DLUTI 240 - The Reddit Cylinder and The Vermonster

We check out what's going on over on Reddit this week with a classic post about a cylinder and some strange geography.

Transcript

Welcome And Quick Housekeeping

SPEAKER_00 0:16

Don't look under the innerhead.

SPEAKER_02 0:33

I could just watch Matt make these faces for like a long time, to be quite honest with you.

SPEAKER_03 0:38

I'm gonna make the assumption we're recording. I'm just gonna continue onward, and we're gonna see if his face just melts off at that point. Hello everyone, welcome to Don't Look Under the Internet, the internet's favorite horror comedy podcast starring a worm. Your face will get stuck like that. Yeah. That looks like I think that's Earthworm Gym.

SPEAKER_06 0:57

There's a studio. There's a section in this week's episode that got posted where I I left the website for Plushie's playground open and like it started filling in with stuff and flashing. And you're talking for like five minutes, and I'm just staring at it like Oh yeah, it's on the website when it just starts to keep going.

SPEAKER_03 1:20

Yeah, I saw that.

SPEAKER_06 1:23

But my camera's just like blinking colors and shit.

SPEAKER_03 1:27

Oh hello everyone. Well dilute. That's Doug. Yeah? That's Matt.

SPEAKER_04 1:36

I guess I have to be.

SPEAKER_03 1:38

And I'm Michael. Because I also guess I have to be. You're probably wondering why isn't Jason here? It's because we keep paying those landlords to deny him a home.

SPEAKER_06 1:50

We're afraid he's going to start moving beyond the Chicagoland area, and we're not sure what we're gonna do at that point.

SPEAKER_03 1:58

He already has to move in with me.

SPEAKER_06 2:01

We're trying to force him into Wisconsin.

SPEAKER_03 2:05

We don't want him here. Pritzer was like, Can you get rid of this guy? And we said, sure, boss. We gotcha. Um but yeah, welcome. It's just the three of us today. Uh Jason, I believe, will be back on the next episode, which is fun. Um not if I can help it. Um, but we're doing a Reddit episode because I uh if we're being candid, the last episode we did on Enigma Tapes, I had that one ready to go. But for the past couple weeks, I have been struggling to find a second topic. And so we're doing another Reddit one because boy howdy, am I in the slums right now, and I just cannot, for the love of me, get anything going. Um but it'll be still be a good time. We like our Reddit episodes. Reddit on Reddit, as they say. So people still say that, right?

SPEAKER_06 3:05

I don't know. I never said it.

SPEAKER_03 3:07

So fuck. Okay. Well, I'm saying it now. Reddit on Reddit. Uh Diluty housekeeping. By merch. That's the end of housekeeping. Um, yeah, we're just doing a couple of Reddit

The Legendary M&M Tube Cylinder

SPEAKER_03 3:19

episodes. So Doug, I really want you to go first because you're doing one that I was gonna talk about, and it's the funniest part.

SPEAKER_02 3:25

I was actually gonna ask to go first, too. Okay, so typically on our main channel, Reddit stories. I go creepy, weird, scary, spooky. If you listen and sub to our Patreon, you'll know that I end up going like funny, silly, weird when we cover like weird stuff like this, or do like an episode like this for our our our Reddit, uh around Reddit or around the internet or whatever you call it uh on our Patreon. I went that route this time with one of my stories because the fucking it's just it's too funny and it needs to be talked about. And I feel like you guys are the best people to talk about this with. So there is a Reddit post that circulates the internet all the time, and you will see it pop up here and there, you'll see it in Tumblr meme pictures, you'll see it in, you know, you'll see it everywhere. Like it just did you see it just everywhere.

SPEAKER_03 4:27

You can't go to the candy aisle in the Walgreens again without laughing a little bit.

SPEAKER_02 4:32

So the original post was in Ask Reddit, the the subreddit ask Reddit, and it was by uh a a person named Smart underscore calendar 1874, and they asked Reddit, how would you get a small cylinder 5.1 inches length, 4.5 inches girth, unstuck from a mini MM's tube filled with butter and microwaved mashed banana. That's it. That's all they said. Not be harmed.

SPEAKER_04 5:08

Yeah, the cylinder must not be harmed.

SPEAKER_02 5:13

So it is imperative that the cylinder and larger object remain unharmed. Let's just get that one out of the way right now.

SPEAKER_03 5:23

The cylinder is above average, I would say though. 5.1, that's not bad. But it's let's go.

SPEAKER_06 5:28

Let's get inside of a mini MM's tube, though, which is not how big is it?

SPEAKER_02 5:33

No way, the 4.5 inch girth doesn't make sense in this situation. Let's just be clear here. Um, because that's a chode if we're we're calling it what it is, just about.

SPEAKER_06 5:44

Um, but anyway, let's continue before I'm many MM containers.

SPEAKER_03 5:50

Mini MM could on Reddit. Uh many MM containers fit quarters perfectly. Large tuple's $40, short tube holes $20 that's a quarter, though. Okay. Yeah, there's still some room. There's no there's still some room. Maybe that is 5.5 inches, as someone said.

SPEAKER_02 6:09

So some of the comments are really funny. Uh one was just like, perhaps a hot bath is in order, and then there's someone goes, That's no small cylinder. It sounds like a perfectly adequate cylinder to me. Average size, you might say, and the guy, the the main there, the original poster was just like, Yes, thank you, but that may be part of the problem. Um we've got uh it's only when the mosquito lands on your cylinder that you realize there is always a way to solve problems without using violence. Um there's a skeeter on my pecker, whack it off. There's a skeeter on my pecker, whack it off. There's another on my brother, there's a dozen on my cousin, there's a skeeter on my meter, whack it off. Uh, this is classic Reddit. Uh, to be fair. Um, another comment says stupid wow, stupid sexy green MM.

SPEAKER_06 7:08

Yeah, I get it. This is why they changed it.

SPEAKER_03 7:12

Yeah, this is why they changed it. Yeah, this shit had me cracking up, man. I swear to god.

SPEAKER_02 7:18

If this cylinder were attached to another structure, like a body, if you will, I would hope this body has some sort of grounding structure on which the greater structure stands. Imagine something like feet. Stick the feet in an ice bath while simultaneously using a hot blow dryer on the mini MM's tube. Be sure to move the dryer enough to distract distribute the heat properly while avoiding the risk of melting plastic onto your perfectly normal sized cylinder. Perfectly normal sized cylinder. The guy just says, I don't have a dryer. And then there's a comment from OP and it just says hospital.

SPEAKER_01 8:03

Hopital.

SPEAKER_02 8:04

Hombital.

SPEAKER_03 8:11

Oh my god, I was cracking up. There's um there is a uh a Reddit post where that I found where people are just like, where's one of the where's the weirdest Reddit post you ever found? And someone the comment was just like the cylinder, and someone all the comments are just we do not harm the cylinder here. Everyone talks about it for the cylinder safety. Everyone talks.

SPEAKER_06 8:31

I saw a uh uh a post on Reddit that was on the front page of Reddit today that was uh somebody accidentally broke the bottom off of one of their off of their like uh thermos thing, and they had a picture of the inside of it, and that you could see where like there was like the inner wall of the thermos, and then like the outer wall of the thermos, and somebody was like, Oh, thank goodness you didn't harm the cylinder.

SPEAKER_03 9:03

It's as tail as old as time. It's uh it's just like tail as old as time.

SPEAKER_06 9:08

Happens all the time.

SPEAKER_03 9:09

Yep. Well, I like to be able to do it.

SPEAKER_06 9:11

Since the dawn of man have people been getting their cylinders stuck inside of MM's tubes.

SPEAKER_02 9:16

The the cylinder I really wish I would have seen this uh post like in real time. It would have been amazing. It's only three years old, and the post is actually deleted now, so I had to use uh revet it uh to actually even like look at most of this, but um yeah, fucking you'll find references to this in just random other posts.

SPEAKER_03 9:41

It's this one, and um my other favorite comment you'll see on just random posts when someone's just like um uh like down the rabbit hole I go or whatever, and they'll link to another comment that says like down the the hole I'm gonna go.

SPEAKER_06 9:57

I haven't seen one of those ever.

SPEAKER_03 9:59

I fucking love when I see one of those pop up in the wild. I'm like, down I go.

SPEAKER_06 10:03

Let's see how it's been a long time since I've seen one of those.

SPEAKER_03 10:06

It's so fun. Thank you for sharing the cylinder.

SPEAKER_02 10:11

Of course, I I couldn't not share the cylinder. Um yeah, there's just it's just too good. Yeah, um, I like how I I was when I was looking like for more, like if I could like find better like ways to read the original post on Google, I was just like typing in the original post, like I was copying pasting it into Google. Like, how do how would you get a small cylinder you know out of the thing? And of course, like Google does the AI overview now, so it's just like trying to like casually tell me how to get like my dick unstuck from a fucking MM's tube. And I'm just like, Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_06 10:51

My question is like, how did so? Did he like put it in flaccid and then it expanded and then it got stuck? Like that's what I can. That's what I guess I haven't.

SPEAKER_02 11:02

I don't know. I'm not surprised the the mashed banana and butter didn't help the situation at all. Yeah, he's definitely done this before.

SPEAKER_03 11:11

Especially because he does this frequently. Yeah, oh yeah, this is a man in the house.

SPEAKER_06 11:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 11:23

Well, Matthew, would you like to go next or do you want me to do?

SPEAKER_06 11:26

Oh boy, howdy, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go. Alright, what do we want to start with? What do we want to start with? What do we want to start with? Um Okay.

Reddit Geography Meme Map Wars

SPEAKER_06 11:36

Okay, we're gonna start with this one. So I thought about saving this one for um this month on the internet on Patreon slash website, but it's just too good. I gotta talk about it in a timely manner. So, because I need people who are listening to this to get in on it because it'll probably still be going by the time this post goes up. Now, yeah, the if you've been on the front page of Reddit within the last month, you've very likely seen some very entertaining posts from a little subreddit called R Geography Memes. Now, you pull up our geography memes and you're gonna see the remnants of what has uh uh transpired over the past six weeks. But what has been happening is so geography memes normally is just like people posting pictures of maps and like labeling them in funny ways, or just like memes that have something to do with like the world as it is in the state that it's in. Now, somebody six weeks ago decided to start a game. And the rules of this game were very simple. Uh they showed a picture of the United States and the states, and they were all labeled, and they said every day we have to eliminate one state. The top comment at the end of the day on this thread will eliminate a state. And this became so popular that like major news media outlets were picking it up in the states that were remaining after a certain amount of times. So uh there is a link that I will post here where somebody made a time lapse of the entire thing, and you can kind of see so every day a state got eliminated, and then they redrew the map with the states that were left there, and they they like redrew the the outlines on the maps, and then they started renaming things. So, like right off the bat, Florida's gone. Georgia absorbed Florida, which is pretty reasonable, right? Uh other things started disappearing. South Dakota gets absorbed by North Dakota and it remains North Dakota. North Dakota's like swallowing up a bunch of shit. Oklahoma's eating up a bunch of shit, New Mexico becomes pretty large. Um, and then like Illinois's growing, Kentucky absorbs Indiana pretty early on, and then Vermont just goes on a fucking tear. So Pennsylvania. The Vermonster. Yeah, Pennsylvania, New Mexico, California, Oregon. Uh they had a pretty have a pretty good run going on. Maryland absorbs a bunch of shit, and then Vermont has grown so large that it's it's basically taken up in the entirety of New England, and they've they've called it the Vermonster. And then the Vermonster, the Vermonster. The Vermonster is finally in competition with the Maryland Crab Army, Megasoda, Cascadia, which was originally Oregon, and Nuevo, New Mexico. And then there's the Kingdom of Hawaii, which has taken over Alaska. And then the Kingdom of Hawaii eats like the contiguous southwestern United States. Yeah, and then Crabalachia. Vermont eats Pennsylvania and becomes Crabalachia. And the final two were Cascadia, which is Oregon, and Megasota, which my favorite thing about the about the border of Megasota and Cascadia is there's like a little bit over in like North Carolina that is is Cascadia. And I'm not real sure how they determined that. Actually, two have gotten a pretty decent following. But the one that is the most important right now is Top Comment deletes a European country country. So we're doing it again. We're doing it in Europe.

SPEAKER_03 16:16

Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:17

Yeah, it looks like today they have uh top comment deletes one country from the world, so we'll see where that goes.

SPEAKER_06 16:23

So there's world, which is the second most popular, and then there's European country, which is the most popular at the moment.

SPEAKER_03 16:29

I like how Nuevo New Mexico was so large, and then the Kingdom of Hawaii just comes in and sputs it all up.

unknown 16:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 16:38

At the moment, it's looking like Russia's gonna get ate by Ukraine.

SPEAKER_04 16:43

Hell yeah. As the first move.

SPEAKER_03 16:51

Yeah. That's what I'm talking about. This amazing I brushed past this, I think, early on, and I just brought like I just swiped past it without even realizing what was happening. And now I'm upset because I missed out on this entire thing. Jesus Christ, 21,000 other. All of us when the guy OP started the EU map and it's Ukraine on Rocket Raccoon, going, oh yeah. Oh yeah. I like it. Italian Americans flock into geograph uh geography memes to remake the Roman Empire. Relaising realizing that the Ukraine train has left the station and deserves the road the world. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_06 17:36

This has been a big happening on Reddit for the last six weeks.

SPEAKER_03 17:39

I'm loving this. Oh yeah, brother. I'm here for 11 hours ago. European country number one. Let's go. I'm fucking here for it. I'm about to be in this one.

SPEAKER_06 17:49

Yeah, it's looking like Ukraine's gonna take Russia as the first move, and then we'll see what happens. Lots of people, lots of people hating on France.

SPEAKER_04 17:59

Yeah. Rightfully so. Rightfully so. Well, I have less of a fun one for us today.

Memory Loss Panic And Bed Bugs

SPEAKER_03 18:09

This takes us all the way back.

SPEAKER_02 18:11

Are we all pivoting to just shitty shitty shit?

SPEAKER_03 18:15

Oh, this ain't shitty. This takes us all the way back to our slash legal advice. This was uploaded in October of 2009.

SPEAKER_06 18:23

Oh, I love some good legal trouble.

SPEAKER_03 18:25

Yeah, a member uh named Intrepid Sport. The post is titled, I think my boyfriend has been drugging me to make me forget things. He's a doctor. I'm gonna read the whole thing and then the top comment afterwards. So let's get into it. So I must apologize if this post is jumbled a bit. I started typing it up in Word yesterday before my date and forgot about it before finishing it today. I think my boyfriend has been secretly drugging me for a while now and is gaslighting me. I know this is going to be hard to explain, but I have been having gaps in memory that I have been explaining away as being tired or overworked or whatever else. I was going to ask my boyfriend about it since he's a doctor. Then I started to notice that uh this seems to happen when I go on dates with him. I know it must be crazy, but I've woken up with dried semen on my breasts several times with no memory of the night before. Uh I know it's him as uh I know it's him as well. I won't get into specifics, but he likes that kind of thing more than other guys would. Oh yeah, dude. We don't kink shame here. I don't know. Uh don't worry, this doesn't get like into a rapey thing.

SPEAKER_06 19:32

Because that's what it sounds like.

SPEAKER_03 19:34

Yeah, don't worry, it doesn't get into that, so we're fine. Uh, don't, don't, no, no sexual assault here. Um, first time it happened was when we were drinking and I wrote it off as too much a drink. Uh, we get drunk and have sex all the time, so it's not a big deal to me. But then there were a few times when I know we were not drinking. I decided to break up with him over it only to suddenly find myself on a date with him a few days later. I had not yet had the conversation to break up with him, but planned on it next time I talked to him. I remember being at the restaurant, but nothing before that. My car and his car was in the parking lot too, so I was very confused. I decided to play along when he asked me to come back to his place. After three days at his place, I remembered everything, so I started to trust him again. Knowing he was an ENT, I start I I know it won't be his forte, but he is a doctor. I don't know what that meant.

SPEAKER_06 20:22

An ENT. I was going to He's an ear, nose and throat specialist.

SPEAKER_03 20:27

I guess so. Um I was going to ask him about my issue when he randomly pointed out these red bumps in my thigh and said I should be treating these sores. I completely forgotten they were there. These little red bumps that look like needle injections uh that got infected. So I freaked out when he mentioned uh them that I I got so freaked out when he mentioned them that I decided to leave. The next day he came over to quote unquote check on me, and I remembered waking up in bed with more dried semen on my chest. Then today he met me for lunch saying we had agreed to meet. I never agreed to meet him anywhere uh and would never want to. He does this all the time saying we would agree to something I have no memory of. I'm sick and tired of it, and I want him punished. This is this is starting to take uh to affect my work life as well, as I start to get paranoid when I see a boss walk into a room after making eye contact contact with me. I get paranoid that they're about to fire me. My friends also state I've been acting strangely and out of character. I've even begun to lose sleep and sleepwalk when I do. Is there any way to have blood work done on what kind of drug he's using on me? I do not want the police to blow me off and push me away as some crazy lady, so I want to be damn sure when I go to the police. That sounds pretty fucked up, right?

SPEAKER_06 21:37

Yeah. Is it carbon monoxide? It's always carbon monoxide.

SPEAKER_03 21:40

No, it's not carbon monoxide, but it's just as bad. The top comment. Hey, former professional pest control guy here with lots of experience with bed bugs. I'll happily answer any questions about bed bugs. My first bit of advice is for you to get professional treatment of the bed bugs. It's not cheap, but they're incredibly difficult to get rid of. Bedbug. Can survive a year or more without feeding and do cause a wide variety of psychological issues due to prolonged, extremely poor sleep. I sincerely hope this is the case of the cause of your issue, but I would also talk to your doctor, now your boyfriend, about the symptoms. Request blood work. And we go on and on about bed bugs to the point where OP, the MOD even messages for OP saying, OP, the MOS received a message from a verified physician who claims the bed bugs cannot cause the symptoms you describe in your post. He or she strongly suggests that you visit a doctor for help, which seems to be very prudent advice. As we go on, more and more people come in saying, No, I am like uh uh like a previous uh like bug sufferer, bug, but bug like uh exterminator are like I've had bed bugs, I've had similar issues like this as well.

SPEAKER_06 22:56

Wouldn't she notice other things though, like bite marks and pain? That's the red bumps.

SPEAKER_03 23:00

That's the red bumps on her legs. So then we get a comment. You mentioned bumps on your thigh, insomnia, memory loss, paranormal anxiety. Pull the sheets off your mattress, please. Check in the little increases for brown specks or encrusted brown flakes. These symptoms sound eerily familiar. What happened to a friend of mine? He thought he was going crazy. Turns out he was having a severe reaction to long-term bed bug bites. Bed bug bites. You mentioned that you remember everything that happened at his place, but as soon as he got home, it started up again. Bed bugs can cause psychological symptoms if the reaction is severe enough. I would check the lip of the mattress first to see if you have any bed bugs. And then OP says uh it does look like dried chocolate, uh chocolate or poop chunks along with the seam of the mattress. And she confirmed, and others have confirmed, that that does seem to be the case. She is having severe reactions to bed bite, big bed bug bites. Wild. Pretty fucking wild.

SPEAKER_04 23:58

Wild, very gross.

SPEAKER_06 24:01

Insects fucking lar I don't know, large insects and stuff, like insects don't gross me out in the sense that it's like ooh bug, but like the the idea of infestations freaks me the fuck out.

SPEAKER_03 24:15

Yeah, fucking hate. Now it's not confirmed all the way that it's a bed bug issue, but the evidence does seem to point in the direction with everything that is going on. You have multiple people that have had bed bug uh issues in the past, and multiple people that are exterminators and pest control people in the comments saying yes, these are common issues that people that have severe reactions to bed bugs will be having occur to them.

SPEAKER_06 24:40

Wild shit, crazy shit, bro.

SPEAKER_02 24:44

We went weirdly similar on uh on our stories. Yeah, my my next story is also not very pleasant and kind of almost very similar in uh bed bugs though in topic.

SPEAKER_06 25:00

So that's like one of my biggest fears is bringing bed bugs home from spring, and I just think it's a good thing.

SPEAKER_03 25:06

Tori said I've worked on some super severe bed bug infestations, it's bad, and the people definitely walk away with PTSD.

SPEAKER_06 25:12

Yeah, that's just Texas though. I mean these things happen.

SPEAKER_03 25:18

That's a Texas right there.

SPEAKER_06 25:20

No, yeah, like I've heard it like completely ruins people's lives.

SPEAKER_04 25:25

Basically. Tori, have fun with Ken Paxton or whatever his fucking name is.

SPEAKER_03 25:36

Anyway. Fun stuff. What do you got, Doug?

Slugs In Food And Toxic Control

SPEAKER_02 25:41

Uh okay, so I'm I'm also going to just like read this post. Uh it's not super, super long, but uh so the title is I found out my partner has been putting slugs in my food and I don't know how to forgive him. So yeah, do with that what you will. I saw I thought about it, but it's it's it's gross, but I I don't know. I I just you you'll see. So I, 22 female, have been with my partner 24 male for four years now. I have never known him to do anything like this, but I noticed he started acting a little strange around a month, maybe a month and a half ago. He started putting fruit on the floor in the garden, and I thought it was a bit weird, but he said he was feeding the mice family that have nested in our shed, so I thought it was sweet, and I helped him do it. Never do that. Anyways, they're just gonna grow and get into your home. Anyways, he started being really nice to me around two weeks ago and was making me food, baking me cakes and stuff, which he never usually cooks, even uh even so I was happy he found a hobby. I did notice I felt sick and dizzy after eating, and I just put it down to lack of sleep and hormones. Anyways, a friend of my partner's came into my work today. I work in a cafe. He said he needed to speak to me when I was free. Uh, I was free as there wasn't any customers, and then he told me that my partner has been collecting slugs from the garden on the fruit that he's been putting out there and putting them in my food, blending them up. He even sent this friend pictures of a bag of slugs that he collected and then the picture of blended slugs. I feel really sick to my stomach, and I don't understand why he would do this. This is so out of character for him. I asked him why he was doing this, and he accused me of snooping through his messages, which I would never do, and got so angry at me for not being able to take a joke. I feel disgusting. I love him to pieces, but I don't understand his way of thinking just now. Am I overreacting? I don't know what to do, I feel lost. So the way I'm reading this is also from like a uh well, actually, it's just the best of Redditor updates. So it's like not the original post, but like someone like chopped it up to like make it more palatable, if that makes sense. There's a ton of spelling mistakes in this like whole thing, and it it's a little hard to read sometimes, but either way, probably slug brain. She does have slug brain. Confirmed. Um, so there's an update, and it says, I'm receiving messages to this is kind of rough, but it this is Reddit for you. Um I'm receiving messages telling me to kill myself. Please don't do that as I'm highly sensitive right now. I I went to urgent care last night in the early hours of the morning and waited and was finally seen around 6 a.m. I had some tests done, and I have a high level of metal metal dehyde in my blood.

SPEAKER_03 28:32

High level of slug in you.

SPEAKER_02 28:34

I have high levels of slug in my system. Uh as a regular panel. Yeah, slug, slug, uh checking for slugs. Yeah, your slug slug levels are not optimal. You have a lot of slug levels.

SPEAKER_06 28:47

Too low, too high. Don't want them. Right in the right in that sweet spot.

SPEAKER_03 28:52

Two milligrams of slug a day is all you need. It's in the multivitamin.

SPEAKER_02 28:55

You can really only handle about half a slug. Um, so where where the fuck am I? All right. So I was kept for monitoring and I've had some ulcers in my stomach as I was hospitalized about two months ago for a burst ulcer. Originally thought it was stress, but they now said it could be because of the poisoning. You got slugged. Uh I could have an infection of some kind. Making way too light of this, I feel like. Um, I could have an infection of some kind as my temperature is high, but they haven't found anything that could be causing that yet. They have checked my heart, and that's fine. I'm due to have heart surgery, blah blah blah. That doesn't make it that has nothing to do with this.

SPEAKER_03 29:31

My heart says bad. Ah, that's fine.

SPEAKER_02 29:33

Your heart's bad, all them slugs.

SPEAKER_03 29:36

Um man.

SPEAKER_02 29:45

There's just too many jokes. But anyway, so I contacted the police and I wrote a statement and was asked some questions. Anyone who knows me in real life, please do not post mine or my partner's name as the police said it would destroy the investigation. My ex refused to say anything to the police or me. However, he did say he would speak to his friend and only him. He then he then spoke to me. I was not alone. I was with a friend and his friend too. He confessed to doing random experiments on me slash tests starting a few months after we moved in. He's like, I must read my child.

SPEAKER_03 30:18

My name's Robert Slugman. What'd you expect from that?

SPEAKER_02 30:22

Um so where were we? Uh so yeah, his her her uh her ex has been confessed to doing random experiments on her that started a few months after they moved in together. It started with spitting on my toast, and then the week later, he replaced my prop propranolol beta blockers with salt-emptied capsules. And then I want to add he was he was my medication holder as I have a history of suicide attempts, so he had to handle my meds and give them to me, and that's what that's when he thought it would be funny. He also admitted to these things, swapping my vegetarian sausages with real meat. I have IBS and struggle to digest. Uh, he replaced my corn nuggets or my uh yeah, corn nuggets with real ones. Uh one of my one of my pet giant African land snails went missing in summer, and I assumed it escaped. Uh and he left the lid open on their box, but he said he it had died, so he scraped it out and put it in my curry. I vaguely remembered the day he did this as he laughed whenever I went to eat the curry, and I got really paranoid, so I put it in the kitchen and stormed off. Um again, the the writing in this is not great, so it's like you gotta kind of you know make do with what it is, but um, yeah. So long story short, he also said that he rubbed my toothbrush on the toilet, but then washed it as he thought that was too far. I feel like this is all a dream, it just seems so dramatic. I'm unsure what's happening on the legal front. He says he doesn't know why he did this and that he does love me and he truly felt and that he truly felt compelled to do it, which I understand is I suffer from OCD and I get compulsions, but when he and that he really loves taking care of me and he feels it's his purpose and he didn't mean to cause serious harm. He promises he never did any of this to our animals.

SPEAKER_03 32:10

My OCD is swapping your pills.

SPEAKER_02 32:14

Yeah. Um and then there it's really weird, and then there's another update where she finds a jar with a bunch of slugs in it, like under their sink. Um, and then um, long story short, uh the rest of it's just kind of sad, but like they it's like truly scarred this woman, and basically she is like doesn't want to eat and has fear of food now, and like basically has no appetite. So now, on top of the bad heart, the beta blockers, the fucking OCD, and all the other problems this lady has. Now she's just like basically can't eat food because she thinks she's gonna get sick. Um, but the last update does say, I'm alive. Hello, everyone. Sorry for those who didn't I get didn't message back. My messages have been so full. I am alive, but have been sick with coronavirus. Thank you for those who reached out to me. You made me feel less alone. I hope everyone is well. And that was the last time they post. So um, what a what a roller coaster, huh?

SPEAKER_03 33:10

That man needs to be in jail. Yeah, diddy has done most freaky things in this man. Like, what the fuck? The fuck.

SPEAKER_02 33:19

Yeah, they never really do say what happens to dude to dude. Actually, I meant to look this up. A spd. What is that? Oh, antisocial personality disorder.

SPEAKER_03 33:28

Antis personality disorder.

SPEAKER_02 33:31

Uh they they comment this that he was diagnosed with ASPD, um, and that yeah, they I mean that's the that's like the clinical name for being a sociopath, which makes sense. Yeah, that's what they say. He's basically a so a psychopath, sociopath, like so.

SPEAKER_03 33:51

There's a lot of times, there's a lot of parts where she's like, Oh yeah, a while ago I caught him putting my snake in my curry. You didn't just drop it then. I would have been like, uh, we're done here. Large African snail pet. Yeah, I don't I don't like any of this. This guy, this man's a freak.

SPEAKER_06 34:11

So she knew this guy had been diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder, and she was like, Oh, that's fine.

SPEAKER_02 34:17

I think it was uh after the fact. Oh, okay. I think is what happened. Okay, that makes sense. I don't like that was my that was my uh my not not great story. Actually, that was my last story. I don't have anything else to talk about, but yeah. What was that? Was that you? What? I don't know. My my printer keeps making a noise and I don't know why. I think that's what I heard.

SPEAKER_03 34:44

Oh.

SPEAKER_06 34:44

I hope it just prints subscribe to PewDiePie. I hope it's been clogged in the tubes for like the last 10 years and it's just not coming through.

SPEAKER_02 34:55

My printer's like beeping at me because it's like, I have new firmware, please update me.

SPEAKER_03 35:01

Get all those slugs out of me. That's what you're doing. You've got too much fog in your blood, bro. Moody, moody, moody everywhere. What do you got?

SPEAKER_01 35:11

Oh boy.

The Search For Treeless Anime

SPEAKER_01 35:15

Which one should I pick? Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02 35:19

I got a real quickie.

SPEAKER_06 35:24

I'll bring it up. I'll bring it up. Alright, so I got one that's pretty short, but it's pretty good. Stop me if somebody's mentioned this one before. So this is a post on our anime from five years ago. Any good anime without trees?

SPEAKER_05 35:40

I was gonna do that. I almost did that one too.

SPEAKER_06 35:43

I think we all landed in the same Reddit thread of people posting shit that's gonna be. Anyway, pretty post says pretty much what the title asks. I'm looking for an anime with no trees. A general lack of plant life is preferred, but as long as there are no trees, it should be okay. Then they post a list of the things that they've already seen. Now, the there are a lot of people posting things that they think may not have trees in them. A lot of them are like dystopian or like futuristic, like wasteland type anime. And and like the point that they bring up is like, see, I understand where you're coming from, but the thing that a lot of these series do is they try to contrast the way things used to be with the way things are now. So they show flashbacks and things of times when there were trees, and there are definitely trees in these series. I've checked, and there are lots of people that are like, why? And they really don't answer very much. There's one person who asked straight up, I really want to know what the deal is with the trees. They said, Can I ask why? And the only time I think they've addressed this in this entire thread, they just said, I just want to find a place where I know I don't have to see them for a while. Which man got fucking doesn't answer questions for really suggest that there's like some sort of yeah, trauma or something going on here that they that trees are just really upsetting to them. It could be that or it could I guess my whole family. I suppose it could be like some sort of like mental like like an OCD type thing where like trees put plugs in his food. But we're like just trees because there are people that have like just unexplainable aversions to certain things. So this could be that I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 37:37

Does he have a phobia of trees, maybe? Is that a thing? What is it called?

SPEAKER_04 37:40

What's the thing scared at what's the I guess that's tree phobia dendrophobia? Think of trees. Dendrophobia. See, there's always terms for these, but it's like are they real things? Yeah, do they does this really exist? Who's to say?

SPEAKER_02 38:04

Who is to say? I like how a lot of the comments are like, you know, people like trying to like give them advice and then someone seen an episode being like, nope, tree in episode 12.

SPEAKER_03 38:16

That doesn't work.

SPEAKER_06 38:17

Yeah, one person's like there's a tree in the last episode, and so I was like, spoilers, bro.

unknown 38:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 38:26

I'm trying to think of an episode. Imagine that though.

SPEAKER_06 38:29

Like they do find this one series that's just completely shrub-free, and they're like they're making it through the whole thing. They're like, oh, this is amazing. And then they make it to the last episode and it just ruins their life. Years of my life ruined. Yeah, it's like one piece. There's like a thousand episodes.

SPEAKER_03 38:47

I'm trying to think of an anime that wouldn't have trees. The only one that I can't think of one specifically, but it would have to be one that takes place in like space or something.

SPEAKER_02 38:57

You know, even some someone mentioned a like, you know, those kind of things, and even even those, like they're like, yeah, like, you know, you're in a space colony, someone's putting a tree or like a bush in their office or somewhere, you know.

SPEAKER_03 39:09

Yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_06 39:10

There's one reply that I m should have noted down that I thought really highlighted the depth of this issue.

SPEAKER_04 39:24

But I can't find it. I think it was somebody who was talking about oceans or something. Yeah, I don't know. It doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_03 39:34

Ocean Someone find this man a treeless anime.

SPEAKER_06 39:39

Yeah, yeah, here it is.

SPEAKER_03 39:40

Why don't someone just find it?

SPEAKER_06 39:41

Somebody said uh they suggested some anime with a really long name, and they said really cool ocean theme mech anime. And this person said uh the OP said, Oceans are so cool, aren't they? I love the sea. So even there, even there, trees sometimes snake their way in.

SPEAKER_03 40:00

You can never be too safe. They'll always find their way in. So I Googled anime with no trees, wondering if there was an answer that maybe Google's AI would pick it up. They did not, but as I scroll down, I get people also ask, and the next couple things that popped up was what is the least sexiest anime? And uh those are the ones that feature fully fleshed out female characters, avoid gratuitous objectification, and challenge traditional. I am at least sexy, and they put full metal alchemist in here. Everyone's sexy and full metal alchemist.

SPEAKER_02 40:46

Full metal alchemist.

SPEAKER_06 40:48

Yeah, I mean that suit of armor, it gets me hot every time.

SPEAKER_03 40:51

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 40:52

That's a child, bro. Listen. It's Japanese.

SPEAKER_03 40:58

It's a suit of armor.

SPEAKER_02 41:01

A sentient armor, yeah, who's also like eight.

SPEAKER_06 41:06

They have the the suit of armor of an 11-year-old, but they're actually a 3,000-year-old demigod.

SPEAKER_03 41:14

The spirit might be an eight-year-old, but the armor is probably 30 years old.

SPEAKER_06 41:18

So loopholes.

SPEAKER_03 41:22

It's like that freaky ass movie with Emma Stone, what's it called? Uh, where kids' body and adult body. I forget what it's called. Beautiful monsters or some shit. I don't know. Anyway, I have one. Are you guys ready? Yeah.

Paper Towels On The Webcam

SPEAKER_03 41:39

This comes from R slash weird about five months ago. From uh uh user drome drome drome dromeoraptor? Dromeoraptor, something like that. Uh yeah, I know. Um, let's see here. Oh, also, I'm sorry, the last one wasn't posted in 2009. That's when r slash legal device was created. That was on me. I apologize. Unbelievable.

SPEAKER_06 42:00

But failing your job as an internet historian.

SPEAKER_03 42:03

Stupid. I know, I fucked up. This one's five months old. This says, came home to paper towel over my webcam twice now. I look at the colour. Paper towels. So it says, twice now. I've come home from work to a paper towel covering my webcam in my bedroom upstairs. Only thing unlocked was my window, my fault, which is on the second floor. First time was about two weeks ago. It was just laid over top. Uh, and tonight was the second time. All and this one was all crinkled up on the camera. Nothing is missing, nothing else is moved or messed with that I noticed. Somebody else that I'm aware of, uh, no, nobody else that I'm aware of has keys my apartment. It's like someone's trying to pull a harmless prank and is just trying to do something super small but super obvious that I noticed. I have two cats and they totally and they're totally unharmed and acting like nothing happened. A lot of the comments are just like, dog, you need to put flour on the floor to check for like footprints. So when people walk through, there you go. Someone says time to put up some hidden cameras. Others said check across spaces. Everyone's pretty much telling her you need to check your shit out. Someone even mentioned to get a carbon monoxide detector. Because after that post it note, it's always carbon monoxide detector. Um so another person said you should get a motion activated webcam and put it up into your your living room. Um and someone even messaged, it looks like you actually don't live alone. Um a couple weeks go by here, like two weeks go by, and then you get update. Found a paper towel covering my webcam twice, coming home from work. This is a new one, a new post from the same uploader, and it says, I had zero idea that this will blow up the way it did. A lot of y'all are super helpful too. I did buy a carbon dioxide detector and a security camera to hide in my room. The carbon knock uh carbon monoxide. Oxide detector is rating zero, so it's not a CO poisoning. I was off work today. I go back tomorrow and I'll see if the camera catches anything. I've been asked if I rent or own. I run a one-bed apartment that only me and the landlord have keys to. Even maintenance needs to be led in by him or me. Now, now that carbon dioxide poisoning is ruled out, I figured it might be my landlord letting himself in. If not him, then potentially a previous tenant that has a copy of the keys. I've been asked if I take Ambien or if I sleepwalk. I don't take Ambient. As far as I'm aware, I don't sleepwalk. I sleep on FaceTime, such as video called my boyfriend, on my phone, uh not the webcam, and we haven't noticed me sleepwalking. Uh I've been which that's just weird on its own. I've never seen people who do the yeah, that's that's weird. Um the lights just right in your face. Fuck that. Uh I've been told to check my apartment naturally. Yeah. Naturally, I've turned the place upside down, look for any sort of possible entrance in it, and out of it. There's absolutely nothing. I check behind furniture, all around the closet, every cabinet, nothing. Um can't find any possible entrance or call space, so I'm assuming it's someone with a key. Banassa, the paper towels are the same ones I have, and yes, they are. The same ones I have downstairs in my kitchen. I was told to check my browser history. I and I did. Nothing on there that wasn't for me.

SPEAKER_06 45:12

Haven't been jerking into any paper towels lately.

SPEAKER_03 45:17

Brawny man. Uh a lot of people pointed out how I don't sound as concerned as I should, and believe me, I know. A bunch of other stuff going on in my life at the moment, and I'm completely drained to the point where something like this isn't phasing me nearly as much as it should. It's just that meme of like the aliens coming on earth, and they're like, ooh, we're here. It's like, okay, aren't you scared? I got a lot going on. Um, but all the comments are basically saying, You're a girl, right? It's your landlord 100%. I'm locking that in. That's final offer, that's my final answer. Everyone in the comments are like, dude, this is 100% your landlord. You need to set up your webcam now and figure out what the fuck is going on because they should not just be coming and going into your fucking um uh room like that. And uh again, that that's all of them. Now, here's the downside we have not had an update in five months. One of two things have happened here. A. Landlord stopped. Hasn't been happening. B. Dead. And the landlord has put paper towels up on every surface of that apartment. Not sure which one it is, but it's one of those.

SPEAKER_04 46:36

That's all I can do. Sorry, what was the second album? That's it.

unknown 46:42

What?

SPEAKER_06 46:43

I got distracted reading a Reddit post that I clicked on because I have troubles with my brain. I didn't hear that last thing.

SPEAKER_02 46:51

I'm upset because there's no resolution to this, and you've basically just uh broken my but now. Oh good, I didn't need to pay attention.

SPEAKER_03 47:01

Yeah, but now you can you can look forward to that when you're scrolling through Reddit. I have a couple others.

Foot Punch Fungus And Cannibal Tacos

SPEAKER_03 47:06

Bet, do you have any other ones?

SPEAKER_06 47:08

Uh I got a short post. I'll just tell you what this one was. So there was like a like a convention somewhere or something, and some girls were like sticking their feet in fruit punch, and then dudes were drinking the punch off of their feet. It was like a foot worship weird fucking weeb incel thing.

SPEAKER_03 47:29

Schneider fucked up a lot of kids, man.

SPEAKER_06 47:31

Yeah, um anyway, people ended up getting lung infections because a f some fungus from some girl's feet got into the drink and ended up in their system. And yep, that's a thing.

SPEAKER_04 47:49

And then I ha I do have another one that uh okay.

SPEAKER_06 47:59

So this is a post from eight years ago in uh I am A or I AMA or whatever, however you want to say that. Hi all, I'm a man who ate a portion of his own amputated leg. Ask me anything.

SPEAKER_03 48:12

So hell yeah. So uh is this the one guy that also got like asked another dude to eat it with him? Yep. And that's the whole thing.

SPEAKER_06 48:20

That's the whole thing. Dude got his leg cut off, amputated, and he asked the hospital if he could have it back, and they were like, I fucking guess. So they made him sign some paperwork and they gave him his leg back, and then he and his friend made tacos out of it. And there used to be a picture, but because everything got purged from Imager a while back, um you can't see the picture anymore. Maybe it's on an archive somewhere or something.

SPEAKER_03 48:44

But I think this helped spawn like there's like a bill going around in Congress or something. I I or like something wants to start one or something about consensual cannibalism, like cannibalism, and how it should be okay to do.

SPEAKER_06 49:01

Isn't it dangerous though? Like if you eat enough, isn't there like an acid or something in human muscle that like will cause degenerative brain stuff?

SPEAKER_02 49:09

I have no idea. Yeah, I believe it can, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 49:13

I mean, hey, I don't you just try it once or twice, you know. There's a serial killer or something. Who was it? Some guy paid another guy to come over and eat his penis.

SPEAKER_02 49:27

Yeah, I saw that. Just a dude pretending to be another dude, pretending to be a dude, eating another penis. Eating another dude's penis.

SPEAKER_03 49:37

Um one real brief thing I want to bring up. This is a subreddit. It's R slash uh Stannis the Mantis. Uh, and the whole goal of the subreddit is to convince the world of the fact that Stannis Baratheon from Game of Thrones is a gigantic praying mantis in disguise. I just wanted to bring that to everybody's attention.

SPEAKER_06 49:56

Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_03 49:57

Um but I do have two more little things I can talk about if you're sure, Michael. Alright, so the first one that I will bring up here. Let me just pull it up for my own memory's sake here. It's just been a minute. Uh hidden on the floor, hidden on the floor, locked. Uh, it's just a picture of a safe that this guy found under floorboards. And everyone's like, oh fuck. I wonder what's in the safe. I gotta look under it. This is in uh R slash, what is this thing? Or what's in this thing? From a Dustin Kaufman. And uh everyone's like, hot damn, another safe. We're doing it, baby. And uh he's commenting, uh, well, we're opening her up this week. I'm not in town, but I'll post pics. What's the best way to update everyone? A new post. And someone's like, hell yeah, make a new post. Um, and so he does. And lo and behold, wouldn't you know it? He opens it up, and it is a giant box with 2,000 ounces of silver. There's just a bunch of gold silver ingots in there, and uh he says there's two boxes of 10 100 troy ounce bars. Finally, a safe opening subreddit that has an actual good resolution.

SPEAKER_06 51:14

Yeah, that's another one that in our episode of Reddit Classics we gotta throw in there, the safe.

SPEAKER_03 51:21

Yeah, but apparently it's uh estimated to be worth roughly around $160,000.

SPEAKER_06 51:25

So that's fucking crazy.

SPEAKER_04 51:28

That just oh, good for you. And how was it for him?

SPEAKER_03 51:34

And how was it? Uh my last one, last but not least, as we're gonna do more of these Reddit episodes, is from R slash's a little overachiever, huh?

SPEAKER_02 51:45

Four, four or five times.

SPEAKER_03 51:48

I've had I've had like three of these in the back burner for a while, and they're getting old enough to where I gotta give them out now before someone else does.

SPEAKER_02 51:55

Save them. You gotta claim it. We inevitably, you know, have to do this again.

SPEAKER_03 52:00

I'll find more, baby. So this is from R slash high strangeness, which has become one of my favorites in a while here.

SPEAKER_06 52:05

Yeah, that that's that's easy mode going to high strangeness.

SPEAKER_03 52:09

It sure is. And I only bring this one up because I I do think it's kind of fascinating. So it's called Time Traveler Caught on Video, and it is a uh kind of like not a ring camera, but it's one of those security cameras of a young guy sneaking into someone's backyard, going into his shed, and then roughly about like five minutes pass, and uh an old man comes out of the shed, and he looks like the same, like he looks like the young man that went in the shed, but aged up. It's uh young Asian man goes into a shed, he comes out an old Asian man run in the span about five minutes. Secret Asian man. Secret. Um, someone said it went in, Walton Goggins uh came out, Uncle Baby Billy. That's a uh Righteous Gemstones reference for all y'all out there. Uh but yeah, so obviously take this with a grain of salt because it it is just like security cam footage, easily editable. Um, who knows if this they started the footage and the old Asian man was already in the fucking shed. Who knows? But I find these little time traveling ones to be kind of interesting. I I I I find them thoroughly enjoying. Um, but I just want to bring it up because why the fuck not? We're here. Um yeah.

SPEAKER_04 53:34

That's all I got.

SPEAKER_03 53:36

Why the hell not? You know why the hell no? Oh, why the hell not, don't you know? Um there we go.

Safes Full Of Silver And Time Travel

SPEAKER_04 53:44

Boys. I had fun.

SPEAKER_03 53:48

Broils broils, yes, and everything in between. I had fun learning about uh you should never harm a cylinder ever. That's always a good time, yes. Uh I I had a good time learning about slugs. Um yeah, yeah, let's go with that.

SPEAKER_02 54:11

Um Doug, what was your favorite part about tonight? What was your favorite one tonight? Probably the part where we all ended up on the same Reddit thread and all do the same uh stories.

SPEAKER_06 54:24

But every time we do one of these, I just Google what's the craziest shit that's ever been posted on Reddit, but I f I phrase it differently each time so that I end up with a different thread. I gotta get more.

SPEAKER_02 54:34

Yeah, I checked to see if the links are purple. I'm like, have I looked at this thread before?

SPEAKER_06 54:41

Don't do that if you're listening to this, because you're gonna ruin a bunch of our upcoming content, and you'll have seen them all.

SPEAKER_03 54:47

So stop looking at stuff. Yeah, you nerd. What was your favorite story tonight? Honestly, mine's a toss-up between the cylinder and the anime with no trees. I'm not gonna lie.

SPEAKER_06 55:01

I am the most curious about the one with no trees. That's that's the one that really is gonna keep me up at night wanting to know more. But I'm never gonna get those answers.

unknown 55:13

No.

SPEAKER_04 55:14

Never gonna get those answers. You just look so damn. What is the meaning of life?

SPEAKER_06 55:25

That's that's the only like when I think about religion and I think about life after death, what the idea of like being alive for eternity and just hanging out and stuff actually sounds pretty daunting, if I'm being perfectly honest. Um and so like the idea of just dying and disappearing for eternity and just returning to whatever state I was in before I was born sounds fine. But I hope that there's something, and I hope that something is like right before they do that, right before that they just like cut you off, they give you the answers to everything you've ever wanted.

SPEAKER_03 56:07

This is the anime that has no trees.

SPEAKER_06 56:08

Oh, yes, oh thank god, I can rest peacefully now. That's when if any when I die, if anybody says rest in peace, I want you to know that that's what that would mean for me.

SPEAKER_03 56:21

At your grave, I'll I'll make sure at your grave I come up and I'll put a copy of the DVD of the anime with no trees on it.

SPEAKER_06 56:28

Okay, thank you. And then it will blow and also you have to show that pine saw real to your grandchildren for me.

SPEAKER_03 56:36

Yes, yes, I will. Okay, I'll put that on there. The wind will blow, and I just hear your voice. Just thank you. Matt. What a fucking weirdo. Michael, you okay? Yes, I thought I heard something.

SPEAKER_05 56:52

What I've died.

SPEAKER_06 57:05

Good night, everybody.

Wrap-Up And Where To Find Us

SPEAKER_03 57:08

Wait, no, I have to plug our shit.

SPEAKER_06 57:10

Oh yeah, fuck it.

SPEAKER_03 57:11

Um, deluding.com, patreon.com slash delete pod. Buyer merch, we have it. Delutepod at gmail.com. No. There it is.

SPEAKER_02 57:21

Also, I had to I had to tell someone we don't have the phone number anymore, so we don't we don't have the phone number anymore. Yeah, we're gonna. We should call that.

SPEAKER_06 57:28

I should call that right now and see what happens.

SPEAKER_03 57:32

Hello, hello nothing, huh?

SPEAKER_04 57:41

Did it stop ringing? Yeah, we can't hear anything. It'll pick up in the recording.

SPEAKER_01 57:52

Hi! Is this don't look under the internet? Um, you guys owe me like 12 cents, but like a bunch of fucking time. So I really hope you fucking get back to me. Alright, you know where to find me, and if you don't find me, I'll find you.

SPEAKER_03 58:10

What if you answer just like thank you for calling? Go ahead and look under the internet. A podcast on all things.

SPEAKER_02 58:18

Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_06 58:19

It's a reverse. It's an endless shrimp buffet. It just four guys.

SPEAKER_03 58:27

The red lobster. Four guys named Mitch, Mark, uh, Derek, and uh uh Justin pickup.

SPEAKER_02 58:37

Grumbo.

SPEAKER_03 58:38

Grumbo. Well, everybody, thank you for joining us. Uh have a day. You've earned it.

SPEAKER_02 58:47

Finger guns. You couldn't hear it, but finger glass.

SPEAKER_06 58:51

I have an alarm that reminds me to take the trash out, and it just went off, and I 100% thought it was the phone number calling me back.

SPEAKER_02 59:00

Also, thank you for reminding me because I also need to take the trash out tonight. Uh it's a recording tonight, so it was a memorial to holiday. Oh shit, you're right, actually.

SPEAKER_06 59:10

It's Saturday instead.

SPEAKER_03 59:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 59:12

I'm not gonna remember that. I have forgotten to take the trash out two weeks in a row.

SPEAKER_03 59:17

God, your place must stink.

SPEAKER_06 59:21

No, and just the the space between my house and my neighbor's house stinks.

SPEAKER_03 59:28

Hi, everybody. Have a blessed day.