Don't Look Under the Internet
Welcome to the internet! We told you not to look, yet here we are. If you don't know, this is a podcast about strange and mysterious internet oddities. Join Doug, Jason, Matt and Mike as they dredge the deepest, darkest, most deranged depths of the internet so you don't have to. Each episode will attempt to uncover the truth behind some of the weirdest, creepiest, and most complicated mysteries the internet has to offer.
Don't Look Under the Internet
DLUTI 220 - Cthulhu Corner: Gods of the Mythos
Happy New Year! We're all back together again for a brand new Cthulhu Corner that we definitely didn't have to record twice.
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SPEAKER_00:Okay, I got this. Welcome to Unplanned Potency. Oh, wait. Wrong show. Wrong show, wrong show. I mean, welcome to Don't Look Under the Internet, baby. There you go. We're back at it. We decided to give Chris his uh yearly slumber.
SPEAKER_04:Um let him rest.
SPEAKER_00:He's the equivalent, he's Armariah Carey. He just goes away until the end of the year and then we we we get him out.
SPEAKER_04:We also pay him two million dollars a year in royalties.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Um that is Matt.
SPEAKER_01:New Year new me, baby.
SPEAKER_00:I do enjoy that you made that New Year's resolution. Don't think it lasted more than a month or two.
SPEAKER_02:Hello, hello. Sorry if I sound like terribleness today. It's because I am terribleness today. There you go.
SPEAKER_06:That's Doug.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, hi, hello, I'm here.
SPEAKER_00:And I am the podcast equivalent of Dry Toast. Welcome to the show. We have a big one for you today. Two big ones for you today. And by big ones, I mean we're just vibing. You know what I mean? It's it's still we're getting back into the mix of things. This is our first time back, it all four of us back in like two months. We're just kind of vibing. You know what I mean? So we decided we're going to uh what are uh well how how about this?
SPEAKER_01:Uh Jason, why don't you uh why don't you tell the the the the loyal listeners what they're getting into today?
SPEAKER_02:Um yeah. So we've done a lot of uh Cthulhu corners in the past, and we've told you guys all about some of the big names in the mythos, we've given you the timeline. Um I think throughout all of those you've heard us say different things, such as like Outer God or Elder God or Great Old One or Great One, and just a bunch of different titles that really don't have and yeah, just one. Um doesn't have any meaning to everyone else that knows that doesn't know anything about like what the distinctions between these are. So we thought today we would kind of clear up some uh some differences between them, and I think by the end of this we are all going to find that we have cleared nothing up.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, hell yeah, and we're going to talk about them in uh a hierarchy that we have made up that isn't real and has zero meaning to anyone.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, it's I mean it's basically we're just taking it from uh insinuation more or less through different authors and different uh parts of the mythos. Um, because there is, I mean, it's I don't think any of these beings have a need for a hierarchy because that is such a human concept that they would have no need for it.
SPEAKER_00:But one of them has to be the janitor. There there has to be a hierarchy here. Like you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_01:One of them's gotta be race. There's definitely they're like the servitor slave race, essentially, that they'd they that they just do everybody's bidding. So there is a hierarchy that apparently turned into humans. There's let's just let's just let's just start from Mike, your favorite place to start. Somewhere in the middle, I'm pretty sure. I don't know what they call this the beginning, to be fair. So um, but we're gonna we're gonna start with the great old ones, which is gonna be very, very, very uh much the ones that most people are probably gonna be aware of, like Cthulhu, um, Haster, uh, Gathana Thoa, stuff like that. Um can't toss that name in with those two.
SPEAKER_00:And names everyone knows Cthulhu, flabbada brida, the floor flam.
SPEAKER_01:Um the gooa. Uh so you guys are so stupid, I hate you. Um, okay, so um the great old ones are a group of unique, malignant beings of great power in the fictional cosmology of the Cthulhu mythos. Uh Cthulhu, HB Lovecraft's famous creation, is described as a great old one. Uh, they reside in various locations on Earth, and they are once presided uh over the planet as gods and rulers. So, that being said, um, basically what they are are planetary scale alien gods, essentially. Um, they can be they range from being immortal to functionally indestructible. Uh, they're part physical, part extra-dimensional. Um, they really can't be uh killed in a sense that like a mortal could kill it, um, and they influence reality via their dreams and or through cults.
SPEAKER_00:Uh, yeah, you in the back. I'm raising my hand for audio listeners. When you say God, is that in perspective to like humans? Like how like Superman people say he's like a god, but then if you put him on Krypton, he's just a normal guy. Is there a planet full of these dudes where they're just normal dudes? They're just gods because they're on Earth and everything's like a bug to them.
SPEAKER_01:That is a actually a really good question, and it makes me mad. No, I'm just kidding. Uh, so yeah, no, basically, Mike, could you restate your question for Chat GBT? Yeah, let me uh let me just real quick. Um, so I would say that on a cult level, um, these aliens obviously came from outer space essentially, but in like in reference to like your Superman thing, um, it is actually very similar, except I don't think there were people like, well, there's maybe some comic where Superman had a cult of followers, I don't really know. But basically, on Earth, the gods get a good amount of power from the more followers they have, which I don't think we'll go over too much in this episode. Um, usually we go into that kind of stuff when we talk about a specific uh like being.
SPEAKER_02:But um if you go back and listen to our Azithoth episode, we talk about something called the influence of Azithoth, and that kind of it sets a precedent for what gives these beings their power.
SPEAKER_01:I guess to put it in perspective, uh so just let's just say Cthulhu for an example. Um, so he's technically sleeping on Earth, but he has a cult of you know followers that basically he is his presence has like infected their minds, it's overwhelmed their minds, and he draws power from people being like going mad essentially. Um I don't really know how to describe it any better than that because there's just there's so many different ones, it's it's just kind of up to interpretation between which one you're reading about or like you know, currently learning about. Um a lot of the conditions for the the the great old ones are that they're like they have they have to have the correct conditions on earth, which it usually is a like occult awakening um when they would actually come and become on earth. So yeah, they kind of just lay dormant and chill, and uh that's kind of what they do. Um a list of some of the different ones um would be so great. Old ones would include Cthulhu, Haster, you've heard about those, Dagon, very typical ones. Um, but then you have like Hydra. Um, some of these become uh which we'll talk about in a later part. We kind of get into this like mythos, like myth mythological creature kind of setting, uh, where some of the creatures that you might know from like Greek, Norse, Roman mythologies and stuff, like you'll see kind of come through in these as well. Like, like I just said, Hydra. Um but then you have some really yeah, Ithaca, very Native American type of like elder being. Um, and then you have a bunch of other ones. I'm not gonna say all their names because they're confusing and you don't know them, so it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter, but one last thing, uh, just to get this out there for everyone. Uh we talk about HP Lovecraft making making a lot of this mythos and a lot of the the non-hierarchy that exists. Uh, he's not the only person. A lot of this comes from a guy named August Derlith and then countless other authors. Um, so the two big guys, August Derleth, HP Lovecraft, those are the two big ones. Um, it wasn't until actually like more recently in the past like 10-20 years that people started making this like weird hierarchy for who controls what and who is higher than what and stuff. Because like we're gonna start talking about Nyrolethotup, and you guys are gonna be like, What? And then we're gonna be like, Yeah, so and then we're gonna start talking about show, and you're gonna just turn the podcast off. Yeah, so um, yeah, I could go over all 150 some odd weird creatures, but I won't do that. Um, so let's move on. Pokemon. Yeah, right.
SPEAKER_06:Uh who's that Elder God?
SPEAKER_04:I feel like that'd probably be pretty difficult because it's mostly just gonna be like lots of tentacles, frog-shaped things.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, which which mass of tentacles is this? Yeah. It's weak a juke!
SPEAKER_06:It's it's Wilbur Whaitley. It's Wilbur Whaitley. Wilbur.
SPEAKER_04:It's HP Lovecraft's cat.
SPEAKER_06:No, no, no. It isn't man. That is the only thing we're not.
SPEAKER_02:Uh oh god. My thing is he didn't rename the cat. Whatever. Anyway. Um let's move on here. It's a little rude. Yeah. It's uh okay. So we just covered talked about some great old ones. Um the next thing we're gonna talk about are the uh the great ones, which are very similar in title. Um I will say that's that's pretty pretty close to the only thing that's similar between the great ones and pretty much everything else in this list. Um The Great Ones are also colloquially known as the gods of Earth. Um, and they were all created by HP Lovecraft, August Derleth, and the like. Um but mainly for Lovecraft's short story, known uh to most as the other gods. Um and this was just an attempt to infuse some more culture into um his, I guess, quote unquote pantheon or mythos. Um, Lovecraft goes on to write that the so-called gods of the dreamlands, um, or known as the great ones, are not as powerful as the great old ones and are not even as intelligent as most humans. However, they are protected by the outer gods, particularly the Arlath of Tup. Um again, we'll talk about him in a bit, and I did just tell you what he was. Um another classification, spoiler warning. Um, so the one that we're gonna notice is that these three. Huh? So spoiler, he has three. At one point in time, they lived uh across the world on on different peaks at the tops of mountains, um and they basically watched humanity kind of grow until they left Earth entirely, and only leaving one mark on Mount Negranic. Uh, the Great Ones now rule from their hidden fortress of Kadath, which if you read anything by August Earlith, you'll discover a lot about Kadath. Um it's actually pretty interesting. Um, however, this location in space and time is unknown, suggesting that it's kind of hidden from mo most eyes on Earth. In the past, Great Ones often married human women, kind of like the Greek pantheon. Um, so many human inhabitants of the Dreamlands have great Great One blood in them. And a lot of these so that that should tell you kind of where uh these beings exist now. Well, as far as we know, is in the Dreamlands, which is like a pocket dimension in between life and death. And it's it's all ruled by Haster at one point in time. Or sorry, not Haster, the King in Yellow, but that's a whole other thing. The other one of the uh the biggest distinctions that Lovecraft made about the great ones, and he made he makes a big distinction, sorry, between the great ones and the lesser dreamlands deities, such as you're not gonna know this is, but uh uh Ukranos, which the a lot of these are just not part of like the Cthulhu Mythos uh pantheon. Um there's not a lot that there's the honestly the only one that you guys might uh even close to recognize is Lilith.
SPEAKER_03:Lilith Yeah, I think.
SPEAKER_00:Actually, no, you forgot about uh you forgot about the other ones. There's Okrinos, there's sucrose, glucose, dextrose, sucralose or the zero sugar ones. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Right.
SPEAKER_00:I know quite a few of these actually.
SPEAKER_02:You know, you'd be you should you should go be a scientist, Mike. Tell him to be.
SPEAKER_01:I guarantee there's probably a fucking deity name, one of those things.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, I'm sure. Um, but yeah, like Lilith is the only one you have other things like Zoe Kalar and Nath Hortath, like just a bunch of ridiculous horse ass. Yeah, pretty um what about lobon? Yeah, lobon, lobof. And I think that's about it. I have like there's not a whole lot on the great ones. Um, and the only reason I really wanted to bring it up, or that we wanted to bring it up, is because they do mention great ones quite a bit in a lot of the literature you're gonna read about them, and it is very distinct from great old ones. I just think it's kind of important to know like the the gravity of the thing you're talking about. That's kind of what this is. So great old ones, way more godlike.
SPEAKER_04:Like 3Gs, 4Gs, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:So a big distinction between like the two is big alien race. Mythical people human. Yeah. Um yeah, great ones are often uh in very like liminal realities, they very rarely appear on Earth. And um anymore, they used to live here, but right. But now they live in the dreamlands. Yep. I'll uh I'll I'll touch on that actually at the end of this.
SPEAKER_02:Oh yeah. Ooh, yeah. I think yeah, we have a few things to say about uh why we're talking about all four of these and how they might mean two head on, but that's all I have about the great ones. So um we got two more to get through, and these two, like I'm I'm glad we got those two out of the way to begin with, because those are confusing ones. I mean, they're all fucking confusing, but the next two are a little bit more cut and dry, with the exception of like two of the deities.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, so um so Elder Gods, these are very, very uh highly these okay, so a lot of these came through August Derleth. Almost almost none of them came from HP Lovecraft, actually. Um, they're very abstract uh entities. Um, they're directly opposing the great old ones, and they very rarely interact directly with humans. Um they uh basically I don't know, Lovecraft had mentioned them a little bit, but never really emphasized them or put any sort of detail to these guys. That's why they're like mostly from other writers. Um their role essentially in is like they're cosmic jailers almost, like they keep kind of a watch on everything else that isn't going on on Earth. Um, but uh they're also referred to as elder deities. Um, these fictional extraterrestrial entities are very, very present now in the Cthulhu Mythos. They're described as looking like huge pillars of light or fire, um, which they live in the vicinity of the star Betelgeuse, and they are to so I hate the way this is worded because it doesn't I don't really agree with this notion, but it said that they're there to protect humans while being um like directly opposing the evil gods, which I don't want you to think that they're they're protecting humans in a way that they're like we like the humans, they're just fighting the other guys indirectly, causing the humans to not die from the other guys, right? Makes a lot more sense when you say it like that, I feel like. Um, but yeah, so uh in the expanded mythos, they originate from other dimensions, um, have mostly human-like appearance, which we just kind of went over in the other section. They're very humanoid, uh humanoid. Um, nodens. Uh, so you're gonna notice some of these people have two classifications, maybe three. It just depends on their avatar, like what story you're reading, what avatar they're currently taking form of, and that will be their classification. I'm not gonna go into anyone in particular, but Nairo Lathatap falls under almost every category at some point in time. Um, so very confusing, but um three different people at the same time. Yeah. Um, these guys are actually highly, highly worshipped by ancient humans. Um, so nowadays um you would see these as like the old gods from like Egypt, Norris, Greek, Aztec uh mythologies, right? Um, which would also kind of classify the other ones, but they're currently being worshipped as opposed to these ones who were worshipped but are no longer worshipped. Not not a whole lot more on these ones on my end, but you've got Nodens, you've got Hypnos, you've got Ulathar's elder ones, you've got the Cathanids, um, which have uh all very derlith uh mythos, but did you ever read about them, Jason?
SPEAKER_02:Um, I think they've they were mentioned. I don't think I ever did like a dive into it.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I think I have a story with those that I've read, but I've read part of the transition of Titus Crow, which that's probably where I saw him.
SPEAKER_00:Oh yeah, dude. I love Titus. He used to have great stand-up material.
SPEAKER_02:He used to have a great crow.
SPEAKER_00:He sure didn't, but that's fine.
SPEAKER_01:Um so that being said, uh the elder gods actually have very a very small amount of history. Um they're so they're fresh in the sense that they were like the most newly created things in the mythos.
SPEAKER_02:Um yeah, uhs. So these ones, they are like the the highest, they're the the most prominent on the pole.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, highest on the totem.
SPEAKER_02:Highest on the totem. Um nothing else can really they're most of their beings are scared of these things for reasons unknown, and it's probably because they're unknown that we're scared. Generally speaking, they are located beyond the confines of Earth and the solar system. Sometimes even the actual universe itself. A lot of them actually exist in empty voids in between galaxies. And from those locations, they exert their influence from deep space. However, some our gods have taken up residence on Earth, and it's usually not because they want to or there's something that they're looking for. The term Our Gods doesn't actually appear in any of Lovecraft's works, but it is popularized by the role-playing game called Cthulhu. Also, some of them exist outside of thought entirely, which you can find in Lovecraft's story Hypnose, which goes over some of the how some of these deities have managed to be completely outside thought and existence itself, not just space and time.
SPEAKER_00:Where does uh what's his name? Uh Wayne Brady or whatever fall. I forgot his name. Wilbur Whailey.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, Wilbur Wilbur Whailey, where does he fall? Where does Brady fall on the list of HP Lovecraft's Cthulhu Mythos? Where'd he in that pantheon?
SPEAKER_04:Which mythos is it anyway?
SPEAKER_02:Beat me to it. Um, okay, so we've mentioned Nyarlath before. He definitely falls into the um the category of outer god as well as Azithoth. Uh Cthulhu, not so much. Cthulhu's a great old one. Um, he's more known to be like a priest of the pantheon, where he's his purpose is to gather followers by reaching out telepathically and basically taking their minds over until they go insane and give themselves to one of these deities.
SPEAKER_01:Why do I feel like Mike was doing that shit in like junior high, high school? He was like looking at girls and he was like me.
SPEAKER_06:Talk to me, please.
SPEAKER_04:I used to think for the longest time that women could read men's minds. Mostly because I was a stupid kid and I wondered how my mom always knew when I was doing something I wasn't supposed to be doing. But also because I was like super autistic and we won't get into it. But that was a thing. I believed until I was probably like eight.
SPEAKER_02:That is uh that is a paranoid existence, I feel. Oh, you have no idea. Yeah, I know at all. I can't think to myself. I'm not allowed. God damn. Um I'd fuck you up. Um anyway, back to the outer gods. Um so just like Naira Lothatep, uh, Azithoth, um Yoggsoth is another one. And a lot of these, uh these creatures dwell in a like a most of them dwell in a large central void that's outside the orde universe, beyond time, beyond space, beyond the Dreamlands, and they are all kind of held they all know where they can and can't exist based around these uh giant writhing masses of tentacles that are um th they're they're in the court of the demon sultan azot. And their job is to play their pipes and make sure that he stays sleeping and make sure everything that exists continues to exist. All of these other outer gods usually exist in that area. Uh there, Lefantep is definitely a huge exception because he kind of just does whatever the fuck he wants. Um, he's got a thousand different masks, which means he can take whatever form he wants, which means he can actually assume the form of an elder god, a great old one, a great one. A lot of the fuck he wants.
SPEAKER_00:A lot of trick-or-treating he's done back in his day.
SPEAKER_01:He's basically the messenger to the outer gods. He does a lot of their dirty work.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, and he it's his job to like he'll be the scouting party for some of the other outer gods um within the court of Azithoth.
SPEAKER_01:Um, so he also has a really high presence in the dreamlands. Um he's like the bad guy in the dreamlands.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, and the fact that he can escape the dreamlands is is kind of the problem because as far as the King of Yellow knows, everybody is trapped there unless he says so, and nearly is kind of a thorn in the side in that regard. But that actually does bring me to uh another point about these outer gods. They are kind of considered to be, you know, like we said, highest on the totem. Um, however, that's not like they don't they don't hold the highest position in the cosmic hierarchy, at least not unchallenged. And so a lot of these different entities are constantly trying to vie for control, become the next, you know, ruler of the universe. Um and honestly, if they'd as long as they play their card right, cards right, a lot of these entities could actually overthrow Azatoth and assume his position. But I have no idea what the fuck would happen if that were to happen. And I don't think anybody does.
SPEAKER_01:I don't I don't think anybody's anybody wants to write what happens when that happens. Um yeah, one one way I saw it described was uh the great old ones, uh they're essentially are uh the outer gods, sorry. They're uh the universe itself just made hostile.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, pretty much. That's a good way of putting it.
SPEAKER_01:Which I thought was pretty interesting. Uh take on it all.
SPEAKER_00:So and then on the tippy tippy tippy tippy tippy top of the totem pole, you have Moot's mom, the mind reader. So that's that's there, yeah.
SPEAKER_04:That's another episode for another day, though.
SPEAKER_01:Her lore is a corner. Uh today we're talking about Moot's mom.
SPEAKER_02:And it's into the tippy top of the other gods.
SPEAKER_06:Mama, if you will.
SPEAKER_01:Mama Mama Gooa.
SPEAKER_02:It sounds a little wrong though. It does, and I think that's why I like it.
SPEAKER_04:Mama what they call the placenta, the mama the mama goa.
SPEAKER_00:That's what Italian calls the placenta.
SPEAKER_01:Um so I have I have two things. I have a a quick recap, and then we're gonna talk about a big war that happened.
SPEAKER_00:Who could punch the other in the face the hardest? One of the bigger wars.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, who can make me the angriest? It's just a slap. It's one of those slap.
SPEAKER_04:That's what I was envisioning.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, he's hitting the tentacles with his tentacles. Oh god.
SPEAKER_01:I know that was a lot to take in. It always is. We told you in the beginning it would be. Um, but here's a quick comparison of what we just went over. So we've got the great old ones. They are partially physical beings. Uh they are and they aren't. Um they they really can't die. They're bound to planet Earth and they are aware of what's going on via their dreams. Then you have the great ones. They are a variable of physical and uh not, I guess, I guess, uh entities uh or like cosmic beings or whatever you want to call it. Um they don't die, they're mainly in the dreamlands, and they really have zero awareness of humans, they don't really give a shit about us, um, even though we worship them at one point. Um, we've got elder gods, they're very abstract in their physical forms. Um, no one knows if they can die. They live in the cosmos, and uh they are remotely aware of humans, um, only because a lot of their shit happens uh directly to Earth, and that's where people live. Um and then you have the outer gods, they're not physical beings, they cannot die, they live beyond reality, and they do not give two fucks about humans and probably don't even care or know what a human is.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, definitely definitely does not care.
SPEAKER_00:I'm raising my hand again for you audio listeners. What is bounding them to Earth? Is it some sort of lock and key? Is it more of a contract where they're legally obligated? That's a good question, Correct.
SPEAKER_01:Um I mean it is actually a big tentacle Chinese finger trap. It is a big Chinese finger trap. Um but they put their tax in it. Thank you. Um so actually, what we're gonna go through now might actually explain a little bit about why they're bound to Earth. So we're gonna talk about um the Elder Thing Great Old Ones War, um, if you will.
SPEAKER_00:Is this with the Migos and the vampires and the whatnots?
SPEAKER_01:I mean, Migos come in later, but not really a big part of it. Um I'm gonna go over this very quickly, Jason. If you want to add anything to any of these parts, feel free. Um, this is gonna be a very like muddled down version of it. Um, but just so you guys get an idea of why the hierarchy right now is the way it is, um, even though I keep saying there's really no hierarchy. So one billion plus years ago, uh, the arrival of the elder things, um, they arrive on primordial earth from space, they colonize the oceans and land, and they build these vast stone cities, including Antarctica, and they engineer life for labor, food. Um, and these people or these beings are called the Shogoths. Um, and they earth is largely theirs, it's cold, it's alien, and it's hostile. Um, and that's just kind of where that is. A lot of this is the primary info for this is from the mountains of madness. Okay, so this is now now we're gonna move hundreds of millions of years later. Uh, the great old ones arrive on uh or awaken on Earth.
SPEAKER_00:Can you attempt to do this in Big Bang theme song?
SPEAKER_01:I would love to do that. I if I had the time and you would have asked me, you know, a couple hours ago, maybe I would have been able to come up with something, but no. So the the great old ones established Rulia uh and some other cyclopean cities. Um, their biology and physics are incompatible with the elder things civilization. They spread through the oceans and possibly different dimensions, and they start warping reality um up on uh on Earth. Um, key great old ones that are currently involved in this era is Cthulhu, uh Gathana Gannathatoa. God, I can never say that correct, right? And then Zoth Omog, um, and then some of Cthulhu's brood, like stars uh the star spawns at Cthulhu, stuff like that.
SPEAKER_00:You gotta talk, you gotta give that one a New York accent. Ganetha Tua.
SPEAKER_01:Get the Towa. So then this is five to six hundred million years ago. Uh, war begins. A planetary scale war erupts, other things deploy, advanced science, sonic weapons, engineered life forms, and the great old ones retaliate with reality distortion, immortality, and non-Euclidean biology. Their two forms of life don't mix together at all, and there's just this all-utter war happening on Earth. Uh, the war isn't about good or evil, it is basically just incompatible cosmic ecologies colliding. Uh, yeah, so we get this from uh the mountains of the mountains of madness through some of these murals, actually, that are that get described as the great wars with the star spawn. Um, so uh we go to the late Paleozoic era, there's a stalemate. The elder things cannot destroy the great old ones. So instead, what they end up doing is Mike, are you ready for this? Is gonna answer your question. They imprison them or neutralize them and they sink Rulia. Um basically they trap all of these uh great old ones in a death-like stasis. Um, this is where we get the theme of Cthulhu being dead but dreaming. Um, they could not be destroyed, but they could be put to sleep, and that's from the call of Cthulhu. Um, so then we move on to 300 million years ago. This is the collapse of the elder things. Uh basically, multiple disasters take place. Uh, climate change, earth starts warming, uh, they lose their territory. There becomes a full Shogoth rebellion.
SPEAKER_02:I forgot when the elder things came, Antarctica was like the top and bottom thirds of the entire earth.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, they basically colonized it fully. Uh, and you this is actually, I think, one of the reasons we have places like Atlantis and fucking uh Mike's favorite place. Uh um Lemuria. Rainforest cafe.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, Lemuria. Burrbank, California.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Um you said Rainforest Cafe, that's what I heard. Yeah, yeah, that's what I said. Yeah, we're gonna go with that. That's a great place. Mike, we got one of those down here if you if you want to go. Um, I do. So actually, there's a better place, Mike. It's just like Rainforest Cafe, but it's called T-Rex, and inside there's a ton of dinosaurs, and like every like 15 minutes, meteors hit and kill everything. Hell yeah. Um, so pretty sick. And they have a great bone.
SPEAKER_04:Do the waiters come by and just like pick up your plates and throw them against the wall.
SPEAKER_01:They do actually. They come up and they just start like fucking shaking you, and then like they punch you in the face, and then they're like, take that dinosaur. Um just pelt you with baseballs. Yeah, and then they they take your kids and they put them into a big toilet and flush them down.
SPEAKER_04:They deliver a molten lava cake to your table, but there's a big firecracker inside, and they gotta eat it before it blows up.
SPEAKER_00:Just on a timer.
SPEAKER_01:It's like one of those like cartoons with the like they're smoking the cigar with like the little car. Like a dynamite and it's like oh yeah. You never know when was I? Um yeah, so other thing, so dominance collapsed. Dominance collapsed. Um and we get the Shogoth Rebellion, decline of their scientific control. Um, they basically retreat to Antarctica. So at this point, Antarctica is what we know it now. Or, well, I don't know, I can't say that for sure for 300 million years ago, but it's definitely smaller than it was before. Um then we get the Mesozoic era and onward. Uh basically the great old ones uh remain dormant but influential through their dreams. Other things fade into obscurity, shogoths become feral, and humanity kind of evolves as to what we know it to be, very unaware of all of the shit that happened. Um the war basically brings about a bunch of sunken cities, a bunch of psychic echoes, and a cult uh baked into human dreams, essentially. So uh last but not least, one million years ago to the present, um, the elder things are effectively extinct or are effectively extinct and dormant. Um, and the great old ones wait for correct stellar alignments, geological upheaval, human interference. This is where we go. Or when I mentioned earlier that these things are waiting for the correct conditions, most of it has to do with the fact they're waiting for cults to awaken them. So hell yeah. But yeah, that that's that's that's all I got. That's that pretty much brings us to how we know things now. Um the uh kind of answers some of your questions, Mike. Um, a lot of this uh that I just read to you comes from uh the Call of Cthulhu and the At the Mountains of Madness. Those are two staple books. If you like HB Lovecraft and you want to read about the Cthulhu mythos, read those two books. They're short, they're easy to read. Uh I take that back. They're not easy to read, he writes like a fucking jackass, but they are short books.
SPEAKER_00:So he's an asshole. I tried I tried an audiobook of Call of Cthulhu, and like like 45% of it is him just listing off fucking uh map coordinates. Yeah, map coordinates. And he pisses me off. Pisses me off.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, he loves map coordinates, man. That's like one of his favorite things to fucking talk about.
SPEAKER_01:We had a headline back in the day, dude. Why don't you go back to my give him Minecraft? Um but yeah, uh that that is that is effectively what we have going on. That is uh that is the the idea. Hopefully it makes people understand better when we talk about these things. Um as to what we're referring to, but it probably won't, so we tried and that's all we can all we can do.
SPEAKER_00:Any more questions from the class? What color is Cthulhu's butt?
SPEAKER_04:Uh pink. Did the Chinese finger traps come in different sizes?
SPEAKER_01:Uh yes, they are malleable because one dude had like a a skyscraper size dong and the other it had normal dong. Okay. So they had to, you know, connect, they had to dock uh in very, very weird ways.
SPEAKER_04:But there are sizes in between.
SPEAKER_01:There are any size you can think of, they've got one.
SPEAKER_04:Okay. Cool. Yeah. Where do I order?
SPEAKER_01:Uh www.chinesefinger.org.
SPEAKER_00:I'm glad you asked. That brings me to our sponsor, baddragon.com.
SPEAKER_01:Boy, do they have everything for you? Perfect. Get 50% off of Cthulhu's cock today.
SPEAKER_00:Talk about Lovecraft, am I right? Or like Love Shaft.
SPEAKER_01:Where can you find us?
SPEAKER_00:Here, we're all together right now.
SPEAKER_04:You're listening to it, so you found it somehow.
SPEAKER_01:If you're listening, you know where to find us.
SPEAKER_00:You can find us on all socials, I think. I don't know anymore. You if you're on a social media, just look us up. It's either DeludyPod or don't look under the internet. We might be there. That's pretty cool. Or you send us an email. Our email is dilutypod at gmail.com. We're definitely there. We get spam emails up the wazoo. So I know that that's there.
SPEAKER_02:Um the zoo's for.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Um uh uh there you go. Um, you can um you can do that. You go to our website, diluti.com, you do that as well. Or patreon.com slash dilutipod. We've been a little light on the bonus content. Apologies, patrons, but we I mean with the holidays just got done, so we're we are we're making it up, don't worry. We have we have some plans to do some stuff.
SPEAKER_01:Also, if you are a Patreon, make sure you go to the website and look at our tier lists and what those entail. Because I feel like there's a lot of people that are just yeah, things have changed. We've uh we've made it a little more a little more simplistic for everyone. But if you paid the ten dollars, you can come listen to us record. And I feel like a lot of y'all ten dollar people aren't doing that.
SPEAKER_00:So yeah, the the live recordings are no longer for everybody, they're just for our ten dollar patrons.
SPEAKER_04:Exclusive deal. You gotta join the Discord then.
SPEAKER_01:Gotta join the Discord. And I have a high propensity. Real simple tech is real real fucking simple there, guy.
SPEAKER_00:Yes, so um, but yeah, we're we have a lot of changes coming up on the Patreon and the the website and whatnot. Uh, we're slowly doing some modifications and changes.
SPEAKER_01:We we're pretty much done, but I mean there's a couple tweaks, maybe do something a little more, but yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, a couple little tweaks here and there that we're making, but we'll we'll get there slowly but surely. We just need your patience and your commitment to us. And I mean, I'm gonna say it more time, people. I'm sorry, but like inflation's a thing, shrinkflation's a thing. So you are all getting nothing from us, but you're gonna give us all your money. That's how this works in this economy. Yeah. No, but um yeah, just uh yeah, if if you have the spare money and you want to hear us talk about other random crap, uh Patreon and our website have it. So it's fun. Hell yeah. Okay. Anyway, you can find me up your pee hole. Um that's where you can find me. Uh Matt.
SPEAKER_02:Right where I left, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:What do you want to tell the people? Yes. Matt, what do you have to tell the people?
SPEAKER_04:Uh Lady got shot. That was pretty fucked up. Yep.
SPEAKER_06:Wow. Oh, you're doing the thing again.
SPEAKER_00:The whole episode.
SPEAKER_04:No, you're new mean.
SPEAKER_06:Just pause killed, dude.
SPEAKER_00:He's doing the thing. Topical. Love it. Dating us. Jason, what do you got?
SPEAKER_02:Uh I mean, as always, stay fucking paranoid. Um, especially not knowing what's sitting next to the stars you look at at night, because one of them might be trying to get you to have sex with its mother.
SPEAKER_00:It might. Doug, what are you doing? Uh fucking fuck ice.
SPEAKER_01:Fuck ice. There I said it.
SPEAKER_04:Fuck 32 degrees Fahrenheit.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Everyone, don't worry, spring's coming. And I'll be right back.
SPEAKER_04:Cover 98 degrees, my man myself.
SPEAKER_00:Oh yeah, Doug.
SPEAKER_01:So am I, Mike. So am I.
SPEAKER_00:Now I'm about to have fucking some stormtroopers coming at my goddamn door. I also forgot to mention, we did have one. They'll miss though. Sounds sexy, whatever it is.
SPEAKER_04:If you subscribe to Patreon last month, fuck you until next week.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. We're sorry. It was holidays. Give us a break. Anyway, bye, everybody.
SPEAKER_07:Bye.
