for sure.

SPEAKER_05 7:39

I don't know if people But see that that's the the thing though, is like a bunch of his base is like very heavily Christian, and a lot of Christian people are like super into Christmas. I mean, people fucking people fucking love Christmas, man. Christmas shit starts flying onto the shelves in like August.

SPEAKER_03 7:56

I feel like though, I feel like Christmas has kind of gone away from being such a Christian holiday, it's way more of like a consumerism thing now.

SPEAKER_05 8:07

That's why we gotta put the Christ back in Christmas, man.

SPEAKER_03 8:09

Yeah, you're absolutely right. But I've I feel like that is why, if he were to say it, he would be able to persuade his base in a way, be like, it's Christmas is evil, it's evil, evil guy, that's uh oh, Saint Nick, more like Saint Prick. Um, and like he'd be like, No, it's it's just all the wealthy getting rich off of your money, you keep buying the cheap, cheap Chinese toys, and it would be like that's how he would persuade it to get you, or that's how he would form it to get you to not care anymore.

SPEAKER_05 8:44

Because it so remove the disassociate it with Christianity.

SPEAKER_03 8:50

Yeah, it would it would it would make it a whole like I I'm I'm telling you right now, hundred percent he would make it somehow about China, but because they make toys over there, be like, they're not elves, they're not even elves anymore, they're little Chinese kids. It would be something like that.

SPEAKER_05 9:07

See, yeah, see I I knew this sounded stupid, and I and I was so afraid afraid I was like, man, maybe this topic is is gonna be really dumb. And then but but I knew this was good the I knew this had the potential to be a banger discussion then.

SPEAKER_03 9:20

And then to even cap it off, he would probably be able to tie it back to COVID and be like, they even set up the Chinese flu and all that stuff, because that's what they called that shit back then. And they would he would he would use all this as an amalgamation and be like, look, they even cause a sickness, they called co they cause COVID. It's all because of St. Nick and the corporatized consumerism, uh, Christmas. It's not Christmas anymore. They took the Christ out, now it's just consumer mess, consum mass. That's what he would say. He would say some shit like that.

SPEAKER_05 9:49

Chris,

Would Anyone Believe It

SPEAKER_05 9:50

you you had a point.

SPEAKER_02 9:52

But that that only deals with half the American population, right? Right. If it's if it's global, hey, that's just Trump. So someone else has to say it too. But also, there's the anti-Trump side that's just gonna be like, oh, Christmas is evil, let me make a chick-chalk, and then they're gonna have something behind them and being like doing a dance, acting like Santa Claus. It's you're gonna have the anti-propaganda as soon as a political figure makes that announcement.

SPEAKER_05 10:19

You you also have to deal with the implications of like Christmas is Jesus' birthday. Like, how could it be evil? How could this have happened? Right? Are people not gonna reject that outright that you know that it's possible that something evil is now associated with the boobages?

SPEAKER_02 10:40

I would be more concerned with the fact that we're telling people that evil omens exist.

SPEAKER_05 10:45

Yeah, yeah, I mean, I guess I guess that is the primary the primary revelation here.

SPEAKER_01 10:51

There's magic.

SPEAKER_05 10:53

Yeah, that's that's that's basically like announcing that a death note is real, and instead of being like, Yeah, yeah, books can kill people, being like China. Don't don't worry about that. And then out of it. Worry about the political implications of the fact that we have a book that can kill people, and then all death gods are real.

SPEAKER_04 11:15

I'll take out a potato chip, the best beautiful potato chip, beautiful potato chip, and I'm gonna eat it. I'm gonna eat it. I'll get another.

SPEAKER_05 11:23

Yeah. Well, okay. I think yeah, there's so many directions we can go here.

SPEAKER_03 11:28

When you say omens in general, are you talking like every catastrophe like 9-11 was caused by Santa Claus? Because you could probably also spin that shit.

SPEAKER_05 11:36

I'm saying basically everything bad that has happened to humanity since the the visage of Santa Claus became a thing is a result of the of us damning ourselves by creating Santa Claus.

SPEAKER_03 11:55

So then I I argue they would be able to spin it, like I said, like you were saying before, it's the birth of G of Baby Jesus. How are they gonna separate the two? I think they would make you choose between your Christianity and your patriotism and be like a real American wouldn't choose to celebrate this holiday anymore because Santa caused 9-11, Santa caused the World Trade Centers to collapse. You're not a true American if you keep celebrating because Santa's done all these bad things. He caused the depression in the 20s. Like, I think for the United States, they would keep it to focusing on all the American tragedies that would happen to really gear you up and be like, uh, a true American celebrates USA Day, not Christmas, see? And I don't even know how popular Christmas is outside of the world. I know Germany is probably pretty popular because they have Krampus and shit. But over there, they could be like, they did the he did the Nazis. You know, I think every I think every fucking every country would just focus on the super shitty things that happened to them specifically and just try to use that to like focus you on being a nationalist than being a Christian or celebrating Christmas. And of course, they would just replace the day. They'd be like, okay, the 25th of December is no longer Christmas, it's USA Day or it's it's Earth Day, and you still get it off. You still give presents.

SPEAKER_05 13:20

I I sub I suppose if it's just the visage of Santa Claus, you could make the argument that like this was b because Santa Claus is a fairly recent thing. Yeah you could just say that it the holiday was corrupted by the devil inventing Santa Claus and he took it over. I guess.

SPEAKER_03 13:41

And imagine if imagine if you get the Pope on your side. That's even the king of the Catholics?

SPEAKER_05 13:47

Yeah, how are you gonna get you think you can get the Pope okay?

SPEAKER_03 13:51

He's a Chicagoan, you're good.

SPEAKER_05 13:54

We I think we need to go back though and establish who who is claiming these things and what evidence do they have. Because if it's the Trump administration claiming that Santa Claus caused 9-11, is the Pope who is staunchly anti-Trump going to get on board with that?

SPEAKER_03 14:18

That's what I'm saying. I think it depends

Proof, Magic, And Probability

SPEAKER_03 14:20

on who's who made the announcement. If it was like Obama, I feel like that would hold a little bit more weight globally.

SPEAKER_05 14:28

I don't even know I don't know what it would take for me to believe that this was true. I guess that I guess that's another question. Like, if if somebody, any governing body, came out tomorrow and said that everything that bad that's happened in the last 200 years is because of our modern day satanic ritual that is Christmas, what would it take for you to be like, oh damn?

SPEAKER_03 14:56

To get me to be like, shit, maybe they're onto some.

SPEAKER_02 14:59

You wouldn't think you would if Neil said it, I'm buying it.

SPEAKER_03 15:05

Neil deGrasse Tyson and the Pope. If you got if you won the Pope over with that shit and he was like, hey, it's me, the Pope. Uh yeah, Christmas is bad, uh, then I think you would win over a lot of people if you got the Pope involved.

SPEAKER_05 15:19

Because that's like he is like you just believe the Pope, though?

SPEAKER_03 15:23

A lot of people do, dude. That's the whole thing.

SPEAKER_05 15:25

Yeah, no, I'm saying, I'm saying you. What what empirical evidence would have to be presented to you to believe?

SPEAKER_03 15:31

I would have to see like if it is kind of like Death Note ideologically, uh, I ideology, like could they just write in like this will explode and then it'll explode? Because I would want to see them do it. I would need to see an and I would need to see something happen in that book. See like for example, if they wrote the Statue of Liberty will fall on this date at this time, uh and then it happens, yeah, I would be a little bit more, but then again, or then are they just planning it then actually?

SPEAKER_02 16:06

Yeah, how does this magic work now? Is it just as long as the visage of Santa Claus exists, the world will have pain, or is there a document of the Santa clan that they rate events in?

SPEAKER_05 16:21

No, no, I don't I don't think there's like a there's no group of shadowy figures behind you know plotting the devastation around the world and using the riches of cr the ritual of Christmas to spread their power.

SPEAKER_02 16:37

I'm thinking I'm thinking because let me let me let me let me let me jump in here, Matt. Let me jump into what you're saying. Uh when when did Santa Claus get his red suit? Uh I believe it was due to Coca-Cola.

SPEAKER_01 16:49

Right.

SPEAKER_02 16:49

I believe Coca-Cola popularized the red suit of Santa Claus. And I believe Coca-Cola popularized Santa in America pretty wholesale. Um I think we're inventing an entire conspiracy theory here. Uh you're hey, you're talking about Santa control in the world. I'm just talking about history. Coca-Cola popularized Santa Claus. That's all I'm saying. What you're implying, Matt, that's that's on you. That's that's not me.

SPEAKER_05 17:18

All right.

SPEAKER_02 17:19

That's on you. I'm not shitting on Coca-Cola, I'm not sponsored.

SPEAKER_05 17:23

Okay. We Mike and I both have Pepsi's on our desk right now. I do want to point that out. I do want to point that out.

SPEAKER_02 17:32

Hey, being anti-Coke is fine. I'm not anti-Coke Coke, but I'm just saying, you you can be if you want to be.

SPEAKER_05 17:41

I okay.

SPEAKER_02 17:45

Let's I'm not gonna piss for Coke over Lords.

SPEAKER_05 17:49

There's that's just yeah, now I'm scared. See, now I don't know what what direction I want to take this in. Because part of me wants to explore this entire game, this this whole Coca-Cola thing. But what if it what if it's not just Red Suit Santa? What if it's Chris Krangle and the whole deal? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:06

Like I I think I would uh I would need to see something happen that is magical. Like you're saying that this thing is it, you know, it it's a curse, you know, everything is bad that happened is because of Santa. I'm assuming there's some sort of magic to it, and I would need to see that magic occur.

SPEAKER_05 18:27

I would need them to be like what I'm imagining is like we because Christmas is a very commercial holiday, right? So there we've cre we've manufactured all this shit.

SPEAKER_03 18:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 18:41

And and what I'm envisioning in my head is that anybody who has come in contact with a Christmas, a physical representation of Christmas, whether that be a like a Santa or a wooden nutcracker or some some Christmas a Christmas tree or some lights or you know, anything. Wrapping paper with Santa Claus on it. Anybody who's come in contact with that has now had some evil energy leached into them by that object. And and and unless that object is destroyed,

Demonstrations And Final Destination Vibes

SPEAKER_05 19:20

that evil energy continues to exist in that person. So like, let's say you're cursed because you picked up a nutcracker one day. If you complete if you destroy that nutcracker, that evil energy goes away. So you could reverse the effects of all of this by destroying every last physical representation of Christmas in the world.

SPEAKER_03 19:50

But would would the the would the government organizations, the Illuminati of the world, let that happen? Also, one one point I want to make. This is this is actually how it would get me. I need I need an answer from you. How does this magic book that proves that Santa is the cause of everything bad, like, how does that work?

SPEAKER_05 20:14

Is it a is it a thing, like you said, a death note where if they write in this book, then Santa Oh the Dark Quran was just a reference to a previous potency episode. The Dark Quran was a good one. Oh no, I know.

SPEAKER_03 20:28

I'm just saying. Oh, I know, I'm just saying. Okay, so it's not it doesn't really have much to do with that.

SPEAKER_05 20:32

No, there's no there's no death note or anything. It's literally just the entire idea is that some group of scientists.

SPEAKER_03 20:40

If you're able to capture this Santa magic and do any and manipulate her or do anything with it, like, how are they gonna come on stage and just be like Santa's evil without any type of proof? I would need proof of something that is impossible for man to do. Like, I wouldn't need them, I don't need like if they were to ask me, how can we persuade you that Santa is causing all of this evil and chaos and darkness in the world? I would be like, I need Santa to like build a volcano and then make it erupt in like a day. Yeah, because that is not something humans can do, that would require magic. I need something impossible to occur.

SPEAKER_05 21:18

I believe I don't see this as it causing the impossible to happen. It just manipulates reality in a way that possible things that are bad are more likely to happen the more that you're exposed to Christmas.

SPEAKER_02 21:33

So it's a probability engine.

SPEAKER_03 21:36

Yeah, yeah. But that's what would that's what it would take to make me go, oh shit, they're on to something, is if something impossible did occur that humans can't replicate.

SPEAKER_02 21:45

In theory, then if you just took a single person and covered them in Christmas stuff, something terrible is gonna happen to them. You're just piling on their bad luck. So now if they did that on stage and they were like is it a safe area? Yeah, we're we're putting Christmas multipliers on this person for bad luck, and they're in the safe dome, and then like a a flying sword just shoots through this and stabs them.

SPEAKER_03 22:10

I'm like, I guess, I guess Christmas is evil. Yeah, yes, that's that's what would that's that's that's the one.

SPEAKER_05 22:17

That was the point I was about to bring up is that you could concentrate this, right? And and try to show demonstrate the effects in that way. You could you could take a bunch of Christmas stuff, a bunch of tinsel, and just like yeah, put a person on stage and just cover them in it, expose them to just an unbelievable amount of Christmas, and just watch what happens.

SPEAKER_03 22:39

But for someone to watch ABC's 30 Days of Christmas.

SPEAKER_05 22:43

But here's the thing how because I I'm skeptical of almost anything. You know, I it takes it takes me like digging into something for me to really really believe it. Unless it it's something that has no bearing on anything and it's not really something to this ma of this magnitude to me would take a significant amount of convincing. And even if you did that to someone, how how how would they be able to prove that they didn't just make whatever happened happen for the sake of it?

SPEAKER_03 23:19

Yeah. I'm getting strong final destination vibes from from this. Yeah, like it's kind of where anything's anti-related and just some weird accident's gonna befall on you. A fucking piano is gonna drop from 50 stories onto your head for you wearing an ornament.

SPEAKER_05 23:38

Yeah, I I I guess that's

Weaponizing Christmas Cheer

SPEAKER_05 23:41

that's the thing is like the more improbable the thing that happens to this person, the more believable it becomes. But how how are you to say that they didn't just stage that?

SPEAKER_03 23:49

How how can you say that they didn't just fly a piano over this person and drop it on their head just to prove to you that Santa is evil because they have some sort of anti-Christmas agenda that they're trying to I think it would be a situation like what Chris said where yeah, they they're in like a safety dome where like you're able to inspect it, the guys is in there, it's just a glass room, uh, and it's just like all right, now something happens, we know. You know, there's no way for them to you bring Chris Angel in to make sure it's not hasn't been fucked with magically, like there's no trapdoors or anything, and then then whatever happens happens.

SPEAKER_01 24:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:31

It is is the effect can we detect it scientifically? Or is it just a phenomenon beyond our ability to observe at this current point in time?

SPEAKER_05 24:44

How do you measure how do you measure bad luck? Yeah, because it's not in my mind, it's not like radiation, right? It's just some dark energy that's now.

SPEAKER_03 24:53

We're reading about magic. We're doing high levels of ho ho ho in here. I got 20 ho's.

SPEAKER_05 24:57

Yeah, it's like it's like uh it's like like this like a the the fucking emf thing and yeah like hitting a five. I got I got a five on the Rudolph scale.

SPEAKER_03 25:10

Team team, I hear jingle bells, I hear jingle bells chatting. So happening.

SPEAKER_02 25:15

This is really just Christmas joy, but negative. I I'm I'm kind of in like you being a Grinch again.

SPEAKER_05 25:23

It's holiday cheer.

SPEAKER_02 25:24

It feels like you're just saying Christmas joy is bad.

SPEAKER_05 25:27

It's how holiday cheer is a carcinogen, basically.

SPEAKER_03 25:31

Is there is there in this world, so in this world, if Santa's the cause of all the bad things, would be a situation where like Krampus is the cause of all the good things? Maybe maybe that's what you do. You you you you bend it on something like that. No, I don't think.

SPEAKER_05 25:48

I don't think there's any antidote here. Hold on.

SPEAKER_02 25:51

You're saying there's no opposing force in the gang? No.

SPEAKER_05 25:56

This was just an we accidentally summoned something by creating Chris Christmas.

SPEAKER_02 26:03

He's an elder champion, but can we summon something inverse? Yeah, even if we don't know how does it exist, Matt.

SPEAKER_05 26:10

That wasn't that wasn't that part of my my proposal, that wasn't part of my plan for this hypothetical situation. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 26:17

I've watched Full Metal Alchemist. I know that there's a give and take to the universe. Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_05 26:23

Every there's a balance, an equal and opposite reaction.

SPEAKER_02 26:27

Yeah, and I watched Avengers and I saw what Thanos did with that knife. Perfectly balanced, as all things should be. Is that a relevant reference? How old is that movie? I don't know. 2019.

SPEAKER_03 26:36

Oh, wait, no, that was 2018. God, you want no cringe. This is off topic. I was gonna get that tattooed on me. That was gonna be my first tattoo. Was it that knife? How cringey.

SPEAKER_02 26:49

Where were you gonna put it? Right on the arm, baby. Right on the arm. So were you gonna get a tattoo on the other arm to keep your body balanced, or were you just gonna like completely fly in the face of the entire face of the tattoo? I didn't even think of that. You would look like a fool.

SPEAKER_05 27:06

So you could, I suppose, prove maybe not prove, but demonstrate it over time. Because there are some people who are gonna latch onto this idea and like completely isolate themselves entirely from everything Christmas. And I I suppose bad things would stop happening to those people.

SPEAKER_03 27:24

There would also be a point, I don't think we would ever actually know what I don't think this would ever make it out to the public. I think what would actually happen is that our government or any world government will find a way to use this as a weapon. Like they would, when they go to meet with other world leaders, they would like slip a candy cane into their pocket without them knowing, boosting their chances of some accident to happen.

SPEAKER_05 27:47

You know, but how do you expose somebody else to it without also exposing yourself? I was thinking about that with the whole demonstration thing.

SPEAKER_03 27:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 27:55

Well, I don't think you have to touch it.

SPEAKER_03 27:57

I think it's just as I say, is it being in its aura?

SPEAKER_05 28:00

Yeah, just being in yeah, witnessing it even is a curse. Yeah, that's a chance to do it.

SPEAKER_02 28:08

Just witnessing it, so just seeing it on

Units Of Kringle And Global Fallout

SPEAKER_02 28:10

seeing it on TV, yeah. Oh, imagine a kamikaze SCP.

SPEAKER_03 28:14

Oh, yeah. Imagine a kamikaze soldier is running up to a man and hugging him, just filled with holiday decorations and stuff.

SPEAKER_05 28:23

This is awful. Yeah, you could you could become a terrorist by just dressing up as Santa Claus and just running around and see the you're gonna die.

SPEAKER_03 28:31

The thing is Oh my god, think of what that could do to planes. If you're just on like a plane, you just stuff your luggage full of Christmas shit and no one will know, and then you just take don't get on the plane, but your luggage does. You might have just caused a fucking problem.

SPEAKER_05 28:44

Yeah, you could you could whip a Christmas present out of your carry-on and be like, I'll unwrap it, I swear to god, if you don't turn this plane around right now, I'll unwrap it.

SPEAKER_02 28:53

A Christmas cheer bomb.

SPEAKER_05 28:55

I mean, though the cumul all the bad things that happen have to be a result of a cumulative effect of all of these things, like to some that are that are generating some small amount of bad luck, right? Because like dressing up as Santa can't be that bad, or small Santa's would be having a real bad time. Though I've seen bad Santa.

SPEAKER_03 29:20

That's a bad life.

SPEAKER_05 29:21

Yeah, that is bad life.

SPEAKER_03 29:23

Maybe it's because um maybe maybe like if you dress up as Santa, that just counts as one piece because it's one completed theme. Like the act of being you're you're dressed as one Santa, so it's that just counts as one.

SPEAKER_05 29:38

That's just one Santa. Yeah, it's a lot of things. So if you had a box of like a thousand Santa's, it would be really bad.

SPEAKER_03 29:44

Yeah. Or if you had like I I I I have an ornament in my pocket and a candy cane. That's two different uh like thematic items. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_05 29:54

So that's does that make sense? That's that's two uh units of holiday cheer.

SPEAKER_03 30:00

Yeah, so but the Santa the Santa costume is just one unit of your pocket. One unit, yeah. It's parts of one unit.

SPEAKER_02 30:07

So who is trying to save us in the in in this scenario? Who discovers this initially? Because that that's my question.

SPEAKER_05 30:17

Because I guess you do, since you found it in your grandma's cabinet.

SPEAKER_02 30:22

Oh, okay. So if it's if it's some someone like me, I'm gonna have a real hard time because I have to start a movement. Right.

SPEAKER_05 30:28

Well, I don't think you have to start the movement. I think you just have to get the science. You gotta find you gotta get the scientists involved.

SPEAKER_02 30:34

How am I gonna prove how am I gonna prove it to the scientist?

SPEAKER_05 30:37

There's scientists, man.

SPEAKER_02 30:39

I have to make them believe. And that's gonna be telling me.

SPEAKER_05 30:43

I think this is a whole different, I think this is now a whole different hypothetical situation. This is what happens. What happens if Chris what happens if Chris suddenly knows the reason that everything bad happens? What do you do? How do you convince people?

SPEAKER_03 30:55

Yeah. How do I get this to NASA?

SPEAKER_02 30:58

I think the best way to do it, assuming someone has the influence to do it, is to make Christmas lame. You don't just try to cut it out like a cancer with a knife, you slowly dig it out over time, like racism. You make it lame so that some kids won't enjoy it, and then those kids don't celebrate it, so their kids don't celebrate it, so that's gonna celebrate it, then Christmas is gone.

SPEAKER_05 31:20

But then people are gonna like Gen Z kids are gonna start making really funny TikToks about Christmas, even though and now it's gonna be taboo, and that's gonna make it funny.

SPEAKER_02 31:34

Yeah, you're right. And also once something is lame, something will be cool.

SPEAKER_05 31:40

Yeah. And also we we we've discovered through smoking and all the other things that we know are bad for you that people are still gonna do stuff, even if it's bad for them.

SPEAKER_03 31:54

Maybe you make kind of like what Chris said, you don't make it lame, you just make it boring. Like change up Santa, just make him look like a dude, give him just like office apparel, and then still sell like Santa like statues and everything, but it's just him just like sitting in a chair. It's not doing anything, it doesn't do anything.

SPEAKER_05 32:14

But isn't it still gonna have the negative power though? Or are you saying saying that's just the cost we're gonna have to pay up front to eventually rid our bring down the market?

SPEAKER_03 32:24

Yeah, exactly. You that's how you make them boring so people stop buying the things. You you you flood the market with the boring Santa, people don't spend and you make it really expensive. But isn't big tiny little Santa's like $400, no one's gonna buy it.

SPEAKER_05 32:36

You know, isn't Big Christmas still gonna want to capitalize on Christmas, though? Like, how do you get Big Christmas on board? The people that are manufacturing. What are you calling Big Christmas? Could it the people that benefit we're right back to it? The the people that are benefiting from selling Christmas shit and churches. Chinese people on Timu are fucking selling Christmas shit. Like, how do you they're benefiting from selling us plastic garbage? How do you get those people to make Santa boring? They're gonna be like, no, I'm not gonna make Santa boring, I'm making a bunch of money on this. Then they just get some bigger money also. The people in China, the people in China that are manufacturing all of the Christmas shit that they're selling us probably aren't as worried about it because Christmas isn't as big of a thing there. So the cumulative result of Christmas's bad juju on them is significantly less. See, I'm actually starting to believe my own hypothetical situation here because China's overtaking us as a superpower, and I'm I'm starting to believe it's this is 100% Coca-Cola's fault.

SPEAKER_02 33:36

Or Coca-Cola's located in America.

SPEAKER_03 33:39

But and you're also gonna get people like like Russia that want to see the downfall of America. They're gonna they're gonna push. Oh no, that guy's crazy.

SPEAKER_05 33:48

Yeah, yeah, they're gonna get on Facebook and they're gonna launch an entire misinformation campaign about how dope Christmas is.

SPEAKER_03 33:55

Yeah. I don't think I don't think it would ever be able to go away.

SPEAKER_05 34:01

Yeah, and then the other thing I was thinking is like to get rid of the cumulative effect that we've already had on the planet by releasing all the Christmas stuff that we have over the last hundred years or whatever, somebody has to take the initiative to destroy all the Christmas stuff that already exists. Like we gotta start going into people's attics and burning Santa's and people aren't gonna do that if it's like uh if it's something that's like special to them.

SPEAKER_03 34:29

Lori's got a uh uh a tree skirt from her great-great-grandmother. She's not gonna let that go.

SPEAKER_05 34:35

Yeah, what if the anti-Christmas clan knocks on your you know squad the the Santa's secret?

SPEAKER_03 34:42

I didn't think there was a clan.

SPEAKER_05 34:45

The uh I'm I'm trying to make an ice joke since C's already in there. Uh investigating Christmas investigators of Christmas events, enjoyment. Energy. I don't know. Energy. Yeah. New new ice, anti-Christmas ice is knocks on your front door and is like, you got any you got any Christmas shit you need to discuss?

SPEAKER_03 35:12

So it's like where's the Christmas stuff? Yeah, where's the Christmas stuff?

SPEAKER_05 35:16

Uh I mean people people are gonna be like, no, I don't have any. They're gonna be harboring their family Sannas and they got like a sniffer device.

SPEAKER_03 35:27

It's like fresh baked cookies. I see that's a fresh thing of milk. What's going on here? Yeah. Plan on leaving some out for the big man, I see.

SPEAKER_02 35:38

If the curse can reside in imagery, can it reside in song and memory? If I sing Merry Christmas, do I summon and inflict this negative energy?

SPEAKER_05 35:53

Yeah, isn't it like yeah, now now you're a spell caster and that's kind of sick.

SPEAKER_02 36:00

Dope.

SPEAKER_03 36:03

Imagine that too. Imagine like now that that that's like I think that would take over um like bar fights or something. Like if start if people start beefing with each other, it's no longer gonna be like square straight up.

SPEAKER_05 36:15

I'm gonna do it. I would I'm gonna do it.

SPEAKER_03 36:21

Merry Christmas.

SPEAKER_01 36:24

Now quick!

SPEAKER_05 36:27

Now I'm thinking about the world. Now I'm thinking about I got a I got a Sinatra vinyl that's just Christmas songs downstairs.

SPEAKER_02 36:34

Oh, you gotta get rid of that.

SPEAKER_05 36:35

I don't want I don't want to get rid of that. I don't like this thing.

SPEAKER_02 36:38

You're a Satan hoarder.

SPEAKER_03 36:40

Yeah. The Sant the Santanic panic.

SPEAKER_05 36:47

That that sounds like that sounds like we've got an issue with Carlos Santana, though.

SPEAKER_03 36:53

He's too smooth. Yeah, he's too smooth.

SPEAKER_05 36:58

Get Rob Thomas on the phone.

SPEAKER_01 37:01

We gotta do something about it.

SPEAKER_05 37:04

Oh shit. Yeah, I don't know. I it's an interesting one.

SPEAKER_02 37:10

I I watch this anime.

SPEAKER_05 37:13

Absolutely. Absolutely. I think there it would just be a lost cause. I think you'd have so many people that just straight up wouldn't believe it and wouldn't be willing to put the effort into like destroying the Christmas stuff that they've got, and they would just keep making Christmas stuff. And like you said, the the very real possibility of some government or anybody just weaponizing it.

SPEAKER_03 37:40

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_05 37:41

Creating super concentrated Christmas here.

SPEAKER_03 37:47

It would that would that is my thing. It will never go away because of that. It will be weaponized and it will be used militarily. There's no way it can go away.

SPEAKER_02 37:55

Yeah, you're kind of asking like how do you defeat hope?

SPEAKER_03 37:58

Yeah. Oh my god, it would be like um what was it in uh it was World War II or whatever, we like we flew like a plane full of like extra small condoms over like Germany or something to fuck with their morale. That would just be dropping like gingerbread cookies down or something.

SPEAKER_05 38:16

Right, yeah, yeah, that's what I was thinking. They'd just be dropping Christmas bombs on people.

SPEAKER_03 38:20

Yeah. Christmas. It would be risky for the person flying the plane, but I mean that's the military. Sometimes you lose a soul, but it's worth it for the they just fill a gigantic like drone three thousand gallon tank full of pencil and shit and just drop it in. There you go.

SPEAKER_05 38:39

And glitter, I mean that shit spreads, that gets everywhere. If you make make snowflake glitter, put that shit in there.

SPEAKER_03 38:46

Modern warfare is all like drones too. So they could they could travel these things without a human even interacting with the the Christmas stuff. And you you would you could they could set up like Christmas themed weapons, like they shoot out like gumdrops or something instead of bullets. Like they have sp they have dart guns that are shooting sharpened Christmas canes or something.

SPEAKER_05 39:09

Going back to the glitter thing, I mean that would be a nightmare. If you really wanted to fuck somebody up, you just make a Christmas thing. No, I'm just saying you make like some Santa-shaped glitter.

Can Christmas Be Made Boring

SPEAKER_05 39:20

Like, or some some like snowflake-shaped glitter, because you can get you can make you can make glitter small enough and shape it like something. Like you you've seen that craft glitter that like you pour pour on like a piece of paper with some Elmer's glue on it that are shaped like little snowflakes and shit. Take that stuff, like drop a big bomb of that shit on something, it'll they'll never get it out. They'll never get it out.

SPEAKER_03 39:49

Does the size of the item dictate how much aura it gives away?

SPEAKER_05 39:55

I don't know. I kind of like the idea of what you said where any every single individual. thing is one unit.

SPEAKER_03 40:02

Yeah. We need to find like the word, like how how like um there's like like how for like energy there's like watts. We need to find whatever the watt is for this unit of Santa.

SPEAKER_02 40:17

One root the Kringle right the Kringle.

SPEAKER_03 40:20

Oh yeah the Kringle.

SPEAKER_05 40:22

Yeah I'm picking up 15 Kringles over here.

SPEAKER_03 40:26

We dropped a 15 mega Kringle bomb 15 mega Kringle bomb oh shit I think that's the perfect place to end it on that revelation.

SPEAKER_05 40:39

All right the 15 mega Kringle. Oh my god weapons of mass Kringle weapons of mass holiday cheer gosh that's a good one all right well this has been the first of two episodes of Unplanned Potency to end and start your year with uh if you're interested in more unplanned pottency more stupid shit like this you can go check us out on the Unplanned Potency podcast feed anywhere the podcasts exist there's like 30 something episodes I don't know I think this will be 33 something like that it comes out whenever um very loosey goosey yeah very loosey goosey but this is the kind of stupid shit we do and there will probably be more of it uh Chris what do you want to say welcome uh to back the like a phoenix killing here killing it Chris hell yeah my Mike what do you guys say um thanks for having me tonight boys um if you're listening to this on the Deludi uh uh uh stream or at whatever Deludi part hello great great fantastic all right uh that's it we'll see you next week with another one bye